Semi-Detached Marriage (12 page)

But as it happened any approach she might
make was forestalled, because Julia phoned her at work on the Monday morning
and asked her to have lunch with her. Almost as soon as they met, Cassie knew
that she had been right. There was a slightly ashamed, obstinate look in her
friend's eyes, but apart from that she looked

oo radiant. She had always
been smart and had kept her figure in good shape, despite having had two
children close together, but now there was a snap in her walk and she carried
herself with a confident air, her head high, and she looked young and happy.

They sat down at a table in a small French
restaurant behind Oxford Street and Cassie looked at Julia in surprise and
perturbation. They gave their order and then Julia looked across at her and
flushed.

'I suppose I don't have to tell you. You've
already guessed, I can see it in your face.'

Cassie nodded, unable to speak, then burst
out, `Julia, how could you?'

Julia's flush deepened and she looked down at
the table, then shrugged defensively. 'It just happened.'
          

`Oh, rubbish!' Cassie returned, angry now.
`Don't try and fool me, Julia, things like that don't just happen. There has to
be a moment when you either commit yourself or draw back. You've gone into this
with your eyes open and it's no use pretending otherwise, even to yourself.'

`Well, all right. But I don't know what
you're getting so upset about,' Julia retorted, the flush on her face giving
way to anger.

`Because I like John, of course. I like you
both. For heaven's sake, Julia, you're my friends!'

For a moment they fell into an awkward
silence, prolonged as the waiter brought their first course. They ate without
speaking, neither of them knowing quite what to say, until Cassie said
impulsively, `I just don't understand how you could do this to John. I thought
you loved him.'

`But I do love him.'

`Then why, Julia? What has he done to make
you cheat on him with another man?'

Julia's reply was heavy with cynicism.
`Nothing that's the whole point.'

Cassie shook her head. `I'm sorry, I don't
understand.'

Julia pushed her plate away and leant
forward. `Cassie, John and I have been married for over ten years. I loved him
when we married and I still do, but he's changed. All he seems to think about
now is the office and golf. Oh, he loves the kids, of course he does, and he
gives them time during the school holidays in fact he has more time for them
than he does me,' she added bitterly. `And he never seems to want to go out
socially any more, unless it's to a golf club function.' She paused for a
moment, her hands gripping each other on the table. 'We still make love, if you
can call a quick five minutes once or twice a week making love. But I don't get
anything out of it. As a matter of fact I never have; John was never very good
at it. But that didn't used to matter, because I loved him and because he was
attentive and caring in other watts. But now he isn't, and there's only so much
pretending one can do, so much indifference one can take…'

She broke off, her voice unsteady, while
Cassie looked at her in horror. Impulsively she put out a hand to cover her
friend's. 'Oh, Julia, I'm sorry. I didn't know, I had no idea. You always
seemed so happy together.'

Julia sat up and shrugged. `I suppose we are,
really, as far as most marriages go. John's quite happy, at any rate. But for a
long time I've felt that I'm missing out on life. That I'm only thirty-one
years old but that I've already settled into the pattern that I'll be in for
the rest of my life. That was until I met…'

She hesitated and Cassie said swiftly, 'I
don't want to know who it is. Please don't tell me, Julia.'

'No,' her friend answered slowly, `maybe it's
better if you don't know. Anyway, when I met him my life changed completely. I
felt young and attractive again. Can you guess what it's like, Cassie, to find
yourself wanted again, to have a man find you so desirable that he's crazy to
go to bed with you?'

'But surely other men have found you
attractive, too? I've seen you flirt at parties before and…'

'Oh, harmless suburban party flirtations-just
a couple of kisses and a quick grope when you've both had enough drinks not to care
what you're doing. That's almost de rigueur,' Julia declared scathingly. 'No,
this is real, Cassie. He started chasing me the day after we met and wouldn't
take no for an answer until we'd slept together. And it's wonderful, Cassie, it
really is. For the first time I'm getting something out of sex, as well as
giving. And he's so young and strong.' Her eyes sparkled with remembrance.
'Sometimes we make love all afternoon until it's so late that I just have to go
home, and even then he doesn't want to stop.'
           

Cassie looked away, embarrassed at hearing
such bedroom secrets, and yet no longer able to condemn her friend completely.
At length, when Julia fell silent, Cassie said with difficulty, 'Are you going
to leave John?'

'Oh, no! No, of course not.' Julia's answer
was swift and certain. 'I know that this can't last, that it's nothing but sex
and will eventually burn itself out. And, as I said, I love John and don't want
to hurt him. And you know, Cassie, it's the strangest thing, but somehow, having
this affair has made me appreciate John more. I know that sounds crazy, but
it's true. And when it's over and I have to settle back into my old familiar
rut again-well, at least I'll have this to look back on and remember.'

Seeing the sparkle in her friend's eyes, the
glow in her face, Cassie could only look at her in wonder. Could just pure sex,
sex without love, have such an effect? And would Julia be content to just
return to her old life when the affair ended? Somehow Cassie couldn't believe
that it would be that simple. There was always the risk that John would find
out, as he almost had yesterday. And perhaps, even if this affair did end
amicably, Julia might again become dissatisfied later on and look round for
another man. If she could get away with having an affair successfully once, why
not twice, or three times?

Deliberately Cassie changed the subject,
reluctant to pursue her thoughts further, and luckily Julia refrained from
saying anything else, although it was clear that she was disappointed, that she
would dearly have loved to talk about her new found happiness. So neither of
them mentioned it again until they were standing outside the restaurant on the
pavement, under a thin April sunshine. Then Julia said, 'It will be all right
to tell John I'm going shopping with you again next Saturday afternoon, won't
it?'

