Second Chance at Love (The MacKenna Born & Bred Trilogy) (22 page)

“Tell me what, Brooke?”

Startled, both Brooke and Karissa turned to see Logan
standing just a few feet away in the shadows. He walked slowly toward her,
becoming clearly visible in the soft glow of the lamplight. The look in his
eyes disturbed her; it was a look she'd never seen in them before. Brooke stood
up and faced him.

“What do I have a right to know?” he asked, the anger
emanating from him. He felt as if his entire existence was about to
disintegrate before his eyes. “That you were pregnant? That you were carrying
my child,
mine
, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me?” he
ground out.

“Logan,” Brooke reached for him, and he pulled away from
her.”

“Don't,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.  “Just don't.”
In that moment she could hear her own heart breaking.

She turned away, almost with her back to him, knowing that
if she looked at him now and saw the desperation in his eyes, she would fall
apart.

“Look at me,” he demanded.

She turned back to face him. The moment of truth that she
always knew was inevitable had finally come. Why did it have to hurt so much?

He watched her, intensely. “Tell me,” he said. “I need to
know.” His voice was raw with emotion.

“I didn't know I was pregnant when I left Massachusetts, I
swear I didn't,” she began, her voice trembling. “I learned about the baby a
few weeks after I moved to California. I was in shock. Shocked, but thrilled. I
never planned on not telling you, Logan. I just needed some time before I could
share it with you. I was trying to deal with everything that had happened
between us. I was a mess. But the farther along I got into the pregnancy, the
harder it became to tell you.” She paused to take a shaky breath. “When I was
seven months, I started having contractions, and I went into labor. No matter
what the doctors tried, they couldn't stop it. The baby was coming, eight weeks
early. She had pulmonary issues because her lungs weren't fully developed.  She
couldn't breathe. She was so tiny. Not strong enough. And she died. She died,
Logan,” Brooke whispered, choking back a sob. Her heart hammered in her chest,
so thunderously that Brooke thought it would burst. The tears, held back until
now, flowed freely. Brooke could barely speak.“The baby was gone. Gone. And I
didn't see the point in telling you.”

“Didn't see...you didn't see the
point
?” He was
nearly shouting. A million thoughts were running rampant through his mind,
blurring together. They'd had a child, a daughter. Brooke had given birth to
his child and kept it from him. It was something he couldn't even begin to
comprehend. He imagined her pregnant, her belly swollen with the life they'd
created, and thought of how beautiful she must have been. He imagined her in the
hospital giving birth to their child and being all alone. He imagined their
baby girl, dying, taking her last breath, before she'd even had a chance to
live. He lost it then, just let go of everything that was inside of him. He
fell to his knees and put his head in his hands. He let the full intensity of
his emotions take over, because he couldn't stop it, and it engulfed him.

Brooke could hear nothing except Logan's heartbreaking sobs.
The sound of it was like a knife in her heart, being twisted painfully. She
wanted to go to him. To hold him and comfort him. But she was afraid, afraid
that he would reject her.

When the sobbing subsided and there was only quiet, Brooke
placed a hand on his shoulder. “Logan.” She needed desperately to explain, to
try to make him understand.

He stood up slowly, and looked directly into her shimmering
eyes when he spoke.

“How could you?” His words, even to his own ears, sounded
hollow. The same way his heart felt. “How could you keep this from me?
Something so huge...” he trailed off, his voice wavering.

“I'm sorry. Logan, I'm so sorry,” she whispered.

“Sorry? You're
sorry
? Sorry for what, Brooke? Sorry
that I found out? I never had a chance to see our child, our daughter. To hold
her, to love her. To grieve for her. All these years you've lied to me.”

“No,” Brooke said, shaking her head. “I never lied to you,
Logan.”

“You deliberately kept it from me. From where I'm standing,
Brooke, that's the same as lying. You stand there trying to justify why you did
it. Well, let me clue you in on something, there is no justification. Not for
something like this. Something so important, something so life-altering.  And
that's the ugly truth of it.” He felt sick. “If our daughter had lived, when
would you have told me, hmm? On her first day of school? Her high school
graduation? On her wedding day? When?”

