Secrets of My Hollywood Life: There’s No Place Like Home (8 page)

“I will not be drinking anything while I’m taking my driving test,” I clarify, “but the last thing I want is to get in trouble,
morals clause–worthy or otherwise, with
Small Fries
,” I say, rubbing my temples. “I think you should listen to everyone, Mom.”

Mom stops pacing and her face is eerily calm. “You think I should step down?”

“Just temporarily.” Laney nods, her blond ponytail swishing back and forth.

“You
three
, who
I
hired, think
I
should step down?” Mom repeats, her voice rising. “Maybe you are the ones who should step down.”

Uh-oh.

Everyone starts talking at once, pointing fingers, and their voices escalate so loud I think the windows are going to blow
out. I can only make out snippets of conversation, but suddenly I hear singing. Anita, our housekeeper, squeezes her round
frame through the group, and I see she’s carrying a homemade cupcake with a burning candle on top. She’s singing “Happy Birthday”
to me in Spanish. I think I might cry. At least someone remembered. Matty nudges Laney, who nudges Nadine and Dad and Seth,
and everyone joins in (in English). When Anita stops in front of me, I blow out the candle. Peace at Casa Burke seems like
a good wish.

“Happy birthday, pumpkin,” Dad says. “I’m sorry your day had to start like this.”

“I am not stepping down!” Instead of wishing me many more, Mom launches into her tirade again. “I’m sick of everyone attacking
me. I’m doing the best I can. I have two careers to manage and no time for myself. None for my charity work. No time to even
play tennis with Victoria.”

Suddenly she breaks down crying, and I think it’s for real. I can’t remember the last time I saw my mother cry.

I’m too stunned to speak. Matty and I look at each other. I’m so busy being annoyed that Mom’s overworking me and ignoring
our relationship that I haven’t stopped to think about what the toll must be on her. “I’m sorry, Mom.” I touch her shoulder.

“You’re sorry?” Nadine explodes. “She did this to herself ! She controls what you eat, criticizes what you wear, and comes
up with crazy ideas like that ‘Paparazzi Princess’ song. You are not the one who should be sorry!”

Well, when you put things that way…

“Meg, I think what Nadine is trying to say—and not too well, I might add—is that you need to back off a bit,” Seth says more
diplomatically and gives Nadine a stern look, managing to take authority even in his old gym clothes. “Think of this as a
vacation. Just concentrate on Matty. He has so much going on, and he could really use your years of, um, expertise.”

“I was talking to Drew last night, and she was telling me about this fab spa in Palm Springs,” Laney adds. “Why don’t you
head down there for a few days and get refreshed? When you get back, we can talk. What do you say?”

We all look at Mom hopefully, but my hope fades fast.

“What do I think?” Mom’s voice drips with disdain, her eyes narrowing behind her now streaming mascara. “What do I think?
I think you’ve ruined my daughter’s birthday, and you know what that tells me? That you don’t care about her the way I thought
you did. And if that’s the case, then I don’t think you should be part of our lives anymore.”

“Mom!” I freak out.

“Meg, think before you say anything else,” Dad warns.

But Mom doesn’t stop. She gains speed. “I am the only one truly looking out for her best interests. I’m the only one who cares
enough to tell her the truth—that cupcakes make you fat, two high-profile projects are better than one, and taking time off
for college is career suicide.” She glares at all of them. “So what I
think
is that you’re done here. You’re all fired! Now get out!”

Everyone is stunned into silence except for me.

“MOM!” I screech again, my heart pounding. “You can’t do that!”

“Yes, I can.” Mom raises her eyebrows at me menacingly. She is daring me to disobey. Normally I don’t, but this time is different.

“Mom, I’m eighteen today,” I say calmly. “Which means that, legally, I have a say here. I want you to take, um, a short break.
My team isn’t leaving. They know my career better than anyone. You can’t fire them.”

Wow, that felt good.

Mom looks at me strangely. “Ask Nadine if she has your back, Kaitlin. I’m sure that is the one part of our argument this morning
that you didn’t hear. If Nadine has your back so much, then why has she been doing so much
behind
your back?”

I look at Nadine and see her ears are turning red.

“Meeting with Laney, dining with Seth, all without you. Why would she need to do that, huh?” Mom demands. “Unless she’s planning
a coup d’etat!”

