Second Rate Chances (6 page)

             
             
Lil took a deep breath and spilled everything that Chloe had said over the phone.

             
             
“And how did that make you feel?”

             
             
“Honestly? I felt sucker-punched. How could he, after all this time, need my help?” Lil laughed although there was nothing funny. “How ironic that when I needed him he wasn't there.”

             
             
“But you went?”

             
             
With a dejected sigh Lil said, “Yeah, I went.”

             
             
“Why?”

             
             
“Because,” Lil’s voice was soft and unsure. She looked at Dr. Kingston and tried to reign in her tears. “It’s Sam. How could I not go?”

             
             
“Without knowing anything that was wrong with him? That’s putting someone else, someone who you spent a lot of time in that very chair trying to get over, first. I’m proud of you. I can imagine it wasn’t easy.”

             
             
Lil shook her head no. It hadn’t been easy but she didn’t want to portray the role of the martyr. It might have pained her to face him but she wasn’t the kind of person who kicked a man when he was down.

             
             
“What happened after you got to the hospital?”

             
             
“His dad and brother were standing together in the hall. When they saw me standing there they both ran to give me hugs. Paul thanked me for coming. He said he knew it wasn’t an easy thing for me to do.”

             
             
“That's good news. Two people who cared for you, and I'm willing to bet, still do.”

             
             
Lil nodded. “Yeah, it was good to see Paul and Joshua. Good and bad. It's been so long and they had changed so much. And their faces.” Lil recalled the worried looks from both men. “They were so stressed.”

             
             
“Naturally. A loved one was in the next room, clearly confused out of his mind. Did they tell you his diagnosis?”

             
             
“No, the doctor came out and explained it all to me. Then he encouraged me to go see Sam. I did.” Lil locked eyes with Dr. Kingston. For several moments they stared at one another.

             
             
“And how did seeing Sam make you feel?”

             
             
“Conflicted?” Lil said the word like she was looking for the right answer. “His eyes lit up when he saw me like they used to do. He even told me he wanted to run and wrap his arms around me. I couldn’t do a thing except fall apart. I wanted to run to him, I wanted to scream at him. Instead, I avoided his questions and we argued. I don’t think I helped at all.”

             
             
“No,” Dr. Kingston said after a few seconds of silence. “I imagine you didn’t help.”

             
             
“How can I?” Lil stood from the chair and began to pace the room. “It's been three years. How can I help him? And why me? I haven't been a part of his life for so long. He's moved on. He's about to be married.
She
should be the one helping him but she wasn’t even there!”

             
             
“Sam is confused. I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a second. Put yourself in his shoes,” Dr. Kingston said. “What if you woke up and thought the two of you were still together when you weren't? How do you think you'd feel? And if he shut you out? How would that make you feel?”

             
             
When Dr. Kingston put it like that, Lil had to rethink her whole not helping strategy. “He thinks we just bought the house. He doesn't know…”

             
             
“You don't have to say it. I assumed that if he did you would have been more hysterical than you are.” Dr. Kingston was quiet while she thought over how to say what she was thinking. “I'm going to be honest with you. I think it would be good, not just for Sam, but for you as well to consider helping him. You need the closure you never got the first time. This is like a second chance at redemption for you. Maybe to finally get past these pent up feelings that are still buried deep within your soul, you need to forgive Sam once and for all.”

             
             
Lil couldn't believe what Dr. Kingston had said. She knew her mouth was partially open and her eyes had to be three times their normal size. There was no way she was serious. Lil knew she needed closure but could she really mean spending time with him? Hanging out, doing the things they used to do?

             
             
“Listen to me,” Dr. Kingston began, clearly seeing the look on Lil’s face. “Sam doesn't know what happened between the two of you, but he
will
find out. This is monumental news for him. One day he's buying a house with you, the next day he wakes up and he's engaged to another woman. He's going to want to know what happened. He deserves to know what happened. It's best he hear from you than someone else.” Dr. Kingston had moved from her seat and was now standing in front of Lil. She took the girl’s hands in her own. The act was so motherly it almost made Lil tear up. “I know you think that you can run away from this, but you can’t. You've told me how it felt when he left, but you never told Sam. This is your chance to finally get out those words.”

             
             
Lil closed her eyes and when she reopened them, Dr. Kingston had a solemn look on her face. She truly believed that helping Sam could help her.

             
             
“I'm not asking you to go out and make a decision today but think about it. I only want what's best for you.”

             
             
Lil nodded and withdrew her hands from Dr. Kingston's grasp. A single teardrop had fallen and instead of wiping it away, Lil let it fall.

