Secrets On Lake Drive (17 page)

“What do you want for dinner, Sean?”

“I don’t know, Mrs. Beauvais,” Sean said
wittingly.

“Don’t call me that.”

“I was joking, Monica. Calm down.”

“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, what do you want for
dinner? I was thinking Chinese.”

“Sounds good to me. How about we add a movie and my
room?”

“Why does it have to be your room? Why can’t we just
have dinner in the dining room or in the kitchen, like normal
people?”

“My room is more comfortable. Now go ahead and order
the food, woman.”

“Is that a demand?”

“Yes, now go. I’m hungry.”

“Make me go.” Sean playfully splashed water out of
the pool and I took off running. “Okay, I’m going, I’m going.”

I ordered the Chinese and then went to shower the
smell of chlorine off my skin and hair. Sean went to pick up the
food about thirty minutes later. Roman and I were sitting in Sean’s
bedroom waiting for him to get home. It was a little after seven
when he came in with the pepper steak and fried chicken with white
rice and gravy.

After dinner, I ran some bath
water for Roman, and after he finished putting on his pajamas, I
tucked him in his bed. I went back to Sean’s room to watch the
remainder of
Bad Boys
II
, a movie I’d already seen a trillion
times, and then I fell asleep. I wasn’t completely out when I’d
first closed my eyes. I could feel Sean’s strong hands feeling my
hair for a few minutes. It felt like he was massaging my scalp. He
was really getting into it, too. That was going to make me go to
sleep even faster.

Chapter 17 -
Sharing Our Worlds

A few hours later, I opened my eyes to find Sean
staring directly at me, as if he knew I was about to wake up.

“What did I do – pass out?” I asked, rubbing my
eyes.

“Something like that.”

“I’m sorry. It’s been a long day. What time is
it?”

“It’s about midnight.”

“Why aren’t you sleep yet?”

“I’m not tired.”

“I am. I think I’m going to go and lay down. I
didn’t mean to take over your bed, even though it’s about four
times the size of mine.”

“A big man needs a lot of room.”

“Big? Your little skinny butt doesn’t need all that
room.”

Sean grinned, then took a glass off of his
nightstand. “You don’t have to go, you know. We could talk.”

“Talk? At midnight? About what?”

“Anything.” He turned up the glass to his mouth.

“What is that you’re drinking? Milk?”

“Nah, it’s a Haitian drink.”

“Oh. What’s in it?”

“Ah…creamed coconut, condensed milk, nutmeg, and
Haitian rum. It’s called Kremas. You want to taste? It’s really
good.” Sean handed me the glass. “Taste.”

I skeptically turned the glass up to my mouth to
take a sip. It was surprisingly good. Not that I doubted Sean, but
that was some good stuff. I took another sip.

“This is good. Mmm.”

“You can have it if you want.”

I kept the glass in my hand and took another
swallow. “So what were we talking about again?”

“You were just about to tell me more about
yourself.”

“What is it that you want to know?” I asked, almost
wishing I didn’t ask such an open question.

“You said you were from Milwaukee, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Where is your family?”

I yawned. “Let’s see, my parents divorced right
after I graduated from high school. My father lives on the
Southside near the airport, and last I heard, my mom lives
somewhere in Wauwatosa.”

“What you mean last you heard? You don’t talk to her
anymore?”

“I knew I should’ve gone to my room. Why are you
asking so many questions?”

“How else am I supposed to get to know you?”

I combed my hair with my fingers, trying to get all
the strands in a ponytail, but then let it fall free again. I
didn’t want to go into detail about my relationship with my
parents. Now I found myself yet again explaining why I distanced
myself from them.

“Well, the last time I had a conversation with my
mom, I was nineteen.”

“Nineteen? Why is that?”

“It’s kind of personal, if you
don’t mind. However, I will say that I remember the day I left. We
were arguing and I remember screaming
‘
I hate you’
at the top of my lungs, then I packed some clothes and
left.”

“Hmmm. I wish you would tell me more. I mean, how
can you not talk to your own mother?”

