Secret Desires (15 page)

She sighed and gave in to the pleasure, resigning herself temporarily to the notion that nothing was wrong so long as they had
this
.

"I love you so much," he whispered at her ear. His head picked up and he looked down at her, his eyes so wrought with the unspoken that she felt her heart open even more to him. Her thighs opened and closed again around his hips, then she leaned up into the few inches of space between their lips and kissed him, her tongue ready to taste his.

Their problems could wait.

In the nearby distance raindrops fell lazily against the lake surface and scant beach shoreline, leaves fluttered between soft breezes of cold air, and Natalie watched as the moon curved across the sky as the hours melted away towards very early morning. James dozed peacefully at her side, his hand splayed across her naked belly.

Yet her mind was disquieted with the thoughts and questions that could only be impermanently subdued. That was his trick, to distract her with lustful worship, but she didn't find nearly as much contentment from it as he did. She needed true quiet, absolute alone time so that she could consider the growing list of things she had been ignoring or pushing to the side. She couldn't be objective around him, and she knew deep in her heart that the decisions before her would not be easily made.

She slipped quietly from the bed and moved like a thief in the night, using only the scant bit of light from behind the partially closed bathroom door to illuminate the room as she collected and packed her belongings. She dressed quickly into a pair of fresh undergarments, jeans and a tee shirt, then secured her suitcase and did one last sweep of the room, looking occasionally to make sure she didn't wake James as she searched in the dark for any forgotten belongings. Then, possessions in hand, she crept quietly from the room and made her way to the garage.

The room housed three vehicles, one she recognized as Joe's rental. She fished the gold key ring from her pocket and pressed the unlock button on the attached fob. She had to shield her eyes when a sedan's headlights blared suddenly, nearly blinding her in the process.

A Tesla. Nice
, she mused to herself as she packed her belongings haphazardly into the chic vehicle. She wouldn't allow herself to consider whether or not she was technically stealing the car, after all she did have a key. Audra would just have to understand.

As Natalie backed out of the garage she took one last glance up at the house and was stung with a moment of regret at the realization she was slinking away in the middle of the night, and all to get away from the man she loved. Was it really necessary?

But the decision was made, and she knew her logic was sound. If she was going to figure out her relationship, she was going to have to do it alone.

A thundering grey cloud clapped so loudly it nearly drowned out what sounded like urgent knocking at the front door. Natalie looked up from her open suitcase and listened, unsure if she had heard the knock at all. She dropped a folded bathing suit from her hands and walked with quiet footsteps to the front door. With two hands on either side of the peephole she leaned forward and closed one eye, but startled when the heavy knock pounded again from the other side. With held breath she looked through the small hole and exhaled at the sight of drenched honey-colored hair.

"Natalie open the door."

She hadn't expected him to show up so soon, but neither was she surprised. It was foolish to think he wouldn't follow her. The rain had started pouring the moment she left the driveway and continued all the way down the mountain and west back into her own city. The downpour and subsequently slick freeway lanes meant the trip - ordinarily two hours in decent night conditions - took just over three. She listened to the sound of cascading sheets of water and let her mind empty of everything. It was still dark then, and now the sky was alight with a grey mid-morning. How long had he waited to leave after realizing she'd gone?

"Natalie!" he called through the door again. "I'm not leaving. I need to-"

She opened the door before he could finish the sentence. He was wearing the suit that had appeared rumpled the previous evening but was now pasted to his skin, drenched uncomfortably to his muscled body. His jawline was fuzzy with three-day growth that only made him even more maddeningly handsome, if such a possibility existed.

"I don't need an explanation, James."

"Bullshit." Rainwater spit from his mouth as he cursed the expletive. "Why did you run away from me in the middle of the night?"

Natalie's hand gripped the doorknob even tighter. "I didn't run. I left." She knew it wasn't the whole truth. But she didn't have the energy to hash it out with him now. "Please go. I have a lot to think about and I'm probably going to be fired tomorrow so I'd like to get some rest before the big event." She got the door halfway shut before his foot planted across the threshold and stopped her from shutting him out.

" Natalie. I lo-"

"James!" she shouted, effectively interrupting him. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, and then took a hard look at him. She'd never seen him so disheveled, so emotionally open and vulnerable. She couldn't speak rationally to the man, not when so many revelations had effectively changed the entire dynamic of their relationship, which had already been on uncertain ground. There were only two directions they could go from here, and Natalie felt like she was trapped. What was she supposed to say to this man who had shared her deepest intimacies?

