Seasons of the Fool (13 page)

“H’lo,” said Ritchie, still absorbed in his game.

“You live where the old ladies used to live?” asked Randi.

Julia laughed. “No, Ms. Thea and Ms. Elsie are still there. My house is next door to theirs.”

Randi frowned. “There’s a house next door to them?”

“It was hard to see,” said Dave. “The forest was kind of reclaiming it.”

“But I’ve wrested it from the forest’s grip,” Julia said with a grin. “You’ll have to come and see. In fact, I came over to invite you to lunch. Your dad didn’t mention that he was bringing you two” – here she glanced at Dave significantly – “but I think I’ve got enough to go around.”

“Can we, Dad?” asked Randi. “You know I hate tuna.”

“I never turn down free food,” Dave said. “Thanks, Julia.”

“Of course. Just come on down when you’re ready,” she said. “Your dad knows the way.” She smiled at all of them and headed off down the street. Dave watched her go.

“Dad,” Randi said. “Are you gonna let us in the house?”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.” He headed up the stairs to unlock the door.

~

Lunch was grilled cheese with canned tomato soup. Ritchie made a fuss over the crusts on his sandwich (“Haven’t you grown out of that
yet
?” Randi asked with a dramatic eyeroll, to which Ritchie responded by sticking out his tongue), so Dave took his son’s plate to the tiny kitchen counter and stood next to Julia, carefully trimming away the crusts with a knife, while she stirred the soup.

She glanced at him and smiled. “Don’t throw those out,” she said. “After lunch, Ritchie can take them outside for the birds.” She turned off the gas under the pot of soup and carried it to the table. “My grandmother always used to feed the birds. Remember, Dave?”

“I do remember,” he said.

“I keep meaning to start doing it again. But her old feeder has seen better days, and I haven’t gotten around to getting a new one yet. Here, hand me your bowls.” She ladled out the soup to each of her guests in turn, as Dave brought Ritchie his newly-trimmed sandwich.

Randi was looking back and forth between them. “You knew Julia’s grandmother?” she asked Dave.

“He didn’t tell you?” Julia asked, taking her seat. “Your dad and I go way back. We spent our summers here as kids, playing with my cousins Tim and Jen. My father grew up in this house.”

Ritchie’s eyes widened. “People live here all year?”

“My grandparents did.”

“Careful with the soup, buddy,” Dave said. “It’s hot.”

“I’m not a baby,” Ritchie said, shooting his father a dirty look. He blew on his spoonful of soup, and then sent Julia a guilty glance.

She caught his look and smiled. “That’s fine,” she said. “How else are you gonna cool it off to eat it?”

“Mom always yells at us when we do it,” Randi explained.

Ritchie finished blowing and downed his spoonful of soup. “Mom yells at us for everything,” he said. “Even stuff that isn’t our fault.”

Julia paused in mid-bite and looked at Dave with her eyebrows raised. He changed the subject. “Guys, Julia has had a big week. She just published her first book.”

“Cool,” Randi said. “Can I read it?”

Julia ducked her head to hide a smile. “That probably wouldn’t be a good idea. It’s a novel for adults.”

“Is Dad in it?” Ritchie asked.

The thought had not even occurred to Dave. “It’s fiction, buddy,” he told his son. “None of the people in it are real.”

“Like in Grand Theft Auto?”

Julia laughed outright. “Don’t tell me your father lets you play Grand Theft Auto!”

“Well, no,” Ritchie admitted. “But Dad always says none of that stuff is real.”

“Okay,” Julia said. “Well, this is similar, I guess.”

Dave turned to Randi, who was watching him with big eyes. “How’s your sandwich, sweetie?” he asked.

“Good,” she said automatically. “Dad?”

“What?”

“Is this her?”

The question hit him like a punch in the gut.
When the hell did you become prescient?
“Let’s talk about it later,” he told her, feeling his face flame, and concentrated on his food.

After lunch, Julia took Ritchie and his bread crusts outside while Dave and his daughter started the dishes. “I’ll wash and you dry,” he said, tossing her the dishtowel. “Just stack the dishes on the table, since we don’t know where they go in the cupboard.”

“Okay,” she said. As he handed her the first plate, she said, “So is she?”

He nearly dropped the plate.
You’re just not going to let this go, are you?
Then he got a grip, on both the plate and himself, and decided he had better be honest – as far as he dared, anyway. “If you’re asking whether Julia is the woman Mom meant that day,” he said, “the answer is yes. She and I dated each other before I met your mom. But then we both married other people.”

Randi mulled that over. Finally, she said, “I like her.”

“So do I.”

“Is she married now?”

“No, sweetie. She’s divorced.”

She nodded to herself. “So you could marry her.”

Another plate nearly bit the dust. “No, I can’t,” he said, in a tone that said,
You’re joking, right?
“Mom and I would have to get a divorce first.”

Randi’s face fell. “Oh. Yeah.”

The back door opened and Ritchie raced in. “Randi!” he said, breathless. “There’s a loft for us to play in! Come on!” And he ran into the living room.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m busy, Ritchie!”

Julia took the dishtowel from her. “Go on,” she said. “Go check out the loft. I’ll finish up.” Randi flashed her a brilliant smile and skipped off after her brother.

“My God,” Dave said, as his kids’ feet thudded across the floor of the loft. “We couldn’t possibly have made that much noise up there when we were kids, could we?”

Julia laughed at him. “Sure we did. Don’t you remember Grandma always telling us to pull out a board game?”

