Second Chance with Love (14 page)

"Is there a chance you and your mom will patch things up?"

Hilda bit her lip, "I hope so. I shouted at her. I lost control. She always criticizes my parenthood and I couldn't take it anymore."

"You were stressed. I sure if you apologized and maybe explain that you were stressed, she would forgive you. It's worth a try."

"I used to just cry whenever mother yelled at me. Today I unleashed my anger on her. I should have held it in until she left."

"It's only had made things worse."

"How?"

"You can't bottle it up. Speak with her. Be as gentle as you can. You want her forgiveness? Maybe it isn't going to come easy."

"Yeah, mother doesn't approve of anything I do." Hilda watched Aaron, running with another boy around his age. "Do you remember the letter?"

"Of course." Nathan nodded. Hilda could see Nathan gazing at her intently in her periphery.

"Well, I wished for a long time that I had been raised by him. The man who wrote that letter expressed so much love. You know, mother never told me that she loved me." Hilda felt an ache in her throat.

Nathan was about to say something when a Aaron called.

"Push us." Aaron and his new friend were on swings. As Hilda and Nathan approached the playground, a woman, Hilda assumed was Aaron's companions mother, sat at a table and smiled at Hilda and Nathan warmly.

"A penny for your thoughts." Nathan faced Hilda.

"Where to begin?"

"Maybe with us?" Nathan said as he grabbed hold of Aaron's swing.

"You are definitely not the man I remembered."

"That a good thing?"

"I'm not sure."

"Why?"

"Because it frightens me." Hilda bit down on her lip, then added quickly, "look, you take care of the boys." She walked over to where the boy's mother sat.

"Is okay if I give him a push?" Nathan asked woman at table.

"That's fine." She smiled at Nathan and then turned to Hilda.

Chapter 20

Nathan rested on the kitchen counter as his mother poured coffee. She approached him and leaned in slightly, so Nathan could kiss her cheek.

"And he has your eyes?" His mother had thick brunette hair, with a gray streak. She smiled and took a seat on the stool beside him.

"Yes, he is beautiful. It's still hard to believe. And I didn't know." Nathan, seeing Aaron in his mind triggered an odd feeling in his chest, as if an actual part of himself self was attached to Aaron.

"When I told your father, you should have been there to see his response. But to be honest, we were starting to think that maybe you didn't want a relationship. Or children. Like back then."

"No mom. I'm a different man than I was back then."

"I know, I'm just saying that either way your father and I are going to respect your decision."

"Thanks, Ma." Nathan felt the warmth of the cup between his large hands.

"But, wow. I'm a grandmother. No warning. But that how it is sometimes, trusting God."

"Always. But Hilda, I don't even know if she trusts me. That she doesn't think I'm just getting close to Aaron so I can have them both as another thing to tick off my list?"

"And what about you?" Nathan's mother scanned his face.

"How'd you mean, Ma?"

"Do you trust yourself? Do you trust eachother?"

Nathan took a sip and indulged in the warm liquid flowing through him, feeling embarrassed, and ashamed, then dignified, and finally honest. "I'm really not sure." He looked down into the dark well of black coffee. "There are still feelings beneath the surface. I can't deny that the way I feel about Hilda is a way that I've felt toward any other girl."

"The two of you need time to piece things together. To understand how you've both changed."

"Maybe you're right."

"And I always thought, raising you and Miriam, that your sister would be the handful. Lord knows she was a bit a rebel in a teenage years, but you've been the one to keep me on my toes." Nathan's mother embraced him with a side hug.

"I do need to call Miriam. I can imagine her surprise when she hears that she's an aunt."

"But you and Hilda will have to sit down and discuss the best way to go forward, together, for Aaron's sake."

"I want to, and if I leave things up to her, then I'm not sure if she'll be in a rush to decided where I'm going to fit into her life." Nathan exhaled. "How's dad?"

"Oh, you know, after he hurt his back in the garden last week, he was supposed to be off work for another week, but you know him; it wasn't too long before he got restless."

"Just be thankful that he doesn't get many problems. I always pray that he doesn't come across any shoplifters. Knowing dad, he'll not think twice about apprehending them. Even at his age. He needs to be more careful."

"I tell him, you know. I say don't be so quick to engage trouble makers. Wait for assistance."

"Yeah, and he's not going to listen. is he?"

"He just kisses me and smiles. The Hawks men are all the same, more courage than sense. Which brings me to you."

"Ma, do I have to listen to this again?" Nathan's cell rang, causing his heart to leap for joy at the opportunity to escape another lecture. It was Clive.

"Getting shot, you need to be more careful." Nathan's mother's eyebrows furrowed.

"Wait. Hold that thought." Nathan bent towards his mother and kissed her cheek. He grinned, then took the call.

"Hey Nate, just wanted to say that Laudman & Luke have finally decided to go through with the deal." Clive said.

"That's great news, Clive. I know you've risked life and limb to get that deal."

"You know it, man! Like you always say, sacrifice it all to make more. I feel fu--” Clive stopped himself. "Sorry man, I know you don't like the cursing, but I feel on top of the world." Clive's jubilance was clear.

"Hey man. You slept yet?" Nathan picked up on the tell-tale signs. Clive's voice was cracked and he seemed on the verge of mania.

"Nah man. You always said sleep is for the weak."

Nathan caught himself cringing.

"What time did you come in today?" Nathan has an inkling but wanted to hear it from Clive.

"I ain't been home yet, had to make this work, you know."

"What about Jo and the kids?"

"I don't know man, sometimes that all gives me a headache, you know? I would rather do this."