“That's not fair,” Brooke said.

“The hell it isn't. What do you know about fair, anyway?” he
spat out.

“How dare you! How the hell dare you!” The anger and
resentment that had been locked up inside her for so long broke free. “You
arrogant, selfish bastard. You were the one who slept with someone else. You
did that. You! You destroyed us, Logan.” The anger seemed to bubble up from
deep inside her, flowing over like a river of molten lava. “None of this would
ever have happened if you'd been able to keep your dick in your pants. Why? I
don't understand. Even after all this time, I just don't understand. You threw
away everything we had, everything we meant to each other. And for what? So you
could fuck the biggest whore on campus,” she snapped out. “Why wasn't I enough
for you?” The heat burned her lungs, and she choked back a sob. “Why?” She
looked beaten, broken.

Logan stood, staring at her. As angry as he was, he wanted
to hold her in his arms then, and soothe away her hurts. Instead, he lifted his
hands in the air, and then let them fall in defeat. “You're right, Brooke.
You're right. I was unfaithful to you, and I destroyed everything. All of our
dreams, our plans for a lifetime together. Marriage and babies. And I hurt you
in the worst possible way that a man can hurt the woman he loves.” He closed
his eyes, and a single tear escaped from under his lashes. When he opened them,
they were filled with anguish. “Don't you think I would take away all of your
hurt in a second if I could? I would do anything. Anything, Brooke. But I can't
erase what happened. And I suffered the worst punishment for it. I lost the
woman I love. I lost you. And I've had to live all of these years knowing how
I'd hurt you, and that I was never getting you back.”

Brooke stood there quietly, taking in every word. She
couldn't speak even if she wanted to.

“So I guess this is my payback,” he said, his breath
hitching as he struggled to get his emotions under control. “Now you've hurt me
as much as I hurt you.”

He looked around, and saw his family, and Brooke's, shadowed
in the background. The commotion had drawn their attention and they had come
outside to see what was happening, out of concern. He saw the shocked and disbelieving
looks on their faces as they stared, as if they were trying to comprehend what
had just happened. He couldn't blame them. He, himself, was still trying to
comprehend it. He had to get the hell out of there. He turned on his heel then,
and walked away. He rounded the front of the house, and disappeared from sight.

Brooke heard the roar of the truck's engine as he pulled out
of the drive, and little by little it faded until she could no longer hear
anything. The black night, still and calm, was all there was. Brooke slid down
onto the swing and let the tears come. The last thing she remembered was her
mother's arms, warm and comforting, folding her up in them.

Brooke wanted to go after Logan the night before. To talk to
him and try to make him understand. Her mother stopped her. Raelyn had
convinced Brooke to wait and go to Logan when they'd both calmed, and had a
chance to reflect on all that had happened. They wouldn't get anywhere or
resolve anything in the frame of mind they'd both been in. They were both
emotionally exhausted. So she waited until the next day and then drove over to
Logan's place. The short drive seemed to take forever.

She found him out back near the corral. She figured he'd be
there. Logan had always been the type of man who would rather busy himself
doing things than to sit around. And he especially would now, trying to keep
his mind off of things.

He saw her coming, and stopped what he was doing. When she
reached him, she just stood there, waiting. For what, exactly, she wasn't sure.

“I just want to know one thing. What did you name her?” he
asked.

Brooke managed a small smile. “Alexa.”

He thought about that for a few seconds, then raised one
eyebrow in question.  Brooke understood what he was asking.

“Alexa Rae MacKenna,” she answered, quietly.

She saw the emotion swirl through his brilliant green eyes.
He nodded.

“If the baby had been a boy, I planned to name him Hunter
Logan MacKenna,” she said, unsure whether or not he wanted to know, or even
cared. When he said nothing, and continued with the task at hand, she figured
it was now or never.

“Logan,” she said, quietly. He kept his attention focused on
what he was doing. “Please, look at me,” she begged. He did then, and his icy
stare made her want to die inside. She reached out to touch him, but he
shrugged her off. “Talk to me.” It was more of a plea, and Brooke realized that
he had closed off from her, shutting her out.

