Secrets (57 page)

‘My grandmother has never been a gossip, and she’s a very big-hearted woman,’ Adele said proudly. ‘She was very fond of Michael, and so of course she felt for his mother and wouldn’t want such a thing to get about. As for my mother, well, maybe she has some saving graces after all.’

Emily came back then with a tray of tea and the three of them made small talk about the war, Honour’s injuries in the air raid, and nursing air-raid victims.

It seemed to Adele that Emily was coping. She had seen her in far worse states when she worked for her. Losing Michael had clearly opened her eyes to the plight of others, and she showed real concern for all those who had been made homeless by the bombing and for the widows and orphans.

Myles was much less caustic and opinionated than Adele remembered, softened perhaps by grief. His eyes glistened with unshed tears when he spoke of both his older son and son-in-law who were about to be posted overseas, and clearly he was afraid he might lose them too. He didn’t belittle Emily in any way, and when he mentioned his grandchildren it was with great affection.

Adele stayed just long enough to be polite, then using the candles she had to buy as an excuse, she said she must go.

‘Bless you for coming,’ Emily said, kissing her cheek. ‘Do ask Honour and Rose to call on me sometime. Tell them I’m doing some voluntary work now, and I’m fine, thanks to them.’

Myles shook Adele’s hand and wished her well, then escorted her to the door to see her out.

As she stepped out on to the pavement, Myles suddenly stopped her. ‘I’m so very sorry,’ he said.

Adele looked him right in the eyes. ‘What for?’

‘For causing you so much unhappiness,’ he said.

‘So you want me to see you in a better light, do you?’ she said mockingly. ‘I think the biggest shock to me was discovering my father was a bully, a snob and a man that strikes servants.’

‘
Touché
,’ he said, and winced. ‘You may not think much of me, Adele, and who can blame you for that? But I’ve seen a great deal in you to like and respect. Since Michael went missing I have had to evaluate everything about my character and life. I found much of it lacking in substance.’

‘That doesn’t mean anything to me,’ she said, irritated that he could bring everything back to how he felt. ‘I’ve had to live with heartache since the day you told me who you were, and it grew even worse when I heard Michael was missing. I hope and pray he is in a POW camp somewhere and comes home safe at the end of the war. You’ll be fine then, so will your wife. But I’ll still be in the same situation, unable to greet him with joy as a sister, or as his sweetheart.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ he said, and took her two hands in his. ‘Truly sorry. If you should ever need any help, in any way, come to me, Adele. I can’t change the past, but maybe I could do something for you in the future.’

Adele wanted to say something cutting, but no clever words would form in her mind. All she could see was those eyes so incredibly like hers, hear the sincerity in his voice, and feel the warmth of his hands on hers.

He took a card from his pocket and put it in her hand, closing her fingers round it.

‘Call on me. Whatever you think of me, whatever hurt being your father has caused, a big part of me feels proud to know my child grew up to be such a good, strong woman.’

Adele backed away. She knew that as a lawyer he was experienced in making moving speeches, which almost certainly were mostly lies. Yet what he’d said had moved her. She felt as if he’d suddenly filled an empty place inside her. She knew she must flee before she cried.

Chapter Twenty-six

1942

‘I’m bored stiff,’ Joan yawned as she poured a cup of tea for herself and Adele. ‘I’ve a good mind to crawl into one of them empty beds and ’ave a kip.’

It was just on midnight, the few patients they had on their ward were fast asleep, and they had slipped into Sister’s room for tea and a chat.

‘To think we once complained about being too busy,’ Adele laughed.

During the previous April while she was down in Rye, the nightly bombing in London had stopped. By the time she arrived back in London people had more or less slipped back to normal living patterns, optimistically believing the Blitz was over for good. But on 10 May there was a terrible raid, the worst so far, and by morning it was rumoured 3,000 people were dead. The Law Courts, the Tower of London and the Mint were all hit. Every bridge between the Tower and Lambeth was impassable, and hundreds of gas mains were severed. Westminster Abbey was badly damaged, even Big Ben had its face pock-marked, and there wasn’t enough water available to put out the fires, particularly over in the Elephant and Castle area.

