Scrupulous (An Affliction of Falling Novel Book 1) (21 page)

“I’ve already explained that I unknowingly had a few questionable business partners in my research facilities infancy. A smart man keeps his enemies closer than his friends. But I don’t have to explain myself to you. Please be reasonable, Sorcha.”

“Sor, for once, please hear your father out. I support you no matter, but at least listen,” Mum begs over her shoulder as she senses that I am about ready to bolt.

“Gavin, is it true? You told me they had employed you for some PI jobs, but everything was on the up and up.” I take a deep breath and blow out hard, trying to lower my blood pressure.

“Sor, I am not proud of all of my past. I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder in my late teens for no real good reason and fell in with a questionable lot. That is how I originally learned my trade and went legit after a few years. Have been ever since,” Gavin beseeches.

“So, you fucking lied to me. You never had to lie to me; I would have taken you as you were, all judgments aside!”

“I didn’t lie.” He looks as if I had just slapped him.

“Your blatant omission upon direct confrontation over the matter is just as bad.” The mood of my favorite American holiday has just been pissed all over.

“Can we talk about this in private, please?” Gavin attempts to take a step toward me.

“We will just be leavin’,” Mum says as she throws a dish towel on the counter and grabs my dad’s arm.

“No, Ann, we will stay,” my dad argues and crosses his arms.

“I’ve had enough of being the punching bag of everyone’s jokes. How about this? You two can duke it out, have a pissing match or whatever you need to do, and I will leave. I have no desire for this level of drama in my life. It’s good to finally hear what my own dad thinks of me and that the one man I’ve actually dared to love has been lying to me on a matter that is a big fucking deal.” The pain and anguish is evident on my face as tears prick my eyes and I bolt from the room.

“Sorcha! Wait!” Gavin’s command thunders after me as I grab my purse.

“Fuck off for good this time!” I holler over the crowd and hit the door. The commotion spills out from my home and onto the lawn on a level that only a loud Irish family can manage as I slip into the night. Tears and snot begin to flow as the anguish of walking away from him cuts me deeper than I expected.

Having snuck out of this neighborhood countless times in the middle of the night without being detected, I beat feet down the deer trail to our neighbors’ yard and sneak through their gate. Edging along the back fence, I exit their yard onto the back street that hardly anyone ever drives down. Digging a tissue from my bag, I loudly blow my nose as I dial Samuel with shaking fingers.

“Sor, now is not a great time…” Samuel answers in a huff.

“I’m sorry, I know you are with your family, but I got no one else to call. Hell will freeze over before I find a bus or cab at this hour all the way out here.”

“Fuck, where are you?” His attitude quickly drops when he realizes I am not pulling his chain.

“Meet me at that café by my parent’s house?”

“We will be there in thirty.”

My feet begin to ache in my platform heels as I finally reach the little café I used to spend so much time studying at. It is still open, always has been on holidays as a way to provide a haven for those with nowhere to go. A dozen chirps ring out from my cell as message after message pile up. After Gavin and I made up the last time, he quickly put my number in his phone and added his contact info into mine the next morning. He said, and I quote, “I never want to be without communication with you again and I don’t want to ever cause you any worry.”

Slinging my leather bag up higher on my shoulder, I push through the glass door only to be greeted by the wonderful aroma of roasting coffee and pastries like a welcome old friend. After ordering a mocha to-go, I curl up in my long dress by the window to wait for Samuel.

The night’s events keep playing over and over in my head. Did I overreact? Possibly, stranger things have happened. As open and accepting as I am and continually try to be, why did he feel the need to keep this from me? It isn’t a complete shock but honesty is the foundation of a relationship, especially for kinky folk. His truth was not damning, some of it I had already known and I would have fallen in love with him regardless. This bit just made everything we have accomplished questionable.

I have always had a high tolerance and large pit of compassion and understanding for people in general, no matter their idiosyncrasies, which is why medicine was such an easy path for my otherwise type-A brain. People make stupid decisions, but they also learn from them and grow. It’s not my place to judge them for that. Glancing at my phone, I see the numerous texts and missed calls from Gavin, my mum, and sister. Oh look, Marie even threw one in there on behalf of Shamus, who despises technology. I hover over Gavin’s texts and contemplate a reply. Instead, I read through them once more.

“Sorcha, please talk to me.”

“Answer the phone.”

“When I track you down, you are going over my knee for this one.”

“Please, baby, I need you.”

