Seasons of the Fool (16 page)

“The point is,” said Dave, “you guys can be anything you want to be. Anything you set your mind to having, you can have it.” He glanced at Julia as he spoke. She wondered whether she had actually heard a note of determination in his voice, or whether she had imagined it.

As they approached the train station where she had left her car, she realized she was holding her breath. Dave had barely brought his SUV to a stop before she had the door open. “Thanks for everything,” she said, waving. “See you later.” And she nearly ran for her own car.

In an instant, all of it had become too much for her – the kids’ noise, the discussion with Dave, the longing looks he kept giving her, and the strain of reining in her own feelings for him. She longed to close the door of her own little house and shut out the world for a while.

But it was not to be.

Not thirty minutes after she arrived home, as she was stepping out of the shower and putting on a sweatshirt and jeans, someone knocked on her door. She groaned. Was Dave here again already? Or maybe one of the other neighbors had seen her drive up and wanted to tell her everything she had missed in the past twenty-four hours.

For a moment, she contemplated ignoring the door until whoever it was got tired of knocking and went away. But then the knocking began again. Except that this was more of a thudding. And as soon as that registered, she knew exactly who it was.

Rolling her eyes, she walked rapidly to the front door and threw it open. “What do you want?” she demanded of her ex-husband.

“Well, hello to you, too,” Lance said, and opened the screen door himself.

He wore dress slacks and a sport coat – even in college, he’d never worn jeans – and as he pushed past her, she caught a whiff of his signature French cologne. She wondered idly how long it would be before he had to start using a knockoff version. She shook her head. “I’m pretty sure anything you have to say to me should be transmitted through our respective lawyers,” she said.

“Come on, Jules. Don’t be like that.” He glanced around. “Yep, this place is exactly the way I remembered it.”

“‘Dark and moldy,’ I believe, was your exact description.” She left the door open and faced him, arms crossed.

“All I said was that a skylight would do wonders,” he said. “And cutting down some of these trees would really open the place up.” He gave her a disarming grin.

She didn’t budge. “Come on, Lance. Out with it. Why are you here? Did Tina throw you out?”

“Ouch.” Unbuttoning his jacket, he lowered himself to the couch and spread his arms across the back. “No, actually, things between Tina and me are just fine. I just thought you and I could have a little chat, that’s all.”

“About…?”

“About what you’re planning to say on the witness stand.”

That had been her second guess. “The truth,” she said.

“Well,” he said. “There’s the truth, and there’s the truth.”

“What does
that
mean?”

“Well, it’s all in the way you deliver the lines, isn’t it?” He sat forward. “Jules. I’ve seen your video. It’s good.
You’re
good.” He laughed and shook his head. “I’d forgotten just how good an actress you are. You’ve still got the chops. So I said to myself, ‘Lance, my friend, why don’t you go on out there and see whether she might use her chops to your benefit?”

“You want me to lie on the stand,” she said.

“No! Of course not. I’d never
dream
of asking you to
lie
,” he said. “I’m just asking you to put me in the best light possible.”

“Given the fact that you swindled millions of dollars from a whole lot of people who trusted you.”

He winced. “You make it sound so sordid.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Lance. It
was
sordid.” She cocked her head, regarding him. “Do you feel even the least bit sorry for what you did? Because I’ve watched enough legal shows on TV to know that the judge is going to be watching you, to see whether you feel any remorse.”

“But the jurors will be watching
you
,” he said, jabbing his finger toward her. “The wronged ex-wife. The famous novelist. The YouTube starlet. You could be a big help to me.”

She raised one eyebrow. “And in return, you are prepared to offer me…?”

“A bigger settlement. Assuming I get off scot-free, that is.”

“Which you won’t.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you. Go home, Lance. Spend a little time looking for your conscience. I’m sure it’s in there somewhere, buried under a couple of miles’ worth of ego.” She stepped back a pace and gestured toward the open door.

He tilted his head to one side, and studied her for a moment. Then he said, “I saw Dave a few minutes ago.”

Her heart thudded in her chest. “What do you mean, you ‘saw’ him?”

He shrugged. “He was outside with his kids when I drove past, so I stopped to say hello. Such a nice guy. Cute kids, too.” The calculating look was back in his eye. “But the crazy wife wasn’t with him. Is he still married to her?”

“Yes,” she said, keeping her expression stony.

A sly smile crept over his face. “I wonder what would happen if I had my lawyers call
him
to the stand.”

“For what purpose?” she said. “He wasn’t one of your investors. Before today, you hadn’t spoken to him in at least ten years. What could you possibly gain by calling Dave to testify?”

She knew his answer before he opened his mouth. She read it in his crafty expression. “It would be one way to impeach the reputation of my ex-wife, wouldn’t it? By calling her married lover to the stand?”

“You son of a bitch,” she said. She wanted to punch his face to a pulp. “You leave him out of this.”

“Then
you
, my dear, need to think extra carefully about what you’re going to say about me on the stand.”

“Get out of my house,” she growled.

He rose from the couch and sauntered toward the door. He stopped in front of her. “Be sure to think about what I’ve said, Jules.”

“Out,” she said again, flinging the screen door open so hard that it bounced back against her outstretched hand.

He smirked at her before strolling out the door.

She slammed both doors and locked them for good measure. She leaned her back up against the door, fists clenched at her sides, until she heard him start his car and drive away. At the end of the block, he honked his horn.

She groaned in frustration, throwing her hands skyward. The thing she had feared the most – Lance dragging Dave and his family through the muck – was going to happen. Because she was not going to change her testimony to try to save her asshole of an ex-husband. She couldn’t, and keep living with herself. Even if it meant hurting Dave.

