Searching for Neverland (15 page)

“Sure.” I realized I was starving.

Josh plunked down my new drink but didn’t say anything.

“Josh,” Alex said, as he reached his hand out. “How’s it going, man?”

“Hey Ex, it’s good,” Josh said, his jaw tight. “What’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Crown and Coke, man. Thanks,” he said, as he started to slide off his barstool, “and whatever apps Taylor wants. I have to take a wiz.”

Josh watched him walk away in disbelief. He turned back to me, shaking his head. “Taylor, he is such a douchebag. Come on! Who tells a girl he’s on a date with that he has to take a wiz? You could seriously do so much better.”

I knew he wasn’t trying to start an argument, but he wasn’t doing a very good job at it.

“I like him, okay?”

“And I wish you didn’t.”

With that he walked away to make Alex’s drink and order the appetizers I didn’t have to tell him I wanted. He knew what I liked.

When Alex came back, we talked and drank and snacked for the next hour while Josh refilled our drinks but kept his distance. It wasn’t until we decided to leave, after Alex kept hinting at how close my house was, that Josh finally spoke to us again.

“Where are ya’ll headed?” he asked, as he handed Alex his credit card receipt to sign.

“Oh, um, I think we’re going to watch a movie in my room,” I said, knowing Josh would see right through me, and hopefully he’d get the hint and not come home right away.

“Yeah, okay,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Have fun with that.”
             

Alex didn’t seem to catch Josh’s tone. He just raised an eyebrow at him. “Thanks man, we will.”

“Hey, Swift,” Josh called after me.

I turned around to face him, waiting for him to make some snarky comment. “What?”

He smirked at me. “You still haven’t told me your answer.”

“About what?” I asked, as Alex put his arm around me territorially. He was threatened by Josh, and I wondered why.

Josh threw the rag he was using to wipe down the bar over his shoulder and walked over to us. He smiled coyly at me. “I think we’d be great together,” he said simply, his gaze never leaving mine. “Don’t you?”

“Uh,” I said, not sure what he was talking about. Alex’s arm pulled me closer to him. “What do you mean?”

Was Josh
going to pretend to be my boyfriend again, because if so, he was choosing to do it with
all
the wrong guys. Maybe I needed to clarify my request.

“Sure you do. We talked about a potential partnership last Friday when we got home from Champps.”

Then he winked at me, and turned and walked away, leaving his vague, suggestive statement out there in the void.

Panic flooded me as I re
called
what we’d talked about that night. And apparently Josh did too. Then I remembered what happened right after he’d asked me to be his partner – which I hadn’t taken seriously, but apparently he hadn’t been joking. But either way, right after he’d asked me that, he’d kissed me and told me he loved me. That meant, if he remembered asking me to be his partner, he definitely remembered kissing me.
And now he was apparently letting me know that he remembered it all.

S
hit.
What the hell was he playing at?

“Are you sleeping with him or something?” Alex asked, as I stared at Josh who was completely ignoring me, although I was standing there dumbstruck.

He’d actually had the nerve to play dumb and act like he didn’t remember anything when in fact he remembered everything.

Asshole.

“No, definitely not. He’s not in his right mind,” I said to Alex, knowing I’d be having a chat with my roommate later. I was not happy with him.

I hustled Alex out of the pub as soon as I could, eager to push Josh out of both of our heads.

Once we were in my room, I forced myself to focus on Alex, and in seconds our clothes were off and we were on my bed kissing. It wasn’t more than a minute before both of us decided we couldn’t hold back anymore, but this time Alex treated me to his talented tongue, which was actually what he did best. And then I didn’t care if I didn’t get off during sex, because he made sure I got off multiple times before he even entered me.

Afterward, he held me in his arms and kissed my neck lightly, and he didn’t fall asleep. I felt like I was in heaven.

“I’ve missed this,” I said.

My head was resting on his shoulder, and my eyes were closed. His hand was lightly stroking my bare lower stomach, just gently enough that it didn’t tickle.

“Me too,” he said, and kissed my shoulder.

I smiled at his gesture, and turned to face him, propping myself up on my elbow. He had a lazy smile on his face, as he leaned back against my pillows.

“I have to tell you something,” I said then, feeling like I needed to come clean about my date with Nathan.

I felt guilty for having a date to begin with, since Alex and I were back together, but I also felt like I couldn’t cancel on Nathan at that point. It would be rude.

“What’s that?” Alex murmured as he gazed up at me in post-coital bliss.

“I have a date on Saturday night,” I said quickly. “It’s with this guy I just met. He called and asked, and I felt bad, so I agreed to go out with him. It’s too late to cancel, so I’ll just go out with him and that’ll be it.”

“That’s okay,” he said calmly, before he trailed his finger down my arm.

Excuse me?

I moved to sit up which knocked his hand away. “Um, what do you mean that’s okay?”

He reached out to pull me back down so my head was resting on his chest and he could play with my hair. He didn’t seem to be able to keep his hands off of me during this now very critical conversation we were having. Normally I would have liked it, but now it was just confusing and annoying.

“It’s okay if you date other guys,” he said casually. “I don’t mind.”

I pulled away to look at him. “It’s okay?” I questioned, trying not to freak out.

“Sure,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “I’m not looking for anything serious, so dating other people is cool.”

“Oh,” I said, trying my hardest not to cry and give away the fact that I had read him completely wrong.

