Second Chance Pass (34 page)

“Sure. I’ll lock you out and take off from the back. There’s coffee in the fridge, but that’s it. Want a beer or bottle to take to the cabin?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m good and tired,” he said. “And I’m planning to get out of here early.”

“You bet. And, brother? Don’t lick this wound too long, huh?”

He shook Jack’s hand. “I’ll be fine.”

Joe stepped out onto Jack’s porch and looked up at the sky. He heard the door lock behind him; the Open sign clicked off. The stars were fewer, dimmer, and he hoped
it wasn’t smoke in the sky. He pulled out his cigar from his shirt pocket, clipped the end and struck a match on his shoe. It flared.

And illuminated her.

She was wearing tight jeans and high-heeled sandals, a little blue knit shirt, a gold necklace. She leaned against the porch post in the corner, legs crossed, arms crossed, that shiny black hair resting on her shoulders. He took a step toward her, bewildered, and the match burned down to singe his fingers.

“Ah!” he said, shaking it out. He put his boot over it, crushing it for sure. Then he lit another match and took another step toward her.

There wasn’t much light besides the match, but he could clearly see the tracks of tears down her cheeks, her large dark eyes shining in the glow of the match. He shook it out. He put the cigar back in his pocket. “This is about where we started,” he said, not getting too close.

“I know. Do you hate me?”

“Of course not,” he said, but he kept a safe distance.

“I was embarrassed,” she said. “And scared.”

“Embarrassed?” he repeated. “Scared?”

She gave a deep sigh. “I couldn’t imagine what you thought of me. I jumped into bed with you so fast…”

“You could have asked me. I jumped into bed with you pretty fast, too.”

“Men can get away with that.”

“I didn’t,” he said. “My punishment was pretty brutal.”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I guess it was. I’m sorry about that.”

“Okay,” he said. “Scared?”

“Oh, Joe… I was so damn scared. I thought about morning coming and you giving me a whack on the butt and saying, ‘Thanks, baby.’”

“What did I say or do to make you think it could be like that?” he asked her.

“It wasn’t you, Joe. It was me. I guess I just wasn’t ready to move on yet.”

“Did panic come with the morning?” he asked.

“Yeah. It was a nice night. A night like I’d like to have again, and I thought about what it would feel like to look forward to it and be—” She lifted her chin and sniffed. “Not in the cards.”

He laughed without humor. “So you ended it to keep me from ending it? Jesus, Nikki, all I wanted to do was make you feel like you were headed for something good. What the hell happened between us to make you think that way?”

“It was just my past,” she said, shaking her head. “You were wonderful to me.”

“And so—you never want to hear from me again?” he asked, totally stumped. “You didn’t want to even see if there was something more there? Scared of that, too?”

“I was afraid to go any further. We don’t even know each other! I want something permanent, I want a family.”

“Weren’t you listening? I don’t have any idea if that’s going to happen with us, you and me—we’re too new. But wasn’t I clear? I’m not avoiding that.”

“Joe, I think I might be clueless when it comes to love. Afraid I wouldn’t know real love if it bit me in the ass.”

He chuckled in spite of himself. “Been there,” he said. “Pretty recently, in fact.”

“I thought I was probably mistaken. At the time it seemed to me you were showing me something good. Sincere. Loving. But it could have just been…You know. Sex.”

“No complaints about the sex, then,” he said.

“It was so much more than that. For me, it was so much more than that.”

It was a huge relief to hear her say that, he actually let out a slow breath. He reached out a hand and wiped a tear from her cheek. “And you didn’t think it could’ve been more than that for me, too?”

“I just didn’t know.”

“But you came back here?”

“Well, Paul called me.”

“Paul?” he asked, astonished.

“Yeah. I think I’ve been played.”

“How’s that?”

“He called to tell me not to worry about you—that although you admitted you had it real bad for me, you were working at getting over me and I’d probably be free of you in no time. He said you wouldn’t bother a woman who didn’t want to be bothered.”

“He did that? Why’d he do that?”

“To make me think about what I might be giving up, maybe.” She wiped the other cheek. “So. You’re over me?”