It occurred to her that she should probably call Andy to tell him about Lance’s visit. But then she would have to explain who Dave was. She’d never be able to keep him out of it after that.

“I might as well sleep with him,” she said bitterly. “At least I’d get
something
out of the deal.” But she didn’t mean it. She couldn’t be that selfish.

There had to be a way to salvage something good from this mess. She just needed to think about it, or meditate on it, or something.

Then she remembered the labyrinth.

~

As before, the older women were with her as she embarked on her journey. “Now, dear,” Ms. Elsie said as they smudged her, “don’t go in there expecting a miracle. The labyrinth will show you what you need to see, and it may not be the answer you’re hoping for.”

She nodded. “I know,” she said. “I don’t even know what I’m hoping for, Ms. Elsie. I just need to find a way to protect Dave. And the kids,” she added, somewhat belatedly. “If the labyrinth can show me how to do that, I’ll be satisfied.”

Ms. Elsie and Ms. Thea shared a look. “All right, then,” Ms. Elsie said with a sigh. The two women stepped back. They called on the spirits of the place, asking for their blessing, and asking them to guide Julia to the answers she sought.

Then they nodded gravely to her, and she stepped into the labyrinth.

She found herself on a platform high above the earth, and none too sturdy – the slightest breeze made it tremble. There was an open door at the far edge of the platform, and an old man in an ochre cloak was urging her through it. “Hurry!” he said. “You must get aboard!”

She couldn’t see what was beyond the door; fear of the unknown made her hesitate. But as a gust of wind rattled the platform, she became more afraid of the contraption collapsing under her than she was of whatever was beyond the door.

“Hurry!” the old man said again, the wind whipping his long, gray beard into a frenzy. He waved the lantern he was holding toward the door. She nodded and lunged for the doorway.

Now she was in a tiny room – hardly bigger than the broom closet in her cottage – but with windows all around that afforded her a panoramic view. As the old man hung his lantern on a hook by the door, she stepped closer to the wall of windows, mouth agape. It seemed as if she could see the whole world from here: cities, snowcapped mountains, planes, even a satellite shimmered impossibly below them. A line from an old Jimmy Cagney movie occurred to her: “Made it, Ma! Top of the world!”

Then she remembered that Cagney’s character delivered the line just before he blew himself up.

The tiny room began to move. “What’s happening?” Julia cried, groping for a handhold on the window frame.

“The Wheel turns,” the old man said.

Slowly at first, then picking up speed, the cabin headed toward the ground. She screamed as her hair streamed upward behind her; her feet no longer touched the floor. “We’ll be killed!” she cried.

“Be at peace,” he said calmly. “The Wheel will turn again.”

They were beneath the airplanes, and still dropping. The treetops just below them looked sharp, as if they could pierce the meager skin of her compartment. She shut her eyes, expecting at any moment to be impaled.

But she was not. When at last she risked a glance, she discovered they were safely on the ground; she could see her own backyard through the tiny room’s windows. But if she had learned anything over the past few months, it was that safety was an illusion.
The Wheel will turn again.
She would eventually be back on top of the world. For now, she was grateful for her semblance of stability.

She turned to the old man in ochre and asked, “What must I do to keep Dave and his children safe?”

“To take care of them,” he said, “you must take care of yourself. For now, feed your own spirit. The Wheel will soon turn.” He gestured behind her. She turned and beheld something she had not noticed before: the box of old notebooks from under her grandmother’s bed. Behind it, something else lay in the shadows. Puzzled, she stepped forward to retrieve it…

And stepped out of the labyrinth.

The ladies moved to support her. “Did you find the answer you sought?” Ms. Thea asked as she took one of Julia’s elbows.

“I’m not sure,” she said as she caught her balance. “But I think I know where to look.”

~

The three of them adjourned to the older women’s kitchen. Ms. Elsie made lunch while Julia talked it out.

“I understand the symbolism of the giant Ferris wheel,” she said. “The day I published my novel, I did feel as if I were on top of the world. I remember feeling like I was on the verge of having everything I’d ever wanted. I was a published author with a bestselling book, I was about to take Lance down, and….” Her face grew warm.

“And?” Ms. Elsie prompted.

She ducked her head and began to pick at a cuticle. “I thought Dave and I were going to get back together.”

“You thought,” Ms. Thea repeated.

Julia glanced up at her. “It’s not that he’s not willing,” she said, before looking down at her hands again. “But of course, he’s married. And he’s too honorable to divorce a sick woman. And I….” She shook her head. “It’s hard to explain. Look, my own marriage ended due to infidelity. I know what it feels like, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Least of all, Dave.” She began picking at a different finger. “I don’t want to be the catalyst for that. But I’m selfish, too.” She looked up at Ms. Thea. “I don’t want just a part of him. I want all of him. And it’s not going to happen until Nina’s out of the picture, and he’s not going to divorce her because she’s sick.” She put her hands flat on the table and sighed. “Round and round we go. And we keep ending up back in the same place.”

“You poor dear,” Ms. Elsie said, placing sandwiches in front of her and Ms. Thea. “There. You two go ahead and start.” She went back to the counter to fetch her own plate.

Julia took a bite and gave Ms. Elsie a thumbs up. When she had swallowed, she asked, “Who was the old man? You seemed to recognize him.”

“The Hermit,” Ms. Thea said. “He could either be a guide, or a suggestion that you go into hermit mode yourself, or both. Tell us again what he said.”

Julia put down her sandwich. “I asked him what I could do to keep Dave and his children safe. He said that to take care of them, I needed to feed my own spirit. And then he pointed to a box of old notebooks of mine.”