Screaming in the Silence (9 page)

"Okay," I answered, forcing a smile.

He seemed shocked at my acceptance and nodded slightly before leading me up the stairs and to his bedroom. I glanced at the doorframe on my way in, noting the marks on the wood from my fingernails only a day earlier. Things seemed so different now. I knew I wasn't going upstairs willingly, but I wasn't being dragged, kicking and screaming, either.

I stepped inside his room and looked around, something I hadn't thought or wanted to do the last time I occupied this space. The walls were painted a light shade of grey, very similar to the color of my eyes. There were no pictures on the walls but a blue curtain adorned the windows opposite the door and added some depth to the room. His bed was exactly how I had left it the day before: the blue comforter strewn to the side, the pillows carelessly thrown about. A black dresser stood alone against the wall next to the closet, a deck of cards and notebook were the only things resting on it. From across the bed I could see his nightstand with only a desk lamp, a book, and an empty glass.

Walking around to the nightstand, trying to pretend that I wasn't shaking with fear, I picked up the thick book.
Vingt Mille Lieues Sous Les Mers.
I smiled at the cover. It had been one of my favorite books as a child, in English and abridged, of course. I held it in my hand and traced the perforated cover with my fingers.

I was very nearly ready to put it down when I felt Kaden's hand wrap around my stomach from behind, pulling me flush against his body. His other hand gently took the book and returned it to the nightstand.

"You can ask me about it later," he said after he had turned me to face him. His eyes held mine as he softly stoked my cheek. I stared up at him. His face looked so kind and gentle, I was almost able to forget where I was. Hesitantly, I moved my hand to his chest, lightly tracing the muscles I knew were hiding beneath his clothing. His pupils flared with pleasure and he bent down to kiss me. His lips were so soft that I gave into the kiss completely, knowing it would only encourage him, but hoping it would speed things along and get it over quickly.

His kiss became stronger and his hands gripped the fabric of my shirt. It wasn't until a slight moan escaped my throat that he pushed us onto the bed, falling on top of me and straddling my legs. He kissed me again as he worked the t-shirt up my stomach and over my chest. Our lips broke apart. He sat up and pulled my top off. His shirt was next and I ran my eyes over his impeccable physique. He pushed himself off the bed, grabbing my hips and swinging my legs so they were dangling from the edge of the mattress. His fingers worked slowly to unbutton my jeans, his knuckle brushing against my panties as he lowered it.

His hand ran over my sides and stomach and then his fingers walked up each of my ribs, making sure to touch each protruding bone. Slowly, he lowered his lips to my stomach, kissing my bellybutton then following his fingers to kiss each of my ribs.

I hated this. I hated that I wanted him. I hated that what he was doing was driving me insane. So I held my breath, fearing that if I inhaled, it would bring us closer together. But that didn't stop a whimper, or it could have been a moan, from escaping my lips. He kissed me lightly at my neck and I felt his hot breath on my jaw. I closed my eyes, knowing he was going to kiss me again. My head was swimming with doubt, yearning, frustration, lust, and fear. But he kissed me passionately, like we were lovers, like I belonged to him and him to me.

His hands explored my skin as he kissed me, but mine stayed firmly pressed to the bed. I had not wanted this to happen again, but now that he had started, I didn't want him to stop and it was becoming increasingly difficult to restrain myself. I wanted to reach up and touch his face, run my fingers across his back and through his dark hair, but I couldn't allow myself to do so. It was too dangerous, and I was already in peril of losing my better judgment when it came to Kaden.

But, as if he knew what I was thinking, one of his strong hands wrapped around my wrist and forced my hand to his side. He pressed my fingers firmly into his skin, still kissing me, and only released my hand when he knew I understood what he wanted. His kiss became more demanding and his hand ran down my side and across my hip. That's when I knew there was no turning back. Kaden would have what he wanted and I would be left with the residual effects of the pleasure, nothing more, nothing less.

Kaden's touch spread the ache in my heart throughout my entire body. I needed the physical release as much as the emotional one. I waited, almost impatiently, for him to begin. He took his time, teasing me and allowing my anticipation to grow. This was so different from the last time we were together.

