Scared to Live (36 page)

'I couldn't let Lindsay go out there on her own.' 'No, but it might seem more natural for her husband to have gone with her.' Lowther paced the length of the room. 'It's difficult for Brian. He has his job, and he can't just take time off whenever he wants to. But I can organize my time however I like. I've got people I can delegate to. And my daughter came before my business, anyway. I was ready and willing to go to Bulgaria with her.' 'And Rose Shepherd helped you arrange an adoption?' 'She worked with the people at the orphanage.' 'Oh, of course. The orphanage.' He stopped pacing and stared out of the window at the traffic. His shoulders seemed to sag as he was forced to bring back the memories. 'It was in a small town about thirty miles from Pleven. When we found the place, it was a run-down building with peeling paint, full of chipped wooden cots and thin mattresses. It was awful. Lindsay nearly cried when she saw outside. The thing I remember most is the smell of bleach - it was the first thing that hit us when we went in. But it got worse after that. We could see that the children all slept in cots, regardless of their age. And some of them looked to be more than four years old. We discovered that they were expected to share clothes, and even toothbrushes. Food seemed to be in short supply, too. It was so depressing. Personally, I would have turned round and come home immediately. But then there was Zlatka . . .' 'Sorry? Did you say Zlatka?' 'Lindsay and Brian decided to call her Luanne, but her Bulgarian name was Zlatka Shishkov. She was so small and frail, with big eyes and dark, wispy hair. No one could have resisted her.' 'And that was the child the orphanage offered you?' 'Not at first. There was another child they wanted us to take.

A girl who was already past her third birthday then, yet she spoke no more than a few words of what the people at the orphanage called "baby Bulgarian". She still wore nappies, too. Her records said that she'd been neglected by her mother for at least the first year of her life, and she had limited interaction with adults. So she didn't develop all the normal emotional responses or social skills, you see. When anyone reached out to touch her, she flinched away. She was happy to have visitors, but only because it meant being out of her cot for a while. She had no idea who these strange people were that had come to see her.' 'It was you and your daughter who visited the orphanage?' 'Yes. When we went there, I was told that the children might not react to me well. Most Bulgarian orphanage workers are female, so the children had limited experience with men. And, of course, Zlatka had never known her father.' 'Go on.' 'Well, the first time we saw Zlatka, we were in the director's office, the only freshly painted room in the orphanage. A carer brought her in and put her down on a rug for us to look at her. Lindsay said afterwards that she instantly felt a sort of gaping emptiness in her stomach filling up with love. She said in that moment, she became Zlatka's mother.' Fry said nothing. She didn't personally understand the urges being described. 'I never questioned her about that,' said Lowther, interpreting her sceptical expression. 'There are some things we can't understand about each other, we just have to take them on faith. That instinct was something I could never feel myself. But I didn't doubt it in Lindsay. It was the most powerful emotion I'd ever seen in her. Stronger than when she had either of the boys. It doesn't make sense, does it? But that was the way it was.' He looked questioningly at his wife, who nodded slowly but didn't speak.

'There were some really bad times after that first occasion, you know,' he said. 'But Lindsay said she could always bring back the feeling of that moment she saw Zlatka. She said it was sometimes the only thing that stopped her from giving up.' 'What do you mean by bad times, sir?' Lowther didn't seem to hear her, and she had to ask the question again. He stirred from the window, staring at her vaguely. 'Oh, there were so many difficulties. Bulgarian adoptions require court approval - a notoriously slow process. It took months even to set a date for a hearing, and we were told that many adoptions required more than one hearing. Miss Shepherd was a great help, giving us advice all along the line, helping us to understand the rules, explaining all the bureaucracy. But at the first hearing, the judge refused our application. He said there were minor problems in the paperwork. We had to hire a Bulgarian attorney to correct the errors, then the court had to schedule another date. The process seemed to go on for ever. I remember there was a sort of prosecuting attorney, who was employed to point out legal problems. He was a tall man with black hair and broad shoulders, and he wore a bright red robe. We started to refer to him as Satan.' 'All right. But this must have been, what - twelve months ago?' 'Yes, that's right. Luanne was six months old when we brought her out of Bulgaria.' 'She's been slow to develop in a lot of ways,' said Mrs Lowther. 'But that's because of her background. When we got her, she could just about grasp a rattle, and her head still flopped about when we sat her up. She had no idea how to feed herself.' 'The boys were much more advanced than that, so it was a bit of a shock for Lindsay,' added her husband.