Alex traced the line of my jaw from my ear to my chin. Then, he leaned up and kissed me gently, making me halfway forget what we’d been discussing.

“I’m just not ready to get serious with anyone, Taylor. But let me tell you, if I see you in five years, I’m putting a ring on your finger.”

Five years?
What was that crap?  Did he just want to whore around for the next five years, so he could feel comfortable about settling down? That was some bullshit.

“Um, what does that mean exactly?” I questioned.

“It means that I love being here with you, I love doing this, and you’re incredible,” he said. “We’re young. Why does everything have to be so serious?”

Because, although I probably still act like it, I’m not all that young. And neither are you.

I sighed audibly, really trying to keep my shit in check, because in my head I was imaging throwing random inanimate objects directly at Alex’s head.

“Tay,” he cooed, “I’m not going anywhere. Let’s just have fun for right now. Me and you – you know?”

Dammit, he was totally playing into the sweet spot I had for him. 

“Okay, Alex,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Let’s just have fun.”

But you’d better treat me to that sweet tongue of yours on a very regular basis.

Chapter 7

The next night I went out for drinks with Casey but turned down her invitation to go dancing afterward. She was meeting up with her roommates, but I was tired, so I decided to head home, thinking I would have the house to myself. I was surprised to find Josh there but figured it was a great time to clear the air.
We definitely had some things we needed to get out into the open.

Outside his bedroom door, I knocked softly on the
door frame
. He was lying on his bed and looked up at the sound of my knock from whatever it was he was staring at on his laptop screen. His blue eyes appeared al
most translucent in the light from
the screen. They were hypnotizing, and I found myself wondering why I’d never paid attention to them before. He didn’t smile and didn’t say anything.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

“Sure,” he said, not adding any inflection to his voice.

I was careful not to trip over his running shoes that he’d left in the middle of the floor. I perched myself on the edge of his bed, pulled my knees up to my chest and eyed him warily for a few minutes. He was back to reading something on his computer screen. 

“What are you looking at?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said, closing his laptop and setting it next to him on the bed. He looked at me for a few seconds.
“I’m just sort of working on something, but it’s not ready yet.”

“What is it?”

“A business plan of sorts.”

“
Really? Does it have to do with the bar?”

He smirked at me. “Maybe. I’ll show it to you when it’s done, get your opinion if that’s cool.”

I nodded. “Yeah, absolutely. I’d be happy to help.”

Maybe that’s what he’d been talking about
when he’d talked
about us having a partnership. Maybe he needed me to be his HR consultant. That would be cool, and it would give me something to do since I was sort of bored not having a job to go to every day.

“By the way, h
ow’s the job search going?”
he asked then.

I shrugged. “Not great.”

I’d done one phone interview the day before, but the job hadn’t even been close to HR. It was more telemarketing, and I was not interested in selling vacations over t
he phone. And earlier in the week
I’d talked to a woman about a job at a bank, but she basically told me I was overqualified and made too much money. I told her I was willing to start at the bottom and work my way up
, but she didn’t seem to believe me. Other than that, I was out of options for the time being.

“
Well, I’m sure something will come up,” he said, and then he changed the subject.
“So you’re sleeping with Alex now.” 

It wasn’t a question. He knew what we’d been doing in my room the night before.

“Yes,” I said, knowing I couldn’t lie to him.

He nodded once.

“J, I don’t want to fight with you about this,” I said, almost pleading with him.

“We’re not fighting,” he said, but his tone said otherwise. He sounded mad, or indifferent, or something in between the two.

I raised my eyebrows and gave him a knowing look. “We didn’t talk for almost a week, and you were definitely not happy with me last night.”

“Fine, we’re fighting,” he said flatly.

“Well, I don’t want to anymore.”

“Okay, then we’re not fighting anymore.”

I shook my head and grinned at him as I poked him in the leg with my toe.  “J, be serious. You’re mad at me for dating Alex.”

“No,” he said, giving me a pointed look, “I’m
disappointed
in you for
sleeping
with Alex.”

I sighed. “Why? You’re doing the same with Kimmy.”

“No, Kimmy is my girlfriend. It’s a little different. I’m not her friend with benefits.”

I sucked in a breath. That was a low blow, even though it was true, but Josh didn’t know that.

“Why would you assume that he isn’t my boyfriend?” I snapped, knowing it would sound better if I pretended like
Alex and I were more than
what Josh had called us – friends with benefits. It just sounded so cheap.

“Because I saw him Tuesday night at Peabody’s, and he had his tongue down some other girl’s throat,” Josh said harshly, and his words nearly sent me reeling backward off the bed. 

He saw my reaction and immediately softened his expression. “I’m sorry, Tay. I don’t know what he’s been telling you, but he’s not monogamous at the moment, unless that was you in a black wig on Tuesday night.”

I shook my head. It was definitely not me. I’d come home after class on Tuesday, but Alex had obviously gone out. I looked down at my knees, trying to process everything. I’d been waiting for him to call me that night, but he wasn’t even thinking about me.

Josh sat up and crossed his legs, so he was sitting Indian-style, facing me. He reached out and put his hand on my ankle.

“He’s not the guy you think he is,” he said, then. “You deserve so much better.”

Geez, the look he was giving me was damn near leveling. And seeing it, I knew I should bring up the kiss, but for some reason, the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I was too wrapped around what was happening with Alex to add any more drama to my life. And I was hurt that Alex had been out with some other girl, kissing her and doing God knows what else.