Secrets of the Guardian (Waldgrave Book 3) (27 page)

Amidst all of the conversations that were happening, and all the confusion as the inexperienced staff tried to figure out how to serve so many people in a timely manner, Lena passed Brandon off to Alexis and excused herself to get more pills out of her room. As it always did, leaving Brandon made her nervous, and she swept her eyes around the room looking for anyone that seemed particularly interested. Griffin was at the head of the table, smiling and talking with Martin and his father; he looked up just as she was about to look away, and their eyes met.

In the old days, he would have said something; something that made her blush, or maybe something that proved what a smartass he really was. But this time his smile just fell slightly, and he went back to talking with his new allies. The distance was growing between them, and despite herself, Lena found that she missed him. She missed his constant jealousy, his over-protectiveness, and his companionship. Walking back up the stairs, she realized she had finally done it—after so many years of trying so hard to rid herself of his possessive interest in her, she had finally succeeded. All she could think about was how happy she had been at the prospect of seeing him again after so many months of being away. In the end, she had missed him most; and ironically, it had been the proof that he actually did care for her beyond the simplicity of her parentage—the one thing she had always wanted—that had provided her the means to get him to leave her alone.

Lena got her pills and came back down to dinner, took Brandon back from Alexis, and tried not to think too much about it. After dinner, she was accosted by the latest arrivals—some distant relations of the Perrys—and didn’t make it back up to her room until late.

When she and Alexis wandered back upstairs, they found a younger girl waiting for them. She was dressed decently well, but the way she stood at the door spoke to her station.

“Master Corbett asks that you meet with the Dunnings tonight, they’ve recently arrived and they’re cousins of yours?”

“Ah, yes!” Alexis exclaimed, turning to Lena. “On my father’s side, I haven’t seen them in years—I was a little one. Where are they?”

“Follow me.” The girl said, and started walking away with Alexis in tow.

Lena took Brandon back into her room and settled him into the cradle. She changed into her nightclothes, crawled into bed, and found a note tucked under her pillow.

Lena, so happy to hear you’re well! I don’t know when I’m going to get to see you again, but please know that we’re all thinking about you. I’ve been very worried, but I’ve been assured that you’re in good health and good standing; if this is indeed the case, please, stay where you are—at Waldgrave we haven’t quite settled yet. The Riveras are less than pleased with this turn of events, and I’m happy you’re being provided for. Give the kid a kiss for me, Howard

She could have cried, but didn’t. Griffin had done this—no one else would have bothered. No one else would have been able to pull it off. She gave Brandon a kiss on the forehead and settled into bed, but she couldn’t fall asleep. She laid in bed awake for several hours until Alexis came back, and waited until she was asleep before sneaking out into the hall and into the room next door.

The lights were out, and Lena had to wait several seconds for her eyes to adjust. Two yellow orbs were visible from the foot of the bed, but quickly disappeared as the cat decided Lena wasn’t interesting enough to warrant getting up.

Griffin?
 She whispered, as quietly as she could. 
Griffin?

She stepped lightly over to the bed. He was asleep. She stood by the bed for a moment, trying to decide if her next course of action was really wise, and then carefully slipped onto the bed and under the covers.

She reached over and lightly touched his shoulder, causing Griffin to jump and sit straight up in bed; before Lena could say a word, he had a hand strongly wrapped around each of her wrists.

Who’s there?!
 He demanded. 
Who…Lena?

“It’s just me!” She squeaked. “Who else would it be?”

Griffin paused. He still had a firm grip on her hands. 
You really want to have that discussion right now?

Lena felt her jaw drop in surprise. She started to struggle against him, and he let go of her wrists. She threw the covers off and swung her legs over the edge of the bed to get up, but Griffin was too fast for her. He had an arm around her waist, pulling her back onto the bed.

I was only joking!
 He whispered. 
But you shouldn’t be here. People are going to think—

They already think that. We have a son together, remember?
 Lena thought with a little irritation, as quietly as she could. She winced as he squeezed his arm around her again, pulling her further back onto the bed; it was too dark for him to have seen her expression, but he let her go almost immediately. At least he was acting like himself; it had been a long time since the time he had shared a flirtatious joke with her.   

“That’s what I want them to think…” He whispered in her ear, almost laughing. Griffin moved away, sitting up in bed a few feet away from her.
 
But that’s not why you’re here. You should leave because people are going to think I’ve gone indulgent—there’s only one reason two people as powerful as we are would share a bed, and if I understand you correctly, you won’t be having any further association with me…

Lena sighed and sat up to face him.
 
So let them think whatever they’re going to think! I don’t care anymore, tell them we’re trying for a second child. We’re apparently stuck in this together, and we need to clear the air.

Griffin was silent for a moment.
 
You’d do that?

What? Lie so people think we have a normal relationship?
 Lena smiled wryly. 
Everyone does that.

So what do you want?
 He asked, his tone slightly too formal.

Lena sighed. She wasn’t even sure that she knew what she wanted.
 
I want to know how we’re going to make this work.

In the dark, Lena thought she saw him tilt his head. He was quiet for a long time, searching her thoughts.
 
You want to stay. You want to fix this, the way it was before—this is new for you…giving a damn about what happens to the rest of us. Back in the day you would have screwed us all over and just left with the baby. What happened to you out there?

Lena swallowed. Had she really changed so much?
 
I need to speak with the New Faith. I made them promises that I’ve broken, and I have to make reparations.

