Secret Heart (21 page)

“
You may
go, too, Lord Oliver,” the king said.

“
With
your permission, sir, I would prefer to stay,” Lord Oliver
declared. “There may be some way in which I can help my son, or
Lord Garit, who is, after all, my brother-in-law.”

“
We don’t
want or need your help,” Roarke told him, allowing some of his
seething emotions to escape in a moment of rudeness.

“
Let it
go, Roarke,” Garit begged, drawing both hands down over his face.
He looked older by several years than he had seemed earlier that
day and he was bleary-eyed from weeping, but he was calm, his first
outburst of grief spent. “We have more important matters to settle
here than your father’s misbehavior, or my sister’s. Speaking for
myself, I’d like to set out this very day to find Walderon and
bring him back here for questioning.”

“
I don’t
see any point to that, lad,” Lord Giles objected. “We aren’t
certain where Walderon is. If he’s at Thury as Lord Oliver
suggested, well and good; we can find a way to get past the gates
and confront him there. But let us locate him before we waste our
time and energy riding all over the countryside looking for
him.”

“
What do
you suggest, then?” Garit asked, deferring to the man who had
trained him to become a knight.

“
I
brought a group of my current squires with me to Calean. They are
intelligent boys and most of them have relatives here at court. I
will send them off to visit with their families for the rest of the
day. I’ll give them orders to gossip freely with relatives and
servants, or with any of the younger ladies they happen to know.
Familiar with those lads as I am, I expect they’ll soon be able to
tell us where to find Walderon. Failing that, which is unlikely, I
suggest we leave tomorrow for Thury Castle. I have learned that
Lady Sanal is in residence there. If Walderon isn’t with her, she
ought to know where to find him.”

“
An
excellent idea,” King Henryk said, “and a sensible way to begin.
Only, tell your squires to be discreet, so no one takes a notion to
alert Walderon that you are curious about his activities. I want
all of you report to me early tomorrow morning. If at that time you
still think Walderon is your man, I’ll give you permission to
search for him wherever he may be. The delay won’t matter, you
know, Garit. We cannot help poor Lady Chantal now.”

Roarke
was compelled to agree with the king’s advice. He could see how
worn out Garit was after listening to Jenia’s account of Chantal’s
death. For Garit’s sake, he was glad the king’s decision would keep
them at Calean for another day at least.

The extra time would allow Roarke several
opportunities to see Jenia before he left Calean. He needed to talk
with her, perhaps hold her for just a few moments. Even if he had
to deal with Marjorie in order to reach her.

Jenia was
so badly shaken after her emotional interview with the king that
she could barely stand. Only Lady Marjorie’s arm around her waist
kept her upright until they reached her companion’s chamber. Once
there, she needed little coaxing to convince her to allow Lady
Marjorie and her maidservant to remove her shoes and stockings, her
veil and the gold circlet, and the heavy green silk gown. By the
time Jenia stretched out on the bed clad only in her shift, her
every limb ached and her head was pounding.

“
Did you
eat this morning?” Lady Marjorie asked.

“
Only a
bit of bread,” Jenia admitted. “My stomach was queasy.”

“
I’m not
surprised. Here, drink a little wine.” Lady Marjorie handed her a
silver cup. “Don’t argue with me, Jenia. Drink this and then lie
back and try to sleep. I will have my maid bring some food for you
to eat later.”

Jenia obediently drank the cup of wine, and
then rested her head on the pillows. When Lady Marjorie drew a
length of soft wool over her and tucked it around her shoulders,
Jenia tried to thank her, only to discover that she could not speak
and her eyelids were drooping.

“
That’s
right,” Lady Marjorie said in a surprisingly motherly voice. “Sleep
now, for I am certain you slept little if at all last night. You
are safe and well protected, Jenia. I’ll be here if you need
anything.”

Jenia
could not resist the other woman’s soothing tones. She didn’t want
to resist. Her eyelids seemed fastened shut with heavy weights, and
her arms and legs felt like lead. It was so pleasant to let old
horrors and present worries seep out of her mind. A few tears
trickled down her cheeks, but she was too tired to brush them away.
With a sigh she submitted to beckoning sleep....