“There's nothing to say, Brooke.” His words cut her, and
panic began to build inside her. In all the years she'd known him, she'd never
seen him like this. So angry, so dismissive. So hurt. Her mind wandered back to
the time of their break-up, to those few weeks before graduation when she'd cut
Logan out of her life. He'd tried, over and over, to talk to her, to try to
explain to her. But she'd refused to listen. Even when he'd shown up on her
doorstep in Los Angeles, she'd given him mere minutes before asking him to go.
She'd been unforgiving, closed inside herself. Because she was hurting,
devastated. She imagined that was how Logan felt this very moment, and she
wished to God he would let her in.

“What does that mean?” she whispered, the knot in her
stomach twisting painfully as she stood in front of him. She was afraid she
already knew. “What are you saying, Logan, that it's over between us?” she
managed in an unsteady voice, the tears already burning her eyes.

He looked at her then, and Brooke recognized the unspoken
answer in them. Tears spilled over, stinging her cheeks. Absently, she toyed
with the delicate diamond pendant necklace she wore, the necklace Logan had
placed there only a week before, the necklace that represented the promise of a
new beginning. She was powerless to say another word; her chest felt as if it
was suddenly closing in on her. Slowly, she unclasped the necklace and slid it
away from her neck. Reaching out to turn Logan's hand over, she placed it in
his palm, and closed his fingers over it. She recalled a similar scene, from
some years before. She wanted to scream, to “I'm sorry,” was all she could
manage before the sobs came, and she turned and walked away.

Logan heard the car door close, and could do nothing else
but stand there, listening to the sound of the woman he loved exiting his life.
He looked down at the pretty diamond that caught the sun and glittered in his
palm. It was still warm from Brooke's skin. Emotionally drained, he stood
there, long after she had gone, because he was powerless to do anything else.

As mid-August descended on them, so had the heat, reaching
temperatures in the high 90's. As the third day moved into the fourth, the
merciless heatwave showed no sign of relenting. Logan had watered the horses,
for the third time that day, making sure they were cool and comfortable.
Although he loved being outside, today was an exception. The stifling heat had
pushed him back inside, where he  lay on the sofa in the basement, his energy
level at an all-time low, appreciating the concept of air conditioning.

He'd tried to stay busy, giving himself less time to think
about Brooke and everything that had happened between them.
How could
everything have gone so wrong?
seemed to be the question he'd asked himself
over and over since that night. Nearly a week had passed, and when he let his
mind wander to her, all of those feelings bombarded him. Intense. Raw. He
thought he would go crazy. At the moment, all he wanted to do was relax and
maybe take a nap.
A nap?
he thought.
What am I, geriatric?
He
shook his head in disgust as he settled down more deeply into the large, comfortable
sofa.

Which lasted for all of five seconds. He heard their voices
even before the door swung open and their footsteps pounded on the stairs. He
closed his eyes, hoping they would go away. Fat chance. Seth and Chase came
plowing in, one carrying a pizza box and the other toting a six-pack of Bud.
When Seth saw him sprawled out on the couch, he just shook his head.

“Okay, this is getting out of control,” he complained to
Chase. He nudged Logan's foot with his boot in an attempt to wake him from his
slumber. Logan opened one eye.

“I'm awake,” he said, irritated. “Who can sleep with the two
of you jackasses just barging in, uninvited.” He sat up, and Seth plopped down
next to him, while Chase took a seat in a plush, comfy chair. “What do you
want?” he asked, knowing he was being not the least bit hospitable, and not
giving a shit.

Chase grabbed the remote from the coffee table and clicked
on the giant flat-screen. “The race is on,” he said, tuning in to ESPN.

“Don't you have cable at your place?” he grumbled, growing a
little more annoyed for no reason in particular. “I don't wanna watch the
race.”  He knew what this was all about. It was an intervention, of sorts.
Well, they could just see their way out of it, he thought to himself.

“So, have you talked to Brooke at all?” Seth questioned him.

He knew it. “Nope.” His brother was going to have to work
for this.

“Do you intend to?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?” Chase chimed in.

“Because there's nothing to say, that's why,” Logan offered.

