Second Down (Moving the Chains Book 2) (26 page)

“Nope.”  His sparkling eyes, and the presence of the dimple in his cheek look exactly like the old Rob, which only makes me feel worse. He seems so genuinely happy. “But, I just kept imagining you in there with someone else, and I...couldn’t do it. I knew if you opened the door, and I saw another guy in there, it would mess with my head so much that the game would be on the line the next day.”

“Oh.”  I really don’t know how to respond to that in light of...everything.

“Yep. And, let’s see...before that? Oh, I know. Remember the Spanish trip spring of sophomore year?”

“Yeah, I was actually thinking about that earlier. Did you come to mine and Alyssa’s room to watch movies because of Jeremy? I didn’t know how close you two were back then, so I couldn’t figure that out.”

“Well, I was there for you, Dream Girl.”  He laughs, pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Obviously.”

“It wasn’t obvious back then. Cassie Atkins was all over you that night.”

He frowns, resting his head back on the pillow. “That girl would not take no for an answer. All I wanted was to try and get close to you, but she was relentless. I had a feeling that even if I got up and went and sat next to you, she’d just follow, and that would’ve made things even more awkward.”

“Aww,” I pat his cheek placatingly. “It’s so tough to be the most attractive person in any room.”

He smirks down at me. “You should know.”

I roll my eyes at his poor effort to turn my own words back on me, but he just pulls me in closer, settling me against his chest and wrapping my body up in his arms. At the very least, I know I’ll sleep well with his scent surrounding me.

He presses his lips to my forehead and speaks softly against my skin. “You are my dream come true, Evie. I know I’ve been busy, lately, with the playoffs and all, but tomorrow is our last game, and Christmas is coming. I promise I’m going to make it up to you.”  He kisses me, as if to seal the deal.

As he settles his head back against the pillow for sleep, I can’t help but think about what Kerri had said before Thanksgiving. Tomorrow might be the last game of his high school career, but he’s already one of the most sought after players in the country. The rush to signing day in February is bound to be full of interviews, courting, offers, and trips. Rob’s time as a major player is only beginning, and soon enough he’ll have very little energy to devote to anything, or anyone, else. Maybe that’s for the best.

We won. We didn’t just win the game, we crushed our opponents, 56-7. No matter which sportscaster is giving their opinion of the action on the field today, several things they all agree on: scores like that are unheard of at the state level, and Rob Falls is one of the best quarterbacks to step on the field in years, unmatched in his skill and ability to lead a team to victory.

The scene after the clock ran out at the stadium was pure pandemonium. In spite of the extra security, fans rushed the field, enveloping the players in a swirling mass of endorphin driven bodies. By the looks on the guys’ faces from the stands, they loved every second of it.

Watching as football worshipers and reporters, hungry for that first interview, surrounded Rob, I got the distinct impression that he was struggling to be polite to them. It was obvious to me, at least, that he would have much rather been celebrating with his teammates. His eyes flitted to the sidelines where a couple of the guys drenched Coach in the traditional Gatorade shower and I couldn’t help but notice the wistful expression on his face. He continued to search the crowd while answering questions, probably looking for Alex and Mike. They hadn’t even gotten to hug each other before all hell broke loose.

In spite of the throng, I watched with tears of pride in my eyes as Patty shoved her way through with a clear set goal in mind: reaching her son. His eyes lit up when he saw her, abandoning decorum and pushing his way through to wrap her in his arms and spin her in a circle as they both laughed. Patty had once told me that Rob was her whole world and it seemed so fitting for them to share this moment of triumph together.

Tearing my eyes from the celebrations on the field was difficult, but I still had a job to do. Bandies needed to be corralled, instruments and props packed up, and trucks and buses loaded. With all the excitement of winning the State Championship, the freshman who were new to this scene would need to be kept on an extremely short leash so as not to lose anyone in the rushing crowds.

When we’re finally all accounted for on the buses over an hour later, and pulling away for the four-hour trip home, the mood is crackling with energy and anticipation of the night to come.

As Drum Major, attending the most important bonfire of the year isn’t really an option, but now, standing here in the cold after such a long day, surrounded by my bandies and amped up classmates, I wish the team would hurry up and arrive and start the party before I fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. Hopefully, the excitement of the champions arriving will give me the energy boost I need to make it at least another hour before succumbing to the dire need for sleep. The freshman are bouncing around like caffeinated bunnies, talking animatedly, hugging, kissing, and just being generally cute. I remember the zeal of my first year in band after winning States, too.

