See You at Sunset (34 page)

He shot her a puzzled look.

“It’s from a popular TV show,” she explained, feeling even more embarrassed.

“You’re really not going to answer, are you?”

“Micah, I don’t think this discussion will get us anywhere.”

His eyes narrowed with irritation. “Holly, I would be so damn grateful if you stopped trying to shut me down. I know you want me to let it go, and I would let it go if I didn’t care so much. And I’d shut up forever if I thought you were happy. But you’re not happy. Your friends know you’re not, and I think you know it too. You’re just too stubborn to admit it.”

“Stubborn? Ha! That’s the pot calling the kettle black, Deputy Lancaster. Besides, my friends support me completely. They couldn’t be happier for me, in fact.” She mentally cringed at how silly that sounded.

“Yeah, right. That’s a crock, and you know it. We’ve all been worried about you these last few years—Morgan, Lily, your aunts, all of us. You’re hiding from the people who love you, burying yourself in your work. Then you go and hook up with a creep who isn’t worthy to clean your shoes.”

She shot up a hand. “That would be the creep I broke up with?”

“Well, it took you long enough,” he said bluntly.

Holly stared at him, dumbstruck. The unflappable Micah Lancaster had finally worked up a good head of steam. “I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me.”

“I know,” he said grimly. “And I’m probably an asshole for doing it. But we’ve all been dancing around the situation because no one wanted to hurt you. And we wanted to honor your love and grief for Drew. But it’s been over four years, Holly. You can’t keep hiding much longer from your emotions and from the people who care for you. Not without causing damage to both yourself and to those relationships.” He paused. “And from what I knew of Drew, that’s sure as hell not what he would have wanted for his wife.”

“Really? What do you think
my husband
would have wanted for me?” she asked in a tight voice.

“I think I know what he wouldn’t want. He wouldn’t want you to have a life where you hide behind your work, too scared to love again, even to take the risk of trying to love again. Wasting yourself on dickweeds like Jackson Leigh.”

She flinched as his words shot straight to their mark. Because everything he said was true. She knew it in her heart even if she couldn’t admit it in her head. Drew would be very unhappy with more than a few of the choices she’d made.

And you should be unhappy too, because that’s not really who you are, is it?

All at once it was too much, and Holly found herself blinking back a sudden rush of tears. Not very successfully, since she had to grab a napkin and blot her eyes.

“Oh damn,” Micah groaned. “Please don’t cry. I’m an idiot and a jerk for laying all this on you right now. Especially after the day you’ve had. I’m sorry, Holly.”

She gave an inelegant sniff and wiped her nose. She must look like a wreck by now, but she didn’t really care. “It’s fine. I’m fine, really.”

“It’s not fine. I was out of line.” He grimaced. “I guess my only excuse was that I was pretty shaken up today too. I kind of let things get away from me for a minute now. You should give me a big kick in the ass, preferably with your pointiest shoes.”

She choked out a laugh. “Maybe I’ll take a rain check on that offer. And you weren’t out of line.”

When he raised his eyebrows, she shrugged. “Okay, maybe a little out of line, but most of what you said is true. Like you also said, I just don’t want to admit it.” She held out her wineglass for a refill. It was definitely going to be more than a one-glass evening.

After he topped her up, he stayed silent, watching her with a steady gaze. It was a look that said he was ready to hear whatever she had to say.

“It started out as a survival strategy,” she said. “I’m sure you understand why.”

“Of course I do.”

“You remember what I was like after Drew was killed. I was a freaking basket case. It felt like my life was over. After I got past the initial shock and had to get on with things, all I hoped for was to be able to cope with the present. With the moment. The future felt completely out of my control. It felt… well, dangerous.”

He nodded. “Sometimes it is.”

“So I decided that all I could truly count on was myself and my work.”

“You had your friends and your family,” he said quietly. “You had Seashell Bay.”

She nodded. “I did, and they saw me through the worst of it. But when it came to relationships… I wasn’t going to take a nun’s vows, but I wasn’t going to get emotionally involved with a guy either. I just couldn’t take the drama and the potential for more heartache. But I guess I started to believe it was the kind of life I really wanted, and that it wasn’t just a coping strategy anymore.” She wrinkled her nose. “I feel like a coward for saying this, but it was way easier.”

