Secrets - [Guardian Trilogy 01] (20 page)

“Holden, can you get us a table? Juliet and I are going to freshen up.” I took ahold of her arm.

“Of course,” Holden seemed amused by the awkwardness of the situation. He enjoyed other people’s discomfort way too much.

I dragged Juliet into the restroom. When the door shut behind us, she yanked her arm away from me. “What's your problem?”

“What's
my
problem? What the hell is
your
problem? Why are you acting like this? Holden hasn’t done anything to you, and I'd appreciate it if you didn’t keep giving him the third degree during lunch.”

Juliet glowered.

“Oh come on, Juliet, the fact that he showed up at all should tell you what kind of man he is.”

“What's he doing here?” Her voice was menacing. What on earth had gotten into her?

“I mentioned the funeral to him last night. He's here to show me support. Nothing nefarious, I swear.”

“Well, then I guess you don’t need me, since Holden’s
always
around.”

“Jules, this is absurd.” I didn’t know what else to say. I had no idea why she was being so possessive and overreacting to Holden. “I like Holden a lot. I want to get to know him better, but you'll always be my best friend. You know that.”

“I don’t know what I know.” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “And you know what else? I'm not hungry! You two have a good lunch.” She spun around and stalked out the door.

“Jules—” I called after her, but she ignored me. What on earth was happening? Why was she so angry all of a sudden? I pulled out my phone and called her—surprised when she answered. I’d expected her to send me to voicemail.

“What?”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I don’t know. I just—I don’t know. Tell Holden I'm sorry. I think it's stress. I just need to be alone for a little while to think.”

“Are you sure? I can tell Holden something came up and meet you anywhere you want. He's not replacing you, Jules.”

“I know, I know—but no, don’t do that. Let me get myself together, and we'll talk tonight. Enjoy your lunch.”

“Are you sure?” I was worried about her. It was so unlike Juliet to be like this.

She laughed, sounding a little bit more like herself. “I’m sure. Obviously, I have a bad case of PMS. I’m fine. I promise we’ll talk later.”

“Okay,” I said hesitantly. “Jules, you know I love you, right? You're like a sister to me. No matter what happens or what changes in our lives, I'll always love you.” I couldn’t shake my worry for her.

“Are you getting mushy on me?”

“Yeah, maybe a little bit.”

I could hear the smile in her voice. “Go eat.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone but still felt a knot of worry in my stomach.

When I rejoined Holden, he glanced behind me—his face the unreadable, emotionless mask he adopted whenever others were around. “Relax. Juliet’s not coming. She left.”

Holden chuckled before I could continue. “I made quite an impression on your friend, I see.”

“It’s not funny—and honestly, I don't think it's you exactly. She's been acting very strange since Christopher's death. I don't know what's going on with her.”

“Maybe she was having an affair with him.”

Now it was my turn to laugh. “No. Nothing like that. Juliet hated Christopher—or at least she always thought he was shady. They never got along even remotely. They were barely even civil.”

“Does she have a problem with every man you date?”

“No, only the ones she doesn't think are good enough for me.” As soon as I said it, I realized that was probably information I should have filtered from our conversation. I blushed. “Er, I mean—”

I was saved from digging myself further into the verbal hole I’d started when he grinned and nodded. “Well, she's probably right.”

Thank God he wasn't sensitive. Christopher would’ve been angry and huffy the rest of the day. Holden, if anything, seemed to respect her more. “She's very important to you.”

“Yes—we’ve been best friends since junior high. She's practically the only person who’s ever truly understood me.”

 “Have you told her about the dreams? All of this?”

“Not exactly. I haven't worked out enough of what's happening in my own mind to explain it to anyone else. If I told her half of this stuff about you or Quintus, she’d call the police. She knows I have had weird dreams, but that’s the extent of it.”

“And what if you can never tell her?”

That thought hadn't occurred to me. I’d figured it was only a matter of time ‘til I found the right words or blurted out random, wrong words until she understood. “Why wouldn't I be able to?”

“The same reason I can't tell you everything. To protect her. Would you keep secrets from her to protect her?”

“If I knew that some information I held would be detrimental for Juliet to know, I might keep it from her—maybe. It would have to be pretty serious though.” I folded my hands in front of me and looked deep into his eyes. “I wouldn't feel right having to keep secrets, but I guess sometimes you have no choice.” Holden nodded, but I wasn't quite ready to let this go. “You can't protect someone forever though. Things always come to the surface, and it’s better to hear bad news from the person it’s about rather than from a third party. It helps a lot with trust.”