Living in a football town and being a sports fan is one thing, but actually being a part of the action is a whole different ballgame. It doesn’t matter that we’re not the athletes on the field. Doesn’t matter that we’re not cheerleaders. Being a part of fall activities automatically lends itself to a higher level of school spirit than the average student. The kids who aren’t involved might not know the words to every fight song and the alma mater, but we do. In fact, we know both the words and the music. The average viewer in the stands is paying attention to the game, but we’re dancing, laughing, screaming and cheering on our team because their victories are our own. We might be the band nerds, but we have to know the game, and we have to pay attention to it. How else would we know which music to cue up for various plays? The right music keeps the crowd rolling as much as the right cheers.

As a senior, this time is bittersweet. It’s amazing to have watched how far our classmates have come over the past four years, from mistake-prone freshman on the JV team to powerhouses on the gridiron. Rob isn’t the only player on our team destined for offers from the best universities in the country. A school like ours doesn’t get to be known as a Division I picking ground just by churning out one or two great players every couple of years.

This last bonfire of the year, as I look around at my fellow senior bandmates, the realization hits me that we will never experience this joy again together as a group. While the underclassman around us grow increasingly rowdy, awaiting the team’s arrival, the mood in our circle becomes introspective and just a little somber.

Finally, Jeremy breaks the silence, clearing his throat of emotion. “Bring it in.”

We might not have been on the field today, celebrating another win, but our huddle now is no less meaningful. We’ve shared so much over the past four years, and though at the end of this one, we’ll all part ways to begin our paths into adulthood, it’s obvious from the sniffles and tight grasps of supportive hands that we each will cherish these memories for the rest of our lives. Practicing in the hot sun before school has even begun every year, hours of countless drill rehearsals. Playing until your lips are raw to make sure that every note is perfect, every crescendo noticeable. Car washes, hoagie sales, door to door candy bar pandering, all to fundraise for the trips. And oh, the trips. That first taste of freedom, going off with a group of like-minded peers, out from under the wing of vigilant parents to experience life in a different city. The rush of performing in front of a sold-out crowd. That very first away game, the dark bus ride home time and cover enough to experience a first deep kiss, or intimate touch.

Making eye contact with Jess, Alyssa, Jeremy, Chase, and the other seniors that I’ve come to know nearly as well as my own family, thanks to so much shared time and experiences together, I know I’m the only one in this circle that feels both saddened and excited to start over fresh. The idea of escaping the same intimate knowledge of each other that has bred familiarity, in favor of finding a clean slate in a crowd of strangers will be a welcome relief.

Bring on the anonymity.

Our emotional group hug is broken up when shouts and cheers begin to spread through the crowd. The team is finally here.

As charged as the atmosphere has been while awaiting their arrival, the scene erupts now into uninhibited chaos as the cheerleaders usher the team onto the field, cries of victory carrying through the night. The dancing light from the fires casts the group of muscular ballplayers in an eerie glow as they approach, and a laugh bubbles up from my throat because no director could have set up a more dramatic entrance scene.

As soon as the captains of the team step into the edge of the crowd, they’re engulfed. Swarms of our friends and classmates offer up congratulations, high-fives, and beers. This is going to be one hell of a party until the wee hours of the morning, or at least until all the firewood is used up.

Even the bandies and my friends who had previously surrounded me gravitate towards the team, but I hang back, still too anxious of the potential panic attack caused by being entombed in a wild crush of bodies. I wonder if that fear will ever go away.

The temperature in the air seems to drop as Kerri sidles up to me, emerging from the pack with a sinister smile and movements that are positively serpentine. “Didn’t see you on the field after the game, Eva. Trouble in paradise?”

All I can do is cock my eyebrow at her in wonder. She’s never going to give this up. “Why would I have been on the field?”

She rolls her eyes, but I can’t mistake the mischief that alights within them. I don’t know what game she’s playing at tonight, but I’m about to find out. “And this is just another in the long list of reasons why you’re in over your head with a man like Rob.”

Wordlessly, I gesture with my hand for her to enlighten me. She’s going to, anyway.

“You don’t get it, do you?”  Her laughter borders on maniacal, and a chill runs down my spine as I sense that the time of her being subtle is drawing to an abrupt close. She’s making a major play, tonight.

“Listen, let’s just cut to the chase.”  She turns to face me with a serious expression, dropping her voice to an icy whisper. “I know what happened to you.”

There is no possible way to mask the blood draining from my face and my eyes widening in horror.

