Scarred (24 page)

I was comfortable with Sean―
loved
him―and yet in that moment, standing before him, ready to bare myself to him and him alone, I felt truly exposed. Strangely, it was one of the most trivial yet terrifying things I'd ever faced. The shirt was not only a physical barrier for my flesh but also so much more. I wanted desperately to turn my back to him and slip out of my shirt then dive under the covers―even started to do so. Strange how the acts I'd anticipated all evening weren't really the most intimate. Not for me. I'd learned to find comfort in hiding.

What was ironic was there was nothing to hide from: no threat of danger, no imminent demise. And
that's
where the difference lay. My previous nudity had always been in the throes of turmoil, emotional or otherwise, or a product of the violence my life had been consumed with. When you're dying, you tend not to concern yourself with your state of dress.

But in the quiet calm of Sean's bedroom, none of those parameters existed. I was left with only the man I loved whose eyes were laser-focused on me―watching, waiting. Waiting for me to make yet another choice: overcome my past, or crumble under the weight of it.

No more running.

I turned back, crossing my arms over my stomach to grab the hem of my shirt. Pulling it up slowly and over my head, I felt my breasts bounce ever so slightly once finally released. I added it to the pile I’d amassed on the floor beside me. My tiny cotton panties were the only thing standing between me and overcoming my fear. I closed my eyes and hooked my thumbs on the thin fabric sitting low on my hips. As I moved to pull them down, Sean was suddenly there, holding my wrists.

“Not yet,” he said quietly. “Not yet.”

He eased down onto the edge of the bed and drew me to him, spreading his knees to allow me between them. His hands splayed wide across the small of my back as he pulled me towards his face. With eyes closed, he brushed his lips along the edge of my boyshorts, breathing deliciously warm air on my cooling skin. My hands wandered to his scalp, playing mindlessly with his hair as he worked back and forth, back and forth across my stomach. He stopped when he felt my knees give out ever so slightly.

When he opened his eyes, he clenched me tightly for a brief moment before releasing his hold on me entirely, his hand drifting up below my sternum. He traced a line down along the thin, silvery, almost invisible scar that marked my near-death experience.

The night he told me he loved me.

“I almost lost you,” he whispered softly, his finger stopping when it hit the black fabric of my underwear.

“But you didn't,” I answered. “You brought me back. You
saved
me.”

“I can't lose you, Ruby,” he said, looking up to meet my eyes.

“You won't,” I replied with a smile before kneeling in front of him, reaching up from my knees to kiss him. I laid my head against his chest, running my fingers up and down the distinct lines of his abs. “Unless Scarlet goes bananas and you have to take her out,” I said, jokingly.

“Then I suggest you keep her on a tight leash,” he said sternly, scooping me up off the floor to lay me down across the comforter. “I have plans, remember? I don't like my plans being interfered with. Be sure that she gets that memo.”

Before I could respond, his body pressed tightly down on mine and I lost all cognitive function. He kissed me so deviously that I couldn't do anything but lie there and take it. His destination was clear as he made his way down my chest, to my stomach, over the black fabric that still divided us, and continued along to my inner thigh, parting my legs ever so softly with his hands. With eyes locked onto his target, his body was ready to move in for the kill.

“Sean,” I blurted out, as he brushed his hand gently across the fabric.

“Yes?” he asked, lowering his head to meet his hand, placing a soft kiss on the cotton barrier. My eyes rolled back in my head.

“There are things you should know...”

“Like?” he asked, repeating his kiss.

“About me—about my past,” I stammered, trying to make a point.
Any
point.

“They must be
terribly
interesting if you want to discuss them now,” he teased, flicking his tongue over the fabric quickly. I gasped. I couldn't help myself.

“They are.”

“So enlighten me then.”

But I couldn't think. I wanted to tell him everything he needed to know about what happened to me when I was raped—about Cooper—
anything
that could make him change his mind about me. If we were going to be together,
really
be together, then he needed to go into it totally informed. I couldn’t handle the thought of being abandoned because of something coming to light too late and backfiring. It was easier to have him walk away right then and there, rather than at some random point in the future.

Unfortunately, it didn't come out how I wanted it to.

“I've never really been with anybody before you...,” I started. When that didn't seem to faze him, I added, “Not by
choice
.”

That worked.

“What do you mean?” he growled, pushing himself into a semi-plank position, hovering above me.

“It's just...you should know that before last night, I'd never really done any of this before. At least not because I chose to,” I explained, breathing hard. “In Utah—”

He threw his head back and made that ungodly roaring sound that I'd heard very few times before. He wasn't happy, and it scared the shit out of me. I felt myself start to shake beneath him, suddenly feeling very trapped.

In a flash, he dropped his head back down, breathing as frantically as I was. He looked like he was trying to get control of himself.

“In Utah?” he ground out through a tightly clenched jaw, unable to look at me. Frightened, I tried to answer him as quickly as possible, leaving out the gory details that would only have enraged him further.

“There were so many,” I whispered. “They did things—
unspeakable
things—things I'd never done, would
never
have done with anyone. They
damaged
me.”

He said nothing in response.

“Then, when the full moon came a few months ago, I thought Scarlet was going to kill me. She wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted. I slept with Cooper to feed her mating needs.”

He continued to breathe heavily above me. I was too afraid to move, so I lay there playing possum, hoping that my stillness would lead his attention elsewhere.

