Second Chances (18 page)

“Why don't we wait for the ambulance outside? I called from home and it should be on its way. The rain has almost stopped.”

“I think I'll wait here with Gideon. He wouldn't want to be left alone.”

I looked down at my hand, holding onto Gideon's. It was strange. I'd never held Gideon's hand when he was alive. Why was I holding onto it now like I had the right?

“We could just go sit on the couch,” Mom said. “We could wait there until the ambulance comes.”

“Okay,” I said but I couldn't let go of Gideon's hand even after Mom tried to pull me away. I hung on tighter if anything. “His hand is cold,” I said, “and stiff. Maybe, you could get him a blanket.”

“I could do that,” said Mom carefully. She let go of me and I could hear her cross the floor to the bedroom. I couldn't take my eyes off Gideon. Ruby whined at his feet and I felt her stir against my legs.

Dad made a noise in his throat. “Gideon looks peaceful, Darlene.”

I nodded.

“Here comes your mother with that blanket. We won't leave until the ambulance comes.”

“Okay.” I nodded again. My head felt as if it was too heavy for my neck.

Mom wrapped the blanket around Gideon's legs. She tucked it around him and looked up at me. Her eyes were trying to tell me something. “I'll make some tea,” she said. “We can have a cup while we wait.”

I nodded. I could feel tears dripping down my cheeks. They didn't seem part of me. Gideon and I should be drinking tea now and talking about my story.

Dad murmured something to my mother as she slipped past him. I could hear a siren somewhere outside, coming closer up the road. Dad put a hand on my back.

“They're coming now, Darlene. It's time for us to take Ruby home.”

I looked down at Ruby's big black head. She had her chin resting on her front paws. “You won't mind if she comes with us?”

“No.” Dad moved his hand to cover mine. “No, Ruby can come stay with us. Let go of Gideon's hand now, Darlene. It's time we take Ruby outside. Gideon will be looked after and we'll visit him again tonight if you want. You'll have time to say goodbye.”

“Okay, Dad.”

I felt his fingers move under mine and then the pressure of his hand pulling my hand from Gideon's. Dad wrapped his other arm around my waist and walked with me to the door where Mom was waiting. “You go with your mother now and I'll bring Ruby outside. Then I'll stay with Gideon until it's time for him to leave. He won't be alone.” Dad patted me awkwardly on the back before going back inside.

G
ideon
had a sister. Her name was Phyllis Higgins and she lived in Regina, Saskatchewan. She asked me to come see her at Gideon's house after the service in Campbellford on Wednesday morning. Mom sent me over with a Sara Lee white layered cake she'd defrosted for lunch. “You can't go empty-handed,” she'd said. I put it in my knapsack, hoping it wouldn't get squashed, and biked over mid-afternoon.

Phyllis was short like Gideon, with the same sharp brown eyes and messy hair. I had liked her right away when I'd first met her at the funeral home.

“Back here!” she called to me, and I followed her voice to the back bedroom. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, wearing jeans and a loose blue sweater, sorting through the drawers that she'd pulled out from Gideon's dresser. “The man didn't invest much in fashion,” she said then gave me the same quick smile as Gideon. She finished folding a pair of pants before pushing herself to her feet. “Tea time, I think.”

“I have cake,” I said. “It's just a frozen one.”

“Cake and tea. Perfect.”

We found seats across from each other on the couch. She saw me looking at Gideon's empty desk.

“I've been packing up his things. I need to be back in Regina by the weekend. I have a box of books for you by the back door. Gideon also wanted you to have his camera.”

“He did?”

“Mmm. Gideon spoke so highly of you. I believe his exact words were up-and-comer with potential beyond her years. For my brother, that was exquisite praise reserved for very few. This cake is lovely by the way. I never have time to bake any more, but why bother when frozen cakes are so good.”

I looked down at my tea and smiled. I wished Elizabeth had been there to hear. When I raised my eyes again, she was holding out a piece of paper.

“This is my address and phone number in Regina. Gideon has left money for you in his will, and I'm to hang onto it until you decide which university you'll be attending. There's enough for tuition and living expenses for as long as you want to go. His lawyer will also be contacting your parents with all the details, but I want you to call me whenever you need help deciding what to study or where to go. I'm an English professor at the University of Regina and know my way around a syllabus.”

“But it's too much,” I said. “The books are more than enough. My father … I mean, I wouldn't be able to accept.”

“Nonsense. Gideon believed in you, and this is his gift. He never would have left this for you if he didn't want to. My brother was not a frivolous person.”

“What if my parents won't let me go?”

“Do you want to study at university, Darlene?”

“Probably more than anything.”

