Second Chance (23 page)
N
o, no, it wasn’t that good
.
Not with Dylan
.
It couldn’t have been
.
She’s not even my type
.
She’s just this novel creature, this rare specimen
.
And when it comes to sex,
I
just have nothing else to compare it to
.
I
need a second opinion, that’s all
.
I
need to get laid
.
That’s it
.
Maybe
I
’l
l hit it off with Kari
.
Kari lives here, she’s in college,
I
can relate to her
.
Dylan’s
just
a girl in my
past
.
She lives in a playground of her imagination and that’s the last thing
I
need right now
.
But then why is ever
ything so effortless with her
?
Why is it so easy to
want
the wrong person
?
DYLAN
R
elax and breathe
.
Okay, t
hings didn’t go quite the way you
hope
d
.
Scratch that
.
Things didn’t go
even a fraction of a decimal
point
close to the way you
hope
d
, but no
need
to panic
.
Count your blessings
.
You have your health and your wisdom
and all your teeth
.
I sit on my duffel bag on the top of Gray’s balcony and stare out at the rooftops
stretching below
.
I’ve never felt more lost, like a feather plucked out of a bir
d that slowly
descends
to the ground
only to look misplaced
.
W
here do I go from here
?
At least I didn’t go out of my way to tie a big red bow around my naked
body
.
That would have been sufficiently humiliating
.
Gray might have used it to hang me from the nearest tree
.
That’s about how happy he was to see me
.
All I want is for Gray to love me
.
And
he
not only doesn’t love me
, h
e downright loathes me
.
He mega loathes me
.
It’s so strange
that
people
get
angry
,
not by what you do, but
by
what you
do
n’t
do
.
I
look
at
the
rooftops
huddled
around me a
nd I want to
skip
across them and slide down a chimney
chute
into a place I feel welcome
.
Right now I feel like
an intruder
.
I want Dick Van Dyke to pop out of
a
chimney and sing, “Step in Time,” and then draw a
chalk picture
of a perfect
landscape
for me to jump into
.
Why can’t
I just add a spoon full of sugar to sweeten t
he
sad
moments in life
?
Wh
y don’t birds land on my finger
when I whistle to them
?
I keep trying
, but
it never works for me
.
I need to move
,
but what direction do I take
?
I didn’t plan one step ahead of this moment
.
I have a summer job waiting for me in
Wisconsin
, but not until June
.
I have almost three months to kill
and no money
.
This is what
I get for following my heart—a
bi
g dose of rejection
.
I make a mental note
:
Next time you
take directions from you
r
heart, plan on getting lost
.
I count my
net
worth
, and once I convert it to dollars, I’ll
have
about
$
100
.
I stare into the horizon
and
contemplate h
ow to spend
it
.
If I’m lucky,
it
will
just be enough to
cover a bus ride back to
Wisconsin
.
And then what
?
I’ll be stuck living with my parents a
nd getting a job with all my
high school
townie friends
whose idea of traveling is ice fishing up north
.
E
veryone will say
“
I told you so
”
and
“l
ook where you end up when you don’t plan better.
”
Broke
.
Living under your parents
’
roof
.
Suckling the parental teat
.
My
future
becomes
terrifyingly
clear
.
I’m forty
years old
, still
living at home
in a room
above the garage
.
My wardrobe consists of a
plaid bathrobe
and white orthopedic slippers
.
I don’t bother shaving my legs anymore
.
My skin smells like
Lubriderm
lotion and my robe smells like
cranberry
potpourri
air
freshener
.
I
raid my parent’s
refrigerator
everyday
for leftovers
because all I have in my place is a hot pad and a mini fridge
.
I spend every night reading trashy romance novels with my four cats
curled
around
my feet
:
Fiffi
,
Fluffy,
FooFoo
and Fro
.
Ugh
.
The image is
too painful
to endure
.
I shake my head to break free of this nightmare
.
I stand up
,
suck in a deep breath
,
and make a decision I’m determined to keep
.
I’m going to stay in
Albuquerque
.
I’m going to show Gray
he can depend on me
.
I’m going to prove that
even if there’s distance
,
even if our relationship is
n’t
perfectly spread out
before us
like
a map from point A to point B,
it doesn’t mean it’s over
.
Maybe our relationship curves and dips and
weaves and cuts off and forks and then comes together again, but maybe that’s who
we are
and who we need to be
.
Besides,
aren’t the things you work the hardest
for
, the sweetest victory in the end
?
I a
m not giving up on Gray
.
It isn’t over between us
.
Feeling better, I
pull out a piece of paper with
Catherine’s address and email
written
on it a
nd I pray she’ll be a little more
excited
to see me.
