Second Down (Moving the Chains Book 2) (22 page)

“What’s wrong now? I’ll go to Homecoming with you. I said yes.” I try in vain to roll her back to me, but she resists. Bile rises up my throat. Has she known all along? Has she been waiting for me to confess my sins? Was this week a test?

“I get it, you know,” she sobs. “Why would you want someone as ugly and scarred as me to be your girlfriend? I don’t want your pity. If you want to go to Homecoming with someone else, you should. I don’t need you to be my friend after this week; I’ll be okay.”

Her words crack what’s left of my heart, sending the dust scattering on the breeze. “Oh, baby. No. I promise you don’t get it.”

And I don’t ever want you to.

“Yes, I do,” she grits out. “I understand it perfectly. You were mine for one day, and now…after what you’ve seen? You can’t be with me anymore. I don’t blame you one bit.”

My entire body goes numb. The temperature in the tent seems to drop twenty degrees even as sweat breaks out across my skin. “Who told you?”

She continues to cry, not answering the question that burns through my brain.

This time when I roll her, she moves under my hands like a ragdoll. Her limp body sends my hand recoiling in terror. Images of her lifeless eyes staring back at me choke my breath.

“Alex.” The single word from her lips refocuses my gaze on her bright blue eyes, tear-stained and red, but staring back at me with all the emotion in the world.

My heart sputters, then takes off. “When?”

“The day before your birthday,” she cries. Tears spill down her cheeks and into her wild hair that fans over the pillow. The breasts I couldn’t protect heave with her sobs.

So many questions roll over my tongue, fighting for air. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t
you
? They told me you felt guilty. I understood. They told me you needed time. I gave it to you. But none of them know what really happened. Only
you
know that. They can’t possibly understand how disgusting I am to you now.”

“Oh, God no…” My hands look too big cupping her small face, wiping away the tears that, once again, I put there. “You could never be disgusting to me. Don’t you know, Evie? You’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Not anymore.”

Before my eyes, she crumbles. This woman who’s a thousand times stronger than I could ever hope to be shatters beneath me.

Every tear, every gasping sob wrenched from her throat fills up all the empty space inside me. Her pain is infinitely sharper than anything I’ll ever have to bear.

I’m such a selfish bastard.

To assume I’ve been suffering more than she has.

To think my failure mattered more than her violation.

To believe I could keep everything hidden from her.

To deprive her of the one person who really knows what she endured.

To take away her choice for us when she’s already been stripped of the control over her own body.

What’s worse? Failing her then or failing her now?

When she brings her fists up to her eyes as if she could scrub away the agony and hide from the world, I have my answer.

With the gentlest touch I can possibly muster, I pull her hands from her tear-stained face.

“I want the most beautiful girl in the world,” I whisper. “I want my girlfriend back. If she’ll still have me.”

She sucks in air, coughing from the force. I don’t let myself turn away from her suffering. I absorb every blow.

“Play truth or truth with me again.”

She blinks her eyes open. The colors around my room are a mockery of the ocean in front of me. Endless, swirling, an abyss of everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything I shouldn’t be allowed to have.

“Ask me if I want you.”

“Do you want me?” Her words feather over my face, still uncertain.

“I want you. Ask me if I need you.”

A mask of confusion slips over her face. “Do you need me?”

“I need you. So fucking much. I haven’t been able to take a full breath since that day.” My forehead drops to hers. Her chest heaves against mine as she breathes new life into me. “Ask me if I love you.”

“Do you…” Her breath catches, strangles my heart. “Do you
love
me?”

I nod, her feverish skin sliding against mine. “I do. I love you, Evie. I always have, and I always will.”

Her cries that had so recently died down ramp up all over again. Her body shakes, pelting my chest with blow after blow that’s not nearly enough to diminish my guilt, but…it’s a start. I’ll take her beatings for as long as she graces me with them.

“Ask me anything. Anything at all that will prove to you I’m telling the truth.” As if I could lie about
this
. Even if I wanted to, denying what I feel for her will never be an option.

She hiccups. “Do you remember that time we went to the diner together with our friends, sophomore year after the holiday concert?”

