SEAL's Baby (Navy SEAL Secret Baby Romance) (29 page)

  
“I get it, Max,” I smiled, touched at how thoughtful he was. “Say
no more. But hey, if you ever have a stressful day and you can’t stand your
silent apartment anymore, you can always give me a call.”

“Thanks,” Max nodded. “I
just might take you up on that offer.”

  
He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, we said goodnight, and
Maddie and I headed back home. The moment we were in her car, she rounded on
me.

“Well?”

“He’s nice,” I said. “More
than just nice actually.”

“I had a feeling you two
would hit it off,” Maddie said with glee. “He asked you out didn’t he?”

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly?” Maddie
repeated in confusion.

  
“He’s busy with his fellowship at the moment,” I explained. “And
he didn’t want to be an absentee boyfriend at the start of the relationship so
he said he’d ask me out later, when he’s schedule is a little more free.”

“Oh,” Maddie said in
disappointment.

“But I did tell him he
could give me a call anytime he needed to talk.”

  
Maddie’s eyebrows went up with interest once more as she turned to
me. “Is there a hidden meaning in there?”

“What do you mean?”

  
“I mean like, you can call anytime you need to talk is really code
for you can come over anytime you’re horny?”

“Eww no!” I said trying
to stifle my laughter. “Geez, Maddie.”

“What?” Maddie asked
defensively. “I don’t think it’s the worst idea.”

“You’re serious?”

  
“Totally,” Maddie said. “You’re both young and hot and single; why
shouldn’t you fool around when you have a moment to spare?”

“How is that not a
relationship?”

“Because there are no expectations place on either one
of you,” Maddie said. “At least until things become more official.”

“As usual, you’re getting
ahead of yourself,” I said.

“And as usual, you refuse
to just let go and live a little.”

  
I rolled my eyes at Maddie and turned towards the empty road ahead
of us. But I had to admit, it didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world. He
was cute and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Which was why I could not understand
why my mind still fell back to Dylan.

Chapter
Twenty-Nine

Dylan

  
The club was dimly lit and filled with intense plumes of smoke
that held different scents. The waitresses were especially attractive and I
noticed that they all wore the same, alluring wrap that bared their naked
shoulders and the tops of their breasts.

  
I sat at the corner of the bar watching the boys drinking a few
tables over and I could tell from their pathetic singing that they were all
drunk. The beer was particularly strong here and what’s why I had championed
this place. I wanted the strongest buzz in the fastest time. Ironically
however, I had been sipping from the same beer for the last half hour, unable
to down it like I had originally intended.

  
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be drunk; it was just that the
more I drank, the more my thoughts kept drifting back to Bastrop and Lizzie. I
realized that when I was sober, it was easy not to think of her, but when I was
drunk, I had no control over where my thoughts travelled. They went to their
natural resting spot and that was always Lizzie.

  
I took another swig of beer and turned my focus on one of the
waitresses. She had those sultry, exotic, Japanese features with straight,
silky hair that flowed down her back. Her voice was slightly accented, which
meant I could understand her perfectly and every time she passed by me, she
gave me a little smile that hid a wink.

I nodded to her and she
smiled back. “Can I get you anything, sir?” she asked.

“I’ll let you know when I
need something,” I said.

  
She gave me another smile and disappeared with a tray in hand. I
noticed that I wasn’t the only guy in the bar who was checking her out. I
turned back to my beer and stared at it as my thoughts travelled back to
Bastrop.

  
This last tour had really opened my eyes to the reality of what I
wanted and instinctively I knew this would be my last deployment. I couldn’t do
it anymore and it was starting to show. My heart just wasn’t as committed as it
used to be. My head was always somewhere else and I knew that if I stayed on,
then it would end up getting my killed, or even worse, getting someone else
killed.

  
It was time to be a man, fess up, and admit that my time in the
Navy was done. I was still playing around with the idea of opening up a
rehabilitation center for war veterans and it was becoming less like a far off
dream and more like an imminent reality. I could almost touch it; it was so
close to being real. The amazing thing was that I felt good about it. I felt
like the next logical step for me.

  
The only thing was I had no idea how to get it started. I had no
idea what I needed to do in order to get this idea off the ground.

“Lizzie will help me,” I
thought to myself and then I stalled.

  
It was unfair of me to expect her to be there for me whenever I
called. I thought back over the last couple of months and I felt shitty all
over again. I had written to her twice before the letters had dried up again,
just like the last time. It wasn’t ever that I stopped thinking about her or
stopped caring. In fact, I thought about her more than usual and I cared about
her more intensely than before … but now I could see what was constraining me.
It was fear.

  
I was scared to let her down; I was scared that I was going to
ruin her life if I entered it again and I was scared off putting her through
all the baggage I had been carrying around for the past decade. She was the
kind of woman who deserved a life without complication. She didn’t need to see
me freak out when I had a dream in the night or when the unpredictable bouts of
PTSD hit.

  
She deserved someone who wasn’t broken, someone who still had
hope, who still craved adventure. The only adventure I wanted anymore was a
quieter, more subtle version; the version that included a piece of land that
was mine, a partner to share my life with, and children whom we could bring up
together.
 

