Secret Desires (3 page)

"She just said 'Hi, I'm his wife'?"

"Pretty much!"

Quinn shook her head, incredulous. "And then you asked how her baby daddy liked his night shift at Wal Mart, right?"

"No," Natalie quietly replied. She adjusted the towel wrapped tightly around her chest and pushed back a damp lock of hair from off her forehead. Replaying the previous evening's events in her mind only served to rile her up all over again, making the hot steam room borderline unbearable. "I left."

"But what did you say before you left?" Quinn pressed.

"Nothing really. They're getting divorced. Or at least
he
is trying to divorce
her
. She's not exactly cooperating. Of course they're going to see each other."

"No, that's what divorce lawyers are for. James and Celine are basically exes. What was she doing in his hotel room in the first place? And how did she know you were
you
?"

"I don't know, Quinn. You know the man lives out of hotel rooms. If he had a house she would have just shown up there. Anyway it doesn't matter. It's none of my business-"

"Like hell it isn't!" Quinn interrupted.

"-and it was all around very awkward. She took her phone, left, and I waited five minutes before I left, too."

Quinn headed for the door with Natalie following close behind, exiting the stifling steam room together. "He must have said
something
in those five minutes," she asked as they walked to the ladies locker room.

'Baby, I'm so sorry. If I had known you were coming tonight I would have rescheduled with her.'

'It's fine,' she said, trying to force a smile so he'd believe her. She wasn't sure if she even believed it herself. 'Was she the one who called at lunch?'

James nodded. 'Yes.'

Natalie chewed on the inside of her lip, not really knowing what to do or say. There were days when she wondered if the divorce would ever happen at all. 'That explains why you look so stressed.'

'Natalie,' he said as he reached out for her. With one arm she resisted him, side-stepping his embrace.

'I think I'm just gonna leave. I'm exhausted.'

'Stay with me.' He reached out and took her arm in his hand. Natalie took a quick glance around the penthouse looking for... for what? A sign? Evidence that they did anything? The space was tidy and orderly save for the stack of paperwork and laptop that had taken over the surface of the coffee table. What was she expecting to find? Celine's bra dangling precariously off the arm of the couch? She knew better; there was no love left in James for his wife.

When Natalie's eyes met his again she felt almost sorry for him. For all his bravado and wealth, his staggering charm and even his arrogance, James was simply a man going through an ugly divorce. She couldn't fault him for that. And yet she needed time to process coming face-to-face with the once and soon-to-be-former Mrs. Fitzgerald. 'I'm going home.'

"So why not stay?

Natalie retrieved her shirt from her locker and shimmied it over her torso. "Because then it becomes the elephant in the room and that isn't exactly sexy."

"Honey, that man is sexy enough to overcome anything."

Natalie rolled her eyes as she expelled her breath out in a rush through her mouth. "I wasn't comfortable being there with him knowing she'd been there, too. Up until that moment Celine Robertson-Fitzgerald had been nothing more than unpleasant word association. But seeing her in the flesh... I mean this was the love of James' life at one point, a woman he was raising a child with. How am I supposed to compete with that?"

Quinn's eyebrows knitted together as her face screwed in disbelieving astonishment. "You're not! He's with you now, Red. You're not the one who cheated and lied, she is."

"I just..." Natalie closed her eyes and tried to maintain whatever calm she had left in her. "I just needed time to think. James has a way of-" She stopped short, looking for the right word. He made the world seem like it had formed just so they could be in a moment together. Any time he touched her, whether it was the most gentle sweep of his palm across her shoulder or his kiss on her lips as she came undone around him, it was as if she was the only woman in the world, and he the only man. Everything else just ceased to exist and she was both lost and found all at the same time. "He has a way of distracting me."

Natalie opened her eyes, not even realizing she had closed them, and found Quinn looking at her as though she'd said something truly profound or awe-inspiring.

"What?"

