Scarred (26 page)

If I couldn’t go to Sean’s, then I couldn't go home either. I loved Cooper dearly, and, even with the tension we were having, I knew he would have been comforting to some degree, but there were things that women just couldn't share with a man. They couldn't just listen to you and not try to fix it. I didn't want to be fixed or reprimanded or lectured. Under those criteria, it was strange that I found myself on Ronnie's front porch.

“Ruby...,” she gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “What's wrong?” My state must have been more appalling than I'd originally thought based on her response. Before I could say anything, she whisked her arm around me, shuttling me into the living room.

“I didn't know where else to go,” I sniffled, trying to maintain some level of control over my shaky voice. “Peyta's not home, is she?” I asked with a start, looking to the adjacent rooms for confirmation.

“No. She's out with Jay,” she replied, sitting me down on the couch. “Wanna tell me what this is about?” Her eyes were sharp, but not unkind. She looked like a mother bracing herself for terrible news: stoic, but slightly shaken.

The answer to her question was
yes
, but I couldn't find my voice. I tried several times to push the frenzy of thoughts that were tormenting me out into words, but I was paralyzed yet again, this time by fear. No matter how hard I tried to apply my “no running” policy, it failed because this time I wasn't trying to escape; I was frozen. Frozen with shame.

“Sean called here earlier looking for you. He sounded worried,” she said, eying me closely. “Should I call him?”

“
NO
!” I screamed, lurching towards her. I clasped her wrists in my hands and squeezed them so tightly they started to turn purple. “He can't know where I am.
Promise
me you won't tell him.”

“I promise,” she said curtly, “but if you're going to get me into trouble with him, I need to know why I'm sticking my neck out for you.”

And there it was—the price of doing business with Ronnie. She was willing to cover for me, but her silence came at a premium. If I wanted to keep what had happened from Sean, I was going to have to own up to it, and admit to both Ronnie and myself that I had done something horrible―irreparable. I had created another being that wasn't to be borne. The PC tolerated my existence because Sean demanded it. They would not suffer another. Matty’s death warrant would be signed the moment they found out. With my luck, they already knew.

Sean knew everything.

As for what had happened that evening, the situation had me completely beside myself; I didn't know what to say. I had no recollection of what took place after he locked his wolf eyes on me, like I'd been thrown into a dark box and stashed away. The bits I did remember from when I awoke had too many implications, none of which were favorable, and none of which I thought necessary to share with Ronnie. If I betrayed Sean, then I didn't need someone else making me feel badly about it. My guilt clung tightly to every part of my body, choking me, and I wondered how I could ever look him in the face again. He may have forgiven my sexual encounters with Cooper―I wasn't hopeful that I'd be given another pass.

She sat across from me, staring at me with prodding but patient eyes. I knew I had no choice but to tell her. Facing her was far easier than the alternative.

I told her everything—
almost
everything. I managed to leave out the tiny little part regarding my involvement in Matty's infection. That shame could be exposed another day. She listened quietly, which was somewhat unexpected, and waited until I appeared to have finished completely before saying anything.

“What happened...,” she started, voice softer than I'd ever heard it before. “It's
not
your fault.”

She had no idea.

“I know, but—”

“Listen to me,” she said, louder and more sternly. “It's
not
your fault. It's not really anybody's fault. You can't blame someone for being what they are.”

“What?” I gasped, jumping away from her on the couch. “So I'm
expected
to sleep with everyone because I'm a werewolf?”

“Ruby,” she said, trying to calm herself. “I need you to be quiet and listen.”

I glared at her, thinking I'd picked the wrong person to confide in—a judgment error of epic proportion.

“What was last night?” she asked, trying to lead me to her point.

“A
clusterfuck
,” I groaned.

“I'm sure it was, but what else was
special
about it?” The look on her face was willing me to the right conclusion while she leaned closer to me.

“Full moon,” I whispered, realizing her point. After I'd found out that Matty was going to Change, the full moon took on a different meaning and importance than it usually held. I'd totally forgotten about Scarlet and mating.

“So Scarlet needed to...get some, right?” she asked inelegantly.

“Yes, but she and I...we...we have an
arrangement
,” I admitted sheepishly.

“I figured you probably did,” she replied with somewhat playful eyes. “But Matty was right there and newly Changed.”

“So she jumps his bones? She's such a selfish, whorish bitch! She only cares about herself, her own needs.”

“Maybe, but it doesn't really matter now, does it? It's done.”

“But how am I going to tell Sean?”

“You’re not,” she said, eyes narrowing. “You’re not going to breathe a word of it to him. I don't know Sean well, but I know enough to know that he won’t take kindly to this. At
all.
”

“Fuck...,” I said, biting my lip.

“Male werewolves are extremely protective of what they perceive as theirs, whether you actually are or not,” she said, as if I hadn't been made painfully aware of that fact on multiple occasions. “Sean will kill him.”

“Ronnie, he can't just walk up and—” I cut myself off when I remembered the context of her comment. She thought Sean was a werewolf, and, if she wanted to stay above terra firma, I needed to keep it that way. “Shit! He can't find out, Ronnie.”

“I know, and a neowere wouldn't stand a chance against him either. Sean's probably been around for a long, long time.”

“Yeah...probably. I can't tell,” I lied.

“To be honest, I'm amazed he’s let the whole Cooper thing go on as long as he has. I've been waiting for that to blow up for a while now,” she said, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

“That's a precarious arrangement, but it's been worked out. For now,” I told her, hoping to drop that subject. Precarious was an understatement. “Besides, Sean and I have only recently been
together
—sort of.”