             
             
Dr. Kingston gave her a kind smile and stepped away, moving toward her desk. “I want to keep regular appointments with you until I see fit. Make sure Charlotte sets up the next one at your earliest convenience.”

Lil couldn't speak. Instead, she bowed her head slightly to let the doctor know that she had heard her. She had a lot to think about.

             
             
Helping Sam for Sam.

             
             
Or helping Sam for Lil.

CHAPTER 7

Sam sat in his car looking at the cottage he once called home. An unfamiliar car was in the driveway but Sam had no intentions of getting out and knocking on the door, even though it killed him not to know who was inside with her. He was driving aimlessly with no destination in mind when he ended up at Lil’s.

So why after twenty minutes was he still sitting in his car like a stalker?

             
             
For all he knew, Lil had a boyfriend. It would explain why she was so hesitant to be around him. Why she hadn’t jumped for joy at the chance to help him with his memories.

             
             
As the minutes wore on, Sam was torn between his conflicting emotions: sadness and anger. He had no claim on Lil yet he couldn’t help but feel like he did.

             
             
A soft tap on Sam’s passenger window had him jumping out of his seat, his head nearly touching the roof. Instinctively, his hand flew to where his head hit as he looked over to a man, not much older than himself, with his palms drawn up.

Sam pushed the button that rolled down the window. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” the man said.

With his heart beating a mile a minute, Sam lied to him. “Oh, you didn’t.”

             
             
“Car trouble?” the stranger asked.

             
             
“No,” Sam answered truthfully. “I used to live here.”

             
             
“Oh really?” The guy’s eyes widened. “How long ago?”

             
             
“Three years,” Sam said.

             
“Three years you said?” Sam nodded. “Huh, must have

been before Lil moved in then.”

             
             
“Actually,” Sam said with a hint of smugness, “I lived here with Lil.”

The guy’s mouth broke out into a wide grin. Sam merely stared at all six feet of him. He had blond hair that hung down to his shoulders. He was broad and wide like he used to play football. Sam’s total opposite. “Sam, right?” he asked to which Sam nodded. “Zach.” He held out his hand through the window. With reluctance, Sam took his hand with a firm grip. “How about you get out of the car? We can go inside.”

             
             
“Oh no,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I can’t go in. I’m sure Lil’s busy.”

             
             
“I insist,” Zach said. “Besides, her best friend is in there too and I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

             
             
“Ellie Mae?” Sam questioned.

             
             
Zach laughed. “She hates to be called that.”

             
             
Sam smiled his first genuine smile at the man he was trying really hard to hate “I know.”

             
             
“Just give me a second? I came outside to get something out of the truck when I saw you.”

             
             
Sam stepped out of his car and stood by, looking more closely at the place he once called home. The house appeared to be well cared for and Sam briefly wondered if Zach was the reason for that. When Zach rejoined him, he held up a DVD case for Sam to see. Sam shook his head.

“She always loved her Night Court,” Sam said with a sigh. “Used to make me stay up and watch reruns with her in college.”

“It’s one of the reasons I love Lil.” Sam cringed at the L word. His gut clenched and he wanted to run as far away as he could. There was no way this night could go well for any of them. Sam wasn’t keen on pretending to like Lil’s new boyfriend. He should walk away now while he still had a sliver of his dignity left.

             
             
It was bad enough losing three years of his life. It was something else altogether to know that your one and only true love was now in love with someone else.

“Ellie can’t stand it,” Zach said.

For whatever reason, even if it was for him to see the look on Lil’s face when he walked in with her new boyfriend, Sam followed Zach up the front steps to the door. He didn’t knock. Of course he didn’t. He probably had a key and a drawer in Lil’s dresser. His own coffee cup. A space in the walk in-closet. Everything Sam used to have.

Sam didn’t notice anything about the interior of the cottage. Besides the back of Zach’s head, the only thing Sam saw was red. That was until a familiar voice broke up the violent thoughts that were going through his mind.

             
             
“Well, I’ll be damned! If it isn’t Sam I Am!”

             
             
The hint of a smile played on Sam’s face. He moved his eyes from the back of Zach’s head and found Ellie coming out of the kitchen with a bottle of wine in her hands.

             
             
“Ellie Mae,” Sam said.

             
             
Ellie rolled her eyes and walked across the living room. Sam scooped her up in his arms, and hugged her lightly, but the return hug from Ellie was much stronger. The simple act only reinforced the fact that Sam hadn’t seen Ellie a week or so prior, but that this was probably the first time they had seen each other since him and Lil split.

             
             
Ellie pulled back and smiled at Sam, looking over every inch of his face. “Can’t believe it’s been ages since I last saw you,” she said.

             
             
“Well,” Sam said with a small laugh. “For me it’s been more like a couple of weeks.”