With difficulty, Cassie answered, 'I'm sorry,
Julia, I'd rather you didn't.'

'But why? I thought you were my friend.'
   

'I hope I am. And if it was just you perhaps
then I'd say yes. But John's a friend as well, and I couldn't lie to him I
don't want to have to lie to him.'    

'I see.' There was a reproach in Julia's tone
that made Cassie almost change her mind, because she was quite sure that their
friendship would never be the same again, but she staved silent. `Well, I'll
just have to think of some other excuse, won't I? Not that it matters; I find
that you can always think of a thousand excuses if you want something badly
enough.'

Cassie looked at her defiant face and said
sadly, `A thousand lies, you mean.'

For a moment the older girl glared at her
angrily, then she seemed to crumple, her shoulders sagging. `I can't help it,
Cassie. I need him so badly, you see.' Then she hurriedly turned away and
walked quickly down the street. Cassie watched her go and, not for the first
time in her marriage, thanked her stars that Simon was an ardent, virile lover.

CHAPTER FIVE

IT was several weeks before Cassie began to
fully realise that not only the work and home pattern of her life, but also the
social one, was changing. She and Simon had entertained quite a lot and been
asked out in return, and they often went to parties and discos, less often to
night clubs, but always with some of their contemporaries. They also had
various friends, couples they would make up a four or six with to go to the
theatre and ballet, both of which Cassie thoroughly enjoyed. But now that Simon
was in Scotland she found that the social invitations had come to an abrupt
stop. At first her new responsibilities had kept her too busy to take much
notice, but when she ran into a couple of friends in the local supermarket one
Saturday, she gathered from the gossip that several things had taken place
among the crowd she usually mixed with to which she hadn't been invited.    

Her first feelings were of indignation and
resentment, but when she thought about it rationally she realised that an odd
woman stood out at most gatherings like a sore thumb. Since her marriage-no,
before that even-since she had first started dating steadily with Simon, all
their social life had been with other couples, and she felt a pang of guilt
when she thought of all the not-so-lucky girl friends that she used to go
around with that she had almost immediately dropped.

Now most of them had dropped from sight
completely, and the two or three others she met perhaps once
or
twice a year or just exchanged a letter with the annual Christmas card. And
Cassie could understand why she wasn't invited along by the usual crowd; there
were far too many single girls or divorced women in London already, looking for
a man, and not loath to look at someone else's if they couldn't find one that
wasn't attached. And with a jolt Cassie realised that that was virtually what she
was now; a single girl during the week and a wife on the few weekends that her
husband could get home and claim his rights, she thought cynically.

Deciding that she wasn't going to sit back
and passively let her social life die, she made the effort to get herself
tickets for a ballet she had wanted to see and for the new play at the National
Theatre, but although she enjoyed the evenings, it just wasn't the same without
Simon. The disruption of her home life, even an intermittent sex-life, she
could stand, but the fact that her social life was going to be virtually
non-existent for three years nagged at her constantly, especially when she did
get invitations which she had to turn down virtually at the last minute as she
hoped that Simon would get home but then he couldn't make it. One or two of the
people were annoyed, and Cassie didn't blame them; she would be annoyed herself
if one of her dinner parties was spoilt at the last minute, and she knew it was
unlikely that the people would invite them again while Simon was in Scotland.

Her phone calls to Simon started to become
less than lover like as she demanded to know exactly when he was coming home.

'I've told you, darling,' he would explain
patiently,

'most of the stuff has to be brought in by
sea, and the  gales over the North Sea for the past month have delayed
everything.'

`There aren't any gales now,' Cassie pointed
out irascibly.

'No, which is why everyone's working flat out
to get the ships unloaded and to get back on schedule.'    

`Can't you at least get Easter off?'

'I'm afraid not, everyone's working seven
days a week at the moment.'

`But you don't have to, surely? You're the
boss, Simon, you're supposed to delegate, for God's sake!'    

His voice grew cold. 'This is my baby,
Cassie. I've taken the job on and I have to be on hand to 'see it through its
teething troubles before I can take any length of time off.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Your baby!' Her tone
sharpened with sarcasm. 'Anyone would think it was a real baby, the way you
fuss over that site!'

Even over the phone Cassie could hear the
withdrawal in his voice as he answered, 'I wouldn't know about that.'

'And what's that supposed to mean?' she
snapped.    

'It doesn't mean anything. Stop trying to
pick a fight.'

'I am not trying to pick a fight. I'm…'
   

'No?' His voice was sneering. 'You're
certainly giving a good imitation, then.'

'As I was saying,' Cassie went on through
gritted teeth, 'I'm merely trying to find out if there is any possibility
whatsoever of us having even a semblance of a social life. Do I accept this
invitation to Anne and David's party or not?'

Simon sighed. 'I've already told you, love, I
just can't leave here at the moment. Look, why don't you
come
up this weekend and I'll meet you in Glasgow and we'll…'

'No, I won't,' Cassie retorted angrily. `I've
seen enough of Glasgow hotel rooms to last me for a lifetime. If it's too much
effort for you to try and get home, then why the hell should I bother?' And she
slammed down the phone.

It rang again almost immediately and she sat
looking at it resentfully, seething with anger, knowing it was Simon and
determined not to answer it. But the strident rings kept on and on and
eventually she shot out her hand and picked it up.

'Well?' she demanded belligerently.

'Hey, we're both in the same union,
remember?' Simon's voice said softly, forcefully, and suddenly her temper was
gone, the anger disappeared.