Second Chance (Enduring Kiss) (4 page)

"Why
, Rebecca?"

His voice
broke and there was something wrong with his mouth. His skin also seemed paler. Not too much, but there was a noticeable difference from the soft golden skin I remembered. All of this and his strange question added to my confusion. Why what?

He leaned in close and this time his blue eyes were bright with anger and I pulled back surprised
, but he wouldn't let me move. He kept hold of my hand and he pulled me towards him even as he moved in closer. Never had I seen him this mad and I was scared.

"W
hy Rebecca, did you betray me?" He asked right in my face; so close I could smell his minty breath.

I shook my head. No, never, I wante
d to say, but again I couldn't. It was as if my throat had clogged; no sound came out.

"Yes. You betrayed me Rebecca. You left me. You said you would never leave me and you left. You left me to die. Why?"

What? No. I never left. I never wanted him to die. I did everything in my power to save him, but it wasn't enough.

I shook my head
, but he kept repeating "Why? Why? Why?" over and over and over.

I shook my head repeatedly
while trying to pull myself away from him, but I could not move. He was squeezing me. Then he was shaking me and I couldn't see him anymore for the tears that blurred my vision.

"Rebecca."

I continued to twist and turn trying to get away. Let me go, I wanted to shout.

"Rebecca. Wake up."

I stopped moving at the sound of his voice. It wasn't Drake.

"Wake up h
oney, you're having a nightmare," Sean said shaking me lightly.

I opened my eyes to find myself wrapped in Sean's arms,
not Drakes and I began to sob, big heartbreaking sobs that I couldn't control. Vaguely I heard Sean whispering. His comforting words and soft hushes soothed me. It also didn't escape notice that he continually kissed my hair and forehead, even my red nose.

Feeling safe in his arms, I cried not just because of Drake's accusations, but also because the dream wasn't real. He
was not there. He would never be there, and I wanted him with me more than anything, even with his anger and accusations. I could handle all of that because it would have meant he was alive.

H
e wasn't alive though and I had to remember that. Life went on. While my sobs began to ease, I thought maybe what Nathaniel said was right. Maybe I needed to move on with someone else, with Sean. Yes, he was my second choice, but he knew that. I would be his second also. It was a gamble, but all of life was.

I pulled away from Sean's tear soaked shirt to look up at him. His face was so full of concern and I could tell he cared for me deeply. I leaned in and kissed him softly on his lips. He gasped and jumped back startled. I tried showing him with my eyes how
all right this was with me. I could see his indecision, but it didn't take long for his gaze to clear.

He leaned into me and kissed me as softly as I had kissed him. We kissed tenderly as if we were made of glass and were both afraid one of us would break the other.

I felt shattered. It was so different from kissing Drake, the only other man I had ever kissed. The feelings were there, just not as strong. I still felt passion though and it was definitely building. I knew he felt it too when he pulled back, his breathing uneven.

Our eyes met and held. We gazed at each other for what felt like hours
, but it was probably only minutes. He had questions and I needed to give him answers and then ask my own questions. It was time to talk.

Sean spoke first. "I know we need to talk
, but first I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for being in your room like this, in your bed."

My cheeks flamed when I realized we were tangled together on my bed. Wow, that was some kiss to make me forget where I was. He noticed my blush and gave me his charming grin.

I cleared my throat and asked, "Why are you in here?"

"Well, I came by to talk to you and when I reached your door I heard you call out. The door was unlocked so I poked my head in t
o check to make sure you were okay. You were having a nightmare. It looked pretty bad too so I wanted to wake you up. And well, you know the rest."

I blushed again, darn my fair skin, but he didn't chuckle like usual or grin. He was ready for the serious conversation.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier. About you not being my mate. That wasn't nice or fair. You were only being a friend," I said.

I wanted to
start with what we were supposed to talk about before I met with the Pack Master. I needed to apologize. It had been a rotten thing to say.

"Apology accepted,"
he said with a soft smile.

He
did not add anything else so I knew he wanted me to start. I was the one who kissed him.

"I, um, had a conversation today with Pack Master Dane. I came by to tell him that I was followed today."

"What! What? When? What happened?" Sean immediately went into guard mode.

"No, stop. Everything's
all right and I have already spoken to Dane about it. I'm sure he will fill you in later." At his glare, I conceded. "Fine, I'll tell you later. I want to talk about us first. Okay?"

He reluctantly agreed so I continued. "He had an interesting theory on why we're attracted to each other even though we aren't mates."

"So you want me?" He interrupted, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Gees! Be serious will you? Yes, you know I'm attracted
to you." At his grin, I added, "And you want me." His grin turned to a sheepish smile and he kissed my nose.

"So as I was saying,
he thinks we are second mates."

At Sean's confused look
, I put my hand up to signal him to wait before asking questions.

"You know how often we wolves never find our mates? And how depressed we get if our mate dies?" Sean nodded. "Well, Dane thinks second mates are like second chances.
Nature's way of keeping our lives balanced. So we don't feel so lonely all the time waiting for the one to come along.”

“
Or waiting for death after we lose them," I added knowing that's how I felt sometimes, like I was waiting for death because Drake wasn't there. If we were two halves of a whole, then why wasn't he with me?

