SEAL's Baby (Navy SEAL Secret Baby Romance) (27 page)

  
I finished packing my bags and I brought them downstairs before I
made my way into the kitchen. Mom was standing by the stove, sliding sausages
out from the frying pan to a large plate. The table had already been set and
breakfast was ready. I looked at the feast mom had prepared for me and
everything looked beautiful, but I had no appetite.
       

  
I moved towards her and gave her a kiss on the cheek before I sat
down with her. “You’re looking nice today,” I said.

“Really?” mom replied.
“How so?”

“I don’t know,” I
observed. “Just … brighter somehow.”

She smiled. “Maybe that’s
because I decided to start work soon.”

“Really?” I asked in
surprise. “It’s very soon.”

“I need to be distracted
and I want to be of some use,” mom replied. “And I’ve always loved nursing.”

“Well, if that’s what you
want, then I fully support it.”

“Thanks, darling.”

“Where’s Tyler?” I asked.

Mom sighed. “He went out
for a jog,” she said.

“Oh,” I replied, knowing
that the real reason for his jog was probably to avoid me. “He’s been out
awhile.”

“He likes staying fit.”

“I’ll bet,” I said trying
to keep the sarcasm from my tone.

“I take it you two
haven’t made up yet,” mom said pointedly.

I shrugged. “We’re just
keeping to ourselves.”

  
She sighed and spooned scrambled eggs onto my plate. “You barely
see each other and when you actually get time together you want to keep to
yourselves? I don’t understand the logic in that.”

“Clearly you haven’t had
an insufferable sibling,” I said lightly but mom shot me a severe look.

  
“He is your brother, and I know it may not seem that way, but he
loves you, Dylan,” mom said with a weary sigh. “And he’s proud of you.”

“He does a good job of
hiding it though.”

“He’s disappointed with
his life,” mom said. “Things didn’t turn out the way he planned.”

“Well welcome to the
club,” I groaned. “He’s not the only one, mom.”

  
“You achieved what you wanted, Dylan,” mom pointed out. “You wanted
to enlist, you wanted to serve your country, you wanted to follow in your
father’s footsteps, and you did all those things.”

“But there’s a lot I
sacrificed along the way,” I pointed out.

  
“But you knew you were sacrificing those things,” mom said. “You
understand what you would have to give up and you did it anyway. You made the
choice: Tyler wasn’t always given one.”

  
I sighed; she was right about that much at least and I couldn’t
deny it. “I don’t know what to do mom,” I said honestly. “Every time I try with
Tyler, he ends up pissing me off and then I walk away thinking I never should
have tried in the first place.”

  
“With family, you always keep trying,” mom said stoically. “If
you’re not willing to try, then you won’t have anything left. Trust me, son; I
know when you’re young, some relationships seem dispensable to you, but when
you get a little older, you’ll realize their value.”

“Ok,” I sighed. “I’ll try
again.”

  
“That’s my boy,” mom said and her smile brightened
infinitesimally. She was looking a little better since dad’s funeral and I knew
she had got most of her grieving done in the days shortly after we had buried
him. She was eating a little more and she had gained some color in her cheeks.
She had started talking about dad too, and when she said his name she no longer
flinched like she used to.

  
I felt bad about leaving but her progress had made me feel
slightly better. And despite my tense relationship with Tyler, I was grateful
that he was around to take care of mom. I understood that he had dealt with the
lion’s share of the problems since I’d left and I knew that because of that, I
had to be a little more patient with him.

  
Once we had finished breakfast, I walked outside towards the lake
and spied Tyler sitting by the banks under the shade of the trees. He was
dressed in his sweatpants and sneakers, but it looked like he had been sitting
by the lake for a while now. I moved towards him.

“Hi,” I said and Tyler
passed me a cursory glance.

“Hi,” he nodded back
without getting up.

  
I lowered myself to the ground beside him and stared out at the
lake the same way he was doing. “When are you moving back into your apartment?”
I asked Tyler.

“I’m not,” Tyler replied
taking me by surprise.

“What?”

  
“Mom needs me,” Tyler said. “She misses dad and I don’t think it’s
good for her to be living all alone in this big house anymore.”

“What about selling it
and going for a smaller place?” I suggested.

  
“I mentioned the idea to mom already, but she’s refusing to leave
this house,” Tyler said. “She doesn’t want to leave behind all the memories.”

“I guess I don’t blame
her,” I said. “We grew up in this house.”

  
Tyler nodded. “I’m putting my apartment up for sale next week and
I’ll move the rest of my stuff here in the next few weeks.”

“Wow, you’re really doing
this?”

“I’m really doing this,”
Tyler nodded.

  
We sat there in silence for a few minutes and I contemplated all
the different ways I could begin to start the conversation. It was harder than
I thought to open my mouth and say the words, especially considering I didn’t
really feel as though I had done anything wrong. Still, like mom had said,
perhaps Tyler had earned the right to be a little unreasonable considering
everything he had done in the past decade.

  
A part of me couldn’t help but feel a little bitter about the fact
that everyone seemed to assume Tyler had had the harder life between the two of
us. True, I might not have been there for the family very much but it wasn’t as
though I was off travelling the world in five star resorts. I was fighting for
my country, I was watching men die and I felt as though I was losing little
bits of myself along the way.

  
Still, I bit back my stubborn pride and took a deep breath. “Tyler
…” I started tentatively. He didn’t say anything; he just waited for me to get
to the point.