“I knew what they were planning to do to you...were likely doing to you while Gregory held you captive. I couldn't inflict enough pain on those around me to quell my growing rage. Every minute that I couldn't reach you made me insane. I would have done
anything
to get to you faster.
Anything
,” he said, finally able to look at me. His eyes were blacker than the room. “If I'd had the chance, I would have taken every one of them and tortured them, slowly, inflicting every bit of pain and anguish back on them tenfold,” he rumbled, trying to control his anger. “As for the full moon...you should have come to me.”

“I couldn't, Sean. Sophie was still—” I blurted, cutting myself off with a hand over my mouth. When he didn't react unfavorably, I continued. “After that, you had a lot to deal with and we were trying to go back to the beginning, remember? I don't remember having full moon sex with you in the beginning.”

He paused for a moment, still struggling with his emotions. I knew dropping the Cooper bomb was not going to be helpful, but if we were going to do this, we were going to do it honestly from here on out. No lies. No omissions.

“No. We didn't,” he said, his face expressionless. “An oversight that we'll have to make up for soon.” He looked up out the window to see the almost circular moon glowing in the sky. His face returned with the same Cheshire cat smile that used to undo me. “Perhaps we'll just play until then. It'll make it even more worth the wait.”

My lips parted slightly as a tiny breath escaped me. He wasn't angry with me. He was mad at himself because he thought he'd failed me. Heat built inside me knowing that he was as consumed with me as I was secretly with him.

“And now?” I asked, voice catching with anticipation.

“Now?” he said, lowering himself down onto me. “Now, you
trust
me.”

He said nothing else, just slid back down to his post between my legs where he'd been before I'd so rudely interrupted him. Slipping right back into his pattern of kissing and stroking the light cotton, he kept it up until I couldn't stand it one second longer. As if knowing I was at my breaking point, he gently ran a finger underneath that horrible barrier my underwear provided, forcing it delicately to the side. I twisted the comforter up in my hands as I awaited his contact.

A low rumble escaped him and shook the bed as he teased me into a frenzy, doing things I'd never thought possible before. He lovingly pinned me down as I wriggled and writhed underneath his tongue.

We didn't have sex, but we flirted with it, affording me the opportunity to become familiar and comfortable with his touch—the touch of someone who
loved
me. It was going to be a long road to full recovery, but Sean seemed willing to go at whatever pace I set, ensuring my well-being with every step.

I woke the next morning, our bodies entangled, a sheet drawn loosely over us; he was still asleep. Resting my head back down on the pillow, I giggled to myself. He was in for a
long
morning. He'd met his agenda that night; it was my turn to meet mine. The interrogation, over one year in the making, would start at breakfast.

17

The ever-annoying sound of my vibrating cell phone woke me. I slid out of bed quietly and tiptoed over to my purse to retrieve it. It was a text from Alan:
Talked to McGurney. He's in.

“Sean,” I said, walking around to his side of the bed. “It's Alan. His buddy agreed to help us. It's a go.”

Sean went from sleeping to standing in a blink. “Let me see,” he said, reaching for my phone. I handed it over, watching his expression as he read the text. “This is excellent,” he muttered under his breath. “You did well. Now set up a meeting with him, and tell him I'll be there in twenty minutes.”

“Uh, Sean...he's not one of your lackeys. He has a family and a job. Maybe he can't just drop what he's doing to accommodate you,” I pointed out indelicately.

In that brief moment of excitement that Alan's text had provided, I hadn't noticed that Sean was naked. When he scooped me in his arms and pressed my body to his, I became
very
aware of it and much, much more.

“Then I guess you'll have to be very convincing,” he said, kissing me lightly on the nose. “I think he'll be willing to bend a bit when you let him know that his family is safe from the Rev.”

That was a rather large detail that I'd forgotten to let Alan know about, but in my defense, it had been a bit of a shitstorm, and I wasn't exactly sure
what
I could tell him. I didn't want to get Ronnie in trouble, or make Sean a suspect either.

“How am I supposed to tell him that without...”

“Just tell him the threat has been neutralized,” he said, rummaging through a dresser. “He's ex-military. He'll read between the lines. Beyond that, don't answer any questions he asks. I'll take care of the rest of it when I arrive.”

“Take care of it...?”

“Jesus, Ruby. I'm not going to hurt him. It'll be fine.”

“But,” I started, walking over towards him. He wheeled on me, eyes darkening. “Alright. Never mind. But I'm trusting you to not hurt him or his family.”

Sean pulled up his boxers with a smile before closing the distance between us. “And it makes me happy to hear that,” he said, emerald eyes locking down on mine. “
Very
happy.”

The heat between us was rising quickly. I needed to shut it down fast or he wasn't going to be going anywhere.

“Okay, okay. You have to go. I'm texting him now,” I said, punching the keys on my phone. “Wait, how come you're going and I'm not?”

“Because I don't want you getting mixed up in the details of this stuff, Ruby. It's PC business, and the fewer people who know things the better,” he said, pulling on an exquisitely worn-in white v-neck that emphasized his olive complexion. When he turned to see the look of disappointment on my face, he donned a sympathetic smile and made his way over to me. “I don't like making you feel this way, but it's necessary.”

I sighed dramatically.

“Fine, but you're going to owe me.
Big
time.”

He smiled wickedly. “I look forward to it.”

* * *

I hung around his apartment for an hour or so, waiting to hear what the plan was. In my defense, I did my very best not to snoop for the first five minutes, then spent the rest of my time rifling through drawers like a stalker, tapping on walls for hollow spots, and looking for mysterious seams in the floorboards. My overactive imagination earned me nothing but a monstrous and well-deserved splinter in my knee.