See Dick Cook: A Culinary Voyage for the Average Man
Read See Dick Cook: A Culinary Voyage for the Average Man Online
Authors: Kelly Labonte
Tags: #Cookbooks; Food & Wine, #Teen & Young Adult
See Dick Cook
A Culinary Voyage for the Average Man
KELLY LABONTE
Copyright © 2014 Kelly Labonte
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 0993921701
ISBN-13: 978-0993921704
DEDICATION
This book is for my family and my boys. The support you’ve shown me through this entire process has been unwavering and I love you all for that. To my best friend Rachel, for your creative prowess and that offside sense of humor I love so much. And for my husband Reg, my favourite “Dick” of them all. Without your encouragement this book would have never seen a keystroke.
You are my rock.
WARNING!
THE FOLLOWING RECIPES
ARE COMPLETELY SUITABLE FOR ALL DICKS.
USER DISCRETION IS NOT ADVISED.
Table of Contents
Dick’s Dictionary of Gastronomic Jargon
Dick Likes It Creamy Caesar Salad Dressing
IT’S A GUY THING – SNACKS AND APP’S
Crab Stuffed Popper Cherry Tomatoes
I'm The Man Hamburgers with Sautéed Onions
Real Men Do Cry French Onion Soup
She's Perfect Pesto Portabellas
A Swing and a Miss Chipotle Chicken
It's Not Me, It's You Meatloaf
Let Her Down Easy Eggplant Parmesan
Stick a Fork In It Porchetta Roast
We're Better Off Friends Fettuccini
Seducer Sambuca Shrimp and Scallops
Slow Cooker Beef au Beer Sandwiches
That's the Spirit Pork Tenderloin
BACK OF THE LINE BOYS…SHE’S ALL MINE
Mari-Me-Nara Spaghetti with Meatballs and Sausage
Throw Me a Bone Bake 'n Barbecue Ribs
Bagger Steak with Béarnaise Sauce
Crazy About Her Clam and Linguine
Fruit of Their Loins Grilled Halibut & Mango Salsa
I'm Really Not a Jackass Jambalaya
Keeping it Wrapped Grilled Jumbo Shrimp
Meet the Chief Beef Stroganoff with Bacon
Who's Your Daddy Chicken Diablo
Three Sheets to the Wind Chicken
Three Months’ Salary My Ass Salmon
Bare Naked Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Carb-a-Palooza Potato Casserole
Ears Like Cauliflower Casserole
Gold Digger Scalloped Potatoes
Teaser Tomato and Cucumber Salad
DICK’S KIT
Welcome to the beginning of your voyage Dick. This short chapter is going to get you all set to start ‘working it’ in the kitchen. In here we are going to let you know which basic tools of the trade you will need, a list of items for you to keep on hand and a basic list of terms and definitions for you to refer to in that moment of doubt.
“Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.”
— Joss Whedon
DICK’S TOOL BOX
Every job needs a tool or two and every guy needs a fully equipped toolbox. The kitchen is no exception Dick. Here is a list of items that will have you prepared for your culinary voyage.
A half decent set of pots and pans including some non-stick ones
A good set of knives – this will save you hours of frustration
13” x 9” Baking Dish
Barbecue Cage
Casserole Dish Set (various sizes)
Digital Meat Thermometer
Dutch Oven (yes - this actually exists)
Electric Knife
Electric Mixer
Food Processor (an average sized one will do)
Grapefruit Spoon
Garlic Crusher (a hard-core one Dick, not cheap)
Heavy-duty Oven Proof Skillet
Measuring Cups
Measuring Spoons/Wooden Spoons
Meat Tenderizer
Metal Skewers
Oven Mitts – Manly ones
Pastry Brush
Rice Cooker
Roasting Pan
Roasting Pan Drip Rack
Salad Spinner
Salt and Pepper Mills
Sauce Pan
Slow Cooker / Crock Pot
Strainer/Colander
Timer (if you can’t work the one on the microwave)
Whisk
DICK’S STAPLES
There will be certain items and ingredients that appear regularly throughout this book Dick. Keeping these items on hand will ensure you have the necessary ingredients for most recipes that you’ll find in here. That, and it makes you look like you know what you’re doing.