“Meg, you’re being ridiculous,” Laney insists. “Nadine was asking for business advice, and that’s all. It had nothing to do
with Kaitlin.”

I’m still looking at Nadine. She has been a little odd lately, but I thought she was embarrassed to tell me about a guy she’s
seeing. She’s been dressing up more and doesn’t go to all my meetings lately. I’m about to ask what Mom means when I notice
the time on the huge Restoration Hardware clock hanging in the kitchen. It’s nine AM. I have to meet my friends in a half
hour.

“I have to go,” I tell everyone.

“Where?” Mom is incredulous.

“Today is my birthday, and some people actually want to celebrate instead of cause fights,” I tell Mom, feeling hurt.

“Kates, don’t be that way,” Matty says. “I want to celebrate with you.”

“Thanks, Matt,” I say, “but I’m still going.” I look at the others. “None of you are fired, and I’m not doing press for my
driving test, Mom, so get rid of everyone!”

“Kaitlin, get back here,” Mom insists, but Dad cuts her off before she can follow me out of the kitchen.

As I head up the main hall steps to my room to get dressed, I hear Nadine call to me from the bottom of the landing.

“Kaitlin, I want to explain.” She looks upset.

“Come to breakfast,” I suggest. “I’ll be down in five minutes and I’ll meet you in the car. Rod is already out front.” Then
I dash up the stairs before anyone else spots me.

Considering how my birthday just started, you’d think I’d wear all black, but I want to look nice today. Since I have my driving
test, I choose sensible Coach ballet flats (no Manolos), a sweet, green, cowl-neck, short-sleeved sweater (after all, green
is my lucky color), and dressy Gap jeans. I take the long way around the house, pausing for a moment to accept a hug from
Anita, before I sneak past the kitchen. Everyone is still yelling in there. I slip out the door where Rodney has the car idling
in the driveway.

“Happy birthday, Kates,” Rod says, and hands me a Jamba Juice cup. He’s got one of his own in his other hand. Rod is dressed
head to toe in black, and his sunglasses are sitting high on his bald brown head. “It’s a Strawberry Nirvana Light smoothie.
Your favorite.”

“Thanks, Rod,” I say gratefully and take a sip of the cool drink. “Ready for your half day off ?”

He frowns. “Yeah, but I don’t feel right leaving you on your birthday. What if you need me? You are going to be out in public.”

“Rod, I’ll be fine,” I insist. “Austin is going to drive me home after my driving test. We have a whole day planned. We can
drop Nadine off too.”

“Sure,” she says absentmindedly. She looks so serious.

Rodney slurps noisily. “Well, if you’re really sure.”

“I’m positive. I just need this one ride and then you’re off. Enjoy it,” I insist, even though I’m not too sure of anything
at the moment. I turn to Nadine, who is biting her fingernails. “Are you okay? What was going on in there?”

Nadine sighs. “It’s complicated.”

“Mom shouldn’t have freaked out on you.” I check my makeup in my Bobbi Brown bronzer compact. “Mom has definitely overdosed
on her vitamin K pills if she thinks I’m changing my team. Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her and straighten this whole thing out.
She’s just stressed.”

Rodney chuckles. “You always make excuses for her, Kates.”

“I do not,” I protest.

Nadine gives me a smart look. “You do too. Always. You let your mom get away with murder.”

“Sometimes, but she’s my mom,” I say helplessly. “I want to change things. I do. It’s just… I don’t want to hurt her.”

“You should—” Nadine stops herself and takes a deep breath. “Never mind. It’s your birthday and I’m sorry if I ruined it.
You shouldn’t have heard that.” Nadine’s bitten fingernails tap against the binder she’s holding, and I notice she’s fidgety.
“I just got so mad when I read your mom’s e-mail! I couldn’t believe she would try to have press cover your driving test without telling us. I texted Laney and Seth, and
when they wigged out I knew I was right. I had to see your mom and tell her what I really thought.” Nadine looks at me. “I’m
worried she’s going to destroy your career one day, Kaitlin.”

A pit forms in my stomach. “She wouldn’t do that,” I say hastily.

“Not on purpose, but—”

“Don’t say it. If you say it, I might have to agree with you and I’m not there yet. I’ve never seen her cry like that. And
you know Mom’s always had a choke hold on me that I’ve never been able to shake. I don’t want it to be like this, but I don’t
want to lose my mother either. I love her… but she drives me crazy.” I realize, coming to terms with what is really going
on here. I’m so frustrated, my voice goes up in volume. After being the calm one in the kitchen, I finally have a chance to
flip out and I’m taking it. “I don’t know what to do!”

