Second Skin (23 page)

"I just think maybe you'd be happier with one of them," I pushed. "To be honest, I feel like I've been sort of monopolizing you." I paused and then tagged on a hasty, "I mean, holding you back."

"I can see that," Tanner said. "I guess I should get out there a little more-it's senior year."

"Exactly," I said, relieved to finally be getting through. "You should have fun. You owe it to yourself. And don't worry about me. I know we'll always be friends."

"Huh? Oh yeah, definitely." Tanner's voice was distant now and I had the feeling I'd caught him mid-hang-up. "Listen, I'll see you around, okay?"

And then he was gone.

I enjoyed the dial tone for several seconds, then hung up and left Jules a voice mail. I wasn't going to meet her-or any of the other pepsters-for a mani/pedi. I didn't care if it meant a lifetime of hangnails and calluses. I was through with all things A-list.

And, if my plan worked out, by the end of the day the A-list would be through with me, too.

I headed downstairs. My mother was in the living room slicing up the newspaper. She looked up. "You're home," she said, surprised.

My mother clicked her tongue and returned to her shredding.

"I just want you to know," I said, "that I'm sorry. I'm gonna cutback on all the school stuff-pep squad and everything." I watched as the scissors paused and, slowly, my mother raised her head from the newspaper. "I guess I was just trying out some different things but you were right all along. None of that stuff was really me."

"Oh, Sam," she said. "I'm so glad. I hope-"

"But listen," I said, rushing on. "I know you and Dad have really strong convictions. And I think that's great. But you can't just expect me to have them because I'm your kid. I don't think stuff like that's always...automatic."

My mother cast me a long, measuring glance. "I guess I hadn't really thought about it in those terms."

I shrugged. "I'm not saying I won't believe in the same things you do. You just need to let me figure it out for myself."

My mother placed her scissors on the table and reached for her coffee mug. "Well," she said. "I think you're off to a good start. That was a very mature speech, Sam."

I smiled. "Thanks."

I laughed. "I'll see what I can do. By the way, I'm borrowing the car." I grabbed the keys from the counter and headed out the front door.

Tanner. Jules. My mom.

Three down, two to go.

If the last two didn't kill me, this just might work.

I passed him my mother's credit card (it was for emergency purposes only, but this definitely qualified) and watched as he bagged the five CDs-all from top-ten artists-I'd just purchased. He handed me my receipt and I headed out to the parking lot. I popped one of the CDs into the car stereo and drove over to Gwen's house.

And, just to make extra sure I wasn't ignored, I leaned on the horn.

"Are you crazy?" Gwen asked as she rushed out of her house. She was barefoot, wearing her apron over sweats.

"Sorry," I said, turning off the music. "I just wanted to get your attention."

"What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be riding on top of a float?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore." I toyed with my key chain. "From now on, I'm float-free. I swear."

I took a deep breath, shifted the car into drive and slammed my foot on the gas. I could hear the CDs crunch under the tires as I flattened pop music.

I stopped the car at the bottom of the driveway and watched Gwen approach. Even from a distance I could tell she was fighting back a smile.

"Look," I started in as soon as she reached me. "I'm really sorry. About everything. I took you for granted. And I should've punched Chuck Todd for making that stupid comment at the dance."

"You're right," Gwen said, her voice bitter. "You did. And you should have."

I nodded. "I wish I could erase everything

Gwen looked down at the smashed discs. "You know," she said slowly. "I'm really glad you got your brain back." When she raised her head, her face was serious. "And I'm sorry too."

I stared at her. "What for?"

"I've been thinking about it a lot, and I guess I can be a
little
judgmental," she said, frowning slightly. "But I'm really trying-well, as of this morning-to be more open-minded about meeting new people...and school in general."

"Thanks," I said. "That means a lot."

Gwen shivered. "It's freezing out here," she said. "Wanna come inside? I was making pancakes."

"Sounds great. I'm starving."

I slid my arm around her shoulder. Did the Skin feel a little looser? It was hard to tell. And at the moment, I didn't really care.

***

I could see him but he couldn't see me.