“Right...,” she said, giving nothing away. “You seem to have quite a few ‘precarious arrangements’ in place.”

I said nothing. I wasn't sure that I liked where she was going, and I wasn't going to give her anything else to ruminate over. If she was trying to get some intel for her little organization, I wasn't in the mood.

“Any chance I can clean up and crash in the guest room?” I asked, eyes hopeful. “I need to avoid any further drama this evening.”

Her expression changed immediately.

“Of course you can,” she said, standing up. “But I think the basement might be a better idea. Jay and Peyta should be home shortly and I think it'd be better if they didn't know you were here. I'm going to go put your car in the garage. If they ask, I'll just say the remote isn't working, and they should leave mine out in the driveway.”

“Thank you, Ronnie,” I said. I meant it too.

“I'm glad you came to me,” she replied, walking towards the basement door. “I owed you one.”

I could feel that she cared—
truly
cared—about me. There was sorrow in her voice, but love in her heart. It caught me off guard.

“Yeah, ya did,” I said sarcastically. “
Two
actually.”

She turned slowly to face me. A wide and wicked smile lit her face.

“No. Only one,” she said, smile intact. “I owe Scarlet the other, but I'm not really in the mood to pay that one back yet. She's still on my shit list.”

“Mine too,” I said, wearing a smile to match hers. That was the moment that I knew things were going to be okay between Ronnie and me.

Eventually.

* * *

The shouting carried deep into the basement where I slept restlessly on the pullout couch. My head was still foggy from the hot toddy Ronnie had made me chug before bed. She said it would keep the nightmares at bay. I imagined that she knew a little something about that, so I didn't argue and slammed the cocktail as fast as I could. It tasted like medicine. As I pried my head off the pillow, I tried to focus on what was being said, but too many people were talking at once to make much sense of anything.

“Peyta, go upstairs!” Ronnie shouted, her voice carrying over the others. I pushed myself off the bed and shuffled, fuzzy-headed, to the stairs.

“Mom, what's going on?” Peyta yelled, voice shaking.

“She's fine,” Ronnie assured her. “
Go
.”

“Where
is
she?” a male voice asked, freezing me in place halfway up the staircase.

“Jay, take Peyta upstairs, please,” Ronnie commanded through gritted teeth.

“Let's go, P,” he said softly. “Your mom said she's fine. We can see her tomorrow.” I heard no further protestations from her, so I assumed that once Jay took her hand, she followed as always. I was glad.

“I won't ask again,” Sean said, his voice threatening.

“Then I guess you'll be standing here quiet and disappointed for a long time, won't you?” Ronnie quipped. I admired her spunk; she had balls.

I swallowed hard before I crept as quietly as possible up the stairs. I appreciated what Ronnie was doing, but I couldn't risk her being hurt. Sean was too unpredictable when his emotions ran hot, especially when that heat revolved around me.

Nervous, I popped the door open a crack. A few feet in front of it stood Ronnie, her back to me. She was defending the way to the basement.

Sean eyed me from a distance over the top of Ronnie's head, his black eyes menacing as ever.

“Where were you?” he growled.

“You don't need to worry about that,” Ronnie snarled, backing towards me slowly.

“Ruby?” he asked, expression unchanging.

“I...I had to take care of some business in Boston,” I whispered, bracing myself against the solid support of the door frame.

“And after?”

“Something popped up,” Ronnie said, cutting in before I had a chance to say anything. I cringed at her choice of words.

“Like a flat tire?” he asked, eyebrow raising.

“No. No, it definitely wasn't that.” Ronnie said, voice laced with sarcasm.

“Then what?” he asked, stalking toward us.

“How about we keep it vague for the time being, mmm?” she asked, her body pressing back into mine.

“Don't get cute with me. I don't enjoy
cute
,” he said plainly. “And I don't enjoy games either. I want the truth.”

The door casing no longer gave me the stability I needed. My arms shook and my legs quaked. Limbs quaking, I stumbled down a step or two before regaining my footing. Ronnie looked over her shoulder to make sure I was okay before blocking the doorway with her tiny frame.

“Back off, Sean,” she said, gripping the wood tightly in her hands. “Just drop it.”

“I'm tired of working this hard for answers,” he said menacingly. “Someone is going to tell me what happened.
Now
.”

“I can't!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I
can't
tell you! Don’t you see that? Please...please just
go
.”

I ran down the stairs and dove into bed under the blankets, waiting for the inevitable sound of footsteps to follow. Instead, I heard Ronnie whispering harshly.

“She's in no state to tell you now, Sean. She's
scared
.”

“Of what?” he said, speaking in a slightly calmer voice.

“Probably of how you'll react given that you've taken everything
sooo
well thus far,” she said, her voice getting louder. “Listen to me, and listen good. She'll tell you when she's
able
to. Do you understand me?”

He said nothing. I knew the look she was giving him. She'd given it to both Peyta and me on several different occasions. It said, “Read between the fucking lines, you stupid shit.” He seemed to get the point.

“I need to see her,” he said.

“Bad idea,” Ronnie said, rejecting his request immediately. “It'll only make things worse.”

“I disagree,” he said firmly.

That was when the footsteps came—two sets—Sean's heavy and certain, Ronnie's light and frantic. I drew the blanket back to watch them approach. Ronnie looked like a yappy dog chasing him and cursing at him. Sean was unfazed.