#Selfie (Hashtag Series Book 4) (12 page)

Some of me deflated. She didn’t need this. BBFLs kept drama away, not brought it in.

“Yeah,” I said after a few breaths, “I could go for a workout.”

Romeo fished the keys to his Hellcat out of his pocket and handed them to Rim. “Don’t rip the transmission out on the way back to campus, baby.”

“Romeo?” I heard the question in her voice, the wariness.

“It’s okay. We’ll be at the gym. I’ll come by your room in a couple hours.”

I knew I should say something. Something to make her less freaked out. But I was afraid to open my mouth. I was afraid I would start yelling and never stop.

Romeo appeared beside me. “Let’s go.”

I left without a backward glance at anyone, not even Mom.

It was an asshole thing to do. But I never said I wasn’t an asshole.

Out in the yard, I heard her say something. I heard Romeo reply. He was probably promising her he’d make sure I was okay. It wasn’t the first time he’d made that promise.

I thought a long time ago he’d never have to make it again.

And just like that, I was transported back to the past. Back to the memories I wished I didn’t have.

Ivy

Two weeks.

Two weeks since Braeden and I combusted into a pile of limbs in his bed.

Every. Single. Day.

That’s how often I thought about that night. It’s like I was some old, musty house being haunted by ghosts of the past. It didn’t matter how many showers I took. I still felt his touch. It didn’t matter how many insults he’d flung at me over the past few months. Hell, even since that night, they didn’t matter.

I didn’t love him.

But I didn’t hate him either.

Not anymore. There was no way I could hate someone—the only one—who gave me the most pleasure I’d ever known in bed.

I’d seen him twice since our weekly pancake breakfast. The first time, I ducked into a building so he wouldn’t see me. The second time, I didn’t notice him until it was too late. When we locked eyes across campus, my belly flip-flopped and my palms grew sweaty.

He smirked like he knew the kind of effect he had on me.

I flicked my hair over my shoulder and narrowed my eyes. If he wanted a fight, I’d give him one.

But some dark-haired beauty slipped up to his side and said something. He looked away, and I used it as my chance to escape.

Missy, Rimmel, and I had lunch a few times this week. A couple times, I made up an excuse and didn’t go. I couldn’t believe how this one mistake, how one night, could seriously be affecting the rest of my life.

Oh, wait.

I guess I did know.

It happened with Zach, too.

Hell, that’s partly why I was in this situation.

The morning I woke up and realized what happened made me take a long, hard look in the mirror. I wasn’t the kind of girl who got so drunk she’d sleep with anyone. I wasn’t the kind of girl who partied too much and stayed out all night.

Yet that’s who I was acting like.

And frankly, I scared myself. I was on a dangerous path. A path I was afraid if I wandered too far down, I’d get lost and never find my way back.

It seemed so cliché to think, but growing up was hard. Here I was almost a junior in college, two years living on my own and making my own choices, and I was doing a shitty job. I had no major declared and my grades were decent, but not as good as I knew they could be. I partied every weekend, slept with a few guys (including Zach… What the hell was I thinking?) and made out with more than I cared to admit.

And to top it all off, I slept with Braeden. The guy I hated. The guy my best friend wanted.

What’s worse? My body craved him. I needed more.

So it wasn’t really just one thing affecting everything. It was a culmination of choices, mistakes that led me here—sitting in my dorm, feeling depressed, insecure, and wishing I hadn’t agreed to go to Screamerz tonight with everyone.

If I tried to get out of it, Missy would call me on it. I’d rather go and be miserable than try to explain anything to her.

Since it was Saturday and I didn’t have classes today, I went to the campus gym and worked out. Then I grabbed some food from the food court, carried it back to the room, and vegged out in front of my laptop with my favorite movie of all time,
Clueless
.

After that, I did some homework and read ahead a couple chapters in one of my classes so I wouldn’t be so slammed next week.

Rimmel was volunteering at the shelter today, so I had the room to myself. Missy texted a couple times to make sure we were all still going out and to ask me about outfit choices.

I felt like wearing sweatpants. Hell, I felt like wearing no pants. I smiled to myself and wondered what everyone would say if I walked in wearing what I was dressed in now.

The expression on certain people’s faces might be worth it. But the one on others wouldn’t be. Not to mention I’d be embarrassed as hell.

Even if I didn’t feel like dressing to the nines for our night out, I would. Braeden was going to be there. Missy was, and probably half the campus would be, too. I’d never let anyone see me down. I knew I needed to make some changes in my life, starting now. And I would. But I would still look good for it.

I glanced at the clock. Rimmel was going to be home to get ready soon, so I dragged myself off my bed and changed into a pair of pajamas with bottoms, tucking what I’d been wearing in the back of my dresser drawer before sliding it closed.

Afterward, I pulled up a makeup tutorial I watched earlier in the week and watched it again so I could copy the look for tonight. It was super cute and perfect for a fun night out. It was fairly neutral, but the eyes were slightly smoky and the outer corners were accented with white-and-black polka dots. They were so small you’d have to be sitting close to notice them, but the effect was stunning, and I really wanted to try my hand at it.

Since I was doing something a little more involved with my makeup, I decided to keep my hair simple and wear it straight and sleek. As I watched the tutorial, I divided the blond strands into sections and started flat-ironing it.

I was halfway done when I heard Rimmel at the door. I paused in styling and spun in my chair. Rimmel stepped in holding her oversized bag in front of her.

“Hey, girl,” I called.

“Hey!” She stopped beside her bed and kicked off her sneakers. Her hair was a disaster, and I knew it was gonna take me a while to fix it. Maybe I’d do some kind of braid. Braids were pretty and fast.

“You been hanging out here all day?” she asked, casual.

