Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (17 page)

DO
make eye contact. Look the person in the eye when greeting them and don’t forget to flash your pearly whites. Smiles are contagious and put people at ease. Aren’t you glad you suffered through all those years of braces as a teenager? Also, try to avoid looking someone up and down, or scanning the room—it translates as a lack of interest in (and lack of respect for) the person you’re greeting.

[
BRITT:
Ladies, I want to reiterate what Bren is saying here. Avoid sizing girls up—even if it’s completely innocent. I know her outfit is probably super-cute, but the up-and-down glance is never as discreet as it may feel. After all, she can’t read your mind (which would be screaming, “I’m so jealous of your cute clothes!). Instead, she’s probably wondering if you think her jumpsuit is too retro. So, save the outfit ogling for
US Weekly
. And don’t look around the room, either. Nothing makes someone feel smaller than being introduced to someone whose eyes are darting around the room.
]

DO
keep your right hand free. Have you ever experienced one of those cold, slippery handshakes because someone had to transfer their cocktail to their other hand to greet you? Or how about the weak left-handed shake because that person’s right hand was occupied? To avoid this uncomfortable greeting, keep your right hand free by holding your drink, clutch, or other personal items in your left hand.

From matchmaking to networking, connecting with new people is fantastic and it all starts with knowing how to make a killer introduction. Prime example: When my mom and I were planning the seating arrangements for my wedding, I came across the names of two friends whom I knew would absolutely hit it off, so we seated them at the same table.

During the cocktail hour of the reception, I introduced the two to each other, using thoughtful details such as how both of them lived in Los Angeles, were both newlyweds, and were also seated at the same table. The introduction immediately sparked conversation between the two girls and jump-started a new friendship.

To be an all-star at connecting people (or being connected), here are some savvy tips on how to make memorable introductions:

•
MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Look each person in the eye, starting with the person you were first talking to and then the person you are introducing. You first look at the person with whom you were initially speaking, out of respect, since you two were having a conversation before the other person walked over.

•
MENTION THOUGHTFUL DETAILS AND COMMON INTERESTS.
This acts as a subtle explanation as to why you thought to introduce the friends, and also helps them talk amongst themselves. For example, if you’re chatting with your aunt Grace at a party and your college friend Anna walks up, a proper introduction would play out like this: “Aunt Grace, I want to introduce you to Anna Jacobson, my college roommate who writes for
Vogue
. Anna, this is my aunt, Grace Mecox, who was a journalist. Aunt Grace, tell Anna about your career as an editor for
Town & Country
.”

I think we have all found ourselves in the social “uh-oh” scenario of forgetting someone’s name. This even happened to me recently. (Remember, nobody is perfect, even etiquette experts!) Instead of saying the standard, “Hey . . .
you
,” be honest with a “Great to see you, can you remind me of your name?” In most cases, the conversation will continue with ease. There’s a good chance the person whose name you can’t remember won’t think twice about your memory lapse.

If you blank on someone’s name that you should know—say, your boyfriend’s sister—try not to draw attention to the fact. While it may be unintentional, forgetting her name could make her feel unimportant. So, if you bump into her at yoga, say, “Great to see you!” and begin chatting. As you talk, there’s a good chance you’ll remember her name and she will never know you blanked on it in the first place.

Another trick: If you’re lucky enough to bump into the person whose name you can’t remember while you’re with a friend, introduce your friend (the one whose name you know) to your other acquaintance (the one whose name you do not know), by saying, “This is Andrea.” That way, your acquaintance will take on the responsibility of introducing herself and you’ll likely learn the acquaintance’s name on the spot.

Also, if someone forgets
your
name, don’t get bent out of shape. We’ve all been there, and it’s best to not make the situation worse by calling someone out for the mistake or holding a grudge.

Acknowledge the slip-up, sincerely apologize, and move on. Whatever you do, don’t continue to bring it up again. Dwelling on a faux pas won’t make the situation any less uncomfortable.

Some of us are born with the gift of gab, while others find ourselves tongue-tied when it comes to the art of conversing. Either way, a refresher on how to be a smooth conversationalist will help you avoid the dreaded awkward silence, foot-in-mouth moments, or feeling like you’re pulling teeth to get someone to participate in the conversation.

DO
ask questions. The best way to strike up a conversation with someone is to ask them questions and get them talking about themselves. Prod them about a recent promotion, upcoming trip to Australia, or life as a new parent. Asking for someone’s opinion is another good tactic.

DO
listen well. Pay attention to what the other person has to say instead of formulating what
you
want to say next. Show you are listening by asking follow-up questions (a huge compliment to the storyteller). This also includes asking the speaker to clarify what he or she said. If you don’t understand something, speak up; otherwise, you’ll feel lost in the conversation—and more likely to let your thoughts wander as a result.

DO
make eye contact. Drifting eyes will make you appear distracted and uninterested—aka rude.