Searching for Beautiful (28 page)

I think she bats her eyelashes at me, but I can’t tell. Maryanne gets up and walks over to the dresser. A bottle of vodka flies at me, which I almost don’t catch. With a slow smile, she pulls out two more pill containers. The stress immediately seeps out of me, just that easily. I deserve to party once in a while. I’m tired of people telling me otherwise. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t let loose sometimes. Who doesn’t need help relaxing after the crazy schedule we keep? The rest of the time, I just maintain. We all have to maintain.

For once, I want to do more than just maintain.

I get up and grab one of the bottles out of her hand, don’t bother reading it before trying to twist off the top. It takes me three tries to open the stupid thing, but I finally get it before shaking whatever’s left into my mouth.

“B.R. What about me?” Maryanne swats my arm, but I ignore it. I’m so tired of getting shit from everyone. Tired of feeling on edge all the time, like my own heart wants to eat me alive. I just want it all to go away. After fumbling a couple times, I finally manage to open the vodka before I down some, pills and all.

What feels like a second later, my legs go weak. The spins pick up again, but it feels like my head and not the room. Maryanne starts laughing and dancing around. I try to watch her, but a sheet keeps dropping over my eyes.

The room lurches. I fall to the floor. Maryanne’s laughing, and I’m fighting to talk, but nothing comes out. Something tries to crawl up my throat. That stupid sheet drops down again, but it doesn’t go away this time. Why won’t Maryanne take it off? She keeps laughing…laughing…

Soon, there’s nothing left.