I took a deep breath and walked toward him.

"Hey," I said softly, appreciating the sun in Alex's black curls. His hair was so dark it took on a blue tint, even in the light.

Alex snapped the lens onto the end of the telescope. "Um, you do know that your face is bright green, don't you?" he said without looking up.

"I know. I wore it in honor of that day at the beach. My quarter birthday." I swallowed. "It-it was one of my favorite days."

Alex shrugged. "Great. I'm happy for you." He swung the telescope around, almost hitting me. "Listen, I'm a little busy here, okay? Good luck with the whole face-painting thing."

"I know I totally blew it," I blurted out. My voice sounded thick. "I know you hate me. I hate me." I sniffed. "But I came here to apologize...and to tell you that the reason the day at the beach is my favorite is because of you.
You're
my favorite."

"I'm so sorry," I repeated, staring down into the front yard. "But just so you know-that whole night, I was completely freaked out. Because of you." I bit my lip, then pushed on before I completely lost my nerve. "And the only reason I let Tanner kiss me was to see if it was possible to be in love with your best friend without even knowing it." I raised my eyes to meet Alex's. "It turns out it is possible. It happens."

Alex stared at me.

I placed the round container of zinc oxide at the base of the telescope. "You should have this," I said softly, turning back toward the window. "The sun is a lot stronger than you think."

I was halfway across the room when I heard the crash. As I turned toward the noise Alex grabbed me, looping his arms around my waist.

"I've thought about doing this for so long," he said. "But I never once pictured you with a green face."

I leaned into Alex's body and felt the Skin

Much, much later-after we wiped the zinc oxide from our faces and picked pieces of telescope off the front lawn-I climbed back into the car and drove home. And when I stopped at a red light, I waved my hands high over my head and stretched. Just because I could.

"Here ya go," I said, thrusting the "I Am Not a Plastic Bag" bag toward Kylie. It was her old life.

And she was welcome to it. After returning home from Alex's house, I'd easily stripped off the Skin. No bends, twists or contortions. This time around, it slid from my body like a plus-sized girdle. I'd scooped it up and tossed it into the green felt bag without even a second of hesitation.

I was more than ready to say goodbye to popularity.

Standing in the middle of Kylie's bedroom, I

Kylie smiled but kept her arms firmly planted by her sides. "Thanks," she said lightly. "But you know what? I'm good. I don't want it."

I gaped at her. "What are you talking about? Isn't this what...I mean, I thought you were so mad at me-"

"I was," Kylie said. "What you did was pretty awful."

I swallowed. "It was. I feel terrible."

"I know," Kylie said as she twisted the end of her ponytail around her fingers. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and the thing is, I sort of like my life without the Skin." She shrugged. "I have Ella, and things with Matt are going pretty well. Plus, I'm getting along with my parents for like the first time ever." She smiled. "I know it sounds pretty lame, but I guess I'm sort of liking me right now. I mean, at least I know this is me, right?"

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I know exactly what you mean," I said. I looked at her. "Hey, did you ever wonder who sent it to you? Why you were chosen?"

Kylie bit her lip. "I don't know. Maybe a little. At first. Then I got so caught up with everything I just let it go."

Kylie frowned. "And do what?"

"We could, I don't know, destroy it somehow," I went on, though I was starting to feel a little ridiculous. "And the Skin too. We could even locate the others and..." I trailed off as Kylie started to giggle.

"What, like a popularity quest?" she asked, smiling. "I don't know. That sounds sort of time-consuming. I've got a paper due Monday."

I laughed. "I guess it is a little ambitious."

"How about we just hide it for now?" Kylie suggested. "I don't think either of us is going to be tempted anymore, and this way no one else can use it either."

So we folded the Skin and put it in the back of Kylie's closet. As the door slid shut, I felt myself relax. Finally and completely.

"Well," Kylie said. "I guess that's that."

I nodded but made no move to leave. There was one last thought needling me, and I knew it was now or never.

"About last night," I said. "I just sort of lost it. I, uh, I know you weren't trying to steal my friends or anything."

"Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell you,"