Something flashed across Quinn's face that Natalie had never seen before. Was it pity? Sadness? "There's more for you to think about than even you realize right now. But you will."

Their morning spa treatment was followed by breakfast before Natalie headed back to her apartment and hunkered down to prep for a busy week at the office, balancing her laptop on her chest as she sprawled out on the couch and typed away at her work. When the battery meter warned that she had just 10% power left she took it as a sign to get some sleep. A few hours later she woke to a fully charged laptop and set to work again, only stopping once her stomach growled as if it was doing its very best impression of the little girl from
The Exorcist
. After a quick shower she slipped into an airy white tank top with delicate lace detailing, crocheted cotton shorts the color of sunshine and strappy leather wedged sandals that made her feel like her legs stretched out from her hips for a mile. No sooner had she bent down to retrieve her keys and phone than the doorbell rang.

It was as if the sound had sharpened her focus on the moment and caused all her senses to reach out beyond just her physical space. She knew it was him at the door before she could process the thought.

She was right. He leaned casually against the doorframe, a strip of tanned and muscular skin peeking out from his casual Sunday outfit of a structured white button-down shirt and low-hanging trousers.

The corners of her mouth perked into a small smile as the scent of his cologne drifted into her senses. "Hi," she greeted.

"Hey. I was worried after you left in such a hurry the other night. I wanted to call yesterday but you said you were doing work stuff and I thought you probably needed some space."

She leaned into the doorframe from the inside, copying his own stance. "I appreciate that, James."

"I brought food," he said, holding up two large takeout bags. His eyes roamed down and across her body, lingering nearly a moment too long on her hips before meeting her eyes again. Natalie's breath caught in her throat. The skin on her arms prickled into tiny bumps. "I hope you're hungry."

She bit down on her bottom lip to try to cover her sudden need to take in a quick breath of air. "I am. I was just on my way out to grab something so your timing is perfect. Come in."

He planted a brief but chaste kiss on her lips and she got a good whiff of his cologne as he walked passed her into the apartment. She closed her eyes, suddenly aware of the warmth that spread through her body as her arousal began to bloom. It had been a concentrated effort on her part to not think of James while working that weekend, and seeing him in the flesh was like a shock to her senses.

"All right we have sweet corn tamales, half a dozen pink tacos, carnitas, steak and chicken quesadillas, guacamole and churros."

Natalie joined James at the dining table as he spread out the food portions. There was enough food to feed them twice. She grabbed a pink taco and took a generous bite into it. "Oh my god," she sighed, eyes fluttering as she turned to lean against the table. "With this my stomach will forgive me for neglecting it to work. Thank you." She took another generous bite before she'd finished swallowing the first, and when she opened her eyes again she found James staring intently at her. "What?" she asked with a mouthful of taco.

He chuckled and shook his head before turning back to the food. "Nothing. Just the sounds you make when you eat. Like you're about to come."

Natalie arched an eyebrow and chewed her food thoughtfully before saying, "Yeah? What if instead I made the sounds you make when you're about to come? Those cute shortened grunts like you're trying to catch your breath, like
uh, oh-uh
."

James absentmindedly licked his bottom lip as he watched her. "Would you prefer I grunted like a monkey? Or how about if I screamed your name while scratching my nails in your ass?"

That was one time!
Natalie scoffed. "I am not a screamer! And that scratching incident is the reason I started getting manicures twice a month. So
you're welcome
."

"You scream," he said as though it were a statement of fact. "You can be quiet, but one time you screamed so loudly my ears were ringing for two days."

Natalie grabbed a triangle of quesadilla and shrugged. "That was your fault. You know what you did." She sauntered to the couch and settled in, sitting on top of her folded legs. James situated himself next to Natalie, his knee just barely grazing against hers. "And if I recall correctly it was
your
desire to hear me screaming your name as you made me come."

"And you complied so magnificently." His smile was devastating. Charm and arrogance was a lethal combination on a face so handsome. "So how's your work coming along? Here, let me help you with those shoes," he offered as she wiggled her legs out from beneath her.

