Second Chance with Love (10 page)

"Do not apologize. I already knew." The older man's voice was gentle.

"You knew?" Nathan’s body was seized by tension.

"Yes. I do keep a close eye on all members of the...mission."

Nathan wanted to see the expression on Jośe face, to see whether the look on his face matched the kindly level in his tone.

"Why didn't you just ask me to leave?" Though appreciative of Jośe's generosity, in Nathan's experience, a person's generosity was conditional.

"Well, of course I was curious to begin with, but when I saw that you were willing to push yourself to work hard, so hard to the point of exhaustion, I concluded that your intentions were overall good."

"I see." Nathan let out a deep breath and felt the tension ease from his shoulders.

"Also, I must add, you didn't lie, as no one asked you. When a number of the organizers suggested we confront you, I thought it better that we keep a close eye on you and carry on with our assignment.”

So others knew? Nathan felt more foolish by the minute, he was usually more levelheaded.

"Why did you come here, Nathan?" It was as if Jośe extracted these question from Nathan's mind. Nathan shook his head.

"I don't know now. First there was a girl – an ex-girlfriend. I didn't know what I was doing."

"Ah, for love. Now I understand. Who, may I ask, is the woman?"

Chapter 9

"Have you decided on a husband yet?"

Hilda had to paused before a sudden coughing fit came on. She had been lost in telling her mother about the progress of the mission and their plans to return, that she hadn't expected the question. They sat in the breakfast area of the hotel. Hilda shared a

table with her mother and Aaron.

"Mother, it's not like there are is a group of prospects lining up to marry me."

Hilda's mother gave her a weak smile – it seemed to be all should could muster in terms of optimism.

"Charles. He is a good man who cares for you, plus you have to work that awful job, he even said so himself.”

"He did?" Hilda looked over at Charles, who waved to her with a piece of toast in his hand. "I'm perfectly able to manage my life without Charles' support." Hilda's turned to Aaron and began cutting the fruit on his plate.

"I'll just go back to my room and lie down."

"You're not going to go sightseeing?" Hilda felt the welling up of disappointment in her chest.

"The sight I've seen already," she looked from Aaron to Hilda, "is quite enough." She rose slowly from the table, keeping her eyes ahead.

"But mom." Hilda reached out to touch her, but her mother wrested her arm from her grip. Hilda watched her walk away.

"Mom, where's gran going?"

"She's just going back to bed."

"Why?"

"She’s very tired." Hilda could not bring herself to imagine the dissatisfaction she brought her mother. Her mother was wholesomely intent on organizing what she perceived as Hilda's already botched-up life. Hilda knew she had to try and help her mother to understand that she had to live her life.

The onset of adulthood never carried weight when the time came for Justine Borja to relinquish her hold on Hilda. The authority her mother exercised and harnessed with bit and bridle, though well-meaning, inserted her will into Hilda's life for the purpose of fulfilling her own wishes. Hilda didn't like to admit it, but her mother sought to live vicariously through her. She made sure her daughter went into modeling from the age of seven. She won most competitions. She forced Hilda into the popular groups. Even though Hilda never felt like she quite fit in, she preferred to be quiet. And so she became a target. Her so-called friends suggested she dye her hair, because it was looked like a carrot, her complexion was too pale, her body too thin. With the daily abuse, Hilda distanced herself from the popular girls and found solace in her father's letter. Hilda hid the pinch marks and cruel notes that came through the mail-box. Hilda wondered at times whether her mother simply chose to ignore the obvious, such as her hair being short at times, or moments where her mother had caught her crying. And even though Hilda was finished with the popular crowd, they were not necessarily finished with her. Jocks would force her to kiss them and promised that if she would be their girlfriend, her problems would end.

Hilda watched as Aaron painted with Lucretia, and she smiled as she watched both children whisper together. She found it hard to believe she was ever so innocent, yet she knew it was true. When she first gave herself to Christ she felt renowned. Her sins had been forgiven and she'd been hugged... at that time she was 15 and her mother had allowed her to attend a summer school. Her mother had not thought much of the fact it was a Christian summer camp, but when Hilda return and told her mother that she had become a Christian, Justine Borja had laughed in disbelief. Yes, Hilda's mother had been raised a Christian and she still considered herself one, but Hilda's upbringing was different. Hilda had been groomed to have a successful life and not worry about miracles. Life was hard and the way to get ahead was to be active. Hilda was happy when her mother allowed her to attend church regularly and get saved. She watched her daughter in a sort of languid, amused way. As long as it didn't interfere with her studies and the direction her mother wanted her to go than it would be fine. This was the understanding that they had, or better yet this was the rule that her mother made.

But ever since she became a Christian, Hilda began to see the world a bit differently, she had another perspective. Whereas in the past, her mother was the only authoritative lens to see the world through, now Hilda turned to the God and the bible. She learned that material gain was not really a gain, and that ambition was not the sole reason to live and strive and work. She also gained an interest in helping people. When she learned about mission groups, it excited her. Instead of working just to help herself get ahead, she could work and help others less fortunate.

At the sound if this, Hilda's mother was disgusted and would never allow it. Also she dismissed Hilda's talent as a photographer, when Hilda showed photos she used to take when her and Melanie went to the park.

Hilda knew her mother blamed Christianity for the way her daughter lived her life, that a life of mission work would eventually lead to poverty. But Hilda always felt her mother's fears were not grounded.

"Mother, I know I have let you down." Hilda sat by as her mother laid back indulging in the sun's rays.

"Well, it is too late for you. I will look after my grandson. Quite frankly, you are not fit to do it."

Hilda felt the sensation of an eruption inside her chest, she pressed her hand to her heart.

"Mother, how can you say that? You've seen how I much I give to my son. I love him more than anything in the world."