Did he want me to battle him off? Was he giving me time to think about it? I knew I wouldn't be able to last much longer but I also knew that Kaden was too skilled at what he was doing for me to put up a fight. So I gave in, my breathing becoming faster, my eyes closing and my fingers digging into his back.

My quivering body was pushed across the bed and Kaden rested himself between my legs. I felt his fingers on my face, then a light touch brushed my eyelid and rubbed my temple. Opening my eyes to see Kaden's face above mine caused me to blush with embarrassment and turn my head. But his hand was quick to correct my action, turning my face gently back toward his.

"I want you to look at me. Don't imagine you are anywhere else but here with me." His eyes were serious as he spoke so I nodded in understanding. "Your enjoyment only adds to my pleasure, but don't forget that I'm forcing you to do this."

I nodded again although his statement confused me. His arms were like steel bars on either side of my shoulders, the muscles in his arms flexing to hold him up and protect me from the weight of his body. I let him work, adjusting nearly instinctively to meet his needs. I could feel all of him, his chest brushing against mine, the sweat on his skin, the muscles of his back, his full lips as he kissed me.

But I had to remind myself that I shouldn't be enjoying this. I had to remind myself that I shouldn't be helping him. I should be wanting this act to be over and done with. But, I would have been lying. "Kaden," I said between moans, knowing it would only encourage him. His mouth found my neck; his movements became more erratic.

"Kaden!" I screamed. I could feel him reaching his climax, his teeth biting down on my skin. He collapsed on top of me, his chest crushing mine with each full breath he took. My hands lingered on his back. His warm breath on my shoulder became steady before he raised his head to look at me. He eyes held so much emotion, so much passion, that I melted right there on the bed. I could see that what we had done hadn't been just an act for him. He hadn't been just going through the motions. Kaden hadn't just fucked me; we didn't have sex. No, Kaden had made love to me. It had been more than physically intimate; he had taken his time, explored everything about me, and made me want to please him just as much as he was pleasing me.

I knew it was wrong. I knew it would only lead to further confusion and emotional distress, but I could no longer deny what I felt. My fingers traced his spine up to his neck before running through his soft hair. I lifted my head hesitantly and stopped just short of his lips, waiting to see if he would pull away. When he didn't move, I found the courage to touch his lips with mine. I gave him a soft kiss then rested my head back on the mattress.

His eyes were a mixture of pleasure and guilt. "What was that for?"

I shook my head, unable to give him an honest answer. "Am I not allowed to kiss you?"

"You shouldn't want to," he replied.

"If it makes you upset, I won't do it again," I promised as I looked away, more embarrassed than hurt. I didn't want my face to betray how amazing he still felt above me.

He waited a moment, but soon turned my face back to his with a gentle hand. "The only thing that upsets me is knowing that our time together is limited. You can kiss me whenever you like."

I didn't smile at this. I didn't feel like he had conceded anything. Of course our time was limited. He had known that from the start. Clearly, he was stalling now, prolonging the inevitable for his pleasure as well as the chance to make a considerable amount of money.

Kaden smiled, running his fingers from my chin to my cheek and down my neck.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I may be sore tomorrow." I paused, unsure if I wanted to massage his ego with what he would surely take to be a compliment. "You're…you're not exactly what I'm used to."

He smiled again but didn't look cocky this time. "Yes, I can feel that." He moved slowly in and out a few times, taking his time to let me feel every inch of him. I couldn't remember the last time anything had felt so good.

I was prepared to have him take me again, ready to be thrown back into the heat of our undeniable lust for one another, but he stopped.

"I was talking about your neck." He smiled at me as I took a deep breath.

"You bit me!" I suddenly remembered, feigning anger at what he had done.

Kaden laughed and rolled away, denying me the pleasure of a second round. With one strong arm, he pulled me on top of him so my torso was resting on his chest and my face was close to his.

"It was the way you said my name," he reminded me, closing his eyes.

