Second Down (Moving the Chains Book 2) (13 page)

Rationally, it’s understood that this is a promise of safety meant to set me at ease. The stupidly infatuated part of my brain only hears it for the rejection it is. Of course he wouldn’t make a move on me. He broke up with me.

“If you’re not okay with this, then we don’t have to try Papou’s suggestion. Honestly, I wasn’t too sure about it myself. When I looked up different ways of teaching someone to drive stick on the internet, this was never mentioned. It’s all right; we can try something else.”  

I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, I don’t want to back down from our little arrangement. On the other, well…I don’t want to still feel things for him that he clearly doesn’t for me.

“Evie?” He pulls me from my internal debate, peering up at me with guarded, questioning eyes. “Honey, you’re freezing. Don’t worry about it. I said I wasn’t going to force you into anything, and I meant that. We can try again tomorrow. Just come around and get in; I’ll blast the heat to warm you up.”

Rolling the dice and letting the chips fall where they may, I climb onto his lap. It’s clear that he didn’t expect this because his entire body is so taut, I kind of wonder if his muscles won’t snap from the tension. “I do want to get this. And you are a really good tutor for Calc, so I trust you on this too. Besides, if it was Papou’s idea, it must be golden, right?”

“I dunno. I have a bad feeling Papou told me some story about how he put the moves on YiaYia years ago, thinly disguised as a way for me to help you learn how to drive stick.”  

The joke hits its mark, putting us both more at ease as we laugh together. I have to keep the show going. “Eew, Superjock. I seriously do not want to think about Papou putting any kind of moves on YiaYia. Now, how is this going to work? What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re going to shadow my movements to help you get the timing down, because that’s the hardest thing to pick up. So, put your feet on top of mine, and you grab the steering wheel and gear shift.”

We quickly discover that with our height difference, my feet won’t reach his if I’m sitting on his lap. We readjust until I’m tucked between his legs, and then he places both of his hands over mine, prompting me to start the engine.

“All right, you ready? Now, pay attention to my movements, and the way the car feels and sounds.”

I nod my head.

He takes a deep, shaky breath. “Here we go…”

He eases the car through its gears as we roll along, not going too fast or too slow, taking the hills and turns with ease as he puts her through the paces in an effort to acquaint us. Silently, we drive along. As the minutes tick by, I find myself melting into him as his body relaxes behind me.

“Is this helping? Are you getting this a little better?”

All I can do is nod my head quietly, too caught up in the feel of everything around me to speak.

He’s absolutely right. It’s not about domination; it’s about give and take. When the vibrations of the engine reach a certain pitch and sound, his left foot lowers the clutch, the muscles in his leg moving in fluid motion as he shifts the gear with his warm, large hand over mine. All the while watching the road, steering, and moving his right foot over the brake or gas as required. It’s exhilarating.

Between reading the signals the car is giving, the feel of his body wrapped around mine in a relaxed state of near-constant motion, and his unique, comforting scent enveloping me, the whole experience is so sensual that I may as well be drugged.

How is it possible to feel this aroused so soon after being violated in such a barbaric way? None of my online research about assault victim recovery spoke of anything like this. I’m supposed to be the opposite: fleeing from intimacy, not craving more than I can have in this case. What in the hell is wrong with me? I can’t even manage to be a normal survivor.

After a few more miles, Rob eases the car off the side of the road and kills the engine. “What do you think? Ready to give it another try?”

Closing my eyes and letting the rest of my body go limp against him, I’m spent with the effort of trying to pull myself together. I’m not so sure it’s a good idea if I get behind the wheel on my own in my current state of being wildly turned on. I might do something really stupid like smash into a tree to put myself out of this aching misery.

“Evie? Are you still mad at me?”  

I turn my head until I can see his face, raising an eyebrow in silent question.

“You haven’t spoken a word to me in almost an hour.”

Has it really been that long? I guess it’s true what they say, time flies when you’re having fun. Gazing around the interior of the car to get my bearings, I’m aware that my hands are tucked in between my legs, while his are resting on each of his that bracket my smaller body. I have no idea what to say that won’t give away my current predicament.

“I’m sorry I tried to break your only girlfriend.” It comes out as a croak. Mostly because the idea that his car really is the love of his life only makes my arousal that much more inappropriate.

Rob must think I’m joking because he laughs.

The vibration in his chest rumbles through my back, sending shivers up my spine. He wraps his big arms around me. I’m pretty sure my eyeballs have rolled irreversibly up into my skull. He rubs his nose against my temple, sending reverberating flutters of excitement throughout my chest.

I can feel his mouth smiling against my ear when he whispers, “I don’t think she’s broken.” He sighs, the faint breath tickling down my neck like a feather as he pulls his face away. “But her boyfriend might be.”

Is that…an admission? When I look in his eyes, it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to subtly tell me anything.

Time to start testing those waters like Mike suggested. “Rob, I’m really sorry about Dream Girl.”

He groans loudly and throws his head back against the seat, once again sending shock waves through me.

My body reacts even to his disappointment. I hate everything.

“Of all the things you had to forget, why couldn’t that have been one of them?”

So…he wants me to forget that I thought he was into someone else, but he doesn’t want to be with me, either? What the honest fuck?

He heaves another sigh that moves my back along with his chest.

I chew furiously on my lip to work through what that does to me.

“All right, what brought that up? I know I’m probably going to regret this conversation a million ways by tomorrow morning, but let’s just get this all out. And don’t even think about trying to give me any performances and play it off like everything’s fine, either. Because I will know, and I will not let you.”