"I can't. Please just leave."

His face fell. Despair, anger, frustration; they were all there screwing with his handsome face. "Why do you feel like you're slipping away from me, Natalie?"

Her heart dropped into her stomach as though she were falling from a great distance. It wasn't her intention, but the man looked pained, and it tore at her heartstrings to see him hurting in any way.

"I'm not slipping away, James. But I do need to find my own foothold. You can only hold on so tight before your grip tires and you're forced to let go."

He let out a long breath, an indicator that he finally seemed to understand where she was coming from, even if he didn't like it. He lingered for a moment longer before leaning across the threshold and kissing her cheek.

"Call me if you need anything?"

"I will," she promised.

When he was gone she fell into her couch and listened for the silence of her own home space. It was the only thing she could control herself. The endless parade of questions, considerations and possibilities could barely be stifled, and she found herself wishing she could physically remove them from her brain for the luxury of peace of mind. Instead she closed her eyes and focused on the quiet, drifting off into a sleep that deepened as the grey in the sky. Rain poured relentlessly for the remainder of the day, and Natalie remained still, thinking.

So this was it.

"Natalie?"

She smiled reassuringly at Shane, who himself looked like he knew what she was in for. Even the way he said,
'Graham Martin would like to see you,'
told her he was somehow in the know of the goings-on of her professional life. Maybe even her personal life.

She'd awoken early that morning absent of any discomfort, almost as if she'd been emotionally unplugged. At some point in the middle of the night she had come to realize that only so many things were within her control and that it was pointless to lament what she didn't have control of. It was meaningless to fret over what may or may not happen when it was inevitable anyway.

It felt like every pair of eyes watched her as she made her way to the bank of elevators to make her way up to Graham Martin's office. Or was that just her imagination? Could Ivy really have worked so quickly? Of course she'd only need to tell one person before word spread like napalm and the entire office knew. Anyone with a modicum of respect would ignore the rumors entirely and focus on the work. At least, that's what she'd do.

The elevator made a soft
ding!
as the car came to her floor, and when the doors opened she was surprised to see Joe Gallo standing inside, the unexpected hint of a smile on his face. When he made no immediate move to exit she entered, then pushed the button for Graham's floor.

"I'm sorry for leaving you to clean up the house by yourself," she said politely as the doors came to a close.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. "I'm sorry you had to witness that bit of history between me and Fitzgerald. I hope that doesn't ruin our friendship."

It warmed her heart to hear that his words were sincere. "I don't decide whom I like or dislike based on the opinions of others." Then she added, "Did Graham call you in?"

"Yep," he nodded.

Her heart quickened momentarily, then subsided back to normal when she took a clarifying breath. "Anything I should know before I go in there?" The elevator
ding
ed again and the doors opened.

"Know that we've got your back," he said, nodding to the open lobby. They stepped through together and Natalie nearly jumped when she saw Quinn standing patiently outside of Graham's office door.

"Hey!" Natalie called softly. "Don't tell me Graham called you in, too?"

"Not exactly," Quinn cheerfully replied. She glanced at Jenifer, Graham's secretary whom Shane often referred to as '
The Secretary of Evil
'. The woman looked up at both Quinn and Natalie and pursed her lips into an obviously displeasing pout.

"Please wait," Jenifer asked, though there wasn't an ounce of politeness in the request.

"Thank you," Natalie smiled before turning back to Quinn and Joe, both of whom were standing there as though waiting for her. "Okay you guys, what's going on?"

"Nothing!" Quinn mused. "We're here to offer you our support. That's all."

"Thanks." Though if she were honest with herself their support was ruining her calm. "So does the whole office know?"

Quinn and Joe exchanged glances. "Enough of them. And some clients," Joe answered.

Goddamnit
. "She works quickly, that Ivy." It was as though her worst fears were realized. She pinched a section of fatty tissue on the inside of her arm, wondering if doing so would wake her up from a bad dream. Instead she was met with radiating pain.
Maybe that only works in movies
.

"I wouldn't worry too much about Ivy," Quinn said. She closed one eye so subtly that Natalie wasn't sure if it was a random twitch or a purposeful wink.