Instead, I shoot my mum, Bre and Marie a text letting them know that I am fine and won’t be coming back. It is then that Samuel finally pulls up and I hop up to shove the last of my croissant in and head out to meet him.

“Hey Samuel, Reed, thanks for rescuing a stranded lass.” I greet them and climb in the back.

“For a girl who doesn’t like drama, you sure seem to be running into a lot of it lately.” Samuel snorts as he eases away from the curb. “I take it the family didn’t take to him too well?”

“Gawd no! My dad mostly.”

“So… where is your knight in shining armor?” Samuels handsome face darkens, clearly not happy that my man is nowhere in sight.

“Who the fuck knows? I left him there with the rest of them. Turns out my dad knows him from way back and none of it good. Which all came out in the wash in the end. Not to mention all the ‘rag on Sorcha’ business. The ole man brought up the med school thing again. I am tired of being the butt of their jokes because I live my life a bit differently. By the way, can I stay with you tonight?” Samuel’s eyes cut to mine through the rearview mirror in surprise, and he nods.

“That bad, eh?”

“Yeah, don’t want to face him tonight and he will just stalk me home.”

“Sorry, baby, can we reschedule for tomorrow night?” Samuel regretfully asks Reed.

“Of course, I understand.” Reed happily turns in his seat and smiles.

“Damn, Reed, I am so sorry. I’m messing up your plans. Maybe you could swing me by Jade’s instead? I can just crash there.”

“Nah, they just got back from the hospital today, finally. Let ‘em rest. Plus, I’ve got a bottle of Pinot with your name all over it. Gift from the family and you know I hate that shit.”

After depositing Reed at his place, Samuel and I find ourselves curled up on his sofa, wine in my hand and Hennesy in his, confessional in full effect.

“I get why you booked it. If we don’t have trust, we have nothing,” Samuel surmises as he swirls the amber liquor in the glass, reminding me of someone special.

“What I don’t get is he is a Dom- thought he lived by that.”

“He’s always been a very honest man, brutally so. Maybe he doesn’t see you in the same light as a bottom; therefore, he is playing in the grey area.”

“We haven’t really ever played like that in the bedroom. When we are together, the world melts away and who we innately are as people morphs into something else. Sex is so hardcore and passionate; we really lose ourselves in the moment. He’s pushed me sexually and claimed me in ways no one has before. I told him I loved him, Samuel. Haven’t done that before. Even with Calvin, I never said it. And now, after meeting Gavin, I am pretty sure that wasn’t love back then. Gavin never said it back, just acted like a kid in a candy store and got me screaming his name. I fell fast and hard for someone who isn’t really available even though he wore me down for it.”

“Men can be dicks, news flash. I’m surprised he never tried to break you in harder though.” Samuel grunts while swirling his drink in thought.

“Maybe he didn’t feel the need to push me there as he was getting his fill at the dungeon still.”

“You let him keep his clients?” He looks stunned.

“Yeah, never felt right to take that away from him when I didn’t know if I could step up and fill the void that would leave. I’m not a masochist.”

“Sure about that?”

“Uh─ yeah. Not into the whip, clamps, and cutting.”

“He’s a sensual sadist, but identifies more dominant than anything, Sor. Inflicting pain just to inflict pain is not the goal, especially for him. Sure he likes to dish it out, it gets him off, but only when it is desired by the receiving party. The act is about increasing the ecstasy one experiences by using methods that appeal to that individual. That is why we typically talk for hours on likes, dislikes, limits, and fantasies before we even scene with anyone… let alone have sex. Remember? It’s about the journey into mind-blowing ecstasy and providing someone with the wings to fly there, void of typical mental constraints that weigh us down. The rush I get from receiving someone’s gift of submission mixed with the heady combo of being able to give them what they need to have ultimate pleasure in turn gives me the same high. The sub has all the control, though. I can’t take what they won’t give, and I damn well withhold from doing anything they don’t want or like. I would never betray the trust and safety I’m meant to provide in a scene; that is a sacred bond and should be treated as such.”

“Why hasn’t he ever attempted to explore any of that with me? I’ve been completely open to so much already. Have I ever given off the air that I am better than anyone or closed minded? If so, please do tell me!” Panic twinges as the idea of my lack of participation being the root cause of this drama pricks.

“Sor, you are going to have to talk to him about these things. You two butt heads so much you’ve forgotten the basics of adult relationships it appears. And no, if you were a closed-minded, judgy brat, we’d never be friends. You are simply just a brat.” He chuckles and tops off my glass.