“I went to the gym,” I said and spun back around toward the laptop.

“Didn’t hang out with Missy?”

“Nah, I wanted to get some homework done before we all went out tonight.” Before she could ask me anything else—this girl was like a dog with a bone when she suspected something, and I was starting to think Rimmel definitely suspected something—I asked, “How was the shelter?”

“Busy.” Rimmel sighed. “A lot of animals have come in lately. So many of them need homes.”

Her words made me sad. Like a genuine gnawing sadness to think about all those animals sitting in a cage with no one to love them. To my surprise, tears filled the backs of my eyes and threatened to spill over.

I kept my back to Rimmel so she wouldn’t see and worked on another section of hair. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

I realized I sort of felt like a stray. Not really sure where I belonged. I wasn’t homeless—I would always have a place with my parents and brothers—but it wasn’t exactly my home either. I guess I felt more displaced than homeless. Lost, wanting to be found.

“Well, I hope you don’t mind…” Rimmel’s voice trailed away. “But I sort of brought home a stowaway.”

I put down the flat iron and spun around.

Rimmel looked sheepish, but that wasn’t what caught my eye. Her bag was moving. Or rather, something inside it was.

“Isn’t it only a stowaway if you didn’t know it was there?” I asked warily.

Rimmel giggled. She totally knew that thing—whatever it was—took a ride with her all the way back here. She set the bag on her bed and reached in. When she turned back, I saw what was in her arms.

“O-M-Geeee!” I squealed. “That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Rimmel laughed. “I know! I couldn’t just leave her there. Poor little girl.”

I abandoned my hair, laptop, and chair. I didn’t rush over because I was afraid I’d scare her, but I was totally wanting to smoosh her little face.

Rimmel was holding a Chihuahua puppy, and she couldn’t be more than two pounds.

“Hi,” I crooned to her. Now let it be known, I might not be dedicating my career and part of my life to animals, but I did have a soft spot for them. I’d grown up with big, slobbery dogs and cats my brother’s had to climb trees to get down.

And yes, they were the reasons the poor cats were in the trees. (Note to cats everywhere: hiding in trees will not keep little boys away. It will only make them into monkeys.)

I’d never had such a tiny little thing, though. “Can I hold her?” I whispered, like my full voice would be too much.

“Of course!” Rimmel smiled and held out her hands. The puppy was so little she fit in both Rimmel’s hands.

I picked her up and cuddled her against my chest. “Aww,” I crooned at her. “Aren’t you just the cutest thing ever?”

Her little body was trembling a bit, and she climbed up my chest a little farther. Her ears were bigger than her head and had long wisps of hair flying off them in all different directions. She was the color of wheat, with brown eyes and a pink nose. She was fluffy and tiny and wiggly.

Basically, this puppy was everything a little heart stealer should be.

Against my arm, I felt her little tail wiggle, and I laughed. She looked up at me and licked my chin.

My heart turned over. The sadness I’d been plagued with for weeks suddenly seemed a little lighter. My mood a little brighter.

I carried the puppy over to my bed and sat down. When I spread my legs and put the little girl down on the comforter, she sniffed around and tripped over a wrinkle in the fabric.

Laughing, I played with the hair on her ears. She had puppy breath and a little fat belly.

“What’s her name?” I asked Rim.

“Doesn’t have one yet,” Rimmel replied, coming over to pet her. “She just came to the shelter today.”

“How could anyone drop such a precious little thing off at a shelter?” I asked.

The puppy grabbed hold of the hem of my T-shirt and started tugging. Rimmel and I both laughed at her valiant yet very tiny efforts.

“Someone found her on the side of the road. They didn’t know where else to bring her but then remembered the shelter from all the publicity the fundraiser generated.”

I blinked back tears. Gah, I was an emotional disaster. Maybe I was PMSing. Lord, I hoped so. I couldn’t be this screwed up. Yet the thought of this tiny little baby roaming the street alone and hungry totally wrecked me.

“Thank God you took her in!” I proclaimed as the pup gave up on my shirt and curled up right against my leg.

“Well, the shelter really is full, but we would never turn away an animal that needed help.”

“How old is she?” I asked, stroking her light-colored, soft fur.

“Best we can determine, she’s about twelve weeks old. So really very young.” Rimmel got up and rummaged around in her bag while she talked. A few seconds later, she pulled out two small bowls, one for dog food and the other for water, and a big white pad. It was a training pad for the puppy to pee on.

“So what happens to her now?” I asked.

Rimmel shrugged. “She’ll stay at the shelter until she’s adopted.”

“In that cold shelter all alone?” I gasped.

Rimmel laughed. “Well, we do have heat.”

I picked up the fuzzy blanket I used when I studied and tucked it around her. “She can hang out with us,” I suggested.

“Yeah, I hoped you wouldn’t mind. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her there either.”

“No one will even know she’s in here she’s so tiny.”

Rimmel nodded. “But not very long. She needs a good home.”

I nodded. “I can stay here with her tonight, watch over her.”

Rimmel gave me a look, kind of a cross between suspicion and worry. “You don’t want to go out?”

I shrugged and looked back down to the puppy.

“What’s going on, Ivy?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’ve been sort of withdrawn for weeks, since we got home from Florida actually. You seem a little down.”

Of course she noticed. We shared this room. She saw me more than anyone else. And I’d been hiding out in the room a lot more than normal.

I shrugged. “School’s just been busy.”

“School is always busy.”

Rimmel moved across the room and sat on the bed beside me. “I’ve been a bad friend.”

My eyes shot up to hers. “What?”

Rimmel wasn’t a bad friend. If anyone knew what a bad friend was, I did.

“So much has been going on. I got caught up in my own problems, my own issues and Romeo’s, too. I haven’t been here for you. I never really asked you…”