I’m still going over in my mind the best way to play this off when he squeezes me a bit, prompting me to respond before I’m ready. “Evie? Where’d that come from? Come on, out with it.”

The gears in my mind work a feverish overtime on what to say without revealing anything. I wasn’t kidding when I sent our friends that text. I want him to want me; I want him to tell me how it is between us.

“Eva, I’m not joking. Why did you bring that up?”

In my panic, I blurt out the first thing that enters my mind. “I know you told me it was over between you two, and I’m sorry, that’s all.”

“What about anything we did or talked about today made you think of that?” He wraps his arms back around me protectively, waiting with an even expression for my answer.

Squirming under his gaze, I try to think of an explanation that will be believable. I’d be lying if I said a large part of me isn’t resentful about the whole situation anyway. “I know you would have rather been with her today.”

“Oh my God.” He rolls his eyes, then fixes me with another look that means business. “What did I do to make you think that?”

“Because you’ve been so sad practically all day, Rob!” I’d throw my hands up in the air to prove my point, but his arms are still wrapped tightly around me, binding me to him as he stares at me with those blue, blue eyes that are unravelling me in every way possible.

Closing his eyes, he drops his chin down to rest on my shoulder. “Evie, I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I get it, Rob. I really do.”
You don’t want what someone else has marked.

His laughter is a bitter, dark thing, but a tiny hint of sparkle lights up in his eyes when he raises his head to meet my gaze. “Oh, I promise you that you don’t. But, now I need you to promise me something, all right? I will do, say, be...anything you need from me this week as long as you swear…” He squeezes me gently on each word, bringing his face closer to mine until I can feel his breath on my lips. “No more about this. Not a word. Forget about it. Promise me.”

I already did forget about us. Is this his way of telling me he wishes I hadn’t?

“Answer me something, first.”

“Here we go,” he sighs, releasing me and propping his head up on his fist, his elbow resting on the console. “Go on, get it all out of your system.”

“Isn’t there anything else you can do? Don’t you even want to try, to fight for her?”

I have to know if this is over. I can get through the rest of this week if he tells me where we stand.

Something like regret crosses his face. “I’m listening.”

That’s all the opening I need. “I don’t know, go all in. Make a crazy gesture or something. Go all Prince Charming on her ass with the big three, and then you’ll know you gave it everything before just rolling over and giving up.”

“The big three?” He raises his eyebrows at me, but other than that his expression is deadpan.

If this weren’t so serious, I might laugh. I’m right back where I started; telling him how to win over a girl with the usual moves. Not that I expect anything like this from him, but doesn’t every guy already know this stuff? “Yeah, you know. The girly big three: flowers, chocolates, and jewelry. Geez, don’t you learn anything in the locker room? How did Pops not teach you this? It’s basic.”

“You done?” He hasn’t moved, his expression unchanged.

“Are you?”
Please say no. Please say no. Please tell me I’m not damaged goods to you now. I don’t really care about all that fancy stuff. I just want you.

He raises his head and wraps his arms around me again, pulling me into him. “You are going to be the death of me. I’m not kidding. You are actually going to kill me somehow, Eva Papageorgiou.” His eyes rove over my face, studying me as he speaks quietly. “I have no idea what to do here. Anything I do is wrong.”

Resting his mouth against my skin, he mumbles, seemingly talking to himself. “Why isn’t there some kind of playbook for this stuff?”  

Pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead, he backs away until he can lock his eyes onto mine. “It’s my turn to ask you some questions.”

He waits for my assent, so I nod. I can’t form any words with a sob of relief choking my throat. He kissed me. He doesn’t think I’m disgusting even after what he saw.

He glides a gentle finger along my jawline until he tips my chin up to focus on him. “Evie?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you feel safe here with me right now?”

Still no words. I’ll give away everything I’m not supposed to know.

“Does being here with me make you remember anything at all from that day?”

Alex was right. His biggest hang-up is not wanting me to remember. “I don’t have much. Just sensory things, really. Nothing else, and that hasn’t changed.”

“Do I really make you feel better?” His expression is so disbelieving.

The instinct to be close to him overwhelms me, soI tuck my head under his chin, burrowing into him to prove the point
.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. You do.”  

My body is operating on way too much heat and relief. My face finds its way to the smooth skin at his collarbone, and I breathe the scent of him in deeply.

I feel his hand cup the back of my head as he nuzzles his face against me, reciprocating my own movements. “Evie, why are you sorry about that? You don’t want me to make you feel better?”

“It’s not that,” I mumble into his musky skin. “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me. It’s not your job to make me feel better.”

I just want to go back to normal. I want to be your girl again.

“It was my job to protect you, and I couldn’t even do that. So if this is what you need from me now, then I will gladly do it. Whatever you need me for, I’m here.”

So many things I want to say. That I don’t blame him. That I blame myself for not listening to him when he distrusted Jackson. That it was never his job to protect me. How ashamed I am of not being able to protect myself.

I want to come clean with all the things I feel and almost remember and admit to him that I know the truth about us, but I stay silent, wrapped up in this exquisite feeling of pure safety.

“Evie,” he whispers as his face continues to nuzzle against me, the stubble from his jaw scratching the skin along my forehead and temple.

When his lips trace the same path along my skin, my eyelids flutter closed. The air rushes out of me as his breath washes over my face and down my neck.

“Just tell me what you need from me, honey. I’ll do or be whatever you want. You just have to tell me what that is. If you want to do this on your own, I’ll understand. If you want me to make you feel safe and protected, then I will move mountains to make that happen.”