Seeing Your Face Again (12 page)

Eleven

T
he next day was Sunday, and Minister Kanagy preached the main sermon. He was a short, thin, nervous man and walked with quick steps back and forth in front of the minister's bench. He was in full cry since beginning some 15 minutes ago.

His high-pitched voice is grating,
Ida thought. The man was clearly agitated, as he should be, she decided.
Daett
's news of Lois's departure yesterday couldn't have done anything but unsettle the ministers, as it had the entire Beiler family. She'd been surprised that
Daett
hadn't reported the matter to Deacon Mast yesterday, if only to soften the blow and give the ministers time to take in the news before the church services.

Saturday had been a devastating day at their house.
Mamm
had walked around as if preparing for a funeral. Every once in a while Ida had gone to the kitchen window to take a peek toward the house across the fields where the Watsons…and now Lois…lived. There had been no sign of her sister, even when a car left the driveway to head toward Lewistown. Lois could easily have been inside and ducked her head until she was out of sight. She would do that, Ida
thought. And Lois would also wish to head into town at once to enjoy her newfound freedom.

Ida interrupted her sad thoughts long enough to steal a look at the married men's section. Normally she wouldn't look over there, but she now had a reason to. The widower Melvin Kanagy had glanced her way earlier. Ida was sure she saw intent in his gaze. At the moment he was busy with his youngest daughter, Lisa. Ida was certain she'd felt his gaze more than once this morning…and also last Sunday at the meeting. She hadn't returned his attention so far. Her spirits had been too low to think of romance, and she'd been too focused on Paul. And yet now that she'd resolved to consider Melvin, she felt he might give up if she didn't respond before long.

Her heart certainly didn't pound at the thought of a smile sent by Melvin, nor did she blush when she considered him. That might come in time, Ida told herself. She mustn't judge the matter too quickly. And if those feelings didn't come, was a red face and weak knees something one
had
to have? None of that had helped her with Paul Wagler. At her age she should be thankful she even had a suitor—well, a prospective suitor hopefully.

What a sorry mess,
Ida mused. She turned her thoughts back to the happenings at their house yesterday. Debbie had stayed out of sight all day. She'd hardly shown herself except at mealtimes. And then she looked like she was the one who had run away from the Beiler household instead of Lois. Debbie clearly took a large portion of the responsibility for what had happened. That wasn't right. When Debbie had gone upstairs after supper, Ida had approached
Mamm.
“You surely don't blame Debbie for any of this?” she asked.

“
Nee
, of course not.”
Mamm
's tone had been mournful. “Lois has been talking of this since she was a teenager. I had my hopes up that she would grow out of it. And with Debbie's coming and her appreciation for our way of life, we let our hopes get even higher.”

“Perhaps you should go tell Debbie this,” Ida encouraged. “She feels horrible. What with Lois down at her parents' place, I'm sure
she believes she's to blame. Or at least that you and
daett
hold her responsible for some of Lois's decision.”

“Lois would eventually have thought of a way to go.”
Mamm
's voice caught. “
Yah
, I will speak with Debbie.”

Ida had sighed with relief as
Mamm
went up the stairs. What
Mamm
told Debbie, Ida never learned. The two were together for some time before
Mamm
came back down again and joined
Daett
in the living room.
Mamm
didn't look upset, so the conversation must have gone well.

Minister Kanagy now waved his arms around with quick motions and grabbed Ida's attention. “And in our battle with the world and the devil—we all know that not everyone is always victorious. This is a sad situation that weighs heavy on our hearts—when a brother or sister falls into error. This grieves us more than we can find words to express. In those times it is up to the strong among us to bring both correction to the fallen and comfort to the ones left behind. And we wish to do this today. As our dear bishop himself has told us over the years,
Da Hah
's vineyard needs much work to upkeep it. And this is not always easy or pleasant work. I hope that we are all praying today—and in the days ahead—for those who have strayed and for those whose hearts are bleeding from their great fall.”

It wasn't hard for Ida to figure out that Minister Kanagy was speaking of Alvin Knepp and possibly Lois. The first step of Alvin's discipline would no doubt be on the agenda today. This was already a heavy burden on
Daett
's shoulders, and now he had the added weight of his own daughter's flight into the
Englisha
world. When the whole community found out, the shock would be great.
Mamm
had sent her over in the buggy yesterday afternoon to break the news to Verna. Even now Verna sat in the married women's section in tears. People would think she was crying for Alvin's sake. But if they only knew…well, they soon would. Ida wiped tears from her own eyes.

After she'd told Verna the news yesterday, her sister had clung to her for a long time barely able to speak. “I had so hoped Lois had outgrown this thing.”

“I know,” Ida said. “Especially with Debbie at the house.”

“How's Debbie doing?” Verna asked as she lowered herself onto the couch.

“Troubled, I suppose. She takes a lot of the responsibility on her own shoulders.” Ida's sadness wrinkled her face.

“I will speak with her after church,” Verna said. “Debbie mustn't think this is her responsibility at all. Lois has been talking about doing this since she was young.”