They won’t take you back.
 He said quietly, almost bitterly. 
Lena, they’re done with you…Stay here, with us. Together we can monopolize the Council, we can bring peace—

That’s not peace, Griffin! That’s killing and oppressing your opponents—it’s not the same thing!

And you would give it to the New Faith! You’re no better than I am!

I wouldn’t!
 She said forcefully and louder than she had intended. 
Griffin, I couldn’t—you said it yourself, you have uncontested power here, and I can’t take it from you without screwing everything up again. But I can’t let you have it the way you would.

Lena sat quietly, waiting for his reply. In the dark silence, she could hear him breathing.

What do you propose then?
 He said. 
I hate to crush your dream, but I can’t see any way to fix it this time, Lena. I’ve won and they know it—even if I gave them a fair share of power, I could always take it back again. It won’t be enough, whatever I do, short of giving them you and Brandon, and I can’t do that.

Lena closed her eyes and shook her head. He was right. Even if Griffin offered mercy and asked tolerance from fellow Old Faith Representatives, the New Faith would feel exactly that—they would be at his mercy, and he would continue to be a figure they would want removed from power. With great sadness, she realized that it would never be a true equilibrium. Daray had exercised his own stronghold of votes in the Council because of his family heritage, and Griffin was now just as powerful, if not more so.

I just…I want…
 She was choking up. 
I just want to see Howard again. I want to go home—Griffin, we have to fix this! I want things to go back to the way they were before!

In frustration and sadness, Lena laid down and buried her face into the pillow. There would be no negotiations—she had effectively turned all of her previous allies against her. She couldn’t see Howard again without outcasting him from the delicate position he held with the New Faith; the Collins family had been the peacekeepers, watching over the Daray family and monitoring their relations with the rest of the Council and keeping the power in check. In many eyes, Howard had probably failed dismally this time. She had failed dismally; Brandon was doomed to grow up in the same conditions she had experienced during her brief few years with the Silenti, if he even survived his first five years.

It will be okay.

At some point, Griffin had moved closer to her. He was lying next to her, with one arm draped across her, his fingers lightly sweeping a few loose strands of hair back behind her ear. It was so highly uncharacteristic of him that she would normally have hurled an insult about him actually having gone soft, but instead she just turned to face him, laying one cheek against his shoulder as he pulled her into a hug. She could hear his heart beating and feel the warmth of his palm on her back.

Several minutes passed them by, and Lena was almost sure he had fallen asleep, but then he shifted his weight. She rolled onto her back as Griffin leaned down over her, touching his forehead gently to hers, as though he were praying. She thought she heard him say something very faintly, and then he kissed her.

He was already gone the next morning when she woke up; not knowing what to do, and in no mind to face her adoring fans just yet, she went back to her own room and caught Alexis just as she was leaving for breakfast.

“Oh! Lena!” She said, hiking Brandon up a little further on her hip. “I missed you this morning, and I was worried, but Griffin said—Brandon missed you this morning, too…fussy, fussy.”

Slightly dazed, Lena reached out a hand to smooth the hair on top of Brandon’s head as he smiled up at her. Her eyes snapped back up to Alexis. “I’m going to take a bath. Are you okay watching him until…I dunno, lunch, I guess?”

Alexis gave Lena a sidelong glance, looking both concerned and skeptical. “Sure...Of course. Do you want me to send anything up?”

“No. Nothing.” Lena went back into her room, and then to the bathroom stationed off of it. She drew a warm bubble bath and sunk into it, trying to let her mind settle. She didn’t know why she felt so odd—she didn’t have a headache, and she didn’t exactly feel tired or sick, but somehow she just didn’t feel like herself. It was like altitude sickness of the brain. She could hardly remember what she had discussed the night before with Griffin, or what had happened afterward, but she supposed they were at least on speaking terms again.

She closed her eyes, trying to relax and sort out how she was feeling and what she was going to do about it. She didn’t know if she was irritated with the world, or if it was irritated with her; all the lights in this strange new place felt too bright, and the free-standing tub had an annoying way of losing heat too quickly—warm water on her skin, and cold metal wherever she touched the cast iron. She had just finished deciding that she had to find a way back onto the good side of the New Faith, if only to see Howard again, when she heard the door open. She cracked an eye, wondering what Alexis wanted, but it was Griffin.

Lena sunk a little lower into the water and bubbles. “Ever think of knocking?”

“I didn’t need to.” Griffin said almost immediately, smirking at her as she tried to hide under the suds. He walked toward her, carrying two full wine glasses. He held one out to her.

Lena rolled her eyes and gave him a look of disapproval. “It’s nine in the morning, and you’re already drinking?”

“I got up early. I just finished arranging our meeting,” he said. "And let's face it, when you're around, it's never the wrong time for drinking."

“Meeting?” Lena closed her eyes; she wasn’t in the mood to meet with anyone else. She was already sure Brandon was beginning to believe he was a museum exhibit of some sort, like the artwork hung in the hallways, instead of a person.

“With the few New Faith Representatives who are still willing to talk to you. Us. At Waldgrave, later today.”

Lena took a deep breath, and let it our slow—it was going to be a long day, then. She took the wine glass that Griffin was offering to her. “Oh.”

Griffin sat down on the floor with his back to the tub. He had his legs bent so that he could rest his arms on his knees. Lena wasn’t sure what to say, so instead she just drank her wine and watched Griffin swirl his around the glass. Eventually he sighed, set down the glass, and looked over his shoulder at her.

“You’re going to ruin me.” He said despondently.

“Why?” She said, taking it almost as a compliment.