“Not quite,” he said. “I’m still working on it.” He looked down for a second, thinking. “What did you come back for?” he asked her. “To clear the air? Get it over with? More sex? After which you’ll take off before I’m awake?”

“Then Vanni called me. She told me she’d been thinking about things, and decided I must be out of my mind. She told me a lot of the same things you’d already told me—about coming together to help your friends, about being there for Paul while he buried Matt. She knew that if she ever needed your help for any reason, you’d be there for her. And I thought, what the hell’s the matter with me? I’ve always wanted to be with someone who thinks like that, acts like that.” She looked up at him with those wide, damp eyes. “She told me you’d be here—bringing Paul the plans. Should I have stayed away? Would that have been for the best?”

“I don’t know, Nikki,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not going to kid you—the way you ran out on me… That was awful. Then I wrote you that it broke me apart and you still wouldn’t respond. What am I going to think, huh? You’re not the only one who doesn’t feel like getting hurt again.”

“You wouldn’t know it by the way I acted with you, but I’m inexperienced. I’ve never done that before. It turns out I’m lousy at one-night stands. All paranoid and spooked.”

“Yeah? Me, too,” he said. “I never thought of it as a one-night stand. Not even that one night. I was destroyed to find you gone. More destroyed to hear it made you cry. I couldn’t believe anything happened to make you cry. I’m still having trouble with that.”

“Look, here’s what happened to me. He said he loved me. We lived together for years. I kept saying to him, I need a commitment, I want a family. And he kept saying, I might need a little more time on that. And then he finally told me—he had a vasectomy behind my back a couple of years ago because he was afraid I’d get ahead of him, stop taking my pills and sneak a baby out of him. That’s when I knew—there was no love, no trust. He was a liar and he was just using me. It was a horrible thing to face up to.”

“Jesus,” Joe breathed, almost speechless.

“I thought he loved me and was trying to come to terms with the whole forever thing,” she said. “He’d been through a rocky divorce about ten years back. It made sense to me that he’d be nervous. I didn’t know he was lying.”

“Nikki, I’m sorry. That was bad, what he did. He should’ve been honest.”

“Yeah. And then there was you. In five minutes I knew you were more honest and straightforward than he was, but I doubted the signals. I wanted to fall for you—but I don’t know you.”

He reached a hand toward her shining black hair. So soft. “By morning, there wasn’t an inch of me you didn’t know.”

“You have a big mole on your butt,” she said. “You should probably get that looked at. And a scar on your shoulder. And I think you had your appendix out.”

He smiled at her. So, she had been paying attention. He wasn’t the only one, then. “I was twelve.”

“What happened here,” she said, reaching out to his shoulder.

“I got shot in Fallujah. Mike Valenzuela kept us all alive till Jack could get us out of there. Six of us were bleeding all over the place, there were snipers everywhere, but we got out. Paul gave up a spleen. It was ugly. It ended the Marines for me—I’m out of the reserves now. Paul too.” He smiled. “See? You know things about me.”

“Not enough,” she said softly.

Joe leaned toward her and kissed the path of a tear on her right cheek. He threaded a hand around the back of her neck and kissed her temple. “Here,” she whispered. Her finger was touching her lips. “There’s a tear.”

He leaned his lips toward hers and barely touching them, ran his tongue over her upper lip. “No, there’s not,” he said. “I think you’re done crying now.” He put his hands around her tiny waist and pulled her onto his mouth, kissing her deeply and tenderly. She answered him with desire, hot and strong, opening her lips under his. He thought he might feel tears in his own eyes, she felt so wonderful in his arms, tasted so magnificent on his lips. He wondered if this was just another of his fantasies; he further wondered if it was real, if it would disappear once again before he could grab on to it. Feeling her body against his, her tongue in his mouth, her hands running up and down his back, he hoped beyond hope that she was
real and he wouldn’t wake up and find she’d just been another dream.

“I thought you were gone forever,” he said against her lips.

“I wish I hadn’t gone. I wish I’d stayed….”

