Selby Sorcerer (13 page)

Selby looked at the plastic rod and felt instantly silly. He was about to drop it and make a dash for the door when Willy and Billy stopped in their tracks.

‘That’s better,’ Selby said. ‘Now just back off.’

Willy and Billy took a step backwards.

‘Look at the mess you’ve made!’ Selby said. ‘You should clean it up!’

There was silence for a moment.

‘How do we do it?’ Willy asked, very slowly.

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Tell us how,’ Billy said.

‘Are you kidding?’

‘No, Mister Dog, ‘Willy said. ‘We don’t know how to clean floors.’

‘I can’t believe this,’ Selby thought. ‘They’re actually going to do what I say. The wand is actually working! Hey, why don’t I turn them into something harmless?’

‘Okay, kids,’ he said, waving the wand. ‘You’re kittens.’

Willy and Billy just looked at him.

‘No, we’re not,’ Willy said.

‘You’re not? Oh. I guess the wand doesn’t do that kind of magic,’ Selby said. ‘But you’re my slaves.’

‘Yes, Master,’ Billy said.

‘And I’m going to get a mop and vacuum cleaner and some other cleaning stuff so you can clean up this mess.’

Selby put the wand down on the table and, in that instant, Willy and Billy charged at him.

‘Get him, Billy! ‘Willy yelled.

Selby snatched up the wand again.

‘Back!’ he ordered.

‘Yes, Mister Dog,’ the boys said.

For the next hour Willy and Billy mopped the floors, vacuumed and cleaned the lounge and the table and chairs. Selby kept an eye on them as he watched a video of
Roxanna the Sorcerer.

Finally the house was spotless.

‘Can we go now?’ Willy asked.

‘Not yet,’ Selby said. ‘I think I’d like you to say you’re sorry for all the times you were cruel to me.’

‘We’re sorry,’ the boys said.

‘You’ll have to do better than that,’ Selby said.

‘We’re very sorry. Very
very
sorry,’ Willy said, dropping to his knees. ‘Please, Mister Dog, we won’t do it again. Don’t be mad at us.’

‘That’s right,’ Billy said. ‘Is it okay if we go now, Sir?’

‘No, this is too much fun,’ Selby said. ‘How about giving me a massage?’

Selby held tightly to the wand as Willy and Billy rubbed his back and neck. His brain whirred with ideas of what he could do with his new power.

‘Finally, I can talk to the Trifles,’ he thought. ‘I’ll just order them not to tell anyone else. Then I won’t have to worry about being famous and people bugging me all the time. And I won’t have to worry about being dog-napped or being sent off to a laboratory to be asked stupid questions and that. And I can have dinner with the Trifles and eat good food for a change. Goodbye Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits. Hello, peanut prawns!’

‘Hey, that’s enough, guys,’ Selby said. ‘What’s the pocket money situation like?’

‘We’ve got birthday money,’ Billy said.

‘Then what are we waiting for? Let’s order some takeaway food.’

Soon Selby was lying back on the lounge again watching another Roxanna tape as Willy and Billy fed him peanut prawns.

‘This is the life,’ Selby thought. ‘Of course I’ll have to make sure I never drop the wand. It’s got to stay in my paw. Hey, but what about when I’m sleeping? I know, I’ll tape it to my paw. But then it’ll be hard to walk. No, I can tape it to the side of my leg. Then I can walk. People will just think I hurt myself.’

Selby imagined what it would be like talking to the Trifles.

‘They’ll have so many questions to ask me,’ he thought. ‘Ooops, what if they ask me to help with the washing-up and making the beds and that? I mean I don’t want to be their servant, I just want to be their pet.’

Selby thought about this for a moment.

‘I know,’ he said to himself, ‘I’ll wave the wand and tell them to forget that I could be helping around the house. That way they won’t even
think
to ask me. That’s it.’

Selby watched as the Trifles’ car pulled into the driveway.

‘Gulp. This is it,’ he thought.

‘Okay, guys,’ he said. ‘One thing before I let you go. You don’t know that I’m a talking dog.’

‘We don’t?’ Willy said.

‘That’s right. I’m ordering you to forget it,’ Selby said, waving the wand.