  
It sounded so simple, so perfect when I imagined that life that
for a moment, it didn’t seem possible that it could ever belong to me. I
pictured a little house, I even pictured a couple of kids … but the woman who
stood beside me was cloaked in shadow. I knew who I would like her to be, but I
knew it was unfair of me to place that choice before her, especially when I had
chosen an alternate life that didn’t include her. Especially when I needed more
time and Lizzie was ready for all those things now. It wasn’t fair for me to
ask her to wait.

  
I picked up the beer and downed it in one. I shook off the sting
that shot down my throat and glanced up. I spotted the waitress I had seen
earlier and walked over to her.

“Hi,” I said and she
turned around immediately.

  
She blinked up at me and then smiled. “Hello, sir,” she said as
her black hair shone under the dim lights of the bar. “What do you need?”

“I need an hour of your
time tonight,” I said boldly. “After your shift is up.”

  
I thought for a second that she might turn me down, but then her
eyes looked over my body and she nodded. “My shift finishes in ten minutes,”
she said with that wink of hers.

  
I met her outside in ten minutes and we shared a cab back to her
place. I barely paid attention to her untidy, box apartment in the middle of
nowhere. All I was interested in was getting her naked as soon as possible. I
wanted to drown my fears and doubts in her body; I wanted to lose myself in her
so that I wasn’t forced to think about all the things that were important.

  
I remembered how long it had been since I’d slept with a woman who
was a stranger to me. It felt odd, somehow, as though I wasn’t really in the
room with her pulling off her clothes and squeezing her small, pointed breasts.
It felt as though I wasn’t really there at all. It was the strangest feeling in
the world. There was disconnection there and it was so large that I might as
well have been sitting by the window staring out at the world, daydreaming. There
was nothing tying me to this moment.

  
Even when I pushed myself inside her and she squealed like a
little girl, I did not feel a thing. I went through the motions because my body
was so well practiced in the art, but I felt nothing, not even pleasure. I
could feel my erection beginning to die inside her and instinctively I shut my
eyes and imagined Lizzie.

  
I imagined what it had felt like to touch her and kiss her and
make love to her. I saw her face in my mind’s eye clear as day as she lay
beneath me under the fading light of the setting sun. She was perfect, she was
smiling, and I could count the freckles on the bridge of her nose. She was the
girl I had grown up with; she was my best friend and my confidant. She was my
lover and my counsellor.

  
Slowly, I felt my erection come to life again. I kept my eyes
closed and my mind focused on Lizzie as I rammed into the nameless, Japanese
girl underneath me. I came with my eyes still closed and the intoxicating
presence of Lizzie all around me.

Chapter Thirty

Elizabeth

  
I bent to place Elvis’s breakfast at his feet when I was overcome
by a wave of dizziness. I straightened up quickly and felt light headed. I
walked slowly to my sofa and sat down, waiting to see if the feeling would
pass. Instead, the feeling grew worse and worse until I was running towards the
bathroom, hoping I would reach the toilet bowl in time.

  
I threw up nosily, my stomach heaving forward as though it had a
mind to jump right out of me. I could hear Elvis meowing with concern at the
bathroom door, but I couldn’t even look up. I threw up until my insides felt hollow,
then I flushed quickly and washed out my mouth. I stood in front of the mirror,
leaning against the sink, breathing deeply and wondering what had just
happened.

  
I felt better, but I was a little concerned as to what had just
caused that. I walked back into the kitchen with Elvis at my heels and poured
myself a glass of orange juice to further cleanse my tongue. I had taken only a
few sips when another wave of nausea hit me and I had to run right back into
the bathroom. By the time I was done, I felt weak and lifeless and the worry
had turned into a full-blown panic.

  
I reached for my phone and dialed in my mother’s number. “Mom,” I
said before she could even say hello.

“Elizabeth?” she said
with concern. “Are you all right dear?”

“No. I threw up a couple
of times and now I feel really weak, ma,” I said as I sat down.

“Sit there and wait for
me,” mom replied quickly. “I’ll be over in a trice.”

  
Fifteen minutes later and she was knocking at my door. I walked
over and opened it for her. She looked me up and down as she moved inside. She
placed her hand against my forehead as though she were studying me.

“I don’t know what’s
wrong,” I said. “I just feel weird.”

“Still?”

“Yes.”

“Get your coat,” mom said
immediately. “Let’s go to the hospital.”

“Do you really think
that’s necessary?” I asked.

  
“Yes,” mom replied in her no nonsense voice and I was forced to
follow her out of the apartment with my coat and my bag in tow. She drove me to
the hospital and we walked into one of the general waiting rooms while my
mother filled out my details and we waited to be seen by one of the general practitioners.

  
“Mom, could you call Maddie and tell her where we are. It’s
Saturday and we always have breakfast together. She’s going to wonder why I’m
not there.”

“Of course, darling,” she
nodded as I went in to see the doctor while mom stayed outside to make the
call.