He covered her mouth in a deep, desperate kiss that lasted forever, holding her so close he was afraid he’d crush her. He wanted to say things to her, but that would mean releasing her lips, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it. All those weeks, all those long nights of wishing he could have made things different for them. All that regret, thinking that if he hadn’t moved so fast, he could have brought them together differently, with more success. He should have taken his time, courted her, wooed her. He was a fool, not getting her phone number and last name before he got her body. He should have brought her slowly and confidently into his heart, erasing her doubts. And yet he couldn’t imagine how it could have been different—they’d both been so steamed up. So ready.

He was ready again.

“Nikki,” he whispered, “you’re doing it to me again.” He covered her mouth and kissed her, deep and long. He touched her breast. “God,” he whispered.

“Take me somewhere,” she said.

“No,” he whispered. “Not until you understand a few things.”

“Hurry then. Tell me what I have to understand.”

“I’m not interested in one night. I want it all. If that’s too much for you, tell me right now. If it’s going to scare you off, I want to know.”

“All?”

“I want to go to bed with you, and wake up with you.” He kissed her. “Then I want to do that again.” He kissed her. “And again. And again.”

“Okay,” she said breathlessly.

“I’m an idiot, but I’m in love with you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ve never felt this bad before.”

“Isn’t it supposed to feel good?”

“It does, when you’re in my arms. When you’re not, it’s just awful.”

“Okay,” she said. “I understand.”

“You’re going to give it a chance?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding.

“I realize that sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. I’ve been down that road and so have you. But I’m not going to string you along. I’ll never lie to you. Do you believe me?”

“I do. Do you believe me?”

“You’re not going to run out on me again, without any explanation?”

“I won’t do that again, no.”

“You can do anything else, you know. You can tell me you were mistaken. Tell me you changed your mind and you don’t feel it anymore. Anything but disappearing without a word. If it’s over for you, you have to finish it. Do we have a deal?”

“Deal,” she said against his lips.

“Where do Vanni and Paul think you are?” he asked her in a hoarse whisper.

“With you,” she said.

“And are you?”

“Yes. Yes, Joe. I’m with you.”

He lifted her off her feet, kissing her. “If you want me to make love to you, I will. But only if you want me to. And only if you think it can be the beginning of something, not the end.”

She locked her hands behind his neck and smiled.
“You’re something, you know that? You’re not a regular guy. Usually this is about the time the guy says something like, don’t try to pin me down, baby. Guys don’t usually start right off saying they want a chance at something that lasts.”

“Yeah?” He grinned. Then he shrugged, thinking about his boys, his friends. There was a time almost all of them were that other guy—the kind who’s dodging commitment. Now look at them. “You over that idiot who let you go?”

“I’m so over him, I could laugh.”

“Good.” He chuckled. “Let’s go someplace we can wake up together.”

It amazed Joe he could sleep at all, but he did. Holding Nikki in his arms through the night, feeling her sweet, warm body against his, he was at peace. When he woke beside her, it was as though the future had been decided for him. He was dead in love with her, amazed at the way he had only to touch her, kiss her, and she would unfold, wanting him as much as he wanted her. Now it was only a question of what she would decide about them. But he trusted their pact—they would be honest with each other. No more running away.

Joe slipped out of bed in the predawn, the sun barely rising. He thought he’d start the coffee, make love to her again while it brewed, and they could watch the sunrise together. They could talk about when they’d see each other next. He started the coffee. He stared at the coffeepot while it began to brew. The smell of the pot was suspect—he wondered if it was old. Then he lifted his head. He looked at the clock on the microwave. Nine-thirty. He sniffed the air. Oh shit. He unplugged the coffeepot and ran out onto the porch, naked. He thought it was predawn because the
sun streaming through the windows was so dim—but it was smoke in the air. “Nikki,” he yelled, running back into the cabin. “Nikki! Wake up! Fire!”

T
he town had become a base camp for firefighters and the acrid odor of smoke hung in the air. When Joe pulled into town, he had to park back beyond the church. He held on to Nikki’s hand and ran with her to the center of town. There were many Cal Fire trucks, Hot Shot transports, Cal Fire firefighters and dozens of firefighters who Joe knew at a glance would be inmates trained in firefighting. There were flatbeds loaded with gear, water tenders and trucks for hauling firefighters, paramedic rigs, dozens of men in hard hats and yellow turnouts, boots, packs of gear on their backs, and a tent pitched in the middle of the street, beside it an ambulance. The street was wide enough for a helicopter to land for medical airlift.