Even I’m surprised by my sudden outburst, but once the words start flying, I can’t stop them. It’s as if I’ve had them bottled
for so long, they shoot out like a champagne cork on New Year’s Eve.

“She ignores everything I say,” I complain. “She thinks she’s always right! She annoys the studio executives, embarrasses
me at parties, and she never acts like a mother. Do you know how much I’d give to have her do something motherly without having
to question whether she has an ulterior managerial motive?” My lower lip starts to quiver.

“Kates.” Nadine touches my hand, but I recoil as if she’s on fire.

“No! You guys act as if I have a choice here. If I do what Sky did, my mom will never forgive me. NEVER. I don’t want that
either.”

Nadine grabs my hands firmly so I can’t get away. “Of course you don’t! But if it’s for the best, your mom will realize that
eventually and forgive you. She’s your mom.”

I sigh. “I know, but she would miss managing me so much. And besides, what if I get what I want and my mom still doesn’t act
like a mom?” That thought scares me most of all.

“That’s not going to happen,” Nadine says. “You’ll get through to her. She might change her ways once she sees how nice it
is to have time for a real relationship with you. Then you could hire a new manager.”

I laugh. “Like who? At least I trust my mom.” On second thought…

“Hire me,” Nadine says without skipping a beat.

I sit up and look at her determined face, astonished. “What did you just say?”

“Yeah, what?” Rodney asks from the front seat.

Nadine leans forward and talks fast, her eyes glinting excitedly. “Hire me. I know your career in and out. I’ve been following
it for years! I’ve been talking to Laney and Seth, and they think I have what it takes to do talent management. They said
they’d help me find clients and expand my base. Kaitlin, we’d be great together. I know you’d be happy.”

I can’t get past the first part. If Nadine is going to be a manager, that means she’s no longer going to be my assistant.
“But that means…”

“Yes,” Nadine says softly. “I’m resigning as your assistant. I was going to tell you after Christmas and give you a month
to find someone new, slowly phase myself out, but after what happened this morning…” She shakes her head.

Nadine is leaving me. She is not going to be my assistant anymore.

I can’t live without Nadine! She knows everything about me! I trust her completely! I can’t run my life without her!

I should take her up on her offer.

But I can’t! Mom would
flip
. I might as well say I want Nadine to be my mom instead of her. I wouldn’t put it past her to disown me. She’s already mad
enough about the college applications. Can you imagine what she would do if she found out I was firing her for Nadine? I can’t
let her continue on this power trip, though. She can’t fire Laney and Seth. I won’t allow it. Dad won’t either. He’ll back
me up.

“Kates?” Nadine looks at me questioningly. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know.” I bite my lower lip. “I’m happy for you. You’ve said forever that being an assistant was just a temporary
thing, but I guess I blocked that out of my mind. I think you’re going to be an incredible manager.” Nadine smiles shyly.
“I’m just going to really miss you.” Here come the tears.

“Kates! Don’t cry,” Nadine says and offers me a tissue from the box in the back of the car. “You don’t have to miss me! I’ll
take on a new role. I know I can do a good job.”

“I know you would.” I sniffle. “I just don’t know what to do. How did this all happen?” I wipe away my tears. “I know you’ve
been talking about business school again lately, but I didn’t know you were thinking of a new career.”

Nadine looks down. “I wasn’t, but then someone asked me to be their manager. I thought they were crazy at first, but when
I thought about it, I liked the idea of shepherding someone’s career.” Her eyes are bright with excitement. “I surprised myself
by saying yes.”

The car slows to a halt in front of Barneys New York, where we’re meeting Austin, Liz, and Sky for breakfast. The department
store has a great restaurant on the fifth floor called Barney Greengrass, and we love to have breakfast on the outdoor terrace
overlooking the hills. I glance upward and see the tables and the white umbrellas on the top floor. I also see a huge thing
of balloons, which are probably for me. That makes me smile. A little.

“Wow, someone asked you to be their manager?” I ask, slightly jealous, slightly in awe. “Who?”

The valet opens the car door and Nadine slips out first. I get out after her and get blinded by a flashbulb. And another.
And a third.