“Listen … I just wanted
to clear the air before I left,” I said awkwardly.

He turned to me then.
“Clear the air?” Tyler repeated as though my wording confused him.

  
“I just wanted to say that I’m … sorry for everything,” I said
feeling suddenly self-conscious. “I’m sorry for the way things have been
between us since I arrived here. I just want you to know that I know how much
you’ve done for mom and done over the years and I really appreciate it.”

  
Tyler regarded me expressionlessly and I couldn’t for the life of
me discern what was going through his mind. “Are you just saying that because mom
made you?” he asked.

  
I sighed internally. It was just like Tyler to make this harder
than it needed to be. Why couldn’t he just accept my apology and be done with
it?

  
“I’m not going to lie,” I said keeping my tone level. “Mom did
persuade me to have this conversation with you, but I wanted to do it.”

“Because you’re leaving?”

  
“No, because you’re my brother,” I said with some annoyance in my
voice. “You’re my big brother and I realized that once mom’s gone, we’ll have
only each other.”

  
Tyler looked out towards the lake again and he was silent for so
long that I thought he was just going to ignore me without acknowledging my
apology at all. Then he turned to me and I realized he looked a little sad.
“Thanks for the apology,” he said at last. “I appreciate that.”

“Good,” I said with
relief.

“I owe you an apology
too,” Tyler said unexpectedly.

“Really?” I asked only
because I had never expected to get as much from him.

  
Tyler almost smiled at the shock on my face. “I wasn’t exactly the
most gracious host while you were down and I wish I had been a little
different.”

I stared at Tyler,
wondering where all this gracious calm had come from. “It’s ok,” I said. “You
were grieving.”

  
“It wasn’t just that I was grieving,” Tyler said. “I was jealous
of you. I guess I’ve always been jealous of you.”

“You know that I’m not
out there living the high life, right?” I asked.

  
“That’s not what I’m jealous of,” Tyler said shaking his head.
“I’m jealous of the fact that you chased your dreams, you accomplished what you
set out to accomplish. You didn’t let anyone hold you back and you never
apologized for any of it.”

  
I was so floored by his words that I couldn’t think of what to say
for a moment. “Well … thanks Tyler,” I said at last. “But the truth is …”

“Yes?”

  
“Enlisting was a dream of mine,” I admitted. “But it didn’t end up
being what I wanted; not in the long run, anyway.”

“So what do you want?”
Tyler asked.

“I want … I guess I don’t
know what I want, really,” I admitted. “But I do know that it’s not what I have
now.”

“Then change it,” Tyler
said. “Do what you have to do and get the life you want.”

“You know you can benefit
from your own advice,” I pointed out.

Tyler sighed. “I’m not
that kind of guy.”

  
“Sure you are,” I nodded. “You built a business from scratch, a
successful one at that. You need to stop focusing on my life and start focusing
on yours.”

“And how the hell do you
propose I do that?” Tyler asked defensively.

  
“You could start by going on a date,” I suggested. “Mom mentioned
that you haven’t had a relationship for a while.”

“It hasn’t been that
long.”

“How long has it been?” I
asked pointedly.

Tyler looked
uncomfortable. “I went on a date a few months ago.”

“A few months ago?” I
repeated incredulously. “Seriously?”

“It didn’t work out.”

  
“I gathered,” I said. “Seriously, man, you need to get out there.
You’re in a rut and you need to claw yourself out of it.”

Tyler smiled. “It’s not
quite as bad as that.”

“When’s the last time you
had sex?” I demanded.

“Ok, ok,” Tyler said
holding his hands up. “I will admit that I’m in a semi deep rut. I’ll work on
it.”

“Good,” I nodded.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” I asked.

“You’ve been seeing Lizzie,
right?”
     

  
It was my turn to feel uncomfortable. I swallowed hard and shook
my head. “Not anymore,” I replied.

“You ended it?”

  
“There was nothing to end,” I said. “We had the unspoken agreement
that things would come to an end, romantically speaking, when I left.”

“Does that mean you’re
still going to keep in touch?”

“I’m hoping we still
will,” I nodded. “I don’t want to lose touch with her again.”

“And yet you’re not
pursuing a relationship with her?”

  
“In my experience, long distance relationships don’t work out too
well,” I said. “I’m going to be deployed soon and I don’t want to leave all my
baggage with her. I don’t want her worrying about me or fearing for my life.
She needs to move on and live and be happy.”

“That’s very selfless of
you.”

“Not really,” I sighed.
“I’m protecting myself just as much as I’m protecting her.”

  
Tyler nodded and we sat there for a while, savoring the feel of a
silence that wasn’t marred by underlying tension and hostility. It was nice to
feel as though we were brothers again and not strangers butting heads over
things that didn’t really matter anyway. I wasn’t fool enough to think that it
would always be easy between us, but at least it was a start.

“What time do you need to
leave to the airport?” Tyler asked, breaking the silence.

“Half an hour from now
should be fine,” I said.

“I’ll drive you,” Tyler
said as he stood up.

“I was going to take a
cab,” I said.

“I’ll drive you,” Tyler
said insistently. “I’ll just go have a shower and meet you here in ten.”

  
He left me by the lake and walked up towards the house. I sat
where I was, wishing that Lizzie were sitting there next to me. I wished I had
kissed her more and touched her more and made love to her more. It felt strange
knowing that I wouldn’t see her again for months, perhaps even years.