Selling Satisfaction (16 page)

"I don't know," I say after a second. "I don't know Emily. What I do know is that when you get back tomorrow, you need to be straight with him. Talk to him about it, figure it out. Don't accuse him, ask him."

"What if I don't want to?" she asks. "What if I want to live a lie with him? I can't lose him, not when I'm pregnant with his child."

People can love a person and love sex with other people. In fact, it's quite common.
Mona's words echo in my mind. I can't repeat that back to Emily. I can't encourage her to stick with him, at least not without direct answers. She's fucking pregnant for Christ's sake. I'm ready to hop in the truck and make the drive back to Virginia to knock some damn sense into him.

Not knowing quite what to say or even how to react, I ask, "How long has this been going on?"

"He picked up
hours
about three weeks after we found out I was pregnant. Maybe I'm delusional. Maybe he's putting the extra money away into a separate account, maybe the perfume is a female from his job that also works late. I don't know. I'm pregnant and hormonal and insecure about this shit." She stands up, running her hands over her pj’s, smoothing them out for absolutely no reason. "You're prepared to drive me to the airport at five thirty?"

"Back it up for a second, Em. Don't stay with him for the sake you're pregnant. Talk to him, try to work it out if you want to, but if you don't, I have a spare room for you. Don't close me out, don't act like it's not happening. Talk with him, talk with me, it'll be okay. I promise. I'll make sure of it."

"Says the only family I have left. The same family that moved out of state when I needed him most." With her shard words severed straight into my gut, she walks away. I don't think I've felt pain quite like this- at least not since the news of our parents. It aches.

I hadn't realized she felt this way. It was selfish of me to up and leave, but it was for the sake of my job. I had to make a choice, and quick. I thought she had Sebastian and his family, and her best friend Carly, and her other friends Winnie and Taylor. She has a job and a son on the way. With everything I am, I thought she was all set with me leaving. Maybe I should go back.

The shower does nothing to soothe my frustration. Once I lay my head down, I reach over for my phone that’s plugged in to be charged, setting the alarm for five so I can take Emily to the airport before the sun even rises. Once I place it back down, I think... and I overthink... and I find myself getting pissed, therefore unable to sleep. This time I reach for my phone and click on my messages. Her message from last night is there.
Thank you for tonight.
I never replied. I waited for a date to set for dinner. It's easy for my sister to go up and have dinner with her right then and there, but for me I have to jump through hoops.

I can't say I mind. It's nice to know she doesn't give into me easily- that means she doesn’t give into others easily either. I don't think she's had a boyfriend in some time, unless you count whoever has been harming her. Hopefully I can change that. All of it.

Have you figured out when you want to do dinner?
I type out to her.

I'm actually surprised when I see a response.

Have you figured out when
you want to do dinner?

I stare at that text for a few moments. I have thought about it. A lot. Almost too much, actually.

It's consumed me. I can admit, Everett has taken me by storm. I didn't realize quite how much until tonight.

I had gotten home from work and went to go run a bath. The day had gone good. I met with a regular client, and the way he was with me between the sheets was exactly what I had needed to get over the incident of the previous week. I felt back on track, especially when he brought me to my first orgasm. It was all incredible- especially when I closed my eyes and Everett's face came into view.

It wasn't that I was thinking about him. He simply appeared. I opened my eyes, and knew that getting fucked by Bender- a divorced thirty two year old man with three kids and a bank account filled with settlement cash from an accident years ago- wasn't going to appeal to me enough to bring me to the brink of ecstasy. So I closed my eyes once more.

I envisioned the gray of his eyes watching me lovingly, reading my thoughts as if my own eyes were a novel. His hair mused and crazy, falling down over his forehead, swaying with each thrust- and my hands running through the same dark brown locks. Everett's lips parted enough that I could feel the blow of air against my warm skin as he worked his way back and forth into me. It gave me a power I hadn't felt in years, and I ended up taking control with Bender. I fucked him with all my efforts, and I came... three times... all while visualizing Everett's body tangled with mine.

While running my bath, I heard a knock on the door. I thought to myself it was Everett. He wanted me to have dinner, or play poker, or do something with him tonight. I wanted to bathe first, but I wasn't going to let him stand there- as much as my ego told me to. I rushed through the condo, straight for the door, only to see Emily standing there with her pregnant belly and smiling face.

She wanted to have dinner because Everett was working late.