I lift my head away from hers, searching her eyes for a train of thought that I can’t possibly see. “Yeah?”

“You were going to tell me a secret before Mike interrupted. What was it?”

Something I should have told her long before that.

“This.” I close the space between us before I can talk myself out of it, brushing my lips against hers.

Tangible relief washes over me at the feel of her soft warmth. I never thought I’d experience this again.

Once unleashed, the abandoned emotion refuses to abate. I grasp it like the lifeline I need. Her kiss holds all the forgiveness in the world, and I drink it up to tide me over.

Her hands wrap around my neck; her slender fingers tunnel through my hair.

And I’m lost and found all over again.

Her lips part against my own, an invitation I can’t refuse. I taste the salt of her tears, the indescribable flavor of Evie that I’ve been in withdrawal over. Like the addict I am, the first hit shoots through me in a wave of bliss.

She whimpers against me, a sound that recalls better memories.

I fucked it up then; I’m not going to repeat my mistakes.

None of them.

She’s granting me redemption. Washing away my sins with her tears. I won’t do anything to damage her faith in me.

After a few more strokes of her luscious tongue, I pull back.

She blinks up at me, wearing a dreamy expression that courses pride through my veins. I put that look on her face.

“Am I your girlfriend again?”

I can’t help it. I drop my head to her shoulder and laugh my ass off.

She wraps her arms around me, holding tight as her own body trembles; my favorite song floats through the tent.

“You’re such a terrible gender equalist, Evie.” I gaze down at her after I catch my breath. “I think you mean I’m
your
boyfriend.”

Her grin lights up the dark night. I plant a kiss on the tip of her nose. Her face is blotchy, her eyes swollen. She yawns, blinking up at me with heavy eyelids.

“And your boyfriend wants to hold you while you sleep.” I lay down and gather her into me.

She assumes her favorite spot, nuzzled into my neck.

“Rob?”

“Yes, Evie?” My fingers tangle in her curls as I await the proverbial other shoe.

“Good night.” She presses a damp kiss against my neck.

“Good night, baby.”

***

Evie’s breathing is steady against my chest. A constant rhythm better than the rocking of the waves on a boat; the sound of her quiet slumber the most relaxing white noise. She’s warm, soft, and relaxed in my arms, so I keep watch. Stand guard over her dreamless sleep like some kind of demented sentinel that knows he’s the only possible intruder.

I fight off yawn after yawn, but my body grows heavier; my eyelids slip closed more often. Evie hums, then wraps her arm around my waist, and I’m done for. She’s too comfortable not to let everything go.

All I see is red. Red everywhere. Red like my anger. Red like his blood. Red like my blood. Mixing together and filling everything. The smell of copper permeates the air. A soft gasp and the world returns to my vision. I scramble over to her, and my God, is she alive? No. NO. Her eyes are open, staring up at the tree tops, but they’re not seeing. Dead eyes. Dead blue eyes.

“Wake up, Rob. She’s here. You can’t do this now.” The tiny voice in my head begs the rest of my body and mind to cooperate. Somewhere inside me I know I’m dreaming. I’m not strong enough to make it stop.

More red. The leaves around her are wet with red. Her hair is wet with red. Her breasts. What did he do? Her face is already swelling, purple. What did I do? Evie is proud. And mine. She wouldn’t want to be seen like this. She was supposed to be mine. I fucked it all up. Evie. She doesn’t move. She’s not mine. Death doesn’t care if a body is covered from the sight of the living. Evie. Red bleeds through the fabric. Evie. She doesn’t hear. She’s not mine. Evie. She doesn’t see. She’s not mine now. Evie. Unseeing blue eyes stare back at me. I’m sorry. Evie. My favorite color. I’m so sorry, Evie. Dead blue eyes.

‘Get up, Rob. She’s here with you. Don’t do this.’ If only I was faster. More in control of myself.

