Selby's Shemozzle (3 page)

‘Do you really think that was her real name?' Dr Trifle asked.

‘Why not?'

‘She never married, did she?'

‘No, I don't believe so.'

‘And she always called herself Miss Deeds.'

‘Miss Deeds?' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Oh, I get it.
Mis
deeds are
bad
deeds, aren't they? I guess that was her little joke on us.'

‘So she,' Selby thought as he curled up for a nap, ‘was the Laughing Lady after all.'

‘There's been a real shemozzle at Hippity Hop,' Dr Trifle said.

‘A shemozzle?' asked Mrs Trifle.

‘Yes — the bunnies are coming out funny.'

‘Hippity Hop? Funny bunnies? I don't understand.'

‘I'm afraid it's trouble with my EBM.'

‘You must be talking about one of your inventions,' said Mrs Trifle. ‘Would that be your Extra Bouncy Mattress? Or maybe it's your Electronic Burp Maker.'

‘No, it's the
Easter Bunny Machine
I invented for Trudy Truffle to use in her Hippity Hop Chocolate Shop. She already had a machine that made little Easter bunnies. I changed it so it could make very big Easter bunnies. Only it's gone out of control. I have to get over there and fix it.'

‘Remember that Willy and Billy are coming for lunch,' said Mrs Trifle. ‘On the way back could you pick up something for dessert?'

‘Like what?'

‘Oh, anything. Maybe some apple pie.'

‘Okay. I might take Selby with me. He's been stuck in the house all day.'

Selby's ears shot up.

‘Oh, yummy!' he squealed in his brain. ‘I love chocolate. It's my absolutely fave thing after peanut prawns. Maybe Trudy will give me a bunny.'

‘Don't take Selby,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘He might eat some chocolate.'

‘What's wrong with that?'

‘It's very bad for dogs — and cats. If they eat enough it can kill them.'

‘But we used to give him chocolate cake, remember? It didn't hurt him then.'

‘I didn't know about chocolate and dogs then.'

‘But I've eaten tonnes of chocolate,' Selby thought as he crept outside. He quietly opened the car door and hid in the back. ‘I'm going. I'm sure a little bit of chockie won't hurt me — I'm not like other dogs. And then I'll stay away from the house till the terrible twins have gone.'

Trudy Truffle, the owner and Chief Chocolate Chef of the Hippity Hop Chocolate Shop, was waiting at the door when Dr Trifle drove up.

‘Thank goodness you're here!' she said. ‘This is a disaster! It's a catastrophe! The bunnies aren't bunnies, they're monsters!'

Dr Trifle followed Trudy into the back of the shop, where he saw a terrible sight — huge dripping bunny monsters were coming along the production line.

Selby snuck out of the car and came through the back door.

‘Sheeeesh!' Selby gasped. ‘Those faces! Those mouths wide open and dripping chocolate!
They're bunny zombies! bunnies from beyond the grave! No wonder Trudy's upset.'

‘What am I going to do?' Trudy asked. ‘No one will buy these.'

‘Maybe you could save them till Halloween.'

‘They're even too horrible for Halloween! Besides, Easter is only a week away and people want their chocolate bunnies now. Oh, Dr Trifle, I wish I hadn't let you change the machine.'

‘Hmmm,' Dr Trifle hmmmed. ‘Are you recycling the bad bunnies?'

‘Yes. They all get chopped up and melted down again, like this.'

Trudy Truffle picked up a monster bunny and threw it into the Bunny Chopper and Melter.

‘Good, then nothing's wasted,' Dr Trifle said as they climbed up to the chocolate vat.

They watched as two mechanical arms shot out in front of them, clamping a metal mould into the chocolate and then placing a big bunny on the conveyor belt.

Dr Trifle dipped a finger into the chocolate and licked it. ‘This chocolate is delicious.'

‘It's my new secret recipe. Everyone loves it.'

‘New recipe? Does it have more oil in it?'

‘Why, yes, it does.'

‘Aha! That's the problem!' Dr Trifle exclaimed. ‘You've made the chocolate softer. The bunnies are too runny.'

‘Then I guess I'll have to go back to the old recipe.'

‘No, don't do that. I'll just make the cooling tube cooler. That should fix things.'

As Trudy Truffle and Dr Trifle climbed down the ladder at the front of the vat, Selby crept up the one at the back.

‘Dr Trifle is brilliant!' he thought. ‘Two minutes and he's solved the problem.'

Selby ducked as the grabber arms swung around and splashed down into the chocolate, lifting out another fully formed bunny.

‘What a heavenly smell!' he thought as he leant over the rim of the vat towards the melted chocolate. ‘Oh, I just have to have a little tastywasty.'

Selby leant way over, had a lick of chocolate and then pulled back just in time to miss the grabber arms.

‘Sheesh, that was close!' he thought. ‘But that chocolate is sooooo yummy!'

Selby turned to go and then stopped.

‘Maybe one more little lick.'

Once again Selby leant way over and licked. Over the rim of the vat he could see Dr Trifle turning a knob on the side of the machine.