“Then I will convince them. I have my brother's resolve once I believe in something or someone, and I will do everything in my power to make his last wish come true.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“You are more than welcome.”

“Did Gideon grow up in Regina?”

“No, we grew up in a little town in Saskatchewan called North Battleford. He left after his fiancée married somebody else. He was studying journalism and they were going to get married after he graduated. Not meant to be, I guess.”

“It must have been hard on Gideon.”

“At the time, it was. Gideon never went back to North Battleford after that, not even for a visit. She broke his heart. I spoke to him every Sunday for the last twenty-five years, and you know, he never once said her name until last week. He never got serious about anyone else either. Some might say he never got over her. He wasn't a man who let on about what was bothering him.”

“I didn't even know he was that sick. He told me he had bronchitis.”

“He knew last year it was just a matter of months. I spent Christmas with him here. We had a good time and he didn't dwell on dying. He only spoke about his will when he was driving me to the airport.”

“It just seems so sudden. Somebody should have been here with him … at the end.”

Phyllis reached across and took my hand. She looked me in the eyes, hers unwavering. “Gideon died the way he wanted to. He had no regrets. I'm glad you've taken in Ruby. She was his only concern, and he'd be pleased she's with you.”

“Dad said I can keep her. We've never had a pet before.”

“She was Gideon's first dog too. Will you let me speak to your parents about university?”

“Okay. If they let me, I'd really like to go into journalism.”

Phyllis laughed. “Somewhere Gideon is looking down on us and saying I told you so. He bet me that you had the itch just like he did at your age.”

“I'm going to miss him.”

“Me too, Darlene. He was a stubborn old coot, but he was one of the good ones.”

The next week crept by. Seven long days of missing Gideon and waiting for summer to end so I could go back to Ottawa. The whole world was coloured grey. Even the weather turned cloudy and cool. I spent a lot of time sitting on my rock watching the waves with Ruby lying next to me. I'd wear my fleece and windbreaker and try to stay warm. Sometimes I wrote in my diary or read books from the Campellford Library.

I avoided Elizabeth except at mealtimes. We'd eat without saying much, then we'd separate: Mom into the store, Elizabeth to the hammock in the backyard, and me to the beach. Elizabeth was very quiet. She didn't insult me at all, and sometimes I caught her watching me when she thought I wasn't looking. I made sure to look away.

I knew that I should be helping Mom in the store, but she didn't ask and I didn't offer. I just felt empty. That weekend, Dad couldn't make it to the lake because he was working overtime in the mill … or at least that's what Mom told me. I wondered if he was finding it as hard to breathe in our house as I was. I couldn't wait for the summer to end so Mom and I could go back to Ottawa.

It was Sunday morning, one that started off cooler than other mornings, but the sun had worked its way out from behind the clouds and burned off the fog. I was sitting on the front steps with Ruby lying next to me on the ground by my feet. Every so often, she'd lift her head and look up the path like she was hoping Gideon would come take her home. I'd reach down and scratch behind her ears, and she'd turn her chocolate brown eyes to look at me. Then she'd let her head drop onto her paws and growl deep in her throat.

“Is Uncle George really going to let you bring that mutt back to Ottawa?” Elizabeth stood at the top of the stairs. I turned to look at her. She was twirling a piece of hair around and around on her finger. She wore a multi-coloured peasant skirt, a green sweater, and her clogs. “I thought animals drove him crazy. Well, maybe crazier.”

“He says I can keep her.” It was a surprise to me too. “Ruby is my dog now.”

Elizabeth clomped down the stairs until she stood next to me. She lowered herself onto the step. “I'm sorry about that old guy.”

“Gideon. His name was Gideon and he wasn't that old.”

“Well, you know what they say about anyone over thirty. Still, I'm sorry your friend bit it.”

“Thanks.”

“You must really be in a bad way. You didn't even defend your father when I just called him crazy.”

“There's no point. Besides, maybe you're right.”

“Yeah.” She looked up the road. “I hear a car coming.”

I turned to look but couldn't see anything. “You have good hearing. I can't see anything.”

“It's boring around here with Danny and Tyler gone.”

“Yeah, everyone's leaving.” Candy and Michelle had left too, although Elizabeth didn't seem too concerned about them. Of course, they were female. “How long before you go back to Toronto?”

She shrugged. “A week. I'm in no rush. I'll stay till you and your mom leave.”

I pretended to grab my heart. “Words I never thought would come out of your mouth.”

“What? I've grown to like grooving in nature.” She smiled. “Nobody bugging me. Lots of time to read and sleep. I even like looking after kids. They say what's on their mind and don't have any ulterior motives. It's been okay. I've even liked getting to know my little cousin.” She poked my in the ribs with her elbow.

“You could have fooled me.”

