Screaming in the Silence (10 page)

"I can only make breakfast food," he said with a shrug.

"That explains why you always smell like cinnamon." I smiled at him before picking up my fork and cutting into the toast. It wasn't anything special, just the basic recipe, but something about it tasted unique. Maybe it was because I hadn't tasted bread in so long. Maybe it was because Kaden had made it for me.

I put my fork down halfway through my first piece, a sharp pain stabbing at my stomach, and pushed my plate away. I could see Kaden from the other side of the table giving me a strange look, but I didn't want to meet his gaze. I knew there would be questions and I knew I would only blame him for my inability to finish a piece of toast. But I didn't want to upset him and I didn't want to upset myself, so I casually looked around the room. The appliances were in better condition, thanks to my cleaning, and the dishes had recently been done so the sink was nearly empty. There was nothing that could be done about the dingy yellow wallpaper and the stained linoleum floor.

I remembered one of the first days I had spent in this kitchen. I had found it so bizarre there were no windows or a back door. It had felt as if this house was designed to hold me prisoner, but now, sitting with Kaden, the room didn't give me the same feeling. I felt almost giddy occupying the same space.

I smiled at the pleasant change in events. Kaden stepped in front of me.

"Are you finished?"

I nodded.

"You should eat more," he said, pushing my plate back in front of me.

"I can't," I admitted. "It hurts."

Kaden glared at me and picked up my plate, stomped over to the garbage bin and tossed the remaining food carelessly inside. The plate was thrown into the sink and I watched as it shattered against the porcelain edges.

"I'm sorry," I stared at him in shock, slightly confused and completely scared of the way he was acting.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the counter.

I shook my head. "You seem upset. I didn't mean to…"

"Of course I'm upset! You're practically starving to death and it's mostly my fault!"

"It will get better," I tried to reason with him although his neck was tense and a large vein had appeared on his forehead. "It may just take some time. I haven't been eating very much for the past…"

"Quit trying to make me feel better about this." Kaden took a few large steps in my direction and knelt by my chair so he was at eye level with me. Why was I trying to make him feel better about my situation? It was mostly his fault, that much was true. But I knew that I wanted to remain inside the fantasy Kaden and I had created. I was prepared to do anything to keep the fantasy alive, even if it meant justifying a kidnapper's cruel and demeaning ways of inflicting dominance.

"You aren't responsible for any of this and my feelings for you are making my culpability in this situation all the more apparent." He wasn't going to let this go. Was it possible that he was truly conflicted? Did he have knots in his stomach caused by guilt? Did they feel like the knots in mine caused by the anxiety of the unknown? Perhaps he had spent sleepless nights pondering what the ramifications of his actions were going to be: how he had potentially ruined the lives of his two friends, and ruined the life of a stranger and taken the life of her companion?

He seemed to have calmed down but then he grabbed my hands and held them so tightly I was afraid he would crush the bones. "I don't want you to be scared of me, Raleigh. Honestly, I don't." But isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that why I had been denied so much for so long?

"What do you want, then? Because, honestly, I'm terrified of you."

His eyes looked hurt by my words but his hands loosened their grip. "What about me terrifies you?"

I took a deep breath. Where to begin? "I'm scared of your temper. I'm scared of your friends. I'm scared of dying. I'm scared that I'm allowing myself to feel something that isn't real. I'm scared that you'll change your mind and not want me anymore." There, I said it.

Kaden smiled at my confession. "The second I don't want you anymore, you are free to leave."

I'm scared that day will never come
, I thought to myself, though I didn't say it out loud. Kaden enjoyed his dominance over me and I had learned to play his affection. There was no reason to disturb that delicate balance now.

Kaden's placed his hands on my bare knees, slowly rubbing up and down my thighs. I knew what he wanted, I could tell by the lusty look in his emerald eyes, but since he had promised me my freedom once he was done with me, I wasn't going to give in that easily.

"Tell me what you do, Kaden," I said as he worked his way higher up my leg.

He eyed me with a knowing look that I remembered from my first day here.

"I translate books and manuscripts."

"From French to English or English to French?"

"French to English. You get five more questions."

"I want ten."

"Seven."

"Fine. Where did you learn French?"

"My Dad is French Algerian, I grew up in Paris."

"But you don't have an accent."

"That's not a question." He smiled back at me and then stood up, holding his hand out. I allowed him to lead me into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"It's an observation. I can tell from the way your lips and tongue move when you speak. You would sound American to anyone else."

"You can tell that from reading my lips?"

I nodded.

"All right, I'll give you this one for free because that's impressive. My mom is American and I grew up speaking French and American English, as my dad calls it."

"Where are your parents now?"

"Morocco."

"How did you end up here?" None of these questions clarified anything for me.

"I went to college in Charleston, then moved up here to live with Ray."

Right. Ray. "How do you know him?"

Kaden shifted in his seat, apparently a bit uneasy at my question. "I used to spend the summers with Ray and his family at their beach house. Our mothers were best friends."

I frowned. That seemed like a perfectly normal explanation but he had seemed so uncomfortable answering it. I was curious but didn't want to push that subject. Not talking about Ray made everything a lot easier.

"Why do you know sign language?"

"My grandfather on my mother's side was deaf. You have two more questions."

I smiled, thinking hard about the last inquiries. Nothing but casual, first-date type questions came to mind.

"How old are you?"

"Thirty-one."

"And…why are you reading
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea?
They've already translated that book."

"I just like reading it."

I leaned back against the cushions. I hadn't learned much, but it was a start.

"My turn," he said.

"Fine. You get seven questions."

"Why were you hitchhiking in North Carolina?"

"I didn't want to take the job my father offered me so I told him I was going to Europe for a few months and started hitching rides from the airport. I wasn't going anywhere in particular."