Nathan heard himself in Clive's voice, but whereas there was a time he would have understood the drive that Clive had, Nathan couldn't help but feel the emptiness of all of his own pursuits.

"Go see the kids. Buy Jo a present."

"Hey don't lecture me, you're just trying to be all alone at the top of the world. Well, I know you're game buddy. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to be right beside you. Anyways, just had to let my old mentor know. Don't act like you're not proud."

"I am, well done. Go get some sleep."

When Clive hung up, Nathan stood staring into the middle distance. Clive had always looked up to him, family and God at one point had been placed behind his goals. Nathan had found his way back to God. He wanted to build a life with Aaron and Hilda, because after all his success, the twist in his stomach told him that even with success he still felt a part of himself was being neglected.

"Now Nathan." His mother pulled his awareness back into the room. "You can't go playing the action hero. It made me worry enough when you were in the military, even though both times you did good work."

"I know, Ma." Nathan cocked his head and smiled, his mother touched him the way she always did when she was worried about him. Nathan thought he would never understand the way they thought. But then Hilda and Aaron were in danger, and Nathan finally realized his mother's fear.

"And..." His mother began.

Nathan's cell rang again.

"Sorry Ma, it's... I have to take it." Nathan shrugged apologetically.

"Hello is this Nathan Hawks?." A deep male voice spoke.

"Speaking."

"Well you might not believe it, but..."

The next words froze Nathan to the spot.

Chapter 21

"Get up to anything nice on the weekend, Hilda?" Lorna sat across from Hilda, typing away. The office was reverberating with typing.

"Just took Aaron to the park. The weather was gorgeous."

"I'm sure it was." Lorna tone was playfully.

Hilda peered around her monitor and gave Lorna a quizzical look.

"Who was that hunk you were with on Sunday?" Lorna's beaming smile ignited a burning blush in Hilda's cheeks. They girls were always teasing Hilda for her innocence, and wanted to know if she had any skeletons in her closet. Except for Aaron's father not being around, which hinted to at an intriguing past, they couldn't find anything. She never went to clubs, was always too preoccupied with Aaron to find the time for dates, ignored the advances of coworkers, doctors, and anyone else who raised the courage to approach her. But she was always polite, helpful, and hardworking.

"Hunk?" Hilda's mind drew a blank, but then she remembered Nathan. Spending time with him on the weekend, she had failed to noticed the attention he must have received. Whereas when she dated Nathan previously and they took walks together in parks far away from their homes, she couldn't help but sense all the attention Nathan drew from other women. Nathan had seemed to absorb attention. But this time, Nathan didn't seem interested in looking at a single thing other than Aaron or Hilda.

"Don't pretend. Come on, who was he?" Lorna smiled and her eyes lit up.

"Wow, you holding out on us Hilda?" Jenny craned her neck to look at Hilda.

"You're probably talking about Nathan. Well, he's an old friend."

"Oh?" Amanda sitting kitty-corner in the room, pen in mouth, regarded Hilda.

"Oh indeed." Lorna half-smiled. "He is extremely hot. The two of you make a perfect couple."

"Lorna, you would've have said the same thing had I been walking with any guy." Hilda took a sip of her coffee. She really didn't want the conversation to be focused on Nathan.

"That's true." Amanda nodded. "If you just want to set her up with a guy, she can go to dinner with you and Terry."

"No, not this time. Really, Hilda and this guy looked perfect. Even the way they moved, they seemed to compliment each other. It was so sweet."

"I'm going to fill the tea kettle. Does anyone want a cup?"

"Oh, no. You can't get out of it that easily. Just tell us if there is a second meeting?" Lorna leaned forward eagerly.

Hilda sighed and smiled curtly.

Hilda heard the answering machine for the third time:

"Hello, this is Justine, if you've reached my answering machine then I'll try back later, thank you."

Hilda felt an emptiness at the pit of her stomach. Hilda knew she had to see her mother face-to-face. She dreaded the thought. Her calls had gone to voicemail all week.

To get Aaron to bed early, Hilda had set up a reward system. She would give him glow-in-the-dark stickers for every night he went to bed early. She needed a step-by-step routine, where she would turn off the TV at a certain hour, as too much stimulation could cause him to have more bad dreams. All this failed and the only thing Aaron wanted was for Nathan to be in the house. Nathan made Aaron feel more safe. When Aaron said this to her, it made her frustrated. She'd worked so hard to be the figure of protection for Aaron, and then she'd placed him in danger. Now Nathan, who was never in his life before that moment, was the figure of protection he felt reliant on.

It was 7:30, and with Aaron sleeping, Hilda thought that she could speak to her mother without interruption. Hilda sat on the couch and closed the bible after finishing Hebrews 11.

The cell rang. Hilda's heart pounded until she saw Nathan's number.

"Hi Nathan." Hilda walked through the apartment and spoke quietly.

"Hi Hilda, can I see you tonight? We have things to discuss." Nathan voice was serious in tone, not unusual for Hilda to hear, as he had always been a serious man.

"What's the matter Nathan? Aaron's asleep."

"It's you I need to see. Can I come over tonight?"

Hilda peered around the living room. Though she knew Nathan had good intentions, she could not take the chance. She could not trust herself around him, no matter how much she had grown to resist him.

"Look, how about you meet me tomorrow at my workplace. We can speak during my lunchbreak. So about 12ish?

The pause between them stretched to an uncomfortable degree.

"Okay." Nathan's exhaled assent made it difficult to maintain her reserve.

"Okay. See you tomorrow." Hilda hung up, leaving her to wonder what was so urgent that he had to speak with her in person. Aaron's lunch was already packed and his clothes were ready.