"Thanks." She stretched her legs out over his lap and leaned back against the couch cushions, food in hand, as he undid the buckle on each. "It's fine. Though sometimes it feels like I'm back in school giving class presentations. The hardest part is having to explain things that make complete sense to me to a client who has no idea what I'm talking about."

"Like when you tried explaining Twitter to Audra?" he chuckled. He slipped her shoes off her feet and set them down on the floor beside them, then took her feet in his hands and began to rub.

"Yes! She kept referring to a hashtag as a pound sign."

James chuckled again and continued rubbing, focusing his thumbs on the pads of her feet. "She's old school. But she really likes you."

Natalie raised a dubious eyebrow. Audra Robertson was indeed old school. She was an old soul. Sometimes Natalie wondered what the Fitson Entertainment Groupe COO must have been like as a college student. Natalie couldn't picture her as a party girl or rushing a sorority. She was classy. Sophisticated. Her sister, on the other hand - Celine Robertson-(soon-to-be-ex)Fitzgerald must have been the party girl. The shared the same sophistication but it was Celine who looked like she not only rushed the sorority, but eventually ran it and everyone who belonged to it.

"I can't imagine what her sister must think of me," Natalie muttered to herself.

James moved his palms up Natalie's ankles to her calves and kept rubbing in circular motions. "What does it matter?" he asked.

Natalie shrugged. "It shouldn't. But the way she looked at me at the hotel the other night..." She could see Celine's face clearly. At first glance she looked at Natalie with vague interest. But it was her eyes that gave her away, razor sharp and intuitive. "There's no way in hell that woman likes me. But she'll smile and pretend to be civil." She shook her head as if to shake her mind free of some trance she'd slipped into, lost in the memory of Celine's icy stare.

James made long strokes up and down the lower half of her legs, pressing gently with the pads of his fingers into her skin. "You didn't have to leave," he said quietly, his eyes on his hands as they caressed her.

"You only say that because you don't understand."

"I think I do." He stopped his massage and looked up at her. "You've expressed reservations about being with someone who is still technically married. But I think I've been more than clear that my marriage is over. I have very little desire to even talk to her on the phone, let alone be in the same room with her."

It was Natalie's turn to chuckle. "It's not about that. Maybe it's just a female thing. When guys compete for a girl it's testosterone-fueled posturing. You hit each other and then it's over and you drink a beer. Women are brain ninjas, complex beyond your understanding." She paused to let the point settle. "You and I are - at the most - dating. At the very least, hooking up." James opened his mouth to protest but Natalie sat up and put her hand in the space between them to stop him before he could utter so much as a syllable. "You have history with her. You dated her. Fell in love with her. Proposed to her. Married her. Were prepared to have children with her. That she kept secret from you the fact that you are not the father of her child is despicable, but indicative of a desire to still be with you. Otherwise she could have just split. And since finding out about me - about us - she's been dragging her feet with the divorce. So when she sees me come along..." Natalie couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her. "I mean... I'm younger. I look completely different from her. And
you
chose me. Given the little that I know of the woman, I'd say she's rather annoyed at losing to someone so different from her."

James scrubbed his fingers through his hair, something Natalie knew he did when he was anxious or uncomfortable. "I didn't realize I was something to be won or lost."

"You're not. But you know what I mean. She seems like a woman with a lot of pride."

James put his palm to Natalie's cheek and gently caressed her with his thumb. "I know it must have been difficult for you to come to the hotel given your determination to keep our relationship private. I'm sorry she ruined that for us."

Natalie leaned in and pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss. "She didn't," she said when she pulled away mere inches. She smiled, the warmth of his lips still radiating on hers. "Celine doesn't have that kind of power."

James took in her eyes, looking from the right to the left, then moved down the center of her face across her nose and down to her lips before finally and slowly making their way back up to her eyes. Natalie couldn't get a read on what he was thinking.