Science...For Her! (24 page)
Fyi ladisdae I amm weaibrsg tghe CUTEAST glaovse rigsht noow!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ganna takea ehm off ni a ssec.
Okay, gloves are off. ;) Sorry, they were so cute. Juicy Couture. A
force
is any influence that causes an object to undergo a certain change, either concerning its movement, direction, or construction. Force is in your life without you even thinking about it.
That means you have more space in your tiny brain to think about important stuff, like Louis Vuitton sushi mats!
You unknowingly utilize force when you reheat a Hot Pocket, flutter your eyelashes at your new crush, or “Reheat a Hot Pocket” (this chapter’s sex move; rated “black diamond” for difficulty).
through
NAIL ART
Physics is so much more fun and understandable when it’s presented on cute nails!
Converting Tangential Acceleration to Angular Acceleration
You’ll never forget how to convert tangential acceleration to angular acceleration with this cute getup! #nails #cute #tangentialaccelerationtoangularacceleration #pretty
Centripetal Force through a Curve
To get the “V” just right, use a nail-polish pen and clean up the straight lines with some nail-polish remover on a Q-tip (SPONSORED TWEET). If it’s a shaky line, you might think the equation is “Fc=(m)(U
2
/r)” and that logic hole will totally fuck up your outfit! #cute #fun #logicholes #fuck
Equation of Mass-Energy Equivalence
The kittens, Barts, etc. aren’t part of the equation but they add a little pizzazz to this VERY BORING equation that everyone already knows! Don’t forget—THERE ARE NO BARTS IN THE EQUATION. If you put Barts in the math, it won’t make any sense. Bart Simpson is not a number! An easy mnemonic to remember that Bart Simpson is not a number? “BSINANBIYEMTMAUBSAANIMAWSLYABYBFF” (“Bart Simpson Is Not A Number But If You Ever Make That Mistake And Use Bart Simpson As A Number, I, Megan Amram, Will Still Love You And Be Your Best Friend Forever”). You’ll never make that mistake again! But if you do, I’ll still be your best friend!
Laws
Tips, Get It, Instead of “Weight Loss Tips”!
I know we’ve flirted around the idea of weight in this book so far but this is finally going to look at the
science
behind why your ex–best friend Katja’s ass has ballooned up like a rotten jack-o’-lantern.
Mass
is different from weight. But both of them are BAD. Mass is the actual amount of stuff something is made of, and
weight
is how much that mass weighs in a certain gravitational field. So like, if you weigh 120 pounds on Earth (and I do!! JK I weigh way less!!!), that doesn’t mean you’d weigh that much in different gravitational fields. In fact, Earth is one of the worst places to be if you’re a 120-pound heifer.
BEST GRAVITATIONAL FIELDS
FOR LOSING WEIGHT
If you weigh 120 pounds on Earth, here’s what you weigh on other planets!
SATURN: 127.6 lbs.
It will be like you spent the week bingeing on Cheerios, ugh! You will be so bloated and gross, ugh! No one wants that.
VENUS: 108.8 lbs.
Now that’s what I’m talking about!
MARS: 37.7 lbs.
You look so good, holy shit!!! You weigh approximately the same as a sexy bowling ball.
MERCURY: 38.7 lbs.
Uggo, you look super bloated compared to Mars. You’re going to try to convince yourself it’s water weight. It’s not.
THE MOON: 19.9 lbs.
So romantic! He’ll love the way your dress just hangs off you.
THE SUN: 3,248.6 lbs.
You cow. What are you doing with your life. Kill yourself.
A WHITE DWARF: 156,000,000 lbs.
Kill yourself.
A NEUTRON STAR: 16,800,000,000,000 lbs.
Real Khloe Kardashian over here.
HELL: 9,357,753,975,867,564,57 9,846,735,732,342 lbs.
HEAVEN: 0 lbs.
;)
A BLACK HOLE: 0 lbs.
;)
