Second Chance (64 page)

“
You only think with your heart,
Dylan,
” I tell her
.
“So I’m going to be your brain
.
Because you’re about to make a hug
e mistake.”
  I pause for a second
before I
try
and
explain this
.
“
Don’t you remember anything you said
last summer
?
You told me you
didn’t want to live
my
life
.
You told me you’d
have to pass up all your dreams
and you’d resent me
.
Well,
you’re right
.
And i
f I let you
stay
now
,
I’
ll
resent me.
”
 

I watch her face change
.
I know she
agrees
,
but she’s fighting
it
.
“People say I’m selfish for
always
wanting to leave,” she says
.

“
Selfish
?
Dylan, l
ook at all the people you’ve changed in
the last few
months
.
Miles and Cat wouldn’t be so happy
.
Lenny wouldn’t have a new best friend and be starting nursing school this summer
.
You even
brought down
Toolshed’s
ego
.
Liz follows you around like
a
puppy
.
You made my mom smile more than I thought she was capable of
.
Look at all the people you
’ve
had
an impact on and
ask me again if you’re selfish.
”

I see something like relief pass over her eyes
.
There’s a small grin on her face
.
Just like that, I
pumped life back into her
.
She really was fading
.

“You need to call that photographer,” I
tell her
. “You have to go Australia
—you
don’t give up
an opportunity
like that.”

Her smile grows.
“You could
always come with me,” she says
.
“Or m
eet up with me
when you have time
off
.”

I shake my head
.
“
We have completely different dreams
.
I don’t have a mission to
see
the wor
ld
.
That’s not my calling
.
I just try to make it one day at a time
.
But I’m
not going to b
e the one who holds you back.”

“
You really mean it
?
”

I nod again
.
“
Dylan, y
ou’re one of those rare people that ha
s
an endless supply of love
.
Don’t use it all on me
.
It’s like you said, it’s your mission to spread yourse
lf out
.
I can’t keep you all to myself
.
I can’t waste you.”

She smiles
.
There’s a
lready a
bouncier step to her walk
.
We turn the corner onto
Sage Street
and she squeezes my hand in hers
.
It makes me want to cry
.

“So,
what happens next
?
Are you going to get mad if we go a few months without
seeing each other
again
?”

I shake my head
again
a
nd my throat tightens
,
but I have to hold
myself
together
.
Just get it out
.
“
It’s
over,” I hear myself say
.
“We’re over.”

Her hand slips out of mine like water dripping off of something melting.

“
Wait
.
Did you just break up with me?
”

The words make me wince
.
I stare in her eyes, shaded in the da
rkness
.
T
he color in her face
drains
out
.
Her
skin is the palest I’ve ever seen
.

“
You’re breaking up with me,
”
she says, again
.
I hear her breathe
.

I
look away from
her face
.
I can’t look at something I’ve broken
.
“This isn’t meant to be
.
You shouldn’t have to change your life for another person
.
You, of anybody, should get that.”

“
But y
ou don’t
even
want to stay in touch
?”
she asks
, her voice
uneven
.

I shake my head
.

H
er voice trembl
es
.
“
W
hy
can’t
we
be
friend
s
?”

Frien
ds
?
I
glare
at her
.
She know
s
better than to ask me this
.
“
I
can’t just be your friend
.
We tried that, remember
?
And
I don’t want you in my life for short bursts of time
.
I told you when you showed up here,
I
can’t do that
.
”
My voice rises reflexively
because I’m barely holding on right now
.

“
So,
let me get this straight
.
I’m the love of your life
.
I’m
the best thing that has
ever happened to you
,
and you’re throwing
it all
away?
”

“
I’m doing this for
you
,
”
I argue
, my voice rising
again
.
She
surprises me and
shoves me
like she’s trying to wake me up out of some kind of
trance
.
Then s
he shoves me again and I back up a few steps
.
I look at her and I’m angry now because her
eyes are blurring with
tears
and
it’s
all my
fault
.

“
Don’t do it
,” she says
.
“I love you
.
I don’t want to break up
.
Ever
.
We can make it work.
”

She
starts to really cry now, so hard she’s shaking
and I
rub my hands over my face
. M
y own eyes start to burn
.
I want to fix her
.
I wish I had all the right words
.

“
Dylan, the best
thing
I ever
did was
walk past you
a year
ago in that courtyard in Phoenix
.
Y
ou changed my life
.
And
I’ll never regret letting you go
.
But you need to let me go, too.”