‘I'd better get out of here before they see me,' Selby thought.

He leaned over for one last lick, but this time he could feel his paws losing their grip and sliding towards the chocolate.

‘Uh-oh!' he thought as he struggled to stand up. ‘I'm going in!'

In a second, Selby had fallen deep into the chocolate.

‘I can't swim!' he screamed in his brain. ‘I'll be the first dog ever to drown in chocolate!'

Selby bobbed to the surface, gasping for breath and swallowing gobs of chocolate. He looked up and saw the huge grabber arms coming towards him. ‘They're going to get me!' he thought. Suddenly the grabber clamped around him and dropped him onto the conveyor belt.

‘Oh no!' Selby squealed in his brain. ‘Help! Let me out of here!'

Selby reached up to pull the chocolate away from his face, but as he did, the extra-cold air in the cooling tube hit him, hardening the chocolate.

‘I can't move,' he thought. ‘And I can't breathe!'

Selby tried to open his mouth to lick away the chocolate, but his jaw wouldn't budge.

‘This is the end,' he thought. ‘I'm a chunk of chockie! I'm a slab of sweet! I've been bunnied! I'm a done dog!'

Selby's life flashed in front of him. He remembered when he was watching TV years ago and he suddenly understood everything the people on TV were saying.
He remembered teaching himself how to talk people-talk, and he remembered the day he decided to keep it a secret.

‘The Trifles were (
sniff
) wonderful to me,' he whimpered. ‘They're the kindest most loving
people in the
(sniff
) world. Now I've gone and got myself chocolate-coated — and I'm going to
(sniff
) die.'

Selby could feel the hot tears in his eyes as he thought of the great times he'd had with the Trifles. He blinked, and then he blinked some more. From the darkness inside the chocolate, Selby saw a light that grew brighter and brighter.

‘It's over,' he thought. ‘I'm on my way to heaven.'

Selby blinked and blinked again.

‘Now hang on,' he thought. ‘My tears are dissolving the chocolate! Hey! I can see!'

Selby wiggled his face loose from the inside of the chocolate.

‘And now I can breathe! The air is coming through the eye holes! And I can hear! Well, just a tiny bit.'

‘The bunnies are okay now,' Selby heard Trudy say. ‘Ooops!' she said suddenly, seeing Selby. ‘Another bad one. Strange — this one looks more like a dog than a bunny.'

‘There are bound to be a few duds,' Dr Trifle said, picking Selby up. ‘I'll just chuck this one in the chopper-upper.'

Selby barked as loudly as he could, considering he was barking through chocolate and he couldn't open his mouth.

‘Did you hear something?' Dr Trifle asked.

‘You mean like a dog barking?'

‘Something like that.'

‘No, I didn't.'

Once again Dr Trifle was about to drop Selby into the spinning blades.

‘No! No!' Selby screamed out loud in plain English as he saw the whirring blades coming closer. ‘Don't mince me! I'm not some bodgie bunny! I'm Selby, the only talking dog in Australia and, perhaps, the world! And I don't want to die!'

Dr Trifle turned to Trudy Truffle.

‘Did you say something?'

‘No, I thought you did. I thought you said something about pie.'

‘Pie? That reminds me — I've got to take home some dessert.'

‘How about some chocolate?' Trudy said. ‘Why don't you take home a nice big Easter bunny?'

‘Oh, no, I couldn't possibly do that.'

‘Yes, you could,' Selby thought. ‘You could!'

‘I guess I could take this one, ‘Dr Trifle said.

‘Yes, yes, take me! Take me!' Selby squealed in his brain.

‘No, don't take that ugly one. Take a nice one.'

‘No! Take me! Take the ugly one!'

‘Oh, I couldn't possibly take one that you could sell.'

‘That's right!' Selby thought. ‘Take me!
Please
take me.'

‘It's okay,' Trudy said. ‘Drop it in the chopper and it'll be melted down and you'll have a nice new one in a couple of minutes.'

‘No, I won't be melted,' Selby whimpered. ‘I'll be all chopped up. I'll ruin the chocolate!'

‘Something tells me I should take this one,' Dr Trifle said. ‘Besides, it's only for my nephews. They won't notice what it looks like.'

Meanwhile Willy and Billy had finished their lunch and were running round the Trifles' house. ‘Where's that stinky doggy? ‘Willy yelled.

‘If you mean Selby,' Mrs Trifle said, ‘I don't know. He does have a way of disappearing just
before you boys appear. Sometimes I think he knows you're coming.'

‘Look!' Billy screamed as Dr Trifle came through the door. ‘It's a Easter … a Easter …'

‘An Easter bunny,' Dr Trifle said. ‘Only this one came out a bit wonky.'

‘It looks like a doggy! ‘Willy screeched. ‘Can we eat him? Can we? Can we? Can we?'

‘Settle down,' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Take the bunny out to the backyard and you may each have a bit. I don't want you eating too much or you'll make yourselves sick. And don't make a mess — do you hear?'