Kerri steps up to me, her face mere inches from mine. I can smell the alcohol on her breath when she speaks. “Maybe no one else has seen the signs, but I have. The way you flinch when touched. How you can’t stand to be in a crowd. Your style changing abruptly last year. What I still don’t understand is how you can possibly believe that a tainted misfit like you could ever be good enough for a superstar like him.”

She waits a beat, smiling cruelly before continuing. “Men like him have needs, Eva. Needs that your broken body and mind are not going to be able to meet, no matter how much you try. Look at him.”  She gestures into the crowd, knowing exactly where Rob is before she even turns her eyes away from my face. “He’s all man. Powerful. Demanding. In control. You think he wants to take things slow and wait until you’re ready? No. As sweet as he is, he won’t be able to hold back forever. Tonight he deserves to have everything he desires. He wants a woman that he can dominate, the same way he dominates on the field. He wants to use every bit of that strength and that long, thick cock of his to pound his girl until she screams his name. He wants a body he can own, not one that someone else has already contaminated. Don’t mistake him saving your pathetic ass for more than it was. It’s not fair to him to be chained to you, just because he was in the right place at the right time. You belong in his world even less now than you did before you let yourself be violated.”

The longer she talks, the more I shake. How could I have been so stupid as to think I’d fooled everyone? How fucking ridiculous that the one person to call me out is an enemy rather than a friend, who should know me so well? My eyes remain trained on Rob as he makes his way through the sea of supporters, a wide, dimpled grin on his face, his eyes catching the firelight as they always do. Searching for someone. Someone he’s never going to find.

Without a word or look back, I make my way to my car, cloaked in the kind of invisibility that can’t be faked.

Chapter 27

rob

              “Speech!” Someone from the back of the crowd yells and my teammates all laugh.

              I simply shake my head, smiling as I take another swig of beer. I don’t even know who handed it to me, but I am freaking parched. I would drink anything, at this point. Alex and Mike also may or may not have blackmailed me into partaking of libations this evening, citing that I’ve earned it and we all deserve to let loose and have a good time tonight. Alex has also apparently arranged for underclassman DDs, but I’d rather Evie be my own personal chauffeur whenever she’s ready to go. I’m sure she won’t drink.

              “You gotta earn one of Falls’ speeches, kid! If you ain’t in the locker room, then you ain’t gonna hear the man speak his words of awesome,” Alex yells back, expertly reducing the requests for me to give them some kind of victory talk. God bless Alex for getting me the way he does.

              These are the times when my old shyness rears its ugly head.

              It was a long road to learning how to lead my team on the field and it’s been hard fought every step of the way. Until sophomore year when puberty finally decided to play catch up, my performance was average at best. When I finally had the size to match my skill set, suddenly the guys that used to push me around had to stop and take notice. Another year of gaining ground with my peers, and they realized that I was a force to be reckoned with, and I was able to be the kind of leader in the locker room that a team requires. In the locker room. Not outside of it.

              Except for the months I was dealing with the aftermath of Evie supposedly choosing someone else. I was a raging, out of control asshole, then. In hindsight, I guess even that dark time served a purpose. It helped bring me out of my shell a bit more.

              Gesturing with my hands for everyone to pipe down, because my voice is shit after yelling over the roar of the game, giving interviews, and speaking with fans all day, I crack a wide smile, still looking over all the heads for the curls and beautiful blue eyes I’ve been searching for ever since we won. There is only one thing I need from these people. “I do have one thing to say. Has anyone fucking seen my girlfriend?”

              Calls of “Eva!” go up from the mass of bodies, and everyone swivels their heads around, resembling owls, but no Greek goddess is offered up for my hungry gaze. Even when I spot Jeremy towards the back of the throng, he seems to be looking around for her, so at least I know she must be here somewhere.

              Sensing my need for space, shockingly, the flock begins to disperse, everyone heading off in search of snacks, drinks, and another warm body to celebrate with. This night is just getting started.

              Mike claps me on the back with a force suggesting he’s already three sheets to the wind, his other arm wrapped around Chelsie even as he holds a beer can at her shoulder, spilling a bit into her hair. “You still haven’t talked to her, man? Did you even fucking text her, like I told you?”

              “Couldn’t, my phone died earlier. You haven’t seen or talked to her, either?”

              Forgetting that we’re having a conversation, he plasters his lips onto Chelsie’s, sucking with enough force that I wince. She doesn’t seem to mind his ravenous takeover of her mouth, returning with equal force. I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

              Shaking my head at the drunken display of affection, if it could even be called that, I head over towards where I saw Jeremy earlier, figuring that the band has already been here awhile, so Evie can’t be far from where they are.

