Searching for Neverland (9 page)

“I’m not!” I cried, putting my head in my pillow again. I knew I was being a drama queen. “What if this is it, J?”

I couldn’t stand the excitement of that possibility. Maybe that was why I’d never gotten serious with anyone else. Maybe I’d been holding out for Alex, knowing that he would come around eventually.

Josh shrugged
but then smiled. “Then we’ll all be happy for you, obviously.”

“I hope it is,” I said, knowing that I meant it.

Alex had meant the world to me, and being with him would mean no more bad first dates, no more searching for Mr. Right, and no more wondering if I was going to be eternally single.

“I hope it is too,” Josh kindly said, getting up from the bed.

“Thanks J,” I said, as he started to walk out of the room.

He turned to face me, a serious look on his face. “Just let me know when I need to move out.”

It honestly broke my heart to hear him say that. I didn’t want him to move out. It was bad enough that Allison was leaving at the end of July. Josh couldn’t go too.

“No way,” I said. “You and I are going to be roommates forever.”

“Okay,” he said, mocking me. “But, I don’t want to hear anything coming from this bedroom that isn’t sleeping. Who knows what’ll happen when ya’ll two get back together.”

“Oh, ha, ha,” I said, as I threw my pillow at his head. His face broke into a grin as he ducked out of the way. “You are just hilarious.”

“Just calling them like I see them,” he said, as he headed down to his room and closed the door. 

I thought I heard him start talking to someone on the phone, but I wasn’t sure. No way was he talking to Kimmy. He’d just seen her. I closed my door before I could find out. I honestly didn’t want to know.

* * *

The next day, I slept in, went for a run, came back, took a shower, spent the day finishing a paper I had due the following week, read a few articles for my other class, and had one of the
best days I’d had in a while. It was so stress-free. I never thought getting laid off would have its benefits, but it totally did.

I figured I needed to update my resume and my Linkedin profile, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood to do that, so I decided to put it off until the following week. I was taking a mini-vacation, which I thought I totally deserved.

And then Cole texted me, and my day got even better. He asked me if I’d wanted to see a movie that night, and I got so excited about the prospect of going out with him that I actually pushed all thoughts of Alex out of my head. I also conveniently forgot all the bad feelings that Josh had forced into my head about Cole when I said yes. He had asked me out, I reasoned. He couldn’t be that bad of a guy. We were just going to see a movie – no big deal. There was no obligation for post-date sex if I wasn’t feeling it.

My mind flickered to Alex, though, as I thought about our conversation the night before
. B
ut after having slept on the idea, I decided that I’d gotten way ahead of myself. It wasn’t like he’d made plans with me or even asked for my number. He had just briefly mentioned possibly doing something. I figured it was a long shot, whereas Cole was the one who was actually texting me and asking me out. He was a much more appealing option with, hopefully, less baggage. So, I went out with him. 

And I almost had a good time – almost – because he’d apparently left out that we were double-dating with Josh and Kimmy. Apparently Cole liked Kimmy and thought the four of us would have a great time togeth
er. He didn’t know my opinion of
her couldn’t have been farther from his. 

So, the four of us went out. Ironically, Cole didn’t try anything, which had me baffled, but at the same time, it had me relieved. On the one hand, I was glad that he hadn’t followed through on the ‘wanting to fuck me’ comment, but on the other hand, he hadn’t even acted interested in anything physical. Okay, so it was sort of awkward that we’d been with Kimmy and Josh, but either way, I’d at least hoped to get that kiss I’d wanted the other night. 

Kimmy didn’t seem to let up though, in fact, she enjoyed glaring at me whenever Josh wasn’t looking. I think she honestly thought I was sleeping with her boyfriend, and part of me wanted Cole to kiss me or hold my hand just so she’d back off. I felt bad for Josh that his girlfriend was so insecure, plus I wasn’t a big fan of people who hated me for made-up reasons.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was enjoying my jobless existence and looking forward to a fun night out with my friends. I hadn’t heard from Alex, so I was sort of writing him off, and double-suck, I hadn’t heard from Cole since our date on Wednesday. So I met up with Casey for lunch, and we ended up spending the afternoon at her pool. She talked me into sending Cole a flirty little text, just to say hi.

“Anything yet?” she asked, as she walked back over to me. She’d run up to her apartment to grab us
some
sodas.

“Nope, nothing yet,” I said, looking up at her and trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

“Maybe he’s still at lunch,” she rationalized. 

It was feasible. It was only one-thirty in the afternoon, so he could be at lunch.

“Could be,” I said, shrugging slightly.

“Keep me posted,” Casey said. “I’m going to do some laps. I didn’t work out today, and I’m feeling flabby.”

I laughed. There wasn’t an ounce of flab on that girl.

I glanced once more at my cell phone, just to make sure that I hadn’t missed a text. I hadn’t. Then, I closed my eyes, put my ear buds in and started to drift off.

Twenty minutes later, my phone vibrated next to me. My eyes flew open
,
and I grabbed eagerly at it, hoping that it was Cole. It was!

Hey cutie. Channelside on Sat. will rock – counting down.

Okay, so the message didn’t leave much that I could respond to. Our group usually went to Channelside on Saturday nights, so I’d hinted to seeing him there when I’d texted. He’d basically echoed my sentiments. Not an epic text.

A minute later, my phone vibrated again and my heart jumped thinking it was him. It wasn’t. It was Allison.

Champps @ 7:30 – cool?

Sounds good,
I responded.
Anyone else going?

Corey, Kyle and Josh. Invite anyone else you want – see you at home.