She turned at the sound of Graham Martin's office door opening, and the man himself looked as though he were sharing some of her discomfort. He glanced at both Joe and Quinn before finally nodding at Natalie with a tight smile.

"Wish me luck?" she asked, though rhetorically, as she followed Graham inside.

She took a seat opposite Graham's desk and noticed with some interest that it was covered in files of more than one color. Black folders contained originals of signed client contracts, but she also saw a couple red folders, which she knew came from Human Resources. Graham sat down and placed his hands on the pile as though he didn't know what to do with them.

A knock came at the door and Sydney Gold entered without invitation, a red folder clutched tightly in her hand. Natalie had only ever interacted with Sydney exactly three times: on her first day of work at Brighton, the day she was promoted to junior VP, and the day she hired Shane. She knew enough to know that when Human Resources sat in on a meeting with your boss, there was only just one reason.

Graham sighed as soon as Sydney took a seat next to Natalie, and then began.

"Miss Harlow, some accusations have been made about your work performance. Now, I have no interest in beating around the bush and I'm sure you are already aware of where these accusations have come from. So I would like to make this as simple as possible."

"Okay," Natalie nodded. She got the sense that he didn't want to be doing this anymore than she did.

"Miss Harlow, are you familiar with our many company policies pertaining to employees?"

"I am."

"Are you familiar with our company policy expressly forbidding the involvement of employees and clients beyond the scope of what is deemed professional?"

"Yes, I am."

He chewed thoughtfully on the inside of his lip before continuing. "Are you involved in a relationship with a client that goes beyond the scope of your professional duties?"

Natalie didn't hesitate. "I am."

"Is this relationship with James Fitzgerald, Chief Creative Officer of Fitson Entertainment Groupe?"

"It is."

"And is this relationship romantic in nature?"

Sydney moved her head in a way to suggest Graham should be careful of his wording, which seemed to only irritate him.

"Yes."

"I see." He referenced a notepad on his desk before continuing with the questions. "And did this involvement begin after you were assigned as his account manager?"

"No."

Graham shifted uneasily in his seat. "Am I to understand that you and Mr. Fitzgerald were previously acquainted?"

"Yes. We met several months ago when I was still in my former position. I was not aware that he was a Brighton client."

"And when did you discover that he was?"

"When I was assigned to his account after being promoted to junior VP, which was shortly after we entered into a relationship."

"I see." He sighed and settled back into his seat, though he didn't look that much more comfortable. "Miss Harlow, Fitson Entertainment Groupe has been a Brighton client for many years; many beneficial years. As we've helped them grow and succeed, so have they helped us to grow and succeed. While it has been the determination of this office, along with Human Resources, that you did not receive any kind of preferential treatment as a result of you managing the Fitson account, there is concern that a change to your employment status may conversely alter the status of our relationship with Fitson."

Natalie glanced at Sydney, curious if the woman would have any objections to the crux of Graham's statement, but the woman merely kept her eyes down at the notepad she'd been scribbling onto.

"You're saying that if you fire me you're worried James - I mean, Fitson Entertainment Groupe - will pull the account?"

Graham's jaw tightened. "That is a rather indelicate, albeit succinct way to phrase it, but yes."

Natalie straightened in her chair. She didn't think Graham Martin was the type of man to ask her in a roundabout way to convince James
not
to pull the account in the likelihood that she was fired, but that certainly seemed to be what he was doing.

"I don't have any influence over James' business matters," she said, not bothering to correct his name now that the subject of her employment seemed all the more handled. "I doubt very much he would take his account elsewhere." She recalled in past conversations that James spoke very highly of Fitson's relationship to Brighton, how it was longstanding even before she came into the picture.

"Fine," Graham dismissed with an irritated wave of his hand. "But there is the matter of your two co-workers," he continued, nodding with his head towards the door and, she assumed, Quinn and Joe on the other side of it.

"What about them?" She hoped the question didn't sound defensive, but she was suddenly
on
the defensive.

"Mr. Gallo has politely informed me that he also had an involvement that extends beyond professional duty, but with Mr. Fitzgerald's
wife
. Though there seems to be some amount of confusion as to when such involvement occurred."