She sees me. Evie. Beautiful, seeing blue eyes. Evie. She’s smiling at me. Evie. She’s beneath me. Evie. I’m on top of her. Evie. Inside her. Evie. She’s mine. Evie. She’s perfect again. Evie. In and out, and in and out. Evie. A soft gasp. Evie. She’s so alive. Evie. She wraps her arms around me. Evie. So close. Evie. Faster. Evie. Almost there. Evie. Harder. Evie. It feels so good. Evie. Almost. There. “Rob.”

I awake with a start, covered in sweat. At least I’m not screaming. Then again, the nightmares don’t usually end like that. Wet dreams aren’t necessarily precipitated by actual dreams. It’s just a biological necessity.

My pillow moans.

Oh, God, no. Not tonight. Evie.

She snuggles closer. Everything inside screams for me to get away.

She yawns, then presses a warm kiss to my skin where her face rests against my neck. I try to disentangle myself from her, but she just drapes her leg over mine and holds me tighter.

I could get away. I should get away. I definitely should not go back to sleep. It might not end so well the next time.

It didn’t end well
this
time.

She mumbles, her lips moving on my neck and sending goosebumps racing across my damp skin. If this weren’t such a bad situation, I would be laughing my ass off. Evie hates it when I’m sweaty. The urge to laugh dies quickly when she shoves her other leg between both of mine.

I hold my breath and wait for her to notice the obvious.

Each second that ticks by feels like an eternity. The growing urge to vomit has me wide awake, contemplating my escape, and seriously wondering if I can make it all the way into the bathroom off the kitchen before puking my brains out.

Her raspy voice is muffled by my sweat-soaked neck. “Go back to sleep, Rob. It’s okay; I’m here. We’re okay, now.”

              I don’t know if I’ll
ever
be okay.

Chapter 24

A Thousand Years

Eva

              “I need a drink,” I shout over the thumping bass. I tap my throat for emphasis in the likely event that he didn’t hear me.

              Rob nods, grabs my hand, and leads me through the crush of bodies on the dance floor.

              It’s not until we break free of the mob that I can take a full breath. I never imagined my first dance would be so panic-inducing. Maybe I should have caved to Alyssa and Jess’s demands that I go stag before now. I have a feeling that I’m not enjoying this nearly as much as I might have…before.

              Playing his role of my own personal linebacker, Rob parts his way through the crowd to the refreshments table. He picks up a bottle of water, twists the cap off, and hands it to me.

              “What if I wanted punch?” I smirk around the bottle top.

              “You can’t drink the punch, Evie. Someone could have spiked it or slipped something in it.” He gestures toward the open punch fountain as if it’s obvious.

              “Has that ever happened before?”

              Rob surveys the crowd with a frown. Half the dancers are practically humping each other, and the room reeks of sweat and sex. “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put it past some of these guys.”

              “Okay,” I draw out. His paranoia probably isn’t without justification. Look what happened with his teammates and Neveah last year. And God knows I could stand to defer to his judgment more often. “Would you mind if we sit for a while?”

              I shift my weight between my swollen feet. I tried taking off my sky-high heels earlier, but quickly found that with mine and Rob’s height difference, slow dancing was next to impossible. The pain was well worth it for him to hold me in his arms and maneuver me around the dance floor like some modern-day version of Fred Astaire. I knew he was athletic and strong, but I never saw him as graceful before.

              Tonight has been exactly like the sorts of fairy tales I stopped believing in long ago.

              Rob finishes off his bottle of water, then tosses it into the recycling bin as easily as he makes a free throw during basketball season. I yelp when he lifts me off my feet like I weigh nothing.

              “What are you doing? I can walk.” A quick glance around the room reveals the expected. All eyes are trained on us. No matter how safe Rob makes me feel, being with him attracts more attention than I’m comfortable with.

              It’s a side effect I should have expected, but am not nearly prepared for. For the past few years, I’ve been acutely aware that I wasn’t the only female tracking his every move. The fact that I’ve been his secret stalker for longer than the rest of them leaves me a little smug. I thought he was drool-worthy before everyone else caught on.

              And now he’s all mine. Take that, bitches.

              I just wish it would change the fact that every stare thrown my way didn’t make me feel less than worthy to be in this position.