“Loving someone can get you hurt, that’s for sure,” Micah said.

Holly mentally winced. He loved her, and she’d hurt him.

“So you shut down,” he continued. “At a certain level, I mean.”

“Let’s just say I focused my energy on other things.”

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table, his shoulders stretching the fabric of his shirt tight. He looked so handsome—and so serious—that it made her heart hurt. “You were willing to risk everything when it came to your career,” he said, “but there was no way you were going to put your heart at risk. Am I right?”

She shrugged. “In a nutshell.”

“Babe, give me your hand,” he said, extending his across the table.

She hesitated a moment before resting her fingers in his palm.

“I love you, Holly Tyler,” he said, “more than anything in this world. And if you loved me back, your heart would never be at risk. I would never, ever hurt you. And I would never let anybody hurt you. You can count on it.”

Okay, this was the moment she should have been prepared for, because she knew he loved her that much. She knew he wanted her and would do everything in his power to keep his promise.

But no one in the world had that kind of power. And she was
so
not prepared to deal with this conversation.

She squeezed his hand once and then tugged it free. His frown told her how little he liked that.

“Micah, I hate to state the obvious, especially after today’s events, but you’re a cop. So you might never hurt me, but someone could hurt
you
. Which would then hurt
me
.” That sounded pretty muddled, so she tried again. “I was already married to a guy who carried a gun for a living. I don’t think I could do it again.” She gave him a weak smile. “It’s kind of the ultimate in risk taking.”

Micah blew out an exasperated breath. “I’m not going to pretend I could never be in any danger as a Seashell Bay cop, but Holly, a bus driver in Portland is more likely to get hurt on the job than a cop on the island.”

“Okay, how about today? Remember? Crazy drug dealer with a knife?”

“You know as well as I do that most days fishing lobster is more dangerous than being a cop.”

“Still, you’ve told me you might want to be a detective. Or even join a big-city police force. That’s a whole different thing.”

Even she knew how lame she was beginning to sound. Micah was right. She’d become so emotionally risk averse it was almost crazy.

He thought for a long moment—so long that she started to fiddle with the stem of her wineglass. Then he nodded, probably more to himself than to her. “Holly, all I know for sure is that I love you and want to be with you. I’d do whatever it took to make that happen. Hell, I’d probably go to New York and flip burgers in a diner if I thought you needed to be there to be happy.”

Holly sagged back in her chair, stunned. “Seriously? Would you really give up being a cop?” Then her heart lurched at the implications—the responsibility it laid on her. “No, don’t answer. I’ve got no right to ask that.”

“Actually, you’ve got every right, because I just said I’d do whatever it took. And I meant it.” Micah’s eyes felt like laser beams trained on her.

Laser beams of love, girlfriend, and you know you want it.

Oh, man. Did she ever.

“Now what about you, Holly?” he asked, his quiet voice at odds with the intensity of his gaze. “What would you be willing to do for love?”

It was the million-dollar question, and she didn’t have an answer.

Chapter 30

H
olly peered out the window and watched Morgan hop out of her little red pickup truck, her silver flip-flops sparkling in the glow of the store’s floodlights. No doubt her friend would bust Holly’s chops about her staying at the store so late, but she’d been too restless to return to an empty house after that intense dinner with Micah. It had ended on a question she still couldn’t answer, so there was no way she could just go home and climb into bed despite her exhaustion.

The time spent alone in the store had calmed her down as she fiddled with the new displays and dusted the shelves. In many ways, it was still the same old cozy place she remembered from her childhood, and yet a page had been turned. Holly had turned it, and she felt proud about that. And she certainly hadn’t run out of ideas for making the store even more attractive to customers, including using wall space to display paintings by area artists. Not only would it brighten things up even more, her aunts should pull in some commissions from sales.

But would Florence and Beatrice be able to keep the momentum going? Florence’s health was iffy, and Beatrice had never run things on her own. It was far from clear that they’d be able to keep the store moving forward in a way that would ensure its survival. She hated the idea of all her work going to waste. But far more, she hated the idea that the Jenkins General Store might soon be just history.

