Scornfully Yours (Torn Series)

“All the diversity, all the charm, and all the beauty of life are made up of light and shade.”
 

―
 
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenin
a

It’s official! I fell hopelessly in love with Carter after a couple of months of dating him.

It isn’t easy to come to terms with this realization knowing with full certainty that Carter Mason will not like this very
fact. He’ll most likely just drop me like a hot potato the moment he knows.

In the very beginning, he was quite clear about emphasizing his feelings on love and relationships. “I don’t do any of the hearts and butterflies shit, Em. I don’t do love the happily ever after shit either.”

Yep
, that’s how what he said, but still, I went ahead and jumped in bed with him with what little armor I could muster.

What woman would fall for a playboy who loathes the idea of love? I sure wasn’t going to. Or so I thought.

Carter is our university star forward player on our soccer team.   He’s only a junior and still has another year to graduate but scouts from professional teams all over the world have come to watch him play. They say he’s the next ‘big thing’.  He’s
that
good!

Carter’s tall, dark, and handsome with thick killer thighs and the nicest bottom you’ll ever see. Not to mention the fact that he’s a dynamite between the sheets and the sweetest (if he’s in the mood) boyfriend. Everyone adores Carter and when he wanted to date me, there was no chance in the universe to even consider saying no.

Lindsey, his sister and my roommate, was over the moon when we started dating. Although, I didn’t mention what her brother’s ‘terms’ were in the relationship. I’m a bit sure that if she knew, she wouldn’t think it was ‘love at first sight’ and more of ‘lust at first glance’.

In the beginning, his rules were great, perfect even.

I mean, I couldn’t have agreed more to them.

Who would want to be tied down with a serious relationship when you’re in college anyway? I certainly didn’t.

I’ve seen many women who would drop classes or quit a semester because they were too hurt and too heartbroken to come to school. I certainly didn’t want to become one of those, so Carter’s
thing
made sense.

It did
, until I fell in love with him.

And now, I’m not too sure anymore.

Who Ever Loved That Loved Not at First Sight?

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
 
For will in us is overruled by fate. 
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin, 
We wish that one should love, the other win; 
And one especially do we affect 
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect: 
The reason no man knows; let it suffice 
What we behold is censured by our eyes. 
Where both deliberate, the love is slight: 
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?

Christopher Marlowe

“Love is not a force between a mind and a body, but a force between two hearts. Your mind and eyes will never tell you when you feel true love, for only your heart can receive the true love that another heart sends directly to it.”

-Dr. Laurence J. Peter

     My phone vibrated and I fished it out of my purse.

    
Carter: Baby, want to meet me for lunch?

     Crap, this is not good since I haven’t decided what I was going to do about him yet.

    
Me: Sorry, can’t do. I have school stuff to do.

     It was a half lie, technically. But what was I to do? I’m still coming to terms with what I feel for him and certainly seeing him without me freaking out was out of the question.

     My Human Sexuality class ended with a yawn. My teacher, Mrs. Crowley, was a total bore and to think I was ecstatic to enroll to this class. What a laugh!

     I was surprised to see Lindsey was outside waiting for me when I got out of class. “Hey, what’s up?”

     “Let’s do lunch then I’ll tell you
all
about it!” her pretty pink glossed lips pouted. I love Lindsey to pieces but she could be so emotional sometimes.

     “Oh okay, I’m starving anyway. What do you feel like having?”

     “Tacos and margaritas!” she exclaimed.

     We ended up at Los Agaves and ordered our usual. Lindsey was busy on her phone. She had waited on me outside of class before,
twice
actually. And both times were quite interesting. It’s her thing and I’m her 911 emergency person. Which is why I’m wondering what’s taking her awhile to speak up?    