“Simple. We didn’t get along. I know you find that
hard to understand since you get along with your mother so well,
but me and my mom is a whole different story.”

“I’ll admit, my mom drives me a little crazy
sometimes, too, but she’s still my mother. I would never completely
stop talking to her.”

“Yeah, well, let me put it this way…my mom made me
do something that I regret every day I wake up, and I’ve never
forgiven her for it.”

“And what was that?”

“I’m not going into detail about it. I just wanted
to let you know why my relationship with my mother is
strained.”

I could tell by Sean’s facial expression that he
wanted to know more, but I wasn’t willing to share. I didn’t want
to talk about my past. Anytime I did, I would always cry.
Always.

“And what about your father? Do you talk to him at
all?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Brothers and sisters?”

“No. I’m the only child. I had a younger sister. Her
name was Mikayla. She died when I was around five or six years
old.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It was a long time ago. I barely remember her.”

“So what is it about your parents that make you
so…so distant from them?”

“All I will say is they were two people who
pretended to love each other so that they appeared to be happy in
public, but at home, it was complete chaos. I remember once, they
argued over a field trip I was supposed to take when I was in the
seventh grade. They fought a lot, too…and many nights, I would just
cry myself to sleep listening to them go back and forth.”

“No offense, but your people sound a little
crazy.”

“They drove me crazy!” I laughed. “I decided I
wouldn’t get married a long time ago based on their screwed up
life.”

“Yep, and now here we are…married and all.” Sean
smiled.

“Whatever. We’re not married. How many times do I
have to tell you that?”

“I know. I was just messing with you. But wait a
minute. What about the high school boyfriend? You wouldn’t have
married him eventually? I thought you loved him.”

“I do love him, and yeah, I suppose I would have
married him. That one time he proposed, I just wasn’t ready and he
wasn’t ready either. I could tell. But I know he loved me.”

“Do you think he still loves you like you love
him?”

“Probably not. I hurt him.”

“You cheated on dude?”

“Nooo, nothing like that.”

“Then what?”

He’s a pushy son-of-a-gun, isn’t
he?
Can I get a minute to breathe between
questions?

“I don’t want to go into detail about that either.
But, anyway, no one thinks that seriously in high school, and by
you being a man and all, I know then you didn’t think about
marriage.”

“Very funny,” Sean said.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“I know. I don’t think I started thinking about
marriage until my mid twenties. It was like I had no stability, no
home, no kids…and I really wanted kids.”

“And a fine woman, huh?”

“Well, yeah, of course. I wanted it all. And I had
the perfect woman that would’ve made my life complete.”

“Apparently she wasn’t all that perfect if she
didn’t know how to cook?”

“Huh?”

“Shanelle. She didn’t know how to cook…right?”

“Oh.” Sean smiled. “I wasn’t talking about Shanelle,
though, but nah, she couldn’t cook. And speaking of Shanelle, I
know she wasn’t right for me. I didn’t love her…never even made
love to her.”

“What you mean you never made love to her? She was
your wife.”

“I know that, but I didn’t love her.”

“So why would you marry someone you don’t love?”

“I’d rather not go into detail about that.” He got
me back. Now he wanted to skip details because I did.

“Okay, so when did you realize you didn’t love her
anymore?”

“That’s just the thing. I never loved her.”

“Okay, but a while ago, you told me that you were
still in love with an ex. I thought you were talking about
Shanelle.”

“Nah, I wasn’t talking about her. When I used to lie
in bed beside her at night, I would be thinking about someone else.
Like I said, I wanted the complete package, the nice home, the
cars, and the fine woman with a banging body.”

“Wait…let me get this straight. You married Shanelle
because she was fine? And let me guess, the woman you were really
in love with wasn’t that attractive?”

“Nah, she was very attractive.”

“Could she cook?”

Sean laughed. He knew where I was going with the
questions. “Yeah, she could cook.”

“So why didn’t you marry her instead of
Shanelle?”