Mrs Lowther smiled sadly. 'Luanne's eighteen months old now, and she babbles to herself all the time, but she has difficulty forming words, even "mummy" and "daddy". She tends to repeat the last word of anything that people say to her. She's very restless physically, isn't she, Henry?' 'She certainly is. And she can be very emotional, too - she laughs and cries almost at the same time.' 'And she's still having trouble sleeping through the night, I believe, sir?' said Fry. Lowther hesitated. 'Oh?' 'Your son-in-law said that's why Luanne was staying here on the night of the fire, to give Lindsay a bit of respite.' 'Oh, that's right,' said Lowther. 'Luanne is still suffering from separation anxiety. Lindsay and Brian should have learned how to let her cry before now, but they couldn't. It's always a difficult thing to do, of course. As a parent, you can't ignore your child when it's calling for you.' Fry wasn't impressed. Henry Lowther didn't look like a man who'd get up in the middle of the night to attend to a crying baby, but she might be misjudging him. 'So explain to me again how you came to meet with Rose Shepherd in Matlock Bath last weekend.' 'Oh, that was a mistake. I ought to have known it was a mistake from the start. But Lindsay seized on the idea so eagerly, you see. She wanted to say thank you to Miss Shepherd for helping her to get Luanne. I told Lindsay that she should be thankful for what she had and put all the stuff in Bulgaria behind her. But it became almost an obsession with her. You know what women can be like. Well, that was what our daughter was like, anyway. Once she got an idea into her head, it couldn't be shifted.' 'So you set up a meeting?' 'Yes.' 'You must have had some way of getting in touch with Miss Shepherd, then.'

'There was an email address. It was one of those free web based accounts where you don't have to give any details of your identity to sign up. You only have to provide a name, but you can make that up. Everyone does it.' 'I see. Well, we'd like that email address, please, sir.' 'I'll find it for you. You know, I don't think she can have checked her email very often. It took her some weeks to reply to my message. In fact, I suspected she wasn't going to respond at all. I thought she must have changed her email account, or died even. I didn't know, at the time.' 'You weren't aware that Miss Shepherd was living nearby?' Lowther laughed. 'No, that was the amazing thing. But she didn't know Britain very well, so this might have been the first place she thought of. Ironic, isn't it? I was stunned when she suggested meeting in Matlock Bath. In my own mind, I'd been thinking of a city somewhere, maybe even London. The anonymity of crowds, you know. But apparently she didn't travel very far once she got into that house at Foxlow.' 'She told you where she lived, then? Was that information in her email, or did she tell you when you met her in the Riber Tea Rooms?' 'Neither,' said Lowther. 'No, she didn't give away anything like that. I read about the house in Foxlow in the papers, and then saw it on the TV news. As I said, I was stunned. To think Miss Shepherd was only a few miles away from us. Do you think it was deliberate on her part, to move into Derbyshire?' 'We don't know. But there are a lot of things we don't know about Rose Shepherd.' 'I can't help you very much, I'm afraid. She didn't share any information about her private life.' 'Talking about sharing information - Mr Lowther, why didn't you come forward and tell us you knew Rose Shepherd when you heard the news about her death?' 'Why? Good God, don't you think we've been a bit too busy

with our own concerns to pay attention to the news? The last four days have been a complete blur.' Lowther started to go red in the face as he warmed to the subject. 'Our lives have been turned upside down by the fire, you know. We've been backwards and forwards to the hospital and the mortuary, visiting Brian, identifying the bodies of our daughter and our grandchildren, making statements to the police, taking calls from our family and friends, fending off the press, doing our best to look after Brian and Luanne. Not to mention John. My wife has been exhausted with it all. She's cried herself to sleep every night. And you think we've just been sitting around watching TV?' 'All right.' Fry waited for him to calm down. Perhaps she'd been a bit unreasonable. But after the experience with Darren Turnbull, this silence about Rose Shepherd on the part of the public was starting to feel like a conspiracy. 'Besides,' said Lowther, 'nothing happened at our meeting. Nothing of any significance.' 'You just made small talk?' 'It was all a bit awkward, really. Once we'd said what we'd gone to say, there was nothing else to talk about. After a while, Miss Shepherd gave Lindsay a gift for Luanne, then she left. She seemed quite nervous, glad to get away.' 'This gift, sir . . .?' 'A sort of wooden toy.' 'A dinosaur?' 'Yes. I believe so.' That detail confirmed, Fry decided to try a different tack. 'What about a man called Simon Nichols? Did you have any dealings with him, Mr Lowther?' 'Nichols? No, the name means nothing to me. Who is he?' 'Somebody else Miss Shepherd was in contact with.' Lowther screwed up his eyes thoughtfully. 'I always had