That night and for two further days and nights, Adele and all the other medical staff worked flat out dealing with casualties. While no one expressed their fears openly at the time, Adele could see the same question on every face, ‘How can we stand any more of this?’

But after the injured were patched up and sent home, the dead buried and the roads cleared, there were no further raids like that one. While there was spasmodic bombing in London and in other cities too, it seemed the Blitz really had come to an end, and the hospital returned to relative calm.

The previous December the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor, and as a result the Americans had now declared war on Germany and Italy, and joined forces with England.

The two girls saw the New Year of 1942 in at a dance at The Empire in Leicester Square, and two days later the news broke that Japan had taken the Philippines and was invading the East Indies. Towards the end of January American troops began to arrive in England, creating great excitement amongst the nurses. Even Adele, who had remained fairly impervious to men until now, couldn’t help but find these fun-loving, well-mannered and generous men attractive.

Since February she’d been out dancing at least once a week, and had been taken to the pictures or for a drink by five different men. She really liked fair-haired, blue-eyed Lieutenant Robert Onslow from Ohio, whom she had met at Rainbow Corner, a club for other ranks in the old Del Monico’s restaurant at the corner of Shaftesbury Avenue and Piccadilly. He took her to see Noël Coward’s
Blithe Spirit
at the theatre, and they saw
Rebecca
and
Goodbye Mr Chips
at the cinema. But he had been posted to a base in Suffolk in May, and his letters had gradually fizzled out.

Adele wasn’t unduly saddened by the budding romance dying – as Joan so rightly pointed out, there were plenty more fish in the sea. She had been happy enough just to find she was capable of fancying a man again. It was good to become like all her friends, living for the next night out, enjoying herself and not taking anything too seriously.

She realized now that the day she came face to face with Myles again in Winchelsea had been a turning-point in her life. Her present serenity had almost certainly come about by finally managing to deal with the bitterness she felt for her mother.

After talking to Myles that day she had returned home to ask Honour and Rose to tell her about Emily’s near-drowning. Rose had little to say on the subject, shrugged off her involvement, and went out for a walk, but Honour was far more voluble. She not only described in graphic terms the events of that night, but said that Emily did indeed owe her life to Rose’s courage, stamina and complete disregard for her own safety. She mentioned too that certain things which Emily had said while she was distraught had made Honour confront her own failings as a mother.

With her eyes full of tears, she told Adele how she had treated Rose when Frank came home from the war. She explained that she felt angry that he’d returned a broken shell of the man she loved, and that sometimes she even wished he’d died in France. She took her guilt at thinking such things out on Rose.

It wasn’t the first time her grandmother had tried to make Adele see it was time she forgave her mother. But this time, perhaps because Adele was moved by Rose’s courage in saving Emily, she felt as if a door had opened on to the past. All at once, all the past information she’d gathered and observations she’d made recently gelled together, and she could see the whole picture. And Rose in a very much more sympathetic light.

That evening Adele had felt very much more comfortable around Rose. At one point as they were sitting on either end of the couch, listening to the wireless, Adele put her feet up on the couch, and Rose took them and placed them across her lap. Just a little thing, but it felt affectionate and companionable.

The following morning Adele accidentally let one of the rabbits escape from its hutch while she was giving it clean straw, and Rose came to help her catch it. The rabbit was intent on evading them, and as they both blundered around trying to capture it, they laughed their heads off.

Rose offered to go with her to see her off at the station when she had to go back to London, and as they walked into Rye, Adele told her what Myles had said to her up in Winchelsea.

Rose didn’t comment for a little while and Adele got the idea she was brewing up to say something nasty about him. But she wasn’t, she was just thinking it over. ‘I wish I’d had just an ounce of your common sense and humanity when I was your age,’ she said with a sigh. ‘I think you take after him far more than me, Adele.’

Adele changed the subject then and asked Rose whether she would like to go back to her house in London now Honour was fit again. ‘You can, you know,’ Adele said. ‘Neither Granny nor I would feel you’d let us down, we both know it isn’t much of a life for you here.’