“Thank heavens that is cleared up, arse. I don’t want to talk to him. He essentially lied when it was completely uncalled for. And my pride is wounded that I dropped the L word first and it wasn’t reciprocated. Oh, geez, how poetic and pathetic is my unrequited love?”

“You haven’t given him a chance, Sor. That man’s got it bad for you, that’s for sure.” Samuel defends Gavin, hoping I don’t give up so soon.

“Eh, he can sit and twist on it for all I care. I’ve given and given with little in return except mind-altering sex. God help me, he totally dickmatized me!”

“Speaking of, I’ve got
The Queen’s of Comedy
. Let’s watch it.”

“Ooh, yeah!”

After an entire bottle of wine and inappropriate humor, my eyes start to grow heavy and I curl up with Samuel’s throw. A light knock at the door sounds out and I barely feel Samuel’s weight shift next to me to answer it as I drift off, unable to fight it.

“Yes, she’s here, safe and sound.” Samuel’s words clamber through my clouded mind.

“I need to see her.” Gavin’s voice causes my eyes to flutter then close again as the drink wins.

“She’s passed out on wine therapy, not too sure any conversation will be productive at this point.”

“Let me take her home. I need to be with her, to take care of her. I need to make it right, Samuel.”

“Do you love her?” Samuel’s protectiveness over me resonates.

Gavin’s weight shifts under his heavy sigh. “Yes, I do.”

“Then quit dicking around and let her know. Collar her, something. And for God’s sake man. Reel it in. I can’t have her blue ballin’ me every time you piss in her cornflakes.” Samuel chuckles as Gavin’s heavy footsteps come towards me and his cologne invades my nose, causing me to fight my heavy lids once more.

“Come, pet. I’m taking you home. You belong with me, not here.” Gavin lifts my body with ease and pulls me in tight. The heat and solid muscle of his chest feels like home as I curl myself into him and lazily drape an arm around his neck. I try to respond but can’t as wine-induced cotton mouth has my lips sealed tight. It is not long before I drift back off.

Chapter 12

Sorcha

Restless dreams to an angering degree rip me from sleep as I bolt up out of bed. Glancing around frantically I realize I am not in my bed and take a minute to orient myself through the swimming hangover causing the room to rock like a boat.

“What’s wrong?” Gavin’s sleepy tone follows behind me.

“Nothing,” I placate as I rub the sand out of my eyes and attempt to wrap my head around it. The dream was about him Domming over countless women, calling forth their cries of pleasure, which in turn fulfilled him to a degree that challenged my self-confidence and fueled my self-doubt.

“Will you just tell me what it is?”

“How the hell did I get here?” Wiping the sheen off my forehead with the back of my hand, I swallow past the sandpaper stuck in my throat.

“You never came home so I went over to Samuel’s. I found you drunk and passed out on his couch, so I brought you here so that I could look after you.” His voice deepens matter-of-factly as he props up on an elbow.

“How gallant of you.” I grunt as I fall back into the down pillows, the spinning room doing nothing for my grace and balance.

“You left me in the viper pit to fend for myself.” He attempts to sound hurt but fails.

“Damn well deserved it.” The bed shifts and sends the room into another rocking motion as he moves his firm, naked body over mine. Shit, when did I lose my clothes?

“I deserved to have my girlfriend stand up for me in the face of her parents and give me a chance to explain.” He pins me with a dangerous glare.

“And I deserved the full truth from day one so that I wouldn’t be caught off guard and could stand up for you. As I would have because I wouldn’t have damned you for it!” I spit and try to get up, anger boiling in my blood. He pins my arms up over my head and forces me back down in a heavy but careful grip.

“You would have found a way to love an ex-mobster who’s done unspeakable things?” he goads as his eyes flicker darkly.

“Have you ever killed anyone?”

“Not exactly.”

Eh─ do I really want to know? “Ever hurt an innocent person? Or woman or child?”

“God, no, and may the Lord strike me down if I ever had.” He lowers his eyes and shakes his toffee-colored hair at the thought.

“Then I don’t want to know and I don’t care. Honorable and trustworthy men have risen from worse.” I sigh and relax back into his grip, which earns me a chaste kiss from his lips.

“I’m sorry I haven’t thought to open up to you more. I’ve never made a habit of it and find it difficult to remember to do so, to be myself. Simple ignorance on my behalf. Much of my life and what I do has to be kept quiet. Even though what I do now is mostly on the up and up, there are parts that would be frowned upon and has blurred boundaries on what is legal.”

