Science...For Her! (21 page)
FIG. 2.14
Certain variations of elements (called
isotopes
) are unstable and naturally break apart, releasing
alpha particle emissions
,
beta particle emissions
, or
gamma radiation emissions
. Almost as unstable as my mom! Mother-daughter relationships are very hard. But who cares about that? Let’s get back to the science—radiation is so freaking pretty!! I know you’re not supposed to get close to radiation because of the skin falling off, cancer, etc., but honestly how could anything that glowing and hot be bad? If getting close enough to a glowing, radioactive isotope to touch its mortal-wound-inflicting heat is wrong, I don’t want to be right!
FIG. 2.15
FIG. 2.15
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS
Meltdown Edition
“I had spent all day in the radioactive lab and by the end of the day I was HORNY. I was in bed with my boyfriend when my skin started melting off! My time of the month, I guess! FML.”
—Christa, 23
“I bought my boyfriend tickets to a hockey game for V-tines Day. We were having a blast, but then the Jumbotron broadcast us on the big screen RIGHT as both my eyes fell out because I had been exposed to intense radiation at my internship! Four-eyes? More like no-eyes, ugh! Well, actually, I still had my glasses on (so cute, Kate Spade) so I guess I was still a two-eyes.”
—Tina, 23
“I had a huge crush on one of my superiors at Chernobyl, where I worked as a reactor attendant. I was so lovestruck that I bumped this one switch that caused reactor number four to have a sudden and unexpected power surge, and when an emergency shutdown was attempted, an exponentially larger spike in power output occurred, which led to a reactor vessel rupture and a series of steam explosions. Thirty-eight people died. And what’s even worse? My superior doesn’t even know I exist! Because he’s dead!”
—Ivanka, 49
Smog is created through the chemical reaction of
sunlight
,
nitrogen oxides
,
ground-level ozone
,
sulfur dioxide
, and
carbon monoxide
. It is created when smoke from industrial waste mixes in the atmosphere and is especially harmful for senior citizens, children, and people with heart and lung conditions such as emphysema, bronchitis, and asthma.
But it can also be a really beautiful and romantic backdrop to a make-out sesh with your cute guy (or gal, lesbo!). Here are some of the most romantic places to see smog.
Most Romantic Places to See Smog
“In London, when the sun is coming up. I love breathing it with my boy Sam!”
—Sally, 19
“In front of the Blue Mosque in Istanbul with my boyfriend, Simonn.”
—Marta, 23
“One word: Port-Au-Prince. Is that one word? Three words? Whatever! It’s so cute!”
—Silvelia, 21
“Shanghai. Or maybe this is Beijing? I can’t see very well with all this smog.”
—Cough, cough
“You can really see it for miles from this adorable art park in Los Angeles. My boyfriend, Simonn, loves to picnic there.”
—Kelsey, 28
“On top of Machu Picchu.”
—A Peruvian girl,
~
3 in Incan years (28 in human years)
“Wait, what did Kelsey say? She has a boyfriend named ‘Simonn’ with two
n
’s??? There are definitely not two Simonns, that fucking bitch.”
—Marta, 23
“That’s right, cunt, your boyfriend Simonn is two-timing you. One timing for each
n
in his name.”
—Kelsey, 28
“I’m going to fucking kill you, bitch, and Simonn too.”
—Marta, 23
“Hey, guys, one sec . . . ‘Sam’ is just a nickname for my boyfriend . . . I think his real name is . . . Simonn . . .”
—Sally, 19
“I love love!”
—Simonn
R.I.P. Simonn