On the porch, among many men Joe had never seen before, were his friends. Jack was pulling on yellow turnouts, slipping the suspenders over his shoulders.

“Joe,” he said. “I wasn’t sure you were still here. I knew you intended to leave for Oregon at the crack of dawn.” He glanced at Nikki and couldn’t suppress a quick grin. He gave her a nod.

“Still here. What’s happening?”

“Wind shifted. It’s headed this way.”

“What are we doing?”

Zeke stepped forward and handed him some gear, which he took. “We’re getting in it, bud.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been watching it from Fresno. Just after midnight it looked like it could threaten my favorite hunting grounds, so I fired up the truck and started driving.”

Stephens walked out of the bar, already dressed out, a big doughnut in his hand. “Not before he got everyone out of bed,” he said.

Joe immediately started getting into his gear. He pulled the suspenders over his shoulders. Zeke and Josh were professional firefighters and paramedics, the rest of them trained volunteers—Cal Fire could use them. It would be a lot of fetching and carrying, digging, removing vegetation, but every hand helped.

“What are you doing?” Nikki asked Joe.

“I’ll do what I can to help. You want to go home? Go out to Vanni’s?”

Before she could answer, Mel stepped onto the porch. She was wearing a white doctor’s coat, something Joe had never seen her do before. There was a stethoscope around her neck. “What’s this?” he asked her, lifting his chin toward her as he pulled heavy gloves out of the pockets.

“We’re helping in the first-aid station set up here. Since these guys don’t know us—me and Doc—we have to be identifiable by uniform.”

“Where are the kids?” he asked.

“Little ones are having morning naps in the back,” Jack said. “I think Christopher is standing watch. Paige is in charge of the kids while Mel works medical and Brie attempts to keep the food and water coming.”

“I’ll help her,” Nikki said. She put a quick kiss on Joe’s
cheek and whispered in his ear, “I love you, too. Please be careful.” Then she headed quickly into the bar while he followed her with his eyes, a stupid grin on his face.

“There’s help from Cal Fire if Brie and Nikki can’t keep up with it,” Jack said. “If necessary, they’ll evacuate the town. We’re hoping that won’t be necessary.”

Before long, Preacher was on the porch, already dressed in his gear. Paige was beside him, holding their new baby. He bent down, kissed his wife and daughter, and headed down the porch toward the waiting truck. Jack walked after him, snagging his arm. “Maybe you should stay, Preach. In case these women and children have to be taken out of here.”

“There are people to help them out of here. I don’t let you go in anywhere alone.”

“I’m a big boy,” Jack said.

Preacher straightened and glowered. “Me, too.”

Mel walked off the porch and toward the truck that would carry the volunteers away. She watched as the marines climbed on—Zeke, Phillips, Stephens. Mike, Paul, Preacher, Joe and Jack followed them. A truck came flying into town, horn honking. Corny, also a professional firefighter, climbed out and yelled, “Hey! Forget anyone?”

Greetings ripped the air. “What about that new baby?”

“Aw, she’s not so new anymore. We had her two days ago.”

“And your wife let you out of town?”

“You’re kidding, right? She
told
me to get my ass down here and help.” He grinned, pulling his own gear out of the truck bed. “She’s got her mother—I’m just in the way now. I have years with those kids.”

“Another girl, huh?” Jack said.

“Yeah, but I know I have a boy in me. I just know it.”

“You better keep that to yourself for a while, pal,” someone advised.

There were also locals—Doug Carpenter, Fish Bristol, Buck Anderson and two of his sons. All certified volunteer firefighters.

Everyone but Jack was in the truck. He went to his wife, leaned down and kissed her lips. “When they tell you it’s time, gather up the kids and get out of town.”

“It’s not going to come to that, Jack. It can’t. I don’t know if I can leave this place….”

“You do it. Keep them safe. And have someone get Ricky’s grandma out.”