She opened the door for Morgan. “You probably think I’m crazy to call you so late.”

“No, crazy was putting yourself in the middle of a shoot-out at Great Diamond.” Morgan planted her feet wide and propped her hands on her hips. “Hell, girl, what were you thinking?”

Holly rolled her eyes and ducked behind the counter. “If it was a shoot-out, it was the lamest ever. I told you it was over before anything even happened. Micah made sure of that. Now, how about some coffee? I can make decaf.”

“Better make it full strength,” her friend said, leaning against the counter. “I’m betting you have a lot to talk about.”

Holly started up the big machine. It made the usual soft hissing noises that signaled a cup of superb coffee would soon be on the way. “Yeah, about that. I did want to talk to you about Micah. I met him for dinner in town after I saw my aunts at the hospital.”

A slow grin spread across Morgan’s face. “Aha. I figured this might just be about him.”

Holly nervously fiddled with some of the knobs on the coffee machine.
Might as well spit it out.
“Okay, well, here’s the thing. He all but proposed to me over dinner.”

Morgan’s mouth dropped open. “No way.”

“Way.”

“Wow. I guess he decided it was time to fish or cut bait since you’re leaving soon. But what the heck does
all but proposed
mean?”

Holly crossed her arms over her chest, frowning as she thought back to the scene in the restaurant, something she’d been doing constantly for the last two hours. “He didn’t get down on a knee or anything, but it was clear what he meant. He said he loved me and that he’d do whatever it took to be with me. Go to New York. Quit being a cop. Flip burgers if he had to.”

Morgan’s eyes practically bugged out. “That is… unbelievable.”

It was. The idea of Micah giving up his job to be with her was… well,
unbelievable
covered it pretty well. He loved being a cop, but Holly guessed he loved her more.

Since the machine was ready, she took a few moments to organize her thoughts as she prepared a cup and handed it over. “There was a catch to the New York part. He said he’d move there with me if he truly thought I wanted the partnership with David and Cory. But he was pretty blunt in saying he didn’t think moving to New York would make me happy.” She grimaced. “He thinks I’ve been kidding myself about a lot of things. Like that I don’t really want the kind of life I’ve been trying to lead since…”

Morgan nodded. “Since Drew died. I can’t say I’m totally surprised that Micah would put it out there.”

“I guess not, since apparently you and Lily think pretty much the same thing.”

Morgan winced. “Oh, crap. I guess I’ll have to talk to our lunkhead deputy about telling tales out of school.”

“Was he wrong? Is that how you guys feel too?”

Her friend reached across the counter and squeezed her shoulder. “Oh, sweetie, all Lily and I have ever wanted is to support you in whatever choices you make. But that doesn’t mean we always agree with you.”

“Well, you did make your feelings about Jackson pretty clear,” Holly said drily. “Not that I blame you. I was obviously way off base on that one.”

Morgan put her cup down on the counter. When she looked up, her gaze was almost as intent as Micah’s had been a few hours ago. “He’s just part of it, Holly. But are you sure you want to talk about this now? You’ve had a hell of a day.”

“Yes, and please don’t pull any more punches. I should have realized how much you’ve all been pussyfooting around me for the past four years, but I guess I’ve been too self-absorbed and scared to let it sink in. I let that go on for too long, and I’m mad at myself for shutting you guys out.” She grimaced. “I’m really sorry about that.”

Morgan emphatically shook her head. “No apologies necessary. We understood the changes in you after Drew’s death, or at least we thought we did.” She gave her a sheepish grin. “Though since Ryan and Aiden came back to Seashell Bay, we obviously have a lot better understanding about what real love is all about. We didn’t before, but you certainly did.”

After Drew was killed, Lily and Morgan had been as sympathetic and supportive as two friends could ever be, but they’d never been in love—at least not in the way they were now. They’d never truly known what it was like to invest all your hopes and dreams in a man and the future you thought you had with him—the future that had gone down in flames when an army officer and a chaplain had shown up on Holly’s doorstop that awful morning.