“Which I did. Over and over again.”

“You read my diary.”

“Sorry. I wouldn't do it now.”

We sat quietly for a moment. I thought about how Elizabeth never lied about the big things. She played games, but every so often she let you see something real. I turned and looked up the road.

“You're right. It is a car.” I squinted into the sun. “It looks like William's car. He's not supposed to be coming now.” I looked back toward the store but couldn't see my mother inside. “Maybe I should just go and see if Mom needs any help.”

“I'll wait here and see if it's William,” said Elizabeth. She suggestively wriggled her shoulders back and forth. “I'll be his one-woman welcoming committee.”

I stood up and smiled down at her. “You really are something else, you know that, Elizabeth?”

She grinned up at me. “So I've been told.”

When I saw that it really was William's car, I pushed open the screen door. “Mom,” I called. I crossed the floor to the shelves of canned goods. I could hear her moving around in the kitchen. “Did you know William was coming to visit?”

I walked the rest of the way into the kitchen. Mom had her back to me. She was stirring a cup of tea at the counter. She turned and smiled. Traces of watery mascara were on her cheeks. She'd wiped under one eye and the mascara had smeared sideways to her temple.

“Are you okay, Mom? William's coming up the road.” I stood with my arms folded across my stomach.

Mom nodded. She smiled at me. “I'm just being silly. I shouldn't listen to sad songs on the radio.” She smiled then stood. She followed me to the screen door then put an arm around my shoulders. We stood without talking and watched Elizabeth run toward the car and open the passenger door. She leaned down and helped somebody out.

“Peg,” my mom breathed. She dropped her arm and opened the door. “I never thought she'd come.” I followed Mom down the steps and across the grass toward the car.

I wouldn't have recognized my aunt if I'd passed her on the street. She'd put on thirty pounds at least and the long brown hair I remembered was gone. It was now short and permed, with blonde highlights that reflected harshly in the sunlight. I got closer. One side of Aunt Peg's head was more streaked than the other, as if she'd run out of dye halfway through. After we hugged, the smell of mouthwash lingered on my cheek where she'd kissed me.

She stepped back. “My goodness, you're all grown up.” She turned and put her arm through Mom's. “Such a long drive. I could use a cup of tea if you're pouring.”

I watched them walk up the steps. Aunt Peg stopped at the top and waited for Elizabeth.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” asked William.

I turned toward him and nodded.

We made our way to our stretch of beach and sat in the sand just out of reach of the waves. The sun wasn't as warm as it had been even a week before. We'd be closing up for the season in a few more days.

“What happened to Johnny and Sean?” I asked. “Are they okay?”

“They're safe.” William's jaw tightened. He watched the waves for a while. “You judge him, I know, and maybe me.” He turned sideways and looked at me. “The way you look at people, Dar. It's disconcerting. Johnny was there, you know. At My Lai.”

“When all those women and children …”

“Got slaughtered, yeah.”

“Did he … was he in on it?”

“No, but he was one of first on the scene afterwards. That's why he went AWOL. He lost all faith in what was going on. He puked for two days and then took some leave and never went back. Lucky for us, though, he kept a diary and named names. He also got his hands on a report by one of the superiors through a connection he had in the inner circle. It was after the debriefing. So the guy who handed it to Johnny could get court martialled if they find out his name. The air force would like nothing better than to drag Johnny up for court martial and throw him in jail to keep him from talking, report or no. They'd certainly interrogate him too to find out who helped him. We aren't going to let that happen. Now you understand why keeping him safe is so important?”

“Gideon said Candy had some papers she was going to give him. Secret papers. He was supposed to meet her the night of the beach party, but she didn't show up.”

“Who knows what she was going to say or do? She was mad as hell at Johnny, well, for a number of reasons.” William's voice dropped. “I gave her that ring, the silver ring that Johnny gave to you. He was letting me know that she was done with me.” He closed his eyes. His fingers tapped against his cup.

“You can't be sure.”

“I'm sure. I knew it was never going anywhere.”

“Johnny and Candy weren't … like us. They were like exotic birds or something. Like something we could never have but wanted.”

William nodded. “They were just passing through, and we wanted it to last.”

“I get it,” I said, “but it still hurts when people leave for good. It hurts bad.”

William's arm slipped around my waist and I rested my head on his shoulder. “I'm not going anywhere, kid,” he said. “You're stuck with me till the bitter end.”

“What do you think will happen after the war?”

“I don't think we'll ever go back to what we were. My Lai. Kent State. Johnny and Candy. We might wish they'd never happened, but they did.”

“Mom is sad Johnny left.”

“I know. This is a time to be sad. But life will get better. We survived Annie's death and we'll survive this summer too, Elizabeth and all.”