Aha! That was a brilliant idea. I would invite Cole. I quickly picked up my cell again and scrolled down to the text he’d sent me. I could just pass it off as a casual friends thing. No big deal.

Any fun plans for tonight?

I hit send before I could chicken out. Then, I spent the whole afternoon waiting for his reply while flipping through fashion magazines with Casey a
nd trying to distract myself. By five o’clock
I s
till hadn’t heard back from him
and knew I needed to head home so I could shower and get ready for dinner. I hoped maybe he’d text me on his drive home
from work
.

I kept my cell on my lap, on vibrate, the entire way home, but I didn’t get a single text. Trying not to be irritated, I focused on what I wanted to wear that night. If Cole wasn’t going to text me back, I’d just put him out of my mind and go have fun with my friends. I would see him on Saturday. 

Allison wasn’t home when I got there. She was probably over at Corey’s. It was seriously like they lived together already. I was sure I’d get a text from her letting me know she’d just meet me at the bar, so I poked my head into Josh’s room as I walked past. He was lying in bed watching an
NCIS
rerun, so I walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Do you want to drive
to Champps
together?” I asked him.

“Sure,” he said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

I looked around his room. There were discarded clothes in several places and shoes on the floor along with his wet towel from the shower he’d obviously just taken. Several glasses littered the table by his bed and an empty plate with crumbs was on his dresser.

“You’re an absolute mess,” I said, shaking my head at him.

He grinned but didn’t look away from the TV. “It’s one of my more charming qualities.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I’m going to get ready. I’ll come back when I’m dressed.”

“’Kay,” he said, in a zombie-like tone, as he laughed mildly at something DiNozzo said to McGee. 

I left him with his mindless TV, went into my own room and turned on my iPod. Music helped to get me in a going out mood. I checked my cell again, but Cole hadn’t responded. No big deal, I told myself. It was no big deal.

* * *

An hour later, I reappeared in Josh’s doorway and was surprised to see him mobile. I was even more surprised, however, to see that his room was clean. All the clothes, shoes, and dishes had disappeared. Even the towel had been hung up. Why was he all of a sudden Mr. Clean? I realized he must have been planning to have Kimmy over later.

“Is Kimmy coming out with us?” I asked, casually, as Josh played with his hair in an effort to give it that tousled, effortless look.

“No, she’s
going to Bar Louie with friends. I’m going to meet up with her later,” he said, not taking his eyes off of his reflection. He was clean-shaven, and I noticed he was wearing dressier jeans, a black button down shirt and black dress shoes. Not exactly sports bar attire. He was probably going to ditch us after an hour or so. 

I really hated when he
got wrapped up in a girl he was dating
, and he was doing it with Kimmy
.  He complained endlessly about them wanting too much too fast, but he was guilty of leading them on in some ways.  He tended to change his style and his attitude to be the same as whomever he was dating. I knew he was most comfortable
in
worn jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops, but for whatever reason, he felt like he had to be someone he wasn’t for these girls. I personally thought he dated the wrong girls, but that was just me. He needed someone more casual. Of course, I’d never tell him that. I was supportive – or at least I was trying to be since he’d told me off for meddling in his love life.

“You look nice,” I said, being a good friend.

“Thanks,” he said, turning to me. “So do you.”

I spun a little for him as I looked do
wn at my jeans, loose spaghetti
strap top, and strappy heels.

“Well, I am hoping to see a certain someone out tonight, so I figured I’d better look cute.”

“Oh,” Josh said, averting his eyes.

“What?” I asked, knowing that he was avoiding telling me something.

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“Liar,” I accused
, irritation creeping into my voice. “You’d better tell me.” 

He sighed. “Cole actually has a date tonight,” he said, looking at me in an effort to gauge my reaction.

I sucked in a breath. “Oh. Okay.”

I looked down at my shoes. So
he had a date. No big deal. We weren’t exclusive. He could totally date other people. I was okay with that. Okay, no
,
I wasn’t okay with that, but at least it explained why he hadn’t texted me back.

I looked up when I felt Josh put his hands on my hips. His blue eyes were boring in to mine.

“You still look hot, though,” he said, smiling slightly, as he fingered
one
of my long blond locks that I’d curled.

“Thank you,” I muttered, knowing that it didn’t make a difference how I looked. Cole was out with someone else.

“Come on,” Josh said, patting my right hip lightly. “It’s Friday night. Let’s go have fun. I know you like him, but don’t forget there are other guys out there who are better suited for you – in my opinion.”

I shrugged and looked at the floor. I felt very rejected all of a sudden.

“Hey,” Josh said then, taking my chin between his thumb
and forefinger and easing it up
so I was looking at him. “Don’t do this. You’re better than this. Don’t let him get to you.”

I nodded, but I still didn’t believe him.

“Tay, you’re beautiful and fun and smart. Any guy would be lucky to date you. Now, let’s go, so you can see how right I am.”

He kissed my cheek and patted me on the hip twice.

“Okay,” I said, begrudgingly following him as he moved past me and down the hall. 

* * *

Three hours later, I was feeling the beginnings of a buzz coming on as I sipped my Sierra Nevada Pale Ale and people-watched. We were in one of the hottest social spots in Tampa, and people in their twenties and thirties walked past us on their way to The Blue Martini, Bar Louie and The Capital Grille. It was a great place to see and be seen. 

I leaned back in my chair and took in the
view of a hot guy walking past
but then quickly looked away when I saw the silver circle on his left hand. Damn, all the good ones were taken.

Allison sat across from me holding hands with Corey and telling him and Kyle about something that had happened that day at work. She was a third grade teacher, so she always had funny stories about her students.