You’re a professional Dick. Act like it.
All Purpose Flour
Bacon
Beef Broth
Beer (Yes – you cook with it too Dick)
Black Pepper – fresh peppercorns with a mill
Butter and/or Olive Oil Based Margarine
Chicken Broth
Chili Pepper Sauce
Cooking Onions and/or Spanish Onions
Cream Cheese
Dick’s Garlic Butter
Dijon Mustard
Dry Red Wine - always
Dry White Wine – always
Eggs
Feta Cheese
Garlic - fresh
Italian Seasoned Bread Crumbs
Jar of Chopped garlic
Jasmine Rice
Lemon Juice
Lipton Onion Soup Mix (regular or garlic)
Mayonnaise (for the love of God – real Mayo)
Non-Stick Cooking Spray (Olive Oil Variety)
Olive Oil – Light
Parmesan Cheese
Pesto (Basil variety)
Red Wine Vinegar
Sage Seasoning
Sea Salt
Seasonings/ Spices – Basil, Cayenne, Cajun, Cinnamon, Dill, Garlic Powder (not salt Dick – powder), Herbes de Provence, Montreal Steak Spice, Nutmeg, Onion Powder, Oregano, Paprika, Parsley Flakes, Red Pepper Flakes, Season Salt, Thyme, White Pepper
Shallots
Six Month Mari-Me-Nara Sauce (keep frozen in one and two cup portions)
Tabasco or other Hot Sauce
White Vinegar
Worcestershire Sauce
DICK’S DICTIONARY OF GASTRONOMIC JARGON
If you find yourself confused or unsure about some of the terminology used in the book, this reference guide will square you away with what it all means. I know you won’t ask for directions Dick, so here they are.
| Al Dente | This describes pasta cooked firm to the bite – in other words, not mushy. |
| Au jus | This is the natural drippings or juice from a pan after cooking beef and deglazing. |
| Baste | This is when you brush, squirt or pour drippings or liquid, over food while broiling, roasting or baking. It prevents your food from drying out and adds flavour with the cooking juices. |
| Beat | To mix foods thoroughly to a smooth, even consistency using a spoon, fork, whisk or electric beater/mixer. |
| Blackened | A method of cooking that uses spices to coat meat or fish and then cooked in a very hot cast iron skillet to ‘blacken’ the outside. |
| Blanch | To cook food briefly in boiling water. |
| Broil | A method of cooking where the food is placed directly underneath the source of high heat. |
| Broth | A flavourful liquid made by simmering meats, fish, poultry or bones in water with herbs. This is also referred to as Stock. |
| Brown | To quickly sear food to enhance and lock-in flavor. This is normally done at the beginning of the cooking process with meat. |
| Brush | To coat food with a liquid such as melted butter or a glaze using a brush designed for this process – or a pastry brush. |
| Combine | This simply means mixing ingredients together. |
| Cube | The process of cutting something up into bite sized pieces. |
| Dash | This is a very small amount of seasoning, about 1/16th of a teaspoon. Sometimes referred to as a pinch. |
| Deep-fry | To cook submerged in very hot fat or grease until golden brown. |
| Deglaze | To swirl a liquid into a pan to dissolve particles of food on the bottom and sides of the pan for flavor. |
| Demi-glace | A rich brown sauce made from reduced beef stock or broth. |
| Deseed | To remove the seeds out of a fruit or vegetable. |
| Devein | This is the process of removing the black thread-like track from the back of a shrimp or prawn with a small knife. |
| Dice | To cut into regular sized cubes in accordance with the desired size. |
| Dilute | This is when you thin a liquid or reduce the intensity of flavour by adding liquid. |
| Direct Heat | A grilling method of cooking where food is cooked directly over a flame or heat source. |
| Dissolve | To stir a substance into a liquid until no solids remain. |
| Drain | This is simply to remove and discard the liquid contents from a cooking process. |
| Dredge | To lightly coat food to be pan-fried or sautéed. This is usually a breading of some sort. |
| Drippings | These are the juices and fat that is collected from the pan of cooked foods, such as roasts. |