the impression she had an associate of some kind. Perhaps more than one.' 'Did she never mention any names? What about Simcho Nikolov?' 'No, no. She was very careful, you know.' 'Not careful enough, in the end.' He grimaced. 'I think she must have lost touch during these last few months. It's easy to lose contact with the real world when you cut yourself off like that. Poor Miss Shepherd.' 'I don't really understand why Brian and Lindsay were so desperate to adopt,' said Fry. 'As I said, Lindsay really, really wanted a girl. It was 50 important to her.' 'But, still - they could have waited a bit longer, couldn't they?' Lowther coughed and shifted uncomfortably. 'Well, as I said . . . there was a problem. About three years ago, Brian had mumps. When you get them as an adult, it's a very serious condition. It can cause infertility.' 'And that's what happened to your son-in-law?' 'Yes.' 'Were you aware of any problems in your daughter's marriage?' 'Problems?' 'Between Lindsay and Brian. Had they been having arguments recently?' 'Most married couples do have disagreements,' said Lowther stiffly. 'As I said, we all went through a bad period during the adoption, which put a bit of pressure on everybody. Tensions spill over now and then. But recently . . . ?' He looked at his wife, who seemed even more reluctant. 'If they had problems, then it was a personal matter between themselves. Young women don't tell their mothers everything these days, I'm afraid.' 'Mr and Mrs Lowther, where is your son-in-law?'

Neither of them answered her, and she began to get angry. 'And your granddaughter? She isn't here today. So where is she? Where are Brian and Luanne?' The Lowthers looked at each other again. 'We don't know.' Fry's mobile rang, and she saw from the display that the call was from Gavin Murfin. 'Excuse me a moment.' She stepped outside on to the terrace to take the call, while the Lowthers sat and watched her. 'Diane, you'll want to know this straight away,' said Murfin. 'I persuaded someone in West Yorkshire to make a few enquiries into John Lowther's spell there.' 'Well done, Gavin.' 'Well, I didn't have time myself. So that's another favour I'll have to repay.' 'Did they turn anything up?' 'I got a call a few minutes ago. They say John Lowther was a psychiatric patient in Leeds for three months. That's why he had to leave his job.' 'Did you go to Matlock to speak to him?' 'I'm at his apartment now. But John's not home. And the neighbours say they haven't seen him since yesterday.' 'Oh, great,' said Fry. 'The Lowthers are really, really going to love me.'

Moira Lowther was in her garden when Fry returned to the house. Perhaps she went out there to escape from the plants. When she heard what Fry wanted to talk about now, she sat down unsteadily in one of the chairs set out on the decking. 'John is psychotic, not a psychopath,' she said. 'There's a big difference.' 'Yes, I'm sure.' Her husband stepped out of the sliding doors from the

conservatory, and stood next to his wife, his jaw stiff with emotion. 'People don't understand that they're entirely different things,' said Mrs Lowther. 'Psychosis isn't characterized by a tendency to violence towards others. They're a risk to themselves, but no one else. Psychotics aren't manipulative either, the way psychopaths are. But how many people do you think register that difference? To them, it's all the same.' Her husband leaned forward to put in his own comment. 'But then, we're talking about the sort of person who can't distinguish a paedophile from a paediatrician. It's sheer ignorance. Some people wallow in it.' Mrs Lowther looked up at Fry. 'So our son is psychotic,' she repeated. 'Not a psychopath.' 'Yes, I understand.' 'Do you?' 'Actually, yes. I do.' Moira Lowther looked at her differently then. Letting your own emotions come through was normally a sign of weakness in this job. But Fry realized it might actually help with the Lowthers. An unrelentingly professional approach wasn't always the best thing, after all. 'Tell me about it, then,' she said. 'We will, if you like,' said Mrs Lowther. 'But you should talk to his specialist. Dr Sinclair can explain it a lot better than we can. You might say that we're too biased. Too emotionally involved.' Fry opened her mouth to comment, but changed her mind. That was another thing she didn't like - people predicting exactly what she was going to say.