Scandal (19 page)

Chapter Twenty Three

The rattling of the door knocker broke Ashleigh’s concentration from the book she was reading.  Putting aside the knitted blanket she’d been using to cover her legs, Ashleigh padded to the door in comfy slippers.  Father Michael stood before her, hands in pockets, collar turned up around his neck from the sharp coldness of early autumn.  It had been several days since they’d last spoken.  As he stood there on the door step, Ashleigh realised how much she’d missed him.

   “Father Michael.  Hello.  Please come in.” 

   He wiped his feet on the welcome mat, throwing his jacket over the banister.  Following her silently into the lounge, he took a seat.

   “I just wanted to pop round to see how you are,” he began. 

   Ashleigh really liked the way his concern for her always seemed so genuine, quickly reminding herself he was probably like it with everyone.

   “I feel alright really, considering everything that’s happened.”

   “Did you go to see Jack?”

   “Yes.  Finn
had
been stealing money, amongst other things.”

   “Oh?” he asked questioningly.

   “Not only had he stolen a million pound from the company but had a flight to America booked with Miss Taylor, where they planned to live on a luxury yacht for the rest of their lives.”

   “Wow.  Sounds a bit like a fairytale.”

   “Apparently, they were planning on going at the end of this week.  It was lucky I went to see Jack when I did.”

   “So Finn had been having an affair with your father-in-law’s secretary had he?”

   “Yes.  He’d even made her have an abortion.”

   “That’s terrible.  How are you coping with everything that’s gone on?”

   “I’ve prayed actually Father; prayed for strength and guidance, just like I did when I was younger.”  There was a moments silence as she realised what she’d said.  Father Michael recognised the same look in her eyes, the look she’d held on her face the first time he’d met her.  Something was there, dancing on the tip of her tongue, screaming at her to be let out.  She opened her mouth to speak.  He thought this was it, the secret she’d kept locked inside her for too long.  “Can I get you a cup of coffee or tea?” she asked.  Shocked by her unexpected question and slightly thrown, he accepted her kind offer.   As he sat with his coffee warming his hands, there was a moment of silence until Ashleigh spoke again.  “Have you heard from Father Lucas?” 

   Putting his coffee down on the coaster, he smiled at her.

   “The church has put me in the clear.”

   “Oh that’s wonderful Father.  I’m so happy for you.”  Now it was his turn for silence.  She couldn’t read the expression on his face.  “So it’s back to church then on Sunday is it?” she asked in full spirits. 

   As his eyes met hers, she thought she saw a touch of a tear.

   “I don’t think it’s going to be that simple Ashleigh somehow.”

   “But why?  I don’t understand.  You’ve been found innocent and the church dealt with this mess as a matter of urgency.  Surely that must count for something?”

   Looking down at his hands for a moment, she sensed almost a hint of sadness.

   “I think it’s time to move on from the church.”

   “But you’ve only just arrived Father.”

   “I know, but with everything that’s gone on, it’s made me think about things differently.”

   “What things?”

   “Things I’ve missed in my life; my home in Ireland being one of the things I’ve missed dearly.” 

   Ashleigh was shocked.  This couldn’t be happening.  She’d lost Finn and now it looked like she was going to lose Father Michael too.

   “You can’t go Father, I …”

   “You what?” he enquired.

   “Nothing.  It’s nothing.” 

   Hastily she took the cups into the kitchen, standing at the sink for a moment.  Something in the pit of her stomach felt wrong.  To lose him would be like losing a best friend.  He’d think she was mad if she told him that.  He was a priest.  Perhaps he’d already found another church to go to.  Ashleigh didn’t hear him follow her into the kitchen.  Nor did she feel startled when he put a hand gently on her shoulder.  She turned round to face him, seeing the first sign of his tears.

   “You have to understand Ashleigh that I have to go?”

   “But what about your faith?”

   “I’ll always have that.”  He wiped his tears before adding, “Let me explain something.  Years ago I met someone, a woman who I cared for.  Like a fool I fell in love with her.  We were engaged and on our wedding day, as I sat waiting for her at the church, her father came to tell me she wasn’t coming.”  Ashleigh listened in silence, wondering why he was telling her these things.  His eyes were dry, gazing down at the floor as he spoke.  It was as though he was seeing the images of his past playing out before him.  “I hit rock bottom that day.  The humiliation I felt, the sadness, the anger.”  He looked back at Ashleigh.  Never before had she seen so much pain in someone else’s eyes.  She didn’t want to hear what he had to say.  Didn’t want to put him through the pain he’d long since buried.  Ashleigh knew he wanted to talk and this time, it was her turn to listen.  “Eventually, over several years, I learned to live with the hurt my past had brought and finally, I moved on with my life.  I met someone else.   We didn’t marry but we bought a house together.  The pain I’d dealt with before began to melt away when I was with Jane.”  He paused, taking a deep breath as if this was the only way he’d be able to get through the story.  “I never thought lightening could strike twice, but it did for me.  I found Jane in bed with someone else one day.  I’d been betrayed badly.  I didn’t speak to her, just left.  And do you know what I did?”

   “No,” she whispered.

   “I drank and I drank and I drank.  It was the only way I could deal with the pain.”

   “You don’t have to tell me Father.”