"Well, put an end to this gallivanting around the world attempting to be mother Teresa. Find a good husband. Haven't you had enough fun yet? I'm already the laughing stock at the country club, I'll have you know."

"Well, mother, this no longer has to be about you. You can let me live my own life." Hilda felt anger mixed with hurt, but she pushed her hand over her chest and forced the worlds from her mouth. "I am happy and I don't need a man to validate me as a parent. If the right person comes along, I'll be happy, but right now I have t o live the best life I can and make Aaron proud of me as a mother."

"How dare you." Hilda's mother sprung up, holding her chest. “You think raising you by myself was easy? After all my work, you want to live a life of mediocrity, and ruin generations with your irresponsible decisions?"

"I know you had it hard after dad died. But I thank God every night for giving me a caring mother. You looked after me though and raised me right."

At this Hilda's mother seemed to flinched and her lips curled as if she were having a facial spasm.

"Well, I don't thank God for having a daughter such as you. Do you want to know what I say when I remember to pray at night?" Justine's eyes looked wild.

Hilda felt a lump in her throat form. She shook her head, as she knew she didn't want to her what her mother had to say.

"No, you don't want to know, huh." Her mother reclined, but was clearly still tense with anger. "I ask God why he left a curse instead of a daughter."

Hilda's jaw dropped. When she realized she was crying, her face was already wet. She vibrated with suppressed rage. Without another word Hilda stood and walked back to the playground.

When Hilda reached the school she saw another test waiting for her. Charles. Though Hilda had been wiping her face incessantly, there was little time to disguise that she had been cringe during her slow walk back. And now Charles blocked her access to the playground.

"Is everything okay, Charles?" Hilda folded her arms.

"I have been speaking to the organization, and they are going to scrap short term mission trips. They think it is a waste of money and time.

"But, I can't do long term missions. I have to work."

Charles shrugged, "I guess that is that. Hilda, these missions have to work for the needs of the communities we bring the gospel to, and not necessarily the members on the trip. You've been an asset to the group, but I'm afraid you'll have to be replaced."

"Is it safe to assume I'll be replaced by you?"

"Well, we can't be too sure." Charles smiled. "We'll have to wait and let God decide."

"How long have you been in talks with the organizers?" Hilda realized that the decision must have taken months to come to. Her ability to lead and carry out the goals must have been monitored closely. She must have been monitored closely.

"How long have I been monitored?"

"A while now. Look, it was all for the betterment of the team. For the betterment of the program. I mean, bringing Aaron to the mission trips, people recognized your attentions were always distracted."

"My attentions were never distracted by Aaron." Hilda felt a tightness at her stomach.

Charles smirked. "You can't take on everything alone. And just because you are struggling to cope with all of the responsibilities you've taken on, it doesn't mean the world has to slow down for you to catch up."

"You are speaking about me as if I'm a burden."

Charles smiled and shrugged

Never had Hilda considered herself to be a handicap to the team. But now, she felt as if the illusion she'd been living in had been shattered.

"If that's all, thank you." Hilda felt the quaking in her voice. She wanted to fall to the floor and cry then and there. But she need to see Aaron first.

She walked around Charles to the playground. A few kids played catch, while others sang and danced. Hilda felt the unbearable pain was something that she could not bring into this atmosphere.

She looked around for Aaron and didn't find him. Or Lucretia.

A child skipped up to her. "Where's..."

He looked absentmindedly at his feet and swung side-to-side. "I was told not to tell."

"Please." Hilda needed to control her breath and not panic.

"Lucretia is with her Papa."

Hilda pushed open the hotel room door. Maybe he had come back her. Lucretia was with her father, but did that mean Aaron was taken too?

She looked around the room, feeling the vacant space had settled into her stomach. Hilda feel nauseous. As soon she learned that Lucretia's father had taken his daughter, she ran back to Charles and told him what had happened. He immediately contacted the authorities, but Hilda could not wait for them. Although Hilda had given the children strict instructions to stay inside the playground, she now hoped Aaron had disobeyed and returned to the hotel. How he would have gotten inside without a key didn't cross her mind. She just wanted him to find him safe.

But Hilda found the room empty. At which point Hilda got onto her knees, with tears streaming down her face and she prayed. "Oh, please God let my baby be safe. Return him to me safe!" He body trembled.

Then there was a knock at the door. Hilda opened it.

"Why did you lie about Charles?"

Hilda stood froze.

"Nathan. Aaron is your son."

Chapter 10

It was as if someone had punched Nathan in the gut. He sucked in air and felt the color drain from his face. Hilda held the door frame as if letting go of it would have resulted in her collapse.

"Nathan, did you hear what I just said?" Her face was pale, gaunt, eyes wide and lips quivering.

"Where?" The growl that came from Nathan's throat would have frightened most people who heard it.

"Maybe a five or ten minutes ago. I'm not sure." At that point more tears followed, Hilda's shaking. Nathan wanted to hold her more than ever before, he wanted to soothe her pain. He stepped forward to hold her. She put her hand out. "No. I don't deserve to be comforted. I just want Aaron found. The authorities will be here soon. Nathan, I don't know what to do."

Nathan turned away from her. And he disappeared.

Chapter 11

Hilda’s arm bled as she rushed through the forest. Her heart drummed as if a parade was going on inside of her chest. She had to find him. To find them. After Nathan walked out of the hotel, she stood stunned before going after him. She was adamant at following him while he was in a rage, only God knew the lengths he would go to find Aaron. Yes, she too would go to the ends of the earth to find Aaron, but Nathan had a history of using force to get what he wanted. She feared for anyone who would get in his way. But, she wondered if he would even achieve anything by wrecking the area.