I knew what I had done and I couldn't deny it. I pulled a hand from under my body and placed it gently on his chest. Gradually, I moved it up his body until my fingers were laying flat against the bottom of his throat, surrounding his Adam's apple and filling the hollow of his neck.

"Can you say my name?" I asked.

Kaden's eyes remained closed and he didn't move. I was sure he had heard me but I wasn't ready to give up.

"Please? I'd really like to feel you say it."

He took a couple deep breaths, his lips pressed tightly together, but eventually he opened his eyes. His free hand reached up for mine and pressed my fingers hard against his neck.

"Raleigh."

I smiled after he had pushed my hand away from his throat. I could still feel the vibrations in my fingers. His voice had felt scratchy and deep against my fingers, as if it came from his soul instead of his larynx.

My eyes closed, suddenly heavy and exhausted. I felt Kaden turn onto his side and pull me close to his warm skin. His fingers ran slowly up and down my arm a few times before falling across my chest. Our breathing moved into sync as we both fell asleep.

I opened my eyes to see the sun setting behind the trees. Warm light filled the room and I smiled, rolling onto my back and stretching my arms above my head. Suddenly, a strong hand gripped my wrists and pinned them to the headboard of the bed. I let out a small cry of shock before seeing Kaden's face sweep in above mine. He smiled down at me before switching to his scowl.

"Did I scare you?"

"Yes," I answered, very aware that I was still naked under the sheets.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, releasing my hands and kneeling beside me.

I had to think about it. I even tried to find the sensation inside my stomach and magnify it, but it was no use. "No," I finally answered.

Kaden frowned. "Well, I've made dinner so you're going to join me."

"All right," I smiled, sensing his frustration but finding it amusing that he had to command me to join him for a meal.

"You should get dressed," he added. "But not too dressed. You're too beautiful to be covered up."

He stood up and left before I could react. I watched him walk out of the room, his khaki shorts and dark blue t-shirt hiding what I already missed, and I allowed, for the second time that day, a genuine smile to come to my face. Beautiful? I had never been called beautiful before. Pretty, yes. Hot? Only once by a drunk college kid at a bar. But never beautiful.

I sat up and let the sheets fall to my waist before kicking them off and examining myself. Large, dark freckles blemished my pale skin. My breasts were full and too large for my body, my waist sloped sharply between my ribs and hips, something my mother used to call an hourglass figure but what I considered a headache. I could never find clothes that fit. My hips flared and my legs, which were once toned and shapely, now looked skinny and frail. I couldn't understand what Kaden found beautiful about me, but I had spent too many hours thinking about him to care.

I stepped out of the bed, found my underwear on the ground and slipped them on. Kaden's closet door had been left open so I walked over and ran my fingers over the clothes hanging inside. There were very few items, mostly collared shirts, but a black suit hanging to one side caught my eye. The fabric looked and felt expensive; the hanger was wood and held the shape of the jacket. The more time I spent with Kaden, the more of an enigma he became. Why did he need an expensive suit? Why was he reading
Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea
in French?.

I pulled a white collared shirt from the hanger and buttoned it just enough to cover my naked chest. The shirt hung to my middle thighs and I held my head high as I walked down the stairs, determined to learn more about this man who held my body and heart in his hand.

Kaden stood in the kitchen pushing something around in a frying pan. It smelled amazing, like cinnamon and vanilla, not exactly scents I associated with dinner, but delicious, nonetheless. I pulled out a chair and sat down, observing the way his shoulder muscles moved under his t-shirt. Hhe grabbed two plates from the counter and dished whatever he was cooking.

Kaden turned toward me and I could tell he was trying to suppress a smile.

"That's my favorite shirt you're wearing, Blondie," he said, setting my plate down.

"Can I borrow it for a few hours?" I asked, trying to play coy.

"If it will smell like you the next time I wear it, then of course you can borrow it." I blushed as he bent down and kissed my head. Six weeks ago, I would have never imagined my face would be red from anything but crying or screaming.

I finally looked down at my food. French toast. I glanced at Kaden to help ease my confusion.