   “I want to.  I have to.”  He paused, taking a deep breath.  “A priest saw the state I was in and invited me into a church for soup and bread.  It felt good to have something warm inside of me but above all, it felt good to have someone to talk to.  We chatted, this priest and I for a while, and eventually I began to sober up a little.  He pointed me in the right direction to get a wash and a shave and oh I needed one badly.”

   “I can’t ever imagine you being like that Father,” she said softly, wanting to take hold of his hand.

   “It was because of that priest why I myself became one.  It was a way for me to be able to pay back something I’d been given, to help others as I’d been helped.”

   “But what I can’t understand is why you’d give it all up if it means so much to you.” 

   He didn’t reply immediately.  It was as though for him to speak his next sentence would be wrong.  As he looked up from his feet, taking a hand to wipe away more silly tears, he took a moment to study Ashleigh’s innocent face.

   “I have feelings for someone.  Feelings I shouldn’t have.  Feelings a priest is supposed to deny.”  Ashleigh wasn’t quite sure what he meant.

   “What feelings Father?” 

   He frowned a little as fresh tears stained his cheeks.  With his eyes fixed on Ashleigh he said, “Feelings of love.”  They stood for a moment in silence.  She’d had no idea how he’d felt, but who was the person he was referring to?  “Do you understand now Ashleigh?  I’m afraid to follow my heart where love is concerned because I may get hurt again.” 

   He turned to leave.  Ashleigh remained in the kitchen unable to move.  All she could think was whether he’d meant he was in love with her.  She was afraid to make a fool of herself by saying anything, but she must, before it was too late.  By the time she’d rushed out into the hallway, his jacket had already gone and so had he.

   Her body trembled as she thought about their conversation.  Had he really meant he had feelings of love for her?  Yes he had, she was certain of it now.  It became clear to her that that is how she felt about him too.  There’d always been something about him, but she’d always ignored what it was.

   After half an hour of deep deliberation, she picked up her coat, totally unaware of the bitterly cold wind as she rushed along the streets.  The rectory soon came into sight.  A light was on inside, giving her hope that he was there.  As she walked down the path, she could not believe what she was doing.  This could be the biggest mistake of her life if she’d read the signs wrong.  Her hand hesitated by the door, wrapped in a trembling fist, now afraid of knocking.  Despite the cold, her palms were sweaty.  Unable to turn back now she knocked.  She needed to know.  A small cough sounded on the other side of the door.  It was him.  He was here.

   “Ashleigh?” he said, sounding alarmed.

   “I need to talk to you Father.”

   “Come in.”  He showed her into the lounge where an open fire roared warmly.  “What’s wrong?”  The courage she’d experienced earlier which had taken her to where she now stood had vanished, leaving her feeling vulnerable and silly.  “Ashleigh what is it?”

   “Is it me you are in love with?”  Her words danced in the air, teasing her as she awaited his reply. 

   He didn’t speak.  His eyes held hers for a moment before moving away.  All she could hear was the sound of her beating heart, a feeling of utter helplessness rushing through her body.  As his eyes broke contact with hers, she knew she’d made an instant fool of herself.  Of course it wasn’t her he was in love with.  Why would it be?  She was just a silly young thing who let the men in her life abuse her.  His kindness towards her had been his way of helping her; nothing more.  He didn’t love her.  The love she felt for him was because he’d shown he cared.  She realised it was part of his job.  How foolish had she been? 

   As the walls came closing in around her, Ashleigh turned on her heel, ready to flee this ridiculous and embarrassing situation.  Feeling claustrophobic, she bit her trembling lip, knowing that at any moment she’d go mad with humiliation.

   “Yes,” he whispered.  His voice caught her attention, making her turn around slowly from the doorway.  “It is you.  I’m sorry.”

   “Why are you sorry?”  By now Ashleigh was walking over to him.  “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

   “Yes I have.  I was wrong to fall in love with someone who wasn’t available.”

   “But I am now,” she said smiling.

   “Do you feel what I feel Ashleigh?”

   “Yes.  I didn’t realise at the time because I was married to Finn, but I always felt there was something there whenever I spoke to you.” 

   He went to her, pulling her close to him.  As his lips brushed hers, there wasn’t any hesitation from either party.  Their first kiss was a simple kiss.  Both were a little shy of each other, but it was a kiss which still held meaning. 

   Pulling away from her he said, “What happens now?”

   “Do you mean with us?”

   “Yes.  What about being married to Finn?”

   “I’ll be granted a fairly quick divorce due to a possible prison sentence.  We are officially separated so I’m not doing anything wrong.”

   “There’s just one other obstacle,” he added.

   “Oh, what’s that?”

   “I was planning on moving back to Ireland to be with my mother and father.”  He indicated with a nod of his head over to the boxes piled up in the corner.  “I’ve already set the wheels in motion to leave.”  Suddenly struck by disappointment, he pulled Ashleigh close to him.  “Come with me.  We could live with my parents on their farm until we find somewhere of our own.”   

   Ashleigh was laughing giddily.

   “This is madness.  We hardly know each other.”

   “I feel I know enough about you to trust you with my happiness Ashleigh.”    

   His words meant so much to her.  For the first time ever in her life, she felt needed.

   “Are you sure you want to give up the church for
me
.”

   “I’m perfectly sure Ashleigh.  Without you I’d feel so alone.  I need you in my life if you’ll share it with me.”  Taking him by the hand, she led him back to the settee, sitting him down.  “What are you doing?” he asked.