Rose smiled then. ‘It’s a better life than in London,’ she said. ‘A far better one. And I like being with Mother.’

Adele had returned to London with a great deal to think about. Nothing was in black and white any longer. No one was wholly bad, and no one was perfect either, least of all herself. She knew then that she had to learn to live with what had been doled out to her.

By thinking of Rose as just Rose, rather than as a failure of a mother, she found she was able to see her differently. She became intriguing rather than suspect, amusing rather than hurtful. When they spoke on the telephone they found a great deal to laugh about. There was warmth where once there had been stiffness and lack of trust.

Each visit home had brought more understanding as they shared a bed and the chores, went to the pictures together, and sometimes to a pub for a few drinks. They argued, often their views were totally opposing, but a year on Adele could honestly say they had become friends. Rose was the only one who knew her real feelings for Michael, and she understood. Adele could also confide in her about other men she met. Rose reciprocated by telling her about men in her past, including Myles. She had once joked that they couldn’t have a normal mother-and-daughter relationship, because neither of them really knew what that meant. Adele thought that was very true. But in some ways what they had was better, for they could be more honest with each other.

‘I wonder what would ’appen if Sister caught me kipping?’ Joan giggled.

‘She’d hang, draw and quarter you,’ Adele said, quickly giving their cups a wash. ‘And she’ll be back any minute, so we’d better find something to do.’

As she spoke the telephone rang.

‘Bloody ’ell!’ Joan exclaimed as she went to answer it. ‘So much for a peaceful night. That’ll be some inconsiderate bugger wanting a bed.’

‘Women’s Surgical,’ she said brightly as she picked up the phone. She frowned as she listened to the voice on the other end. ‘Just one moment,’ she said, and held out the receiver to Adele. ‘It’s for you,’ she said. ‘It’s your mum.’

Adele’s heart lurched as she snatched the phone from her friend. Rose would only call here at night in an emergency.

‘What’s happened, Mum?’ she asked, her heart in her mouth. ‘Is it Granny?’

‘No love, nothing nasty,’ Rose replied. ‘It’s good news. I know it’s the middle of the night and I’m probably the wrong person to be passing it on to you. But I knew you’d want to know immediately. Michael’s been found!’

Adele gasped, her legs went to jelly and she had to catch hold of the back of a chair to support herself as she listened to her mother. Rose was staying over at Winchelsea because Emily Bailey had twisted her ankle in a fall and her housekeeper was away visiting relatives. Rose was just helping Emily up the stairs to bed, when a call came from the Red Cross. They said they’d just got notification that Michael was in a POW camp.

‘Are they sure?’ Adele asked cautiously, unable to believe it could be true.

‘Yes, it’s definite, they don’t tell relatives until they’ve checked properly,’ Rose said, her voice unnaturally shrill with excitement. ‘It seems he was badly injured and taken to a hospital, then moved from pillar to post afterwards, that’s why Emily hadn’t heard anything.’

‘Is he all in one piece?’ Adele asked, her heart sinking at the thought of Michael disfigured by burns and with missing limbs.

‘They could only say he was well, and that letters from him should soon arrive. But he’s alive, Adele! To Emily that’s enough. You should’ve seen her, laughing and crying all at once. Such joy! I couldn’t let you know until I’d got her into bed.’

‘Tell her how glad I am, and thank you too for ringing me immediately, but I’ll have to go now, Sister’s coming,’ Adele said quickly as she heard heels tapping on the corridor outside. ‘Try and phone me again tomorrow morning, about nine at the nurses’ home.’

Throughout the remainder of the night Adele glowed with happiness, whispering to Joan how miraculous it was, and how happy her grandmother was going to be when she got the news.

Joan gave her a couple of odd looks, clearly wondering why Adele had given this man up if she cared so much. She also asked curiously why her mother should be with Michael’s mother, when as she understood it, the romance had failed because of family disapproval.

In her joy Adele would have blurted out the entire story if they hadn’t been working, for she knew Joan could be trusted to keep it to herself. But Sister kept coming in and out, and such a long and complicated story couldn’t be easily told in whispers.