“I’ll watch out for Lydie, but I’m waiting for you,” she said. “I’m waiting right here. I’ll be here when you’re done and Virgin River will be fine.”

“Melinda, don’t you dare take any chances.”

“Don’t
you,
” she said. “You come back as soon as you can.”

He smiled at her. “You know you can’t get rid of me.” He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her up to his mouth. “You taste too good.” He grinned. “Behave yourself.”

Jack climbed into the truck and sat next to Joe. “Looks like maybe you got some things straightened out,” Jack said.

“Might have a start on it. How’d you round up all these old boys?”

“Five of us were already here,” Jack said. “I just can’t believe these other guys. They must never have to work.”

“The few. The proud,” Phillips said. “The soon-to-be jobless if we don’t knock this shit off.”

It took a half hour to get to their area, the fire spreading toward them. Here there were steam shovels, trucks and water tenders parked along the road. All the firefighters, including the volunteers, had their gear on their backs—food, water, survival gear. They were assigned
jobs—chain saws for cutting down trees or removing branches, Pulaskis and drag-spoons. They were herded up an old abandoned logging road with the rest of the hand crew. The farther they went, the thicker the air got, the more sparks were flying. They were organized into a line, some of them felling huge trees while hand crews were cutting boughs off felled pines to decrease the fuel to the fire. Still others were digging a wider gap to separate the tree line from the burning forest, digging out vegetation, throwing dirt on small pockets of spreading fire. Water tenders were driving farther back to spray down the small fires started by blowing sparks and embers. Jack walked all the way up to the end of the line and started turning earth. “I’m getting too old for this shit,” he said, throwing dirt to cover the felled trees and chopped boughs.

“We all are, man,” Paul said. He looked up. “You think we could get one frickin’ cloud in the sky?”

“Go ahead and pray,” Jack suggested.

The general drove up to the bar and walked inside. The first thing he saw was Brie, her baby niece swaddled in a carrier around her front, setting up pitchers of water on the bar for firefighters. He heard the sound of a baby crying in the back, in Preacher’s quarters. He went behind the bar and dived right in. “I have an idea,” he said. “Why don’t you and Paige take the kids out to the ranch. It’s surrounded by flat land and river—no danger there. I’ll handle the bar.”

“Mel can’t leave and I have her nursing baby right here,” Brie said. “She’s been treating minor injuries with paramedics and has to be on hand for more.”

“The air here isn’t the best for these kids. I have someone I can call to help. You should get the little ones out of here.”

“Well… Let me ask her.”

Brie took the general’s suggestion to Mel and she thought about it for less than a minute, then nodded. “The kids will be safer there. Can you, Paige and Nikki load them up?”

“Sure. But I hate to take them away from you.”

“They should go, he’s right. You can set up a nursery there, with Vanni. We’ll be fine here with Walt’s help.”

Mel watched from the first-aid station while the women carried the children to Preacher’s and Jack’s trucks with Walt’s help, moving car seats around and tucking them in. Into the back went a playpen, port-a-crib, infant seats and baby swing, diaper bags and paraphernalia. Little Davie and Emma, Christopher and Dana Marie. Then they pulled slowly out of town.

Mel hoped it would occur to Paige or Vanni to nurse little Emma; Emma needed the breast. She was young and vulnerable and Mel wouldn’t hesitate to nurse a friend’s baby at a time like this. Mel felt a tear run down her cheek as they went. She wiped at it impatiently. This was an emergency; they’d have to make do. Vanni, Brie, Nikki and Paige would keep the babies and Christopher all safe. That was the most important thing.

Then Jack will be home and we’ll go get them, she told herself.

The morning flew by with trucks full of firefighters passing through, stopping for first aid or food and water. They’d be driven out and another crew would pass through. Sometimes the firefighters were new and wearing clean gear, sometimes they were dirty, exhausted, parched and hungry men. Most of them were inmates, felons trained in firefighting with plenty of law enforcement on hand, backing up Cal Fire. Mel had often wondered how many of them tried to run away while on this duty. But then, this program would likely come to an end if many did.

She took a break to walk into the bar. To her surprise,
behind the bar she found the general and Muriel. The woman gave her a bright smile.