              “Hey, Falls! You two already won the scavenger hunt! Isn’t this overkill?” The booming voice of one of Rob’s teammates floats over the music.

              “Fuck off, Donavan,” Rob mutters. Louder, he responds. “Can’t have her highness get anything less than the royal treatment!”

              A round of snickers and lewd jokes punches through my chest.

              I close my eyes and breathe through the panic.
They don’t know what I’m hiding. They don’t know what I’m hiding.

              “Hey,” Rob whispers as he jostles me a bit in his arms. “You’re okay. I’ve got you. People are always gonna talk. That doesn’t mean they
know
. Just ignore them. I do.”

              I pop my eyes open and stare at him. “How did you know what I was thinking?”

              His answering smirk only irritates me a little.

              He deposits me in a chair at our table easily, taking the seat next to me. While I fumble with the straps of my shoes, a loud crunching sound grates on my nerves.

              “What are you eating?” I glance up at him.

              He watches my battle intently, chewing louder than is humanly necessary. “Candy from the table. What are you
doing
?”

              “Trying to get my feet out of these sadist traps; what does it look like?”

              He grabs another handful of candy from the dish near the centerpiece, then props my feet on his knee to make his own attempt.

              “If someone could have messed with the punch because it’s out in the open, don’t you think they could have slipped something into the candy dishes too?” I’m being petulant since he unstrapped my shoes so easily, and I know it.

              My sour mood brightens considerably when he presses his thumbs into my aching arches. “Huh. I never thought about it. I guess that’s possible. But, Evie…I weigh a lot more than you. It would take a hell of a lot of something to mess me up.”

              I’m pretty sure he’s talking to me, but I can’t hear any of it because I’m floating on a cloud of bliss. My boyfriend has magical hands.

              He chuckles as I slide lower into my seat and let my eyelids fall closed.

              My relaxation is broken by the sound of Alex laughing. He slaps Rob on the shoulder. “Wow, you’re so pussy-whipped, Falls. You should be making her give
you
a massage after she burned out your clutch the other day. I can’t believe you actually let her drive The Lady to school.”

              “Shut up, Alex. I think it’s sweet.” I glance over my shoulder to see Alyssa standing there with a knowing glint in her eyes. “Jess and I need to borrow Evie, though. You can resume your masseuse duties in a minute.”

              I’m not usually one for group trips to the ladies’ room, but I’d kill for a few minutes alone with my friends. While I appreciate Rob acting as my personal bodyguard, I’m not used to it. The lack of independence is getting on my nerves. Then again, it doesn’t take much during PMS week. It also irritates me that Rob called it before I even realized what time of the month it is.

              I hop out of my seat with renewed energy and loop my arm through Alyssa’s.

              “Be right back,” I call over my shoulder as we beat a hasty retreat.

              Once we’re safely tucked into the restroom, Jess flicks the lock like she’s been waiting for this huddle. “What hotel are you going to? Do you need condoms?”

              Whoa, what? I flick my gaze between the two of them while they stare me down. “Uh…”

              Alyssa smacks Jess’s arm. “We should have prepped her. She’s not ready.”

              “Hey, she’s a big girl. Just because she’s never had an actual boyfriend shouldn’t mean she doesn’t know what to expect.” Jess purses her lips and rubs her arm.

              “I’m standing
right here
.” How are they going to talk about me like I’m not even in the room? More importantly, have they been discussing this behind my back?

              Alyssa blows out a frustrated breath. “You can say no. You understand that, right? Rob Falls or not, you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

              I cross my arms over my chest, the sequins on my bodice scratching my arms. “I never said I wasn’t ready.”

              Jess’s expression softens. Her gown swishes as she crosses the room, then wraps her arms around me.

              As usual, I shudder. How much longer until that goes away?

              Jess pulls back, studying me. “Sweetie, maybe Alyssa’s right. You’ve been through a lot recently. Just because you’ve finally snagged the guy you’ve had a crush on forever doesn’t mean you have to rush anything. Rob will wait.”

              “Unlike Eddie,” Alyssa mutters.