She wakened suddenly, knowing someone was
watching her. When she turned her head she saw a little boy with
sandy hair and blue eyes standing next to the bed. He regarded her
with a solemn stare while sucking on the two fingers he had stuck
into his mouth.

“
Hello.”
Jenia spoke softly, not wanting to frighten him away. She didn’t
know much about children, but she thought this one was unusually
attractive. She especially liked the sprinkle of freckles
decorating his cheeks and his little, snub nose. She ventured a
smile.

“
This is
my son, Lan,” Lady Marjorie said. Rising from her seat on a
clothing chest, she moved across the room to the bed. “I hope he
didn’t disturb you.”

“
He
didn’t. How old is he?” Jenia asked.

“
Lan is
five.”

“
Five
an’
half,
” Lan
corrected, speaking around his fingers. “Lan a big boy.”

“
A fine,
big boy,” Jenia agreed. So, this was the child Marjorie had been
carrying when she and Lord Oliver arrived at Calean to announce
their precipitous marriage. And, also, to break Roarke’s heart and
estrange Garit from his beloved sister.

While Jenia thought about that, Lady Marjorie
handed her son over to a red-haired maid who spoke with a thick
Kantian accent.

“
There’s
warm water in the pitcher, if you’d like to wash,” Lady Marjorie
said, turning back to Jenia. “I’ll bring bread and cheese and some
cakes, if you are hungry. We can talk while you eat. I’m sure you
have questions for me after spending the last few days with Roarke
and my brother. I promise, I will answer whatever you ask, and then
I have a few questions of my own. I especially want to know how
Garit has been faring.”

Jenia used the chamberpot, then washed her
face and hands, after which she wrapped around her shoulders the
woolen shawl that had served as her blanket. She climbed back onto
the bed and leaned against the piled-up pillows. Lady Marjorie
reappeared from the next room bearing a tray of food, which she
placed on the bed so Jenia could reach it.

“
Try
this,” Lady Marjorie suggested, indicating a triangular pastry that
looked to be partly bread and partly cake.

“
Thank
you,” Jenia murmured with careful politeness. She ventured a
nibble. The cake slid into her stomach and sat there with
comforting solidity. Jenia finished the pastry and reached for
another. “This is kind of you, my lady. I am hungry.”

“
Please,
call me Marjorie,” her hostess said. “Let us not be formal when we
are alone. I didn’t grow up at a royal court, you know. I am still
a wild Kantian girl at heart and I dislike all the rules I am
expected to follow.” Kicking off her shoes, she settled herself on
the foot of the bed with her legs curled up beneath her.

The
similarity of Marjorie’s posture to the way Chantal used to sit
while she and Jenia held delicious, giggling talks late at night
sent a lump to Jenia’s throat. For a moment she couldn’t speak. She
replaced the second pastry on the tray, knowing she wouldn’t be
able to swallow it.

“
Tell me
about Garit,” Marjorie said into the uncomfortable
silence.

“
You
heard the story I recited in the audience chamber. Every word I
spoke was true,” Jenia said, grateful for the invitation to begin
the conversation on a topic other than Roarke. “Garit loved Chantal
enough to risk his career as the Kantian emissary to King Henryk in
order to save her from a loathsome marriage.”

“
That
sounds like my brother. Did Chantal confide in you?” Marjorie
asked. “Did she truly love Garit in return? I want to know he did
not love in vain.”

“
Chantal
loved Garit with all her heart,” Jenia said with firm conviction.
“She was willing to give up everything for him. When she went to
meet him on the night she was abducted, she wasn’t thinking of the
huge dowry left to her by her father, or of her rank at court. She
was thinking only of Garit. While we were in the dungeon, she spoke
of him often, and always with love. Until the last moment of her
life, she believed he would find a way to rescue her.”