“Hey, girl,” Walt said. “What can I get you?”

“Ice water, thanks, if you still have ice. I’m so dry. I think it’s the smoke in the air. It’s not exactly thick, but it works on the nose and throat.”

“How are you, Mel?” Muriel asked.

“A little tense today. Thanks for coming to help.”

“It’s nothing,” she said with a shrug. “I’m glad to. You have quite the circus out there.”

Mel gratefully drank down half her water. “We do, at that,” she said.

“I’m going back to the kitchen. I’ve been making sandwiches, the only cooking I’m capable of. I just about have a big tray ready to bring out. Cal Fire has rations, but they’re running low and we can pitch in. How about if we set up on the porch, along with water?”

“Perfect,” Mel said. “Hang on to the bottled water till the well runs low—we might need it later. I’m going to call the ranch, see how the kids are doing.”

She went to the phone. While Vanni assured her everyone was fine, she could hear Emma crying in the background. Amazing, she thought, how you knew your baby’s cry. It almost made
her
cry. Worse than that, it made her milk let down and she had to make a dash for the bathroom, open her shirt and lean over the sink. Women’s bodies, she found herself thinking. It was a miracle, the way they worked.
Come back, Jack,
she thought.
We have to get back to our children!

“Mel,” Muriel was calling, tapping at the door. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” she answered. “I’ll be right out.” When she opened the door, she found the older woman standing there, waiting, a concerned frown on her face.

“I saw you run for the bathroom, and I thought maybe you were sick. All this smoke in the air…”

Mel chuckled. “I called Walt’s house to check on the kids and heard Emma crying. It’s been too long since I nursed her. In seconds, I was dripping,” she said, pulling aside the white coat to show a large round wet spot on her breast. “I hope they get this fire under control before I explode.”

Muriel smiled. “I didn’t have children. And I guess you need to get back to yours.”

“I’m sure it won’t be much longer. Really, this has to be resolved soon. Don’t you think?” Mel asked.

“I don’t know, Mel,” she said, shaking her head. “There’s a lot of wood out there. It’s scary.”

“Yeah,” Mel said weakly. “Yeah it sure is.”

Walt was making sandwiches with Muriel. “You know, I’ve been hanging around your place, riding with you, throwing the stick for your dogs, and I never asked you about the husbands. Like, how many? And why you think it didn’t work out?”

“What makes you think I feel like telling you?” she asked.

“Aw, you’ll tell me,” he said. “You’re just that kinda gal. And I told you about my wife.”

“Okay,” she said, still slapping sandwiches together. “The synopsis. The first one was fifteen years older than me, my agent. He’s still my agent—he married the talent, not the person I was. He was very ambitious for me, for us both. He still thinks I divorced him because of his age, but I divorced him because all he cared about was my career. I don’t think he could tell you my favorite color…”

“Yellow,” Walt said.

Her head snapped around and she stared at him. “Yellow,” she said.

“That was easy,” he said. “It’s all around and you wear it a lot. Red’s important, too.”

“Right,” she said, shocked. She shook herself. “Okay, number two hit, number three cheated, number four had a child he failed to mention, number five—”

“All right, wait,” Walt said. “Is this going to go on for a real long time?”

She grinned at him. “Didn’t you look it up on the Internet?”

“I did not,” he said, almost insulted.

“We’re stopping at five. He had a substance-abuse problem. I didn’t know about it beforehand, obviously. I tried to help, but I was in the way—he needed to be on his own. That’s when I decided that, really, I should quit doing that. Marrying. But please understand, it’s not all my fault—Hollywood doesn’t exactly have a reputation for long, sturdy relationships. I did the best I could.”

“I have no doubt,” he said.

“Do you say that because you have no doubt? Or are you being a sarcastic ass to a poor woman who had to go through five miserable husbands?”

He chuckled. Then he slipped an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. It was the first time he’d been that bold. He’d been riding with her, showing up at her house to drink wine while they sat on lawn chairs in front of the bunkhouse, even talking to her almost daily on the phone, but he hadn’t gotten physical. “The Army was rough on families, too. I was lucky.”