It was almost torturous to have the feeling of disappointment when I didn't see him standing next to her. When I heard he was working late, I tried to pry a little. I don't even know what had gotten into me. That kiss. I blame it on that intense, unnecessary, incredible, breathtaking lip lock he so easily conned me into last night. It soaked my panties, and left me wanting so much more. My willpower has to be incredible, because even I surprised myself when I walked away from him last night.

Emily wouldn't let me pry. She didn't want to discuss her brother. I could tell there was more on her mind. She broke down within minutes about her husband, Sebastian. About how she didn't want to go home because she doesn't think he loves her. She believes him to be cheating, and lying, and all sorts of things. I ordered us pizza and breadsticks, we watched a movie, and kept things pretty mum. I'm not good at girl talk, but I tried, for her. Or maybe it was for Everett, I should say. He's changing me. I'm not sure I like it.

When she left, I filled the bath once more. I relaxed with bubbles up to my chin, a perfect view outside, and a chilled glass of wine. Snuggles laid on the toilet seat, purring to herself. I looked around. I felt lonely. I felt desperate for something more. It's the first time I've truly felt that way.

So when I got out of the tub, I picked up my phone. I had stared at my message to Everett. He hadn't ever replied. So I stared some more, willing him to read my mind. To want to text me. But he didn't. So I didn't say anything either.

I snacked on some junk food, and thought about when or if the dinner date with him would happen. I wondered if we'd kiss again, and if it'd feel as it did before... or better. If there is even such thing as a better kiss than that. I thought about what we'd eat, and if that is strictly what would happen. I wondered so much, that I ended up back in bed, Snuggles on my tummy as I pet her. The cat and I started watching Grey's Anatomy, and while Meredith was yelling at Derek over something that wedged her panties in the wrong direction, he gave her that look. The look of
I love you, even through all this
. I started crying. It was stupid. I've cried on that show a hundred times, but usually because it's sad, not because it's sweet!

Mere seconds later, my phone buzzes, and I see a text message... from Everett no less. Asking about dinner.

I realize now that he had me hooked, right from the beginning. Dressed like he didn't give two fucks and hair that agreed. There was always something different about him. It pisses me off- but here I am, smiling like a damn fool.

Sunday evening. Does that work?
I reply back.

I bite the skin around my nails nervously as I wait for a reply. We had already agreed to hang out Sunday, so dinner merely makes sense.

E:
Perfect. What would you like to eat?

Me:
Remember last time? You can't cook... or so you say!

E
: I can't cook, lol. I'll order food. Whatever you want.

Me:
Surprise me then! : )

E:
No, no. I'll surprise you with desert. Dinner is your pick.

I shouldn't feel tingles all over from any of this. It shouldn't give me butterflies, or make me want to cry… again. I should tell him never mind, this is beginning to become too much. Except, I'm becoming addicted to this feeling already. I've only had a small taste of it, and I can tell it's going to be powerful. I know I'm going to have a heartache somewhere along the line. I know this is going to end in a disaster, but I can't stop it. Not yet. Not now.

Me:
Fine. I would like chicken cordon bleu, a Ceaser salad, and red wine.

I try to pick something that'll be easy to order.

E:
Done. Do you like chocolate?

Me:
Definitely red velvet. Never dark chocolate.

I smile because I know he's trying to figure out desert.

Dammit, why does it have to be a Wednesday? I want Sunday to be here. I want this dinner.

I hate myself for wanting it all so much. It really shouldn't be this way. I'm driving myself crazy over it all.

Snuggles jumps off the bed to leave me alone. Adjusting my pillows, I sit up against the wall and stare down at my phone. He didn't reply back again. Maybe he's sleeping. Glancing over to the clock, I see it's only minutes after ten. It's early for me, but it could be late for him. I know he worked longer hours today, and he has to wake up early to bring his sister to the airport, as she told me earlier tonight.

I'm selfish and I want more. I don't want this feeling to be gone yet. I attempt to see if he's awake and wants to talk, or if I should call it a night.

Me:
Your sister ate dinner over here tonight.

I'm sure he already knows, but it was all I could think about.

It takes several agonizing minutes for a response.

E:
She told me. How'd that go?

Me:
Um, good. It was nice to have a friend.

E:
She cry the whole time?

Yup, she must have told him.

Me:
Not the whole time...

E:
Surprising... What else you guys talk about?

Me:
If you're trying to ask if we talked about you, the answer is no. ;)

E:
My ego is officially shattered... ;’(

I find myself biting down forcefully on my bottom lip, attempting to stop a smile that continues to spread.