Holden wasn’t fooled by my attempt at casual hints. “Sometimes, it's best not to say anything at all.”

“Even if it means you lose the person you're trying to protect?”

“Even so.”
Damn, he's a stubborn man
. “And just so we're clear, I'm going to have secrets. There'll be many things that hopefully I’ll never have cause to tell you. That's the nature of my life.”

Could I accept someone who admittedly kept things from me and had no plans to stop in the future? Could I allow myself to love someone who’d I’d, at best, only know in part? Could I trust someone who had to keep aspects of his life hidden?

“We’ll see about that.”

“You're so stubborn.”

“It's part of my charm.”

“I can’t talk you out of it?”

“Out of what?”

“Whatever it is that you think is going to happen between us.”

“Well, that’s not totally my decision alone, is it? If you don’t want to date me, there’s not much I can do about it.”

 “I never said that.”

“What is it that
you
want, Holden?”

He looked at me in such a way that heat flared in my cheeks, and I had to resist the urge to fan myself. “To do the right thing,” he said finally.

I couldn’t say I wasn’t curious about what exactly his definition of the “right thing” was when the notion of it was accompanied by a look like that.

“What's the right thing?” I struggled to keep by voice normal as he looked at me his eyes darkening.

“I was hoping you'd tell me.” He gave a half laugh and looked away. All of the energy that’d been building in the air between us dissipated, and I had the distinct impression that Holden had more control over that than should be humanly possible.

“I think we should just see what happens.”

“Well, I hope this risk works out well for both of us.” I could see the wheels turning in his head. He always seemed to do what I didn’t expect.

“You're still going to be around, right? I haven't scared you off?” I asked.

Holden hesitated, then gave me a wry look. “No, you aren't that lucky….”

“I'm glad.”

Holden didn't respond, instead he focused on the menu.

Fourteen

Olivia sat across from me smiling like she’d won some sort of prize. She was impossible. A mixture of shrewd observations, never-ending curiosity, and frailty that was lined with steel—no two parts of her seemed to fit together. I’d almost been able to make a clean break, which still wasn't what I needed to do, but was the only chance we had left. Any honor I may have had, had long since fled. I was decades beyond denying myself something I wanted, and I had never wanted anything quite as much as her.

Why did she insist on trusting me despite my warnings? I wasn’t someone she should want hanging around. In the end though, I couldn’t control what she was going to do any more than I could make myself do what I didn’t want to do. She could spread peace to those around her as easily as I could spread discourse, a contagious calm surrounded her and engulfed me.

We sat quietly reading the menu until the waitress came back. Yet another way Olivia was different than most women. She didn’t feel the need to yammer on endlessly. She was perfectly comfortable with silence, which was a relief for me. I wasn’t used to continuously being in someone's company. The fact that she didn't fill every moment with mindless noise was much appreciated.

“Thank you for coming with me today,” she said abruptly after the waitress left.

I nodded. I still didn't understand why she insisted on going to the guy's funeral. He was a douche bag who got what he deserved,
as we all will in the end
. He certainly didn't deserve her sympathy. I’d been sure I wouldn’t care much for her friend Juliet either, but she’d grown on me in the short time she was here. The fact that she didn’t like me put her up a couple of notches in my esteem. She was obviously protective of Olivia, which I was beginning to see as a necessary trait of all of those in her life.

“How did you meet Juliet?” I hoped to change the subject to something that had nothing to do with me. “You don't seem to be very much alike.”

A big, happy smile spread across her face changing her features, making her absolutely beautiful. “It’s true—I’m sure you’ve known someone so long that no matter what sort of crazy thing you do or get yourself into they’ll just dismiss it and help you in whatever way they can. That’s Jules to me. She’s the person who would help me hide a body and never think twice about my character.”

“I don't think I know anyone like that.”

Olivia gave me a brief, penetrating look. “That’s sad. Best friends are one of the truest form of acceptance. They don't want anything from you, they’re not related to you, they just love you for being you. Everyone should have that in their life.”

Her words made me uncomfortable. I didn’t need her filling my head with any more dreams of the impossible. I forced a bored expression onto my face. “I’ve always found friends to be more trouble than they’re worth. I’ll stick to hiding the bodies alone.”

Her eyes narrowed stubbornly. “You get as much out of friendships as you’re willing to put into them. My guess is you never tried very hard.” Her head tilted slightly to the side. “But why, I wonder.” she mumbled more to herself than to me.