“
Poor
lady. And poor Garit.” Marjorie wiped her eyes. “When I saw how
your account of Chantal’s death affected my brother, I wanted to
hold him in my arms and offer what comfort I could. Garit and I
were always close until – until I married Oliver. Now, he won’t
even speak to me. I ache to tell him I still love him, and to say
that now I understand what love really is. I would like him to meet
Lan, who reminds me so much of Garit when he was little. Perhaps
Lan, in his innocent, childish way, could provide some small
comfort, too. Garit needs his family, but he has rejected all of
us.”

“
What do
you mean when you say now you know what love really is?” Jenia
asked, going straight to the issue that interested her
most.

“
Shall I
tell you how I came to marry Oliver?” Marjorie smiled
wistfully.

“
Only if
you want to.” Jenia tried to sound cool and not terribly
interested, but in truth she was intensely curious.

Jenia had
expected to dislike Lady Marjorie. Instead, she felt a surprising
sympathy toward the woman who had broken Roarke’s heart and caused
a scandal. Jenia did not doubt that Marjorie loved Garit, and for
that reason she was disposed to like her. For that same reason
Jenia was willing to listen to Marjorie’s version of the tale
Roarke had recounted in the garden at Auremont.

“
I’ll be
happy to tell you all of it,” Marjorie said. “It would be a great
relief to speak about what happened to someone who is near to me in
age and who cares about Garit. I think you care for Roarke, too. At
least, I hope you do. Roarke needs a woman who will love him deeply
and forever. As I could not.”

“
You
betrayed him,” Jenia said, keeping her voice low so as not to sound
as if she was making an accusation, though she was. Still, she
wanted to encourage Marjorie to speak, not stop her account. “With
his own father, too.”

“
I know
it’s what Roarke thinks,” Marjorie said.

“
You
promised to marry him.”

“
I did
not promise. I only agreed.”

“
I must
say, I find that a peculiarly neat distinction,” Jenia snapped. A
moment later she added more gently, “Please, go on. I should very
much like to hear your own version of that sorry tale.”

“
You do
care for Roarke.” Marjorie leaned forward to touch Jenia’s hand.
“I’m so glad. Will you try to understand what happened six years
ago? Will you listen as honestly as I will speak? Jenia, everything
you have done during the last half year proves how greatly you
value friendship and family affection. If you do understand and
sympathize with what I am going to say now, perhaps you can help me
to restore my family. I want to be friends with Garit again, and I
want Roarke and Oliver to put aside the bitterness that lies
between them. The rift is largely my fault. I beg you to help me
end it.”

“
Say
whatever you wish. I promise to listen with my mind and heart open
to every explanation.” Jenia was so fascinated by the other woman’s
strong emotions and apparent sincerity that she decided to set
aside for an hour her own feelings and her pressing desire to
complete her unfinished quest. She thought Chantal would want her
to listen for Garit’s sake. “Garit and Roarke have both been
remarkably kind to me. If I can repay them, or you, for your
kindness in offering a quiet place for me to rest this afternoon,
then I will gladly do so.”

“
Shortly
before Roarke and Garit were to be knighted,” Marjorie began, “they
visited Kinath Castle at Midwinter Solstice. I hadn’t seen Garit
for two years and I was so happy to have him at home again. Knowing
he would soon have a busy life as a knight, I spent as much time
with him as he would allow. I did have duties as my father’s
chatelaine, and Garit had manly interests, hunting and hawking and
long talks with our father. But Garit and I were often together,
and Roarke was with us, too. Sometimes, I wished he’d go away and
leave me alone with my brother. When I think now of those days, I
remember laughter and teasing, and the three of us riding across
the snowy moors together, our breath coming out white in the cold
air.

“
The day
after Solstice, my father told me that Roarke had asked for my
hand. Roarke had kissed me a few times, but I’d thought little of
it. After all, knights and squires often kiss ladies under the
mistletoe at Solstice. It’s expected of them. Roarke is a fine
looking man, as I am sure you’ve noticed. My father heartily
approved of the match. Garit was delighted.