              I can’t believe my ears. My face flushes with both embarrassment and anger. “W-what are you talking about?”

              Neither of them know anything about any of this. I’ve never said a word about my long-standing crush on Rob or about what happened with Eddie to either of them.

              Alyssa quirks an elegantly shaped eyebrow at me. “You’re not as opaque as you think.”

              All I can do is blink stupidly at them. Will I ever be in control of myself?

              “Listen,” Jess rubs my shoulders. “You’re new to this, but it’s still your choice. Alyssa and I always make sure we go to the same hotel and have our own condoms. That way if anything goes wrong, we’re not stranded alone. And you can never trust the guys to be prepared.”

              “Jeremy’s been trying to sneak in bareback for a few months now,” Alyssa snickers.

              This whole conversation blows my mind. Not only have they been aware of everything I’ve never spoken aloud, but it seems like they don’t trust their own boyfriends. I have no idea how to respond to any of this.

              The door handle jiggles, halting further discussion.

              “Well, looks like time is up. Find out what hotel Rob booked. Almost everyone goes to the Sunset because they don’t check ID.” In spite of someone knocking on the door, Alyssa takes her time to reapply her lipstick. “That’s where we’ll be, and we always leave our phones on, no matter what.”

              “Uh, okay.” My abdomen twitches as if to say, not so fast, lover girl.

              Jess reaches into her purse. “Here, take some of my condoms. You can never be too careful.”

              I close my hand around the foil wrappers. “I didn’t bring my purse. What am I supposed to do with these?”

              “Just hide them in your hand until you get back to the table,” Alyssa suggests. “And remember, you can tell him
no
.”

              Do I want to tell him no? Did he even book a hotel room? Our driving lessons were like speed for my libido. A nervous, buzzing energy takes root in my chest. Maybe I’ll just see where the night takes us.

***

              Rob’s waiting on the edge of the bed when I emerge from the bathroom, his elbows propped on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him, and his head down. He looks so handsome in his suit, even with his collar open and his tie hanging loosely around his neck.

              “I’m sorry.”

              He glances up at my apology, instantly rising to his feet. “Don’t apologize. I told you we didn’t have to do this. I can still take you home if you want.”

              I chew on my lip. Stupid period. After discovering that he hadn’t booked a hotel for us, I begged for this chance. I’m still not convinced anything would have happened tonight, but damn if I didn’t have the best sleep in weeks with him in his tent. I wasn’t going to pass up another opportunity not to wake up in my closet.

              “I don’t want to go home,” I hedge. “But…I started my period, so…”

              “Oh.” His expression is a strange mixture of perplexed and relieved; his shoulders visibly relax. “Um, okay.”

              It’s hard to remember that Rob’s a virgin too. With his popularity and looks, the rumors that spread like wildfire about his sexual escapades were so easy to believe. Maybe he was just as nervous about tonight as I was. Guys typically want sex anyway they can get it, but Rob’s not a typical guy. We’ve only been together for a few days, after all. Or a few weeks. Depending on who you ask.

              I walk back to the door and reach for my shoes. “I just need to get some supplies, and then…”

              His hand on my back stills my movement. “You stay here and relax. I can get whatever you need.”

              I straighten up to face him. “
You
are going to go get me pads?”

              “Um, sure.” He frowns, then fishes his phone from his pocket before thrusting it out to me. “You should probably write down exactly what you want, though. I don’t want to come back with the wrong stuff.”

              For the umpteenth time, my mouth hangs open. This day has surely been a dream.

              “You are going to run to the store down the street and buy me
pads
?” I repeat my question because…yeah. Maybe I’m hallucinating.

              “Of course. Isn’t that a boyfriend thing?”

              It takes me a few beats longer than it should to process that my
boyfriend
is offering to buy my feminine supplies, and isn’t the least bit offended that he won’t be getting laid tonight. In my limited, but tangential experience, this actually is
not
normal boyfriend behavior.

              I take his phone and type into the notes app which brand and specs I use. “Do you do this for your mom usually?”

              “No. I’ve never been in that part of the store before,” he chuckles.