She wanted to wince at the word 'wife', because Graham Martin clearly meant it to imply some sort of judgment about Natalie being the mistress, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction
or
an explanation of the truth. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Mr. Gallo pointed out that if your employment were to be terminated, so should his. And Miss Potter informed us that in the event you are terminated she would quit. So you see, should the rules be enforced this company stands to lose three valuable employees and possibly an
invaluable
client."

This was her moment. Graham Martin was essentially admitting he didn't want to fire her on the off-chance James might take his account somewhere else. And Sydney Gold merely sat silent and still, making notes about the proceedings but objecting very little. The advantage belonged to Natalie. She could keep her job, save the jobs of both Joe and Quinn, and ensure James stayed with Brighton. It might also solve the problem of not being public with her relationship. Perhaps she could even convince Graham that the rule was not a fair one, that a company could not control the lives of two people any more than it could control the weather. She would keep her job, Brighton would keep Fitson, and Natalie and James would no longer have to hide.

She felt her racing heart slow down to its usual beat, and even her shoulders relaxed considerably in her seat. "Mr. Martin, my understanding is that Joe Gallo's relationship with Celine Robertson-Fitzgerald dates back to when they were both teenagers in college. Based on that and the fact that he is not and has never been on the Fitson account, there should be no cause to terminate his employment. I, however, knowingly engaged in a relationship with James with full knowledge that it violated company policy. You would therefore be well within your right to terminate my employment effective immediately. I cannot influence Quinn's decision one way or the other, but I can convey with assurance that the Fitson account will stay with Brighton, even if I do not."

Natalie had to take several forced breaths of air in rapid succession to replenish her wanting lungs. Did she really just give Graham Martin her blessing to fire her?

Graham cleared his throat and offered her a terse, emotionless smile. "Very well. Miss Harlow, effective immediately your employment with Brighton New Media is terminated on the grounds of inappropriate relations with a client."

She bit down on her bottom lip to hide the trembling, but the hot tears that filled her eyes could not be so easily hidden.

"Sydney, please," Graham gestured with his hands. Sydney handed Natalie the red folder she'd entered the room with, not daring to meet her eyes.

"Together we have drafted a severance package as a show of appreciation for your unparalleled hard work and dedication to Brighton," Graham continued. Natalie held the folder in her hands but didn't care to look at it.
'Unparalleled hard work and dedication'
and yet she was being fired for falling in love. "Please return to your office and pack your belongings. I am required to inform you that if you cannot do so in an appropriate manner someone from security will have to escort you off of the premises."

"I'm not going to make a scene," Natalie interrupted. Red folder in hand she stood and tried to smile, though it came out more as a whimper than anything else. Sydney had her sign a piece of paper that Natalie didn't bother to read, and then promised to send a copy in the mail. She didn't care. She needed to leave before she could no longer speak through tears that threatened to fall. "Thank you for the many opportunities I received here." She suddenly felt like an awkward interloper, thanking the man who just fired her. Without another word she turned for the door and left as fast as she could.

Quinn and Joe were waiting for her by Jenifer's desk, their faces crestfallen as soon as they saw her.

"
Really?!
" Quinn exclaimed. The outburst made Natalie want to laugh.

"I told him you've known Celine since you were in school. I don't think he's going to fire you," Natalie said to Joe, whose face registered only a little surprise.

"Excuse me." Quinn sauntered towards Graham's office, and Natalie couldn't help but turn around to watch.

"Quinn, don't-" But it was too late.

"Hi, you're from Human Resources, right?" Quinn said with an affected sweetness to Sydney. When the woman responded in the affirmative, Quinn continued. "My name is Quinn Potter and I quit. Thanks!" She turned back to Natalie, a serene and satisfied smile upon her lips, and guided them both to the elevators with a gentle hand on Natalie's back.

"Why did you do that?" Natalie managed not to shriek the question. The elevator doors closed and the two of them descended back down to their floor. Natalie made note of the fact that Joe wasn't present with them, but decided in the moment she didn't care.

"Because I don't want to work for a company that thinks they can have any say in who anyone falls in love with." There was a good humor in her voice but it didn't completely mask the seriousness with which she spoke. "I'll be fine," she shrugged, trying to bring the mood back to her usual playfulness. "I don't spend
all
my money on fancy shoes and clothes, you know."

"Oh, they gave me a severance package," Natalie said with a careless whip of the red folder. The elevator doors opened and the two of them began a brisk walk to Natalie's soon-to-be-former office.