“How do you figure?” Seth asked, then bit into a slice of
pizza. The aroma was too much for Logan to resist, and he peered into the box.
He had barely eaten in days, just hadn't had much of an appetite. “Your
favorite,” Seth said, as Logan studied it. He took a slice, loaded with pepperoni
and mushrooms, and bit into it. He didn't think pizza had ever tasted so good
to him.

“Look, Brooke and I have been down the same road twice. And
both times we crashed and burned. We end up hurting each other. We're just no
good together. Besides, she's going back to California at the end of this
month, anyway. She never intended to have anything permanent with me. I was
just a diversion to her.” The thought of it made him want to pummel something.
Or someone.

“If you really believe that, then you're a bigger idiot than
I gave you credit for.” Seth shrugged off the dark scowl that Logan directed
toward him.

“What in the hell do you know about it, anyway?” he tossed
out, becoming more agitated by the second.

Seth knew exactly which buttons to push when it came to his
brother. To both of his brothers, actually. Logan needed to see the truth, and
he happened to be the one who was willing to show it to him.

“For starters, I don't believe Brooke would have left you
and gone back to California. And I damn well don't believe that she was using
you for sex. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, that girl is in love with you, bro.
Anyone with eyes in their head can see that.”

“That's your opinion. I don't see it the same way that you
do.”

“They're not opinions, they're facts.” Seth hated seeing
Logan so conflicted. “You can't avoid her forever,” Seth said quietly, knowing
that his brother was hurting. He'd never seen Logan like this, depressed,
withdrawn. Well, he had, once before, the summer Logan had come home from college
after he and Brooke had broken up. And while that had been bad, he was afraid
that this time was going to be so much worse.

“I'm not ignoring her,” he replied, and sighed deeply when
Seth gave him his “Bro, you're full of shit” stare. “Have you seen her?” Logan
wanted to know.

“No,” he answered. “I saw Rissa once, in town, a couple of
days after. I think everyone is keeping a safe distance for now after what
happened at their parents' place.”

Logan nodded. He remembered all to well, and wished he
hadn't. Wished he could permanently erase it from his memory. He wished that he
could rewind to before that night. But wishes were for fools, he thought, and
he'd been one for too long.

“Anyway,” Seth went on, “Rissa said that Brooke was in
really bad shape.”

When he said nothing, showed no sign of emotion, Chase, who
had been quietly taking it all in, picked it up. “You can pretend that it
doesn't matter and you don't care, but all you're doing, bro, is pretending.
You can lie to us, even though we know the deal, but don't lie to yourself,
Logan.”

“I'm not lying to myself. I'm not denying my feelings for
Brooke. I love her, damnit. I've
always
loved her, from the time we were
kids. She's the only woman I've ever loved. The only one,” he tossed back, the
anger creeping into his voice. “Do you think this is easy for me? To lose her a
second time? When she left and went to California, I spent months hoping,
praying that she would forgive me and give me another chance. And I've spent
years loving her, even when she didn't. And for what, huh? The past eight years
have been a lie. And I didn't even know it. All this time I never knew I had a
child. A little girl who I never saw, never held, never knew existed.”  His
voice broke, and Logan looked away, fighting to keep his composure.

“I'm sorry, Logan. It's a shitty deal, I know. And before
you get pissed, I want you to know that I'm not defending what Brooke did in
any way. I'm just saying that maybe you should try to see it from her
perspective.” It was Chase's turn to try to talk some sense into him.

When Logan opened his mouth to interject, Chase held a hand
up in the air. “Just hear me out,” he said, meeting his brother's stony stare.
When Logan nodded, Chase continued. “Try to remember what it was like for her
at the time. You'd just split up. She was devastated, understandably. She moves
across the country, where she's alone and doesn't know anyone. She finds out
that she's pregnant. She's hurting from what happened between the two of you.
And probably scared. Not only had she just lost the man she loves, but now she
has a baby on the way.”