Me:
Well, think about it, she's your sister. I couldn't ask her for juicy details. It'd be awkward to ask, and even more awkward if she knew the answers...

E:
Oh really? This could be interesting. What juicy things do you want to know?

I can feel my body heat up while my legs start to tingle. Are we about to sext?

I have to think. This is harder than it should be. I have sex for a living, but I can’t type up a flirty comment for the life of me! I spin questions through my head, trying to find an angle to start at. I don't want to discuss his job, but I don't want to ask about his dick either. Somewhere in the middle I suppose.

Me:
Okay, for one... What were your thoughts after kissing me last night?

I've never known for my stomach to flip the way it does, especially over a silly, little question.

E:
You don't want to know...

Me:
Oh, but I do.

E:
Honestly?

Me:
Yes. Well... I think. Is it good or bad?

E:
Amazing.

Me:
So?...

Maybe I shouldn't have asked him. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

It takes a few seconds for a response, but when I see the length of it I know why.

E:
I'm certain your lips are made of drugs, they're entirely too addicting. They're soft and needy. Perfect in every way imaginable. I've thought about them all damn day. Your body against mine made me feel things I know you're not ready for, so I won't push you. But know that I won't soon forget the aching in the pit of my stomach when the kiss had to end. One day I want to kiss all of you, every single inch of you, but for now, your lips will definitely do.

I have to read the text three times before I can justify what Everett sent to me. Did he really say that? Does he really think that? I'm a ball of hysteria. If it weren't for the cleansing breath I force myself to take, I know I'd have a panic attack over his words alone. To know he thought that about someone like me is undeservingly thrilling.

Before I'm able to respond- mainly because I type out ten different things simply to delete it all instead of sending it- he sends me another message.

E:
Now I'm nervous to ask what you thought...

Me:
I've never been kissed like that before. I have a feeling I'll never feel that kind of intensity again. I didn't want it to end, I didn't want to walk away, but I knew it was for the best.

E:
It didn't have to end. We can recreate it if you want... over and over until we get it right...

Me:
You're making me blush.

E:
I like when you blush. Is that a yes? Can I kiss you again...

Me:
I don't know, yet
.

E:
How about if I don't kiss your lips? I'll start at your temple. Slowly I'll kiss down your cheek, memorizing your jaw line with my lips. I'll work my way down your throat, and feel as you swallow against my kiss. I'll continue downward, pressing my mouth to every inch of your body until you beg me to stop.

Me:
What if I don't stop you?

E:
God, I'd die a happy man. I want to explore your body, Brenna. I want all of it, every single inch of it.

He's a smooth talker. That much is for certain. I don't even know what to say, or what to think, all I know is... I'm enjoying this way too much. That, and the fact I don't want this to end any time soon. I decide to take it a step further.

Me:
What if I told you I were doing that right now?

E:
You're... kissing yourself?

Me:
No, I'm exploring my body... Every. Single. Inch.

E:
Fuck. You're killing me. Are you really?...

Me:
Mmm. It's silky smooth ;)

E:
What are you wearing?

I look down at my pajamas- or lack of. My favorite silk camisole and navy blue boy shorts. Stripping the blankets from myself, I walk over to the full length mirror. This is all new to me, so I may as well do something else I've never done. Messing my hair up a little bit, I rub the smudged eyeliner out from under my eye, then I stand back to look myself over. I'm not conceded, but I do know that I have beauty. I know even more so that Everett enjoys my body. I can tell every time he looks me up and down- or when he forces himself to look me straight in the eye instead of all over.

I take a few mirror pictures of myself, then I look over them on the phone. My nipples are hard since I'm braless, and the second photo I took I almost look breathless. I decide that one is probably the most seducing one of them all. My finger hovers over the send button, but after a moment I click it.

It is less than a minute later I receive a message back from Everett.

E:
I don't know how to respond. Calling you sexy or beautiful doesn't seem justifiable. You're both... and so much more.

Me:
You asked what I was wearing. I was only trying to figure out if you liked it or not?

E:
So damn much. But I think it'd look better on the floor ;)

I shred my clothes off to be a tease, putting them on a pile on the floor. I snap a picture of the discarded silk, sending that picture to Everett as well. He doesn't respond for over three minutes. I start to feel my heart ache, a reminder that I'm crossing into a territory that isn't just forbidden for me, but is overwhelming in every aspect.