“As long as you can sleep at night, morals intact and innocent, and vulnerable people are not hurt in the process, I am not going to have a problem. I don’t need details and full disclosure. Earn my trust and guard my heart and I will stay by your side, Gavin.”

“You can trust me, Sorcha, even with your heart.”

“I want to believe you; I think we will get there.” My voice drops to a whisper to protect my sore throat.

While one hand keeps me locked in place, he tenderly traces the contours of my face with the other. A light rain begins to patter on the window outside as we look into each other’s eyes, trying to figure out where to go from here.

“Sorcha Quinn, I was in trouble the night you squared those slender shoulders at me and opened that pretty little mouth of yours. That exchange alone lit a fire within my cold and hallowed bones, confusing and invigorating me all at once. I was lost until you found me. I don’t ever want to go back to that place. I love you beyond words.”

My eyes begin to dampen at the sentiment, and I hungrily seek his mouth. I hadn’t realized prior to this moment how desperately I needed to hear those three little words fall from his lips, and how those simple words from the right person can alter your world. After a scorching kiss, he breathlessly pulls away.

“You going to tell me about the bad dream that ripped you from sleep?”

God, he won’t let anything go, will he? “You are hopeless.” I quickly replay the dream in hopes of getting back to where that kiss was leading.

“Sounds like I am not the only one developing an unnatural jealousy. I don’t know what to tell you. I rather enjoy my side job,” he informs me, referencing his resident Dom position.

“You are not going to stop then? How is that being exclusive?” The heated moment is quickly doused.

“I don’t fuck all of them. How many times am I going to have to tell you that? It is not always about the sex. In fact, I haven’t had sex with anyone else since the night we met.”

“I am very well aware that it is not about the sex or I would have thrown a fit about it long ago.” I pout like a petulant child not getting their way.

“Giving up my top resident spot and regular clients without actually collaring a mate of my own doesn’t feel right. Many rely on me for our special exchange. It is as important as breathing to them regardless of my personal life. I would be doing a disservice to them and my personal principals regarding the lifestyle. I take this very seriously, Sor.” The timbre of his silky voice is deep and insistent yet laced with concern for my feelings.

“Well, then I cannot agree to the sexual exclusivity of this… partnership anymore. We are back to square one.” If my arms had been free, I would have crossed them over my chest while taking stance.

“Sorcha, I am a Dominant and sensual sadist. What I give is not sex. I provide stimulation and an environment in which a masochist can be free from their burdens and experience a level of conscious subspace that normal sexual interactions cannot give them. It is an honor to receive their submissive gifts and to help them. It also feeds a very important part of my being.”

“I get it, but it goes beyond whips. The thought of you touching another woman the way you touch me…” I trail off, unware that I had just admitted to him the hold he has as well as the jealousy he stimulates.

“I thought you didn’t get jealous,” he calls me out with a wicked grin.

“I don’t! Until now─ thanks a lot for so many lovely firsts.” My fists ball up and strain against his hold as I attempt to suppress my irritations at this current chain of events. Tender fingertips brush a strand of hair across my forehead.

“I am out of my element, too. All of my typical engagements have primarily been centered around the lifestyle. With you, things are out of whack, which changes my personal desires as well as needs. We will figure it out. I need you like air in my lungs, pet. I also know my nature and how my singular tastes will not go quietly. We will have to take this a step at a time to figure out what our relationship should look like.”

“Fine.”

He sharply pinches my nipple with that wandering free hand. “Try again.”

“Yes, Sir,” comes out in a whimper, part of it lust driven and part fear.

“Much better, kitten.” He swiftly draws the tender flesh into his mouth and soothes it with his tongue, sending me into a frenzy. “Fuck me, you are so addicting.”

A groan escapes my throat as the melding of pain and pleasure light me up and remind me of how hot I got getting spanked in the dungeon.

“Gavin, can we try?” I muster through the building lust.

“Try what, love?” he mutters around my breast now stuffed into his mouth.

“You’ve never asked me to attempt the lifestyle with you. I have no idea why. Can we try it? I mean, I know I can’t be the perfect sub and calling you Master is completely out of the question, but I can work with Sir and I am willing to explore with you,” I rush out quickly, pushing past my desire to whimper in delight as he taunts my sensitive flesh. He quickly halts his act and looks up at me with surprise.