“Jesus, Chase, you sound like her fucking cheerleader,” Seth
said. “What he's trying to say,” Seth went on, “is that given the situation,
it's not inconceivable that she would handle it badly. Factor in that she was
young. Sometimes people make mistakes they can't correct, especially when
they're young. I'm not saying that what she did was right. But if you love her,
and I know damn well that you do, if you can understand the motivation behind
what she did, then maybe you can forgive her. I don't believe that Brooke kept
it from you out of spite. Brooke has never had a spiteful bone in her body, you
know that better than anyone. She just made a very poor choice, and it affected
other people's lives, namely yours. And you have every right to be pissed. If I
were in your position, I'd feel the same way, I would imagine. But you have a
chance to be together, to be happy. Do you really want to throw that away?”

Logan fell quiet. He considered it. He just wished he could
keep the undesirable thoughts from creeping into his consciousness as he tried
to wrap his mind around what his brothers had said. But in reality, he didn't
want to think at all.

It was nearly dusk when Logan pulled into the lane at
Brooke's parents' house. He'd done a lot of thinking, a lot of reflecting
throughout the day. His brothers were right. He at least needed to try to work
things out with her. He owed it to them both. In his heart, he never believed
that Brooke had only wanted him for sex. He knew that she had real feelings for
him. He'd felt it, so many times over the past couple of months. For whatever
reason, she chose not to tell him, and he'd had to accept that, regardless of
how much it hurt him.

When he reached the house, he put the car in park and turned
off the engine before climbing out of the cab. It was fairly quiet, and the
only thing Logan could hear was the sound of the ?  He didn't see Brooke's car,
and thought that maybe she had run into town or something. By the time he
reached the front door, his heart had begun to beat just a little bit faster.
He was nervous, he realized.  As he lifted his hand to the knocker, the door
swung open and Karissa stood there, with Raelyn behind her. She seemed surprised
to see him.  He stepped aside to let them by.

“Hello, Logan love,” Raelyn greeted him, kissing his cheek
as had been her habit all of his life. Karissa hugged him, and he knew that no
matter what could ever happen, they would always love him and they would always
be his family. It had always been that way.

Raelyn kissed Karissa goodbye, and then rubbed a hand up and
down Logan's arm. She smiled at Logan, thankful for the chance to talk with
him. From inside the house she heard Paul call for her.

“Logan, honey, come inside before you leave, would you? Paul
and I wanted to talk to you for a minute.” He nodded his agreement.

“Good night, Mama,” Karissa called after her. She leaned on
the porch rail, eyeing Logan carefully. “How are you?” she asked softly.

“I've been better,” he answered, waiting expectantly as she
began to speak again.

“Logan, before you say anything, I just want to say that I'm
sorry. I'm so truly sorry,” she whispered. I know that probably doesn't mean
much to you right now, but I want you to know that.” Her voice wavered a
little, and Logan could hear the emotion in it. A tiny tear escaped and slid
down her cheek. Panic gripped him. He needed to do something before things got
out of hand. The last thing he could handle at the moment was a crying Karissa.

“Whoa, hold on just a second,” he said. “Please, I'm begging
you, don't start crying. I can't take any more crying females today,” he said,
lightening the mood. “I had to console Chase this afternoon when Dale
Earnhardt, Jr. wiped out in the last lap and fell out of the race. He cried
like a little girl. Chase, not Dale” he teased. She laughed, and he wiped the
tear from her face.

She looked away, and Logan could see the sadness in her
eyes. “I knew about the baby,” she confessed, bringing her gaze back to his.”
When he said nothing, she went on. “Mom and Dad decided to go away for
Thanksgiving that year. They'd wanted Brooke and me to go with them, but
neither of us wanted to go. During break, I flew out to California to spend the
holiday with Brooke. I wanted to be with her, but I also sensed that something
was wrong. Each time I'd talked to her, I could hear it in her voice. I just
knew.” She cleared her throat and tried to ignore the terrible dryness. “I
didn't know she was pregnant until I got there, two days before Thanksgiving.
My sister was seven months pregnant and she hadn't told us. Not me. Not even my
parents. At first, I was upset with her for that. And then it hit me that my
sister was seven months pregnant and she was alone. All alone in a place where
she didn't know anyone, didn't have a single friend. Of course, that upset me
even more. I was torn between being angry with her for keeping her pregnancy
from us, and I was hurting for her at the same time. Does that sound strange?”
Karissa asked, wiping more tears from her eyes.