Verna was right, Ida thought, but the community would likely not see things that way. As she sat in church this morning that point was being driven home. Perhaps it was the way Minister Kanagy spoke or the tone in his voice. He would surely look for a reason why these things had happened. And Debbie would make an easy target. It made too much sense to those who didn't know everything that had transpired at the Beiler household. And explanations would do no
gut
…even if it was decent to speak of family matters in public, which it wasn't.

Minister Kanagy paced back and forth with his hands by his sides. “I bring this time to a close now, beseeching each and every one us to search our own heart. Do we have the love of the world hidden away in even the most secret part of our lives? If we do, let us not think this won't be found out. The pressures are simply too great to hide such an awful thing. We might think the shame of others knowing our secret thoughts too much to bear, but it's better if we confess our thoughts and actions to each other than to let them build and then perish in the coming storm. And a tempest is coming into all our lives. As surely as the winter follows the fall, and summer follows spring.
Da Hah
Himself has told us of this thing. We are to build on the foundation of His Word, not on the shifting sands of the world's opinion. Those are established today and
changed tomorrow. Oh how those sands move about when storms come. And how great is the fall of that house. Brothers and sisters, be not one of those whose house is caught off the foundation of
Da Hah
's Word. Confess your sins today and seek forgiveness. This is the only way we are ever to survive in this present evil day.”

Finally, Minister Kanagy took his seat looking quite distraught. He asked for testimony on what he'd said from several of the older men. They spoke, saying they agreed with everything that had been preached. Ida's mind drifted again as she felt Melvin's gaze upon her. She wondered if all girls could feel such a thing. It was something she hadn't felt in a while. Not since
Daett
had forced her to turn down the last man who had asked to take her home from a hymn singing.

Those bygone days when
Daett
was so strict with his daughters seemed a long, long time ago—even though it wasn't really. Verna's successful courtship and marriage to Joe had changed
Daett
's thoughts on the matter. With all the trouble Verna and Joe had run into, they'd persevered and everything had turned out okay.

Would Lois's departure change all the
gut
Verna had accomplished? Would
Daett
recoil in fear if she mentioned that Melvin Kanagy might have an interest in her? She'd better not say anything until Melvin actually asked her home from the hymn singing. But if he did, surely
Daett
would allow it. Melvin was a decent man, and he'd never shown any love for the
Englisha
world. And that would, no doubt, be
Daett
's biggest fear.

Ida didn't blame
Daett
for the way he felt about it. The thought of the
Englisha
world did make one's spirits sink. How could she give Melvin some encouragement before the service concluded and everyone went home? It would be good to do before he found out Lois had left for the
Englisha
world. If Ida had known that was going to happen this soon, she would have paid attention to Melvin sooner. That way their relationship might weather the shock when he found out the awful news.

Ida snuck a quick glance toward the married men's section. Melvin was indeed looking at her. His daughter Lisa sat straight beside him. Obviously she anticipated the close of the service. Ida dropped her eyes for a moment and gathered her courage. She looked up again and attempted a sweet smile in Melvin's direction. It came off tense, and Ida chided herself. But she consoled herself with the fact that Melvin looked pleased in those seconds before she'd dropped her gaze. Well, it would go better next time—if there was a next time.

The silence after the finished testimonies interrupted Ida's thoughts. Someone shouted out a song number, and they all joined in. When the song was over,
Daett
stood and said, “That concludes our service today, and we can be dismissed with
Da Hah
's blessing. We would appreciate it if those who are members will stay behind for a meeting.”

This was followed by the usual dash of the younger boys for outside. They weren't old enough to understand the seriousness of what happened when their parents stayed behind. They would know before long. Their turn would come to shoulder the responsibilities of the church. Ida intended to do her part, though there wasn't much a woman could do. She would show her support for her
daett
today. And she would leave the world a better place in the end, while those who chased the things that lay out in the world would be left with only the possessions and emotions that soon passed away.

Ida wiped a tear away as
Daett
got up to speak. All the non-members had gone outside, including Debbie, who had disappeared into the kitchen. This was something Debbie had experienced before, and she knew to offer her help to the younger girls as they set up a table in the basement and fed the younger children while the members talked of church matters.

“Please help us all, dear
Hah
,” Ida breathed as her
daett
informed the members that a letter had been sent to Alvin Knepp reminding him of his church member responsibilities and asking him to return
and repent of his error. Alvin's
mamm
sniffled over in the married women's section.

Daett
stood for a moment with a bowed head. “And now, I have something I must say that also tears at my heart. But you need to hear this from me. My own daughter Lois left our home yesterday to live with an
Englisha
family. I know she was not yet a church member, but I wish to tell you what's happening because as your bishop I'm responsible to lead the church and keep you informed of what is necessary. With that said, you can all be dismissed.”

Feet shuffled as some of the men rose to leave for the barn. The full implications of what
Daett
had said didn't register on their faces yet. Maybe it wouldn't until they arrived home and spoke with their wives. The women, however, seemed to fully understand the implications. A few gathered around
Mamm
and whispered encouragement in her ear.
Daett
hadn't said who the
Englisha
family was that Lois was staying with, but it wouldn't be long before someone asked or figured out it was Debbie's parents. Poor Debbie would be caught unfairly in the fallout.