"Weren't you scared? Isn't hitchhiking a little dangerous for a young woman?"

"I guess it proved to be rather perilous, didn't it?"

Kaden raised an eyebrow at my remark but kept going. "What did you study in school?"

"Political Science and Economics."

"Masters Degree?"

"PhD."

His eyebrow rose again and I countered with a crooked smile.

"What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"

Now it was my turn to shift uncomfortably. How long was the rest of my life going to be? Was his question hypothetical or was he really intending to collect the money and let me leave?

"I don't know."

"That's not an answer."

I stared at his gorgeous green eyes. They were unwavering, unrelenting, so I chose to answer the question in terms of how my life used to be.

"I stayed in school as long as I could, finishing everything my father agreed to pay for. Now I have absolutely no desire to go into politics or some think-tank in Washington. So, in all honesty, I really don't know."

"So you ran away. That's an observation, not a question," he added quickly.

I nodded, angered that he was able to discover so much about me with his seven questions and I hadn't even thought to ask him his full name. Kaden moved closer to me on the couch, pulling my legs over his lap and twirling one of the buttons on my shirt with his free hand.

"Will you go with me to the lake again tomorrow?"

It was more of an invitation, really.

"Yes," I answered, surprised that I felt shy answering.

"Last question," Kaden started. "Can I please have my shirt back?" His hand reached under his white shirt and skimmed along my side until his thumb rested at the bottom of my breast. His touch was like a drug, instantly masking my anxiety and breaking down my inhibitions.

"What? This shirt?" I popped the collar and pulled it tight around my neck.

Kaden nodded as he gently caressed my skin.

"No," I finally decided. "I like it and it looks good on me."

"It does look good on you. But I'll be needing it back right now," he said as his other hand disappeared under the fabric and made its way up my ribs. He was holding me so he knew I couldn't move, but his grip wasn't tight.

I bit my lip and shook my head. "No. I'm keeping it."

He tilted his head in defiance and lowered his face towards mine. Our lips brushed but he didn't kiss me. He mouth hovered above mine for what seemed like an eternity.

"You'll have to rip it from me," I whispered against his lips when I could take no more of his teasing.

His mouth instantly crushed mine in a fiery kiss. His hands left my chest and guided my arms around his neck, then helped wrap my legs around his waist. He stood up with me in his arms, acting as if I weighed nothing at all, and carried me upstairs, both of us smiling the entire way to the bedroom.

"Have you ever been in love,
Raleigh
?" Julie was sitting in the sand, her toes and fingers buried beneath the warm surface. Her face looked solemn, something I wasn't used to seeing from such an animated woman.

"I thought I was, once." I didn't know much about her even though for the past couple of weeks we had gotten along incredibly well.

"What happened?"

"He left me for another girl. We were twelve."

Julie laughed and her mood lightened. "I've been in love too many times. Probably enough for the both of us."

"What happened?"

"With which one?"

"The last one, I guess."

She sighed and dug her toes
dee
per into the sand. "He found out some things about my past that he didn't agree with. He left me just a few weeks before I met you."

"What did he find out?" I knew I was prying but she wouldn't have brought it up if she didn't want to talk about it.

"That I have a child."

I stared at her, stunned.

"She lives with her father in
Atlanta
. The court said I wasn't fit to raise a child and gave him full custody."

"Are you on your way to see her?"

Julie nodded and stared into the sand. I could tell she was speaking but I couldn't see her lips.

"Julie, I can't…"

"Sorry," she smiled and looked up at me. "It's just a little shameful, not being able to raise your own daughter."

"But you're going to see her; you can make a new start. I think you will be a great mother."

"That's what I'm hoping for. I needed one last adventure before putting my wild days behind me." She grinned and I knew she was referencing the careless nights we had spent at the bar outside of
Greenville
, seeing how many men would buy us drinks.

"I'm determined to have her in my life,
Raleigh
. She's my baby girl." Julie deserved a happy life.

"We better get going. It's getting dark and the wind is starting to pick up. We don't want to be stuck here if a storm comes."

Soft kisses on my back woke me up. Dull sunlight streamed through the window.

"It's early," I yawned, reaching behind me for his hand so I could pull him close and lull him back to sleep. It was frightening how easily I had allowed myself to fall into this state of mind, this state of being. It was so comfortable being with Kaden that I had almost forgotten why I was here and what he was doing to me.

He slowly pulled me onto my back and rested his torso above mine. His green eyes, although tired, still looked incredibly handsome. He didn't speak to me at first, but ran his fingers through my tangled hair and kissed my forehead.

"I want to get started early," he said, staring into my sleepy eyes.

If he hadn't kept me up last night, I would have been eager to start the day. But, as it was, I could imagine nothing better than falling back to sleep while wrapped in his arms.

"Please?" He must have seen my resistance to the idea of leaving the bed. "I'm not sure when they'll be back."

My heart sank. I swung my legs from the mattress, pulling the sheet around my body and away from the bed. The sheet tightened. Kaden held one end. He leaned across the bed and stared up at me.

"If I could keep things the way they are, I would. You know that, right?"

"I know that," I said, giving the sheet a tug and walking to the door. I knew that Kaden would be happy to keep me for an indefinite amount of time, wrapped up in his sheets, away from the rest of the world. But Ray and Marshall would be back soon and I knew Kaden would not touch me in front of them. He wouldn't look at me the way he was now, he wouldn't talk to me with the same kindness he had shown me for the past twenty four hours.

I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, washed my face, and glanced at my reflection. My skin was a light shade of pink, my eyes were no longer dead behind my lashes. I had to smile, because even though it was temporary, these limited hours with Kaden had brought me back to life. The bite marks on my neck were beginning to fade, and, although they were clearly a mark of dominance, I was slightly sad to see them go.