“I’ve never thought to ask because you’ve never really seemed interested and pushing you into something you don’t want is not even an option.”

“It’s not like we’d jump into expert level stuff right away, right?”

“Of course not. We start low and go slow, frequently changing course based on what you do and do not respond to.” Just talking about it has him hard as a rock, suddenly throbbing against my thigh.

“And you’d be patient with me?”

“I’d never be anything but, love.” His breath quickens in anticipation as he looks up at me with assessing eyes that miss nothing.

“If I fail miserably or hate it, can we stop without it ending our relationship?” There, my biggest fear about the whole mess laid out on a platter.

“I doubt you will hate it but yes, we can stop whenever you want without fear. I’m not going anywhere.” He bends and tenderly kisses the swell of my breast before resting his forehead on mine.

“Then, Sir, I’d like very much to negotiate a contract with you and try.” Not sure why I jump to a contract all of a sudden, but it seems like the right thing to say. We need to discuss all of my limits before I go a step further. My methodical brain will not accept anything less. All aspects must be assessed inside and out.

“Fuck, my gorgeous piece of ass, I’d gladly like to do that first thing.” He rubs his hard shaft between my legs.

“Can we begin after work tonight?”

“As you wish.”

Sealing his mouth to mine, he quickly parts my thighs and enters me as if he can’t get in fast enough. We both quickly topple over the edge and into decadent, all-consuming release in a matter of minutes. As the waves recede, his knuckles brush my cheek as he gazes into my eyes while still deep within.

“Jesus, you are gorgeous,” he breathes as his lips lightly descend to where his searing touch once was. “Not being inside of you is hell. This,” his fingers reach down and brush my swollen clit, “is all mine.” His cock twitches in my core, causing me to quiver and clench around him, the contact electrifying.

“Yes, Gavin. Only yours,” tumbles from my trembling lips and feels so natural. He has ruined me for all other men indefinitely and I don’t want to fight it anymore.

∞

Nervously cleaning up the bar, I try to hurry with the last of the dirty glasses so that we can get out on time. Tonight is a big night.

“What’s the hurry? Hot date?” Samuel smirks as he pops the leftover lemon slices into the fridge.

“Ugh, yeah, I guess,” I wistfully reply as my mind wanders back to what waits for me.

“You have been in your own little world all night. What’s wrong? You and Gavin having another pissing match?” He closes the door and wipes his hands on his designer jeans.

“No, I… we… have an important negotiation tonight.” Samuel cocks his head, waiting for me to continue. “Fine. We are going to discuss a contract tonight.”

“Really? Now, that
is
quite a surprise. Baby girl is getting turned out to the N-th degree. Thought you said that wasn’t your thing,” he chastises.

“Well, is it so hard to believe I am starting to like it? We are going to go slow. He promised our relationship wouldn’t come to a crashing halt if I couldn’t get down, which was my biggest fear in trying.”

“What made you change your mind all of a sudden?”

“Other than finally admitting I like it a bit rough? He did. I want to try for him. Relationships are give and take. We have to compromise. How can I look him in the eye and tell him I don’t like something that is a big part of his life when I never gave it a fair chance? And, as progressive minded as I am with sex, I just can’t come to terms with allowing other women to feed his dominance. That should be my job.” And the thought of him with anyone else makes me want to cut a bitch.

“Well then, we best get you out of here.” Samuel chuckles. “L, you are a natural-born sub. I’ve always known it, but I hope you can see and embrace it for the sake of both of you. You two are fucking downright lost without one another,” he chides as he stacks the last tray of dirty glasses.

“By the way, I can’t believe you let him take a very drunk, passed out, and vulnerable girl from your couch last night.”

“Drunk? Yes. Vulnerable? Seriously doubt it. You could sack a guy twice his size in your sleep. But the way you melted into him left no doubt where you wanted to be, so I let him take you.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about; I am a delicate flower.”

Samuel almost spits out water from the bottle he had just grabbed for a sip. “Yeah, delicate.” He snorts.

I feign a shocked hand to my corseted chest. “Why, Samuel, I never.”

“Just keep in mind that you are not so delicate and Gavin knows that you won’t break.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?”

“Yes. Take tonight in strides and remember he is damn good. He won’t give you more than you can handle. If he oversteps, you have your safe word.”

“Step one, instate a safe word.”

“God, yes! Did you learn nothing from me?”

“I’ve never needed one with him, so I didn’t even think about it.”