“You sure ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

“Well, you were asking me a lot of questions. Now
it’s your turn.”

“I didn’t marry the woman that I loved because I
left her. Now you’re going to ask me why, right?”

“Nope. I’m not going to pry.”

Sean got up off of the bed and turned on his CD
player. I’m glad he did. The conversation was becoming intense as
we found out more about each other.

Sean turned to me and said, “Remember that compas
style music I was telling you about?”

“Yeah. Is that it?”

“Yep.”

The music sounded very similar to salsa music to me.
It was very relaxing. I could imagine myself lying on a beach
somewhere in the Caribbean while listening to music like that.

“You like it?”

“Yeah, it’s nice. I can get down to this.”

He joined me on the bed again. Only this time, he
sat beside me.

“I like you,” he said, while looking at me with a
smile on his face.

“Now what are you talking about?”

“Your personality…I like it. Shanelle was always
uptight and bossy. I still can’t believe she left me, though.”

“Why would you care? You didn’t love her
anyway.”

“But I had this concept that she was supposed to be
with me or something. I don’t know. It’s a man thing, I guess.”

“Did you have any clues that she was seeing someone
else?”

“Of course, I did. She was staying out late and I
found a few numbers in her coat pocket. I mean, she was fine. I
know a lot of dudes were trying to get at her. I didn’t think she
was really feeling them like that, though.”

“Why do I get the vibe that you love her?”

“I care for her. I don’t like the fact that she left
me a single father.”

Sean seemed to be talking in circles. At one point,
it seemed as if he had love for Shanelle, and then the next, he
seemed like he could care less about her. I had to get it clear in
my mind what he was really feeling.

“I’m not trying to defend Shanelle or anything, but
you just said you didn’t love her. And you never made love to her.
Why would she want to stay with you?”

“You got a point,” Sean said with a smirk on his
face.

“Well, you’re doing okay without her anyway.”

“Yeah, thanks to you.” Sean hung his head. “Do you
know what I miss the most?”

“What’s that?”

“I miss having someone in bed with me every night, a
warm body.”

“So get married again?”

“I’m already married, remember….me and you.”

“I’m not talking about that, silly.”

“Yeah, I know. I think I would get married again if
I met the right woman.”

“And just who is the right woman?”

“Ah…hmm, the right woman for me would be someone who
loves me, my son, and my family.”

“Okay, well that’s a given. I’m talking about
features and qualities. The only reason I’m asking is because it
seems like men, especially black men, have a very high standard for
the woman they want as a potential girlfriend or wife. I mean,
their standards are so high, it’s practically unreachable.”

“Well, my woman has to be attractive. She ain’t
gotta be no Halle Berry, but I have to be attracted to her. I like
a woman who’s sexy but not stuck up, confident but not overly
independent, silly but intelligent enough to debate with me. Also,
she has to be my partner, my sidekick, the woman who always got my
back no matter what. I need someone whom I can trust to love me and
be faithful, and in turn, I will give the same.”

“Wow. That’s a tall order.”

“It is a tall order, but it’s not unreachable.
You’ve already filled most of it.”

I wasn’t expecting to hear that
from him.
In his mind, I’m his ideal
woman.
I didn’t know how to take it, so I
laughed it off.

Then I asked casually, “What you mean?”

“What I mean is, most of the ideal qualities I want
in a wife, I see them in you. You’re beautiful, intelligent, funny,
and you love my son.”

What does he mean he’s found most
of the qualities he wants in me?
I’m not
even everything I want to be yet. I haven’t accomplished all the
things I want to. I want a career and a house of my own. I hadn’t
even started living yet.

Keisha used to tell me that you don’t actually start
living until you hit thirty. I don’t know how she would know that
since we were pretty much the same age.

Anyway, getting back to Sean, I think he was just
flirting with me when he made statements like that. But what if he
wasn’t? What if he was really into me? Come to think about it, I
haven’t seen Sean with a woman since I’ve been living here. There
was no mention of a woman. I don’t think he was seeing anyone.