‘But we know,’ Billy said.

‘You mean you didn’t forget it when I ordered you to forget it?’

‘No, Mister Dog.’

‘I get it,’ Selby said. ‘The wand lets me tell people what to do but not what to think.’

‘Okay, boys,’ he said. ‘You know that I’m a talking dog but you’re not allowed to tell anyone.’

‘Nobody ever believed us before anyway,’ Willy said.

‘That’s true but now you’re not even allowed to say it. Now you be nice to your aunt and uncle.’

‘Hello, there,’ Mrs Trifle said when she came in the door. ‘Happy birthday, kids.’

‘Oh, this is scary,’ Selby thought. ‘It’s going to be such a shock when I tell the Trifles.’

‘Thank you, Auntie,’ Willy said sweetly.

‘And thank you for the lovely prezzie,’ Billy said.

‘Why, aren’t you boys polite?’ Dr Trifle said as he put the robe and the hat and the book back in the box.

‘They certainly are,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Isn’t there supposed to be a wand here somewhere?’

‘Yes,’ Willy said. ‘Selby’s got it.’

‘Selby’s got it?’ Dr Trifle said.

‘This is it!’ Selby thought. ‘I’ve got to tell them now because I can’t give back the wand. If I do, I lose all my power! Oh, no, this is tooooooo scary! But it’s going to be all right. Now hang on,’ Selby thought again. ‘Something’s wrong here. I mean I’ll tell them that they can’t tell my secret. That’s okay. And I’ll tell them not to ask me to help around the house. That’s okay too. But they’ll
know
that I really could help if I wanted to. What if they hate me? I couldn’t blame Mrs Trifle — or even Dr Trifle — because they work so hard. I remember what it was like when
I
was the boss and
they
were the pets. Of course, there’s one thing I could do. I could help around the house. In fact I think I’ll
(gulp
)
have
to.’

‘Did you say that Selby has the wand?’ Dr Trifle said.

‘Look, dear,’ Mrs Trifle said, ‘he’s chewing on something.’

Dr and Mrs Trifle and Willy and Billy all looked at Selby.

‘He’s chewing the wand!’ Willy screamed. ‘He’s eating it!’

‘That stinky poopy doggy,’ Billy wailed. ‘He just chewed it all up! I’m going to get him!’

‘You’ll do no such thing!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘A minute ago you were little angels and now you’re behaving like monsters! I’m sorry we even gave you that sorcery set.’

‘You don’t know anything!’ Willy bawled. ‘That stinky dog talks!’

‘And … and he says magic words and he’s a sorcerer like the lady on TV!’ Billy added. ‘He made us clean up the whole house and spend our birthday money on him!’

‘Don’t talk rubbish!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘I have some magic words for you: Go home. I’m going to ring your mother and tell her just how horrible you’ve been.’

As Willy and Billy dashed out into the rain,
clutching their wandless birthday present, Selby felt a warm feeling spread through him. The magic was gone but the wonderful sight of Willy and Billy cleaning the house and feeding him peanut prawns would last a lifetime.

It had been a perfect day.

‘I hope they didn’t hurt you,’ said Mrs Trifle, patting Selby. ‘I don’t know about sorcerers but you’ll always be our magic little dog.’

‘And living with you two,’ Selby thought, ‘is all the magic I’ll ever need.’

ISBN 0 207197318

ISBN 0 207 19715 6

Duncan Ball

‘Tell me what I should do with my life!’ Bert wailed. ‘Should I catch a boat to South America? Should I learn to play the trombone? Should I start an ostrich farm? I need your help! Give me a sign, any sign!’

Sadly, Bert was talking to the only one he trusted in the whole world: Gazza, his stuffed goat. And, once again, the goat wasn’t talking …

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is a riotous but touching comedy about twelve-year-old Bert Piggott as he struggles to keep his family of dreamers, ratbags and scoundrels together. Everyone hates the Piggotts and now the council is going to evict them from their once beautiful mansion, Piggott Place. But the authorities haven’t bargained on Bert and his young friend Antigone (would-be star of stage and screen) and their crazy scheme. The question is: can two kids take on a world of adults and win?