"Do you understand?" I asked Sean.

"Yes, I think so, but I'm still not sure. What if one of us finds our mate, won't the other be depressed and lonely once again? It might be too much to lose you to your mate, knowing I will be alone again."

I shook my head. "You don't have to worry about that Sean. I would be the one losing you."

I looked away trying to hold back the tears. I hated talking about Drake, but Sean needed to know.

"I found my mate Sean."

Sean's eyes widen. "Oh."

He was silent a moment then understanding dawned and his eyes saddened. He pulled me close and rest
ed his cheek on top of my head.

"I'm so sorry Rebecca
."

I nodded and held him tight. The tighter I held
him, the better I could hold back my tears.

When he drew back he asked, "What was his name?"

"Drake."

He nodded. "When did he pass?"

"Five years ago," I said trying to keep my emotions pushed as far back as I could while having this conversation. It was hard, but I found talking about it with Sean surprisingly easy.

"That was about the time you showed up here, right?" He asked.

"Yes, I had to leave. It was too painful to stay there with the memories and people who knew us."

I paused preparing myself for my very serious confession. I knew our relations
hip's future would be decided by how he took my past.

"There was als
o another reason for my leaving," I said hesitantly.

Sean narrowed his eyes slightly and I was reminded of when Nathaniel said he could read me like a book. Could Sean do the same? Could he see the word murdere
r printed on my forehead?

"I killed the M
aster our pack was aligned to."

I looked him straight in the eye. Whatever he thought of me, I wanted to see it first and I wanted him to know I didn't feel an
y guilt at all over my actions.

He said nothing at first, only held my gaze
. I could tell he was shocked and was probably hoping I was just joking. I was completely serious and he could see that.

"Okay
Rebecca, you've got to give me more than that. I know you and I know you wouldn't do something like that without a really good reason."

Yes
, I knew I would have to give him the whole story, but I wanted the important part told first.

"Master Logan wasn't a bad Master
, but not nearly as kind as Lucas. I never heard of him being deliberately mean or torturing anyone until his One died. The Enduring Kiss is supposed to prolong their life, but something happened.”

“
Katrine was a risk taker, everyone knew. She loved to go rock climbing and one day she didn't come back from an excursion. They said Master Logan tried everything even redoing the Kiss, which I don't think is possible, but Katrine did not make it."

I remembered the sadness that surrounded
the pack at that time. I had not known her well. I had always been sort of a loner, but it was as if we all could feel the Master's misery during that time.

"It was no
t long after that when we started noticing his behavior changing. I truly believe he went crazy. He blamed Katrine's guards for not protecting her. Really, how were they supposed to protect her from falling off a cliff?"

"I don't know,
" Sean said quietly.

"I know, that's a stupid question
, but it was one we asked over and over. He just wouldn't listen. He tortured those guards and if they had mates he took them as feeders."

"Without their permission?" Sean asked incredibly.

"Well, not really. He told them he would let their mate's live after a short imprisonment if they fed him. And they believed him."

Sean thought about that a momen
t, his face drawn in Thought.

"What are you trying to say?" He finally asked.

I blew out a breath I had not realized I was holding. I was so worried over his reactions, but I shouldn't have been surprised to see him so calm. Sean was a laid-back kind of guy, but he also knew when to be serious. I appreciated his calm right now. I hoped he would stay that way.

"Drake was one o
f her guards and I was his mate," I said simply. Did that not say it all?

As soon as he realized what I was saying, that calm manner I was just admiring about him flew out the window. His gold eyes burned with his anger. His arms t
ighten around me.

"What? You're saying you were a feeder to that a
sshole?" He practically yelled.

I winced at his cursin
g. I never could get use to it.

"Did you have to..
.? I mean did he...?"

I pulled back and shook my head. I knew what he was asking and it was a legitimate question. The feeding process can be sexual for both pa
rticipants, but not in my case.

"No
Sean, never. My heart belonged elsewhere. I could have never done that without force, and Master Logan was so depressed over losing Katrine that I think it made the feedings different. They were actually quite painful," I whispered. "He was not kind."

I could still see Sean was close to being enraged so I leaned into him, hugging him. I held him tight
ly to comfort both of us. His tensed body began to soften until finally he began to rub my back gently, letting me know he was okay.

"So, this Master ki
lled your mate?"

I nodded my head against his chest. "Yes. I had been a feeder for abo
ut two weeks when I felt Drake pass. It was like half of me just vanished. I've never felt so hollow in my life."

Tears slipped down my cheeks and I wiped them away. How long would I cry over my loss?

"It has gotten better though. Not long after his death, I started to feel more myself again, but it was definitely different. It was as if he was close, just not reachable. That's when I started to plan."

"
I was watched closely and was not allowed out of my room without a guard. Luckily, my guard was a friend, but Logan did not know that. She was one of the few women guards. Her name was Rachel and I owe her everything. She helped me get my stuff from my old room and that was where I got the knife.”

“
Drake had given it to me as a gift. I was starting school soon and he wanted me to take precautions if I was out alone. The knife was hidden on a keychain"

"So you killed him with a baby knife? I thought they were more difficult to kill than that?" Sean interrupted.