              He wraps me up in a big hug the second he sees me. “Congrats, bro. That was a sick fucking game.”

              “Best I’ve ever played,” I admit. Pretty sure that had everything to do with waking up to the love of my life wrapped up in my arms on game day, which has never happened before.

              When Alex snuck into the room at 6am, my alarm hadn’t gone off, yet. He shook my shoulder to wake me, while Evie slept on. Grateful that my music wouldn’t blare and disturb her peaceful slumber, I shut off the alert before slipping quietly out of her embrace. I’ll never get over the sight of that woman first thing in the morning after sharing a bed with me. Gender equalist or not, there’s just something about seeing her that way that screams, “Mine!”

              She’d shifted onto her stomach when I rolled away from her, so her wild curls were splayed all over her slender shoulders and down her back. The comforter and sheets had been kicked down over the course of the night, exposing the backs of her tan thighs to my appreciative gaze, her tight little ass snug in the same shorts she’d been wearing an afternoon long ago that we’d spent at her house, doing Bio. The soft rise and fall of her torso as she gently breathed, in and out, in and out, mesmerizing to my eyes that had once been so panicked, I’d forgotten to look for that telltale sign of life. Her completely relaxed face, mouth slightly parted, as memories of claiming her sweet lips and tongue for my own the night before flooded my brain.

              I was proud of myself in that moment, admiring her gorgeous body with ease. It’d taken a lot of hard work with Cathy to be able to look at her that way, again. Does it turn me on? No. Not yet. But being able to look at her and not feel guilty for thinking she’s hot is a big step. Still, the memory of what she’d said to me last night hurt. My sweet Evie believed I’d been taking care of myself, not wanting to ask her for anything. She nearly broke my heart with her admission. If only she knew. I’d taken things as far as I dared go with her, as far as I could give, until she shut me down. I can’t understand why she wants more from me, but when I tried to give it to her, she froze up. All I can figure is that it’s her way of trying to move past what happened without really dealing with it. It’s a fine line to walk, but that’s okay. She’s absolutely worth it. Besides, it was more progress made, another first down. Standing there, entranced by the sight of her and lost in my own hopes of a second down after the bonfire, I’d practically jumped out of my skin when Alex whispered in my ear that we needed to go.

              I left her with a soft kiss to her lips, stifling a laugh as she crinkled her nose against the sensation in her sleep and made a silent promise to her that I would try harder tonight to give her what she needs and wants.

              “You got that whole glazed, lusty expression going on, Falls.”  Alyssa winks at me, snapping me out of my thoughts, and by the way she’s listing ever so slightly to the left, I figure she’s definitely gotten a head start on drinking. “I guess my girl treated you right last night for you to play like that today. Imagine what she has in store for you tonight.”

              Whoa. Never heard Lys talk like that before. She’s drunker than I thought, which is also not something I’ve ever seen. Just another in the long line of people Evie feels we’re lying to, I guess. “Where is she? I didn’t even get to see her after the game. I kinda hoped she’d be down on the field with me.”

              Jess steps up beside me, Ash seemingly attached to her hip. She laughs and rolls her eyes as she takes a drink out of whatever she’s got in her red Solo cup. “You know she doesn’t like that much attention, Rob. She was off helping load the trucks and making sure all of our freshman got on the buses. She’s probably flitting around here, making sure they’re all behaving themselves, even as we speak.”

              The derogatory way that Jess talks about Evie being her responsible, compassionate self raises my hackles, but I let it go, hoping it’s just a case of too much alcohol, and not enough filter. “Alright, well, I’ll see you guys around. I’m gonna go find her.”

              I search for what feels like forever, constantly getting sidetracked by someone, more beer or liquor pressed into my hand, and still no sign of Evie. I don’t normally drink this much, but maybe it’s just what I need tonight. Something to lower my inhibitions and defenses, loosening me up for whatever my girl wants. I can do this. I’m gonna do this. For Evie.

              All I wanted after the game was her. When everyone rushed the field as the clock ran out, she was the first thing on my mind. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my arms, celebrate with her, and show her off to everyone. She was nowhere to be found. Chelsie was with Mike. Rachel was with Alex. Dara was sucking Christian’s face off, but I had no Evie. I couldn’t even find her in the stands. When I finally got to see Mom, she admitted that she hadn’t seen Evie, either. My first instinct was to go search for her, but Dad forbade it. Said I had to start acting like a professional and not a kid. That meant giving my time and attention to the reporters and fans who were in need of my presence more than my girlfriend. The only reason I relented was because Mom promised to find her for me. She never did.