| Dutch Oven | A large, deep pot that is covered with a tight fitting lid. |
| Filet | A boneless, skinless piece of meat. |
| Fillet | The process of removing the bones from fish or meat before cooking. |
| Flake | To break or flake food into small pieces. |
| Flambé | A method of cooking in which foods are splashed with liquor and ignited. Nice. |
| Garnish | This is a decorative touch added to dishes and beverages to enhance the appearance of the dish. |
| Glaze | A liquid that gives a shiny surface to an item, as in a glazed ham. |
| Grate | The process of shredding food into fine pieces. |
| Gratin | To sprinkle an item with cheese and/or bread crumbs and bake until golden brown. |
| Gravy | A sauce made from pan drippings and then thickened. |
| Grease | o cover a pan or dish with butter or oil to prevent food from sticking. |
| Grill | To cook directly over a heat source on metal racks – such as the barbecue. |
| Kebab | Small chucks of meat and vegetables skewered before cooking. Also called "shish kebab" |
| Knead | To press and fold dough in order to give it a smoother consistency needed for even cooking. |
| Marinade | A sauce that is used to soften and flavor meats before cooking. |
| Marinate | To soak meat, chicken or fish in a flavoured liquid mixture to enhance flavour and tenderness. |
| Medallion | A small piece of meat cut into an oval or a round shape. |
| Mince | To chop into very fine pieces, such as garlic. |
| Oven Bake | Cooking food surrounded by hot dry air in the oven. |
| Oven Broil | Cooking food with direct heat from above. |
| Pan Broil | Cooking food in a heavy pan without added fat and removing any fat that is produced as you cook the item. |
| Pan Fry | Cooking in a moderate amount of fat or oil, uncovered. |
| Parboil | To boil a food until it is partially cooked. |
| Pinch | A measurement of less than 1/16th of a teaspoon. Sometimes referred to as a dash. |
| Poach | To cook a food by placing it in a pot of simmering liquid. |
| Precook | To partially cook food before the final cooking process. |
| Preheat | To heat an oven to the recommended temperature before cooking in it. |
| Puree | The action of mashing a food until it has a thick, smooth consistency; usually done with a blender or food processor. |
| Reduce | To thicken and intensify the flavour of a liquid by boiling until the liquid reduces in volume, so the flavour is concentrated. |
| Roast | To cook foods by surrounding them with hot, dry air in an oven or over an open fire. |
| Sauté | To cook food in a small amount of butter or oil over a high heat in a shallow pan, so that it cooks and colours evenly. |
| Sear | To brown meat over a high temperature very quickly in order to seal in the juices. |
| Season | To improve the flavour of food by adding salt, pepper and other spices and flavours. |
| Shuck | To remove the shells from clams and oysters. |
| Sift | The process of removing lumps from certain foods while aerating it. |
| Simmer | To cook a pot or pan of food just below boiling point. |
| Skim | To remove fat or impurities that have risen to the top of a liquid being cooked. |
| Steam | To cook food by direct contact with steam. |
| Stew | To cook ingredients in a pot, gradually over a longer period of time. |
| Stir | To mix the entire contents of a bowl or saucepan to combine ingredients completely. |
| Stir-fry | Food that is cooked over a high heat with a small amount of in a pan or wok. The food is usually cut in small pieces to ensure quick cooking. |
| Strain | To separate the liquid contents from the solid food such as straining the liquid from the bones for stock. |
| Whisk | To mix using a whisk, fork or beater, to smoothly blend ingredients, or to incorporate as much air as possible into the mixture so it is light and airy. |
| Zest | The outer, coloured part of the peel of citrus fruit – usually grated from the fruit. |