He laughed, too. Then he took the dishtowel from her, dried his hands, and pulled her into an embrace. “I’ve missed you,” he said in her hair.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

He tilted her face up to his and kissed her, his tongue exploring the inside of her mouth. After a moment, she pulled away and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. He sighed and let her go. “I think Randi’s on to us,” he said as he handed the dishtowel back to her and plunged his hands into the sink again.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She thinks I should marry you.”

“Did you explain to her that you’re already married?” she said, teasing.

“I did point that out.” He handed her a bowl.

She wrapped the towel around it as she eyed him sidelong. “So what was that at lunch, when she asked whether I was ‘her’?”

He sighed. “Nina went off on me one night, right after the last time I saw you. The kids were in the room at the time. I guess Randi remembered it.” He laughed shortly. “Although I don’t know why that would surprise me. It
was
a fairly memorable night, after all. After that little discussion, Nina tried to kill herself.”

Julia froze. “Oh, Dave.” She put a hand on his shoulder.

“She’s been in and out of the hospital since then. There’s been one other suicide attempt.” He let out a breath as he glanced over at her. “So yeah, it’s been pretty rockin’ and rollin’ at our house. Even more so than usual.”

She put down the towel and slid her arms about his waist. “I am so sorry,” she said.

He clung to her. “Not your fault,” he said. “Not anybody’s fault. The meds work for a while, but then she quits taking them.” Tears trickled down his cheeks, and for once, he let them fall. It felt so good to let his guard down. “I just keep trying to hold it all together. Give the kids as much of a normal life as I can. But I’ve taken so much time off from work this year…I’m afraid they’re going to fire me, Jule. If that happens, I don’t know what I’ll do.” He let her go and pulled up his shirt to wipe his face.

“You’ll do what you have to do,” she said. “Just like you’ve been doing all along.”

“I’m just so tired.”

“I know.” She stroked his arm.

“But I can’t just leave her. I married her in sickness and in health.”

Julia’s hand paused for a moment. Then she resumed her stroking. “I know,” she whispered. “That damned honor of yours is part of why I love you.”

He pulled her against him and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, too. God, could this be any more of a mess?”

She kissed him swiftly and picked up the dishtowel again. “Don’t tempt Fate, mister. I haven’t testified against Lance yet.” She sighed. “And then there’s Ron.” And she told him about the handyman breaking in.

The dishes were forgotten. “My God, Jule,” he said as he pulled her against him again. He had seen the broken window pane, but the kids hadn’t given him a chance to ask about it. “Are you all right?”

She snorted a laugh. “More or less. Writing is great therapy, as it turns out.”

He shook his head against her hair. “I should never have sent him over here. I’m so sorry.”

She pulled back to look at him. “Stop, okay? It’s not your fault. It’s not even my fault for going out with him. It’s not anybody’s fault but his.”

He searched her face. “You believe that, don’t you?” he said wonderingly.

Her lips quirked up. “Most of the time.” She drew in a breath and pulled away. “Anyway, life goes on. Lance’s trial starts on the fourth. So I’ll be in town next Friday to meet with Andy to prepare for my testimony.”

“You’re not going to drive back that night, are you?” he asked, turning back to the dishes.

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead, to be honest. I guess I could stay with Elaine.”

“Stay with me. With us,” he amended, glancing toward the loft, where the kids were still making a racket. “We’ve got a guest room. And it would be crazy for you to drive all the way out to Elaine’s.”

“Actually, I was thinking of taking the South Shore in,” she said.

“Then it’s even dumber to go out to Elaine’s afterward,” he said. “You can take the L to our house, and I can drive you home the next day.”

“Or I could take the South Shore home.”

“Sure,” he said, to humor her.

She eyed him as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.
She probably does, at that.
Then she gave him a slow smile and said, “All right. I’m sold. And thank you. Um.” She paused. “Nina won’t be there, will she?”

He shook his head and sighed. “I expect she’ll be in the hospital for some time to come.”

~

Julia held it together until Dave and the kids left. Then, her arms wrapped around her middle, she sat on the couch and let the tears flow.

He’s never going to leave her.

She knew him. She might know him better than she knew herself. Once he took a moral stance, that was it. There would be no going back, no changing his mind. He might love her – and she didn’t think he would have lied to her about that – but he wasn’t going to leave Nina for her.

Ever since her divorce became final, she had been building up a lovely fantasy in her head, about how Dave would figure out some justification for getting a divorce, and then the two of them would have the life they should have had. He would teach, and she would write, and everything would be blissful and perfect.

Well, she was a novelist, after all. She had a lot of practice at making up stories, and at  making farfetched situations seem plausible. And her perfect scenario had certainly seemed plausible to her. She had simply failed to take his stubborn streak into account.

She hadn’t taken his kids into account, either. And she knew, now that she had seen them all together, that if he ever did leave his wife, he and the kids would be a package deal. As unstable as he said she was, he would never let her have custody.

Her happily-ever-after ending was crumbling before her eyes.

It didn’t mean she couldn’t have a relationship with him. But she was tired – dead tired – of being the third corner of a triangle. She wanted all of him. And it wasn’t going to happen.

He’s not going to leave her.

She needed time to adjust to this new reality.

And she was pretty sure a week wouldn’t be enough time. For a moment, she considered canceling her appointment with Andy. Or rescheduling it for a date midweek, so that Dave wouldn’t be free to drive her home the next day. Or she could invent some pretext for staying with Elaine, after all. Or she could just take the train home Friday night as she had originally planned.

One thing was certain: as fragile as her composure was right now, the last thing she ought to be doing was spending a night under the same roof with Dave and his kids.

~

Elsie looked up as Thea, her eyes aglow, came in the front door. “Progress?” Elsie asked hopefully.

“Progress,” Thea confirmed. “David brought his children over to meet her.”