              I’m good and buzzed now, practically champing at the bit to find my girl and kiss her senseless. I’ve gone too long without a hit of my favorite drug. The longer I wander around without anyone knowing where she is, the more depressed I get.

I knew damn well last night that when she rolled over and smiled at me, she was faking it. I need to find her and explicitly tell her how much I want her. Maybe I should quit worrying about her feeling guilty and just come clean with her about all of it. Tell her how much time I used to spend fantasizing about her and jerking off, before she was actually mine. Tell her that if I didn’t love her so damn much, what I saw Jackson do to her wouldn’t have me so fucked up. Tell her that as much as I’ve wanted her, I’m terrified of hurting her, pushing her too far. Tell her that I don’t ever want to be like the other men who’ve used and abused her body.

Mostly, I just want to tell her I love her, and beg her not to give up on me. Promise her that she can absolutely use me for whatever she wants, as long as she’s in the lead, because I just can’t...yet. I’m drunk enough to let it all spill out; I just need to find her. Now.

              A slender finger glides along the back of my neck, raising instant goosebumps, and I turn with a hopeful grin only to find Kerri staring back at me. “Oh. Hey, Kerri. You haven’t seen Evie anywhere, have you? I can’t find her.”

              I’m more than a little embarrassed about how slurred my speech sounds, but Kerri doesn’t seem to mind, stepping a little closer for warmth. I can see her shivering against the bite of the winter air. “Actually, I have. She told me to let you know that she was too tired to hang around, but that you should stay and have a good time, and she’d see you on Monday.”

              “Monday? Why can’t I see her tomorrow?”  I should be more embarrassed about whining like a three year old, but nope. Dammit, I’m so buzzed, I can’t even remember if Evie said she had something going on tomorrow. I want to cry like a baby at the thought of not getting even a small taste of her tonight. I need her so much it hurts.

              She’s my girl, now. Mine. She’s supposed to be there for the big wins. She’s supposed to be at my side, now, when everyone wants a piece of me. She’s supposed to celebrate with me. She’s supposed to be here. With me.

              “She didn’t say, but I’ll tell you what? I don’t want the rest of my drink, and you look like you could use another. Keep me warm, and I’ll trade your empty cup for my full one. Deal?”

              Poor Kerri really is shaking in her boots, and fuck it. I’m already drunk. One more can’t hurt. I wrap my arm around her, and she throws my empty cup into the fire to melt, handing over her full one to me.

I chug it all in one go, angry and depressed that my big plans for the night have been foiled. I know I can’t bother Evie tonight. I don’t doubt that she’s exhausted; I sure as hell am. It’ll only piss her off if I drunk dial her, now. I’ll call her in the morning, see what’s going on for the day, and get my fix whenever I can. I’m kind of bummed that I won’t have the aid of alcohol to make me braver, but we’re definitely going to talk about all the stuff that’s been piling up around us this past month. I promised her that starting tomorrow, she’d be my priority. Even if I’m clearly not hers.

For just one night, fuck it all. I’m celebrating with my boys. We’ve earned it.

It takes all of my willpower not to punch every single person who screams my name, or pounds me on the back. I’m not sure how it’s possible to still be hungover more than twenty-four hours after passing out, but I really, really am. I’m hungover and pissed the fuck off.

I am never drinking like that, again.

I pretty much slept through yesterday, and by the time I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, found my phone, finally charged it, and called Evie...she wasn’t answering. Can’t say I blame her.

Friday night, poor Evie comes to my room, confesses that she feels like a terrible girlfriend because she believes I’d rather play with my own dick than even touch her, then fakes that everything is fine after I make an obviously piss poor effort to prove to her that I want her. And she sleeps all night with me, anyway, because she knows I sleep better with her.

Saturday morning, I made a promise to her to do better. And what have I done? I haven’t even seen her or spoken to her since that morning. Way to prove myself.

What’s worse, I can’t remember a damn thing that happened between the point at the bonfire when I found out she was already gone to the time I woke up, alone, in my own bed late Sunday afternoon. No clue who I talked to, how I got home, or how much I actually drank. I just hope I wasn’t a raging asshole, or so obviously drunk that I made a fool of myself. After blowing her off all weekend, all I need is for my behavior to get back to Evie. If that doesn’t send a message that she isn’t my number one priority, I don’t know what does.