     Lindsey Mason’s not your average chick. She’s a straight forward no-nonsense kind of gal. She’s quite smart, like MENSA kind of smart. We immediately got along when we became roommates and are best friends.  She’s a sexy brunette and adores her brother more than anything. Carter and Lindsey’s parents died of a car crash seven years ago. Their aunt and uncle adopted them. I know she’s close to them but Carter doesn’t speak much about them at all. He rarely ever opens up. Well, in fact, he never did.

     My relationship with Carter was mostly based on well,
sex
and not much in between it. And my,
the sex….it’s
scorching hot and sooo good! Thinking about it just makes me blush.

     Lindsey pushed her phone aside and clasped her hands on the table. Trying to look serious, but failing because her eyes were twinkling with enthusiasm.  With a big grin she spoke, “Brody wants to date me.”

     Brody Thompson was Carter’s best bud—and quite a sweetheart—a smoking hot sweetheart to boot.

     “…and?”  I dragged out my question, my excitement from her announcement evident on my face.

      I
knew
it! I even teased her about it before. I saw how Brody’s been checking her out but she always played it off like I was imagining things.

     “And I’m thinking of saying no?” Linds bit her full bottom lip, brushed a lock of hair and tucked it behind her ear.

     Okay, I didn’t expect her to say ‘no’.

     “Um—why not Brody? I can’t think of a reason why you wouldn’t want to date him. He’s nice…and cute!”

     Lindsey leaned back and huffed. “
Why not Brody?
Okay, let me break this down for you. First, he’s my brother’s best friend. Second, we grew up together and I was friends with some of his ex’s. Third, Brody’s just not my type.”

     Not her type?
Was she crazy?

     “He is
so
your type Linds! Admit it–you don’t have to be all coy.” She was interrupted from responding when our waiter delivered our food. I took a lengthy sip of my refreshing strawberry margarita, letting my words sink in as I gave my friend a simpering smile.

    “Fine, I was lying. I think Brody’s hot but he and I aren’t happening. I know you’re wondering why, but we just aren’t okay? I just wanted you to know because I might be skipping a few parties with you guys.” That’s odd. So what if she’s turning him down, Brody’s not going to be a sore loser, was he?

     “That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?” I took a big bite of my chicken taco and my tummy did a little happy meringue dance. God, I am starving!

     She merely shrugged. “It is what it is, doll.” Lindsey wiped off a little sauce from the side of her lips with the white linen napkin and focused on me. “How are things between you and Carter? Still going strong? We’re almost like sisters if you think about it.” I coughed at her sentiment,
seriously?

     “It’s not like
that
about Carter and me. In fact, that’s far from what we are. Truth be told, it’s like having an exclusive bootie call with a dash of party scene involved.” I bravely admitted what the true nature of my relationship with her brother.

     It sucks to blurt the truth out, but no more hiding from it. It was black and white with no gray in between.

    Lindsey finished her margarita and grabbed mine. That was quick, guess she must really need the cool alcoholic refreshment.

    She held the stem of the glass and spoke with disdain.  “Fucking Carter! I don’t get why he’s so afraid of commitment. I just want him to be happy. He can be great with women but he’s a complete shit to them. Are you happy with him, Em? I mean—with this cold technical arrangement?” She asked as she annihilated my drink.

    GAH!

     I was, but not anymore. I love Carter but shit would hit the fan if he knew. Carter’s known to bounce out of a relationship for less. Ask the long line of broken hearted females who made that very daunting mistake.

     “I am…I mean I
was
but, I’m not too sure anymore. Carter’s a great guy, Linds but I don’t think I want to be that girl anymore.” I’ve always been a free spirit–I didn’t have a care in the world–I just wanted to have a good time.  But now, things have changed and I want more out of my life.

     Lindsey caught the waiter’s attention and ordered two more drinks. Hmmm…why the need to get wasted during lunch time, girlfriend? She never used to have more than one in the middle of the day.

     “I support you in whatever decision you choose. But to be honest, if my brother can’t give you his all, why the heck would you want to stay,
you know?
” I nodded.