Semper Fi (34 page)

The rooster’s crowing echoed in the dawn, and Jim rolled onto his back. He hadn’t slept a wink, his mind whirling as he imagined the orchard’s books and tried to calculate the damage the hail storm had done to the potential profits.

Of course the fact that Cal was under his roof again, just down the hall, didn’t help to still Jim’s restless mind. He’d hoped that after not seeing Cal for more than two months the fever for him would have dimmed. That perhaps Jim’s feelings could return to the proper friendship they’d shared instead of the immoral attraction that had burned right through him.

Often during the long summer, Jim’s thoughts had gone to Cal, and when Jim’s traitorous body responded, he’d refused to give in. He hadn’t touched himself even once, knowing the fantasies his mind unspooled would only make Cal’s absence harder to bear. And of course it was a sin no matter how right it felt.

But now his body hummed. The thought of Cal so close—oh, the things they could do together; the joy and release he would find in Cal’s arms—was intoxicating. He knew it was wrong, but he yearned for it all the same.

Rubbing a hand over his eyes, Jim rolled out of bed and crept to the bathroom. He needed to focus and get a hold of himself. He splashed water on his face and peered into the mirror in the cool morning light. What kind of man would think to do such things when it put his children at risk?

Nothing had changed. Homosexuality was a crime in the eyes of the law and the Lord. Jim stared at his own reflection. How could he even consider it again? He had to close the door on this shameful part of himself. Cal would go to London, and it would all be for the best.

Footsteps creaked in the hallway, and he opened the door to find Sophie in her nightdress by the guest room. Jim whispered, “Shh. Come away from there.”

She did as she was told, wiping sleep from her eyes. “Who’s in there?”

“Uncle Cal.”

Her face lit up and her voice rose. “Uncle Cal?”

“Shh. Yes. He arrived last night. You were already in bed.”

“I knew he’d come back!”

“He’s not staying, sweetie. He has to drive back to the city this morning. He just…happened to be in the area for business.”

“What kind of business? Why can’t he stay? I want him to stay.”

“Go do your chores, and we’ll talk about it later. Mabel’s waiting.”

“But—”

Jim gave her a look. “
Now.
”

Grumbling, she hurried off, and Jim sighed. He hated lying to her. At least Adam wasn’t old enough to really understand or ask questions.

It was almost time for Sophie to leave for school when Cal came down wearing his trousers and one of Jim’s dressier shirts. She raced over and flung her arms around him. “Uncle Cal!”

Adam clung to Cal’s legs, and Jim could see the emotion in Cal’s face before he painted on one of his big smiles.

“If it isn’t Sophie and Adam Bennett. I thought I might find you two here. Have you been good for your daddy?”

They nodded in unison, and Sophie said, “We’re always good, Uncle Cal.”

Jim had to laugh at that, and soon they were all laughing. The happiness glowing in Jim’s chest was so bright he had to turn away. He cleared his throat. “Sophie, you’d better go or you’ll miss the bus.”

“Uncle Cal, will you be here when I get back?”

Cal glanced at Jim. “Not today, I don’t think. But I’ll try and visit really soon. Thank you for your card, by the way.”

“I love my dollhouse so much.” She tugged his hand. “You have to come see it!”

“Honey, you’re going to be late.” Jim picked up Sophie’s lunchbox and handed it to her.

“It’ll just take a minute!” She scrambled down the hall with Cal in tow and Adam following.

“One minute!” Jim called after them.

The
ring-ring
of the bell on Mrs. O’Brien’s bicycle sang out, and Adam changed course, speeding outside to greet her. Jim followed, squinting in the sunlight. “Good morning, Mrs. O’Brien.”

She twirled Adam in her arms before resting him on her hip. “Good morning.” She glanced at the Cadillac. “I see you have a visitor.”

“He stopped by last night. Wanted to see how we were doing after the storm.”

“Ah. That was very kind.” She gazed at the orchard in the distance, littered with ruined apples on the ground. Many left on the trees were equally bruised. “I wish there was better news. What are you going to do, Jim?”

The knot of anxiety in his gut swelled. “I don’t know. We’ll get by.”
God,
please
let us get by.

“If there’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate.”

“Thank you, but you already do more than enough.”

As Sophie and Cal came outside, Mrs. O’Brien clucked her tongue. “You’d better skedaddle and catch the bus, young lady!”

Cal hugged Sophie and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Go on. I’ll see you soon. I promise.”

“Okay.” She turned to go, but then spun around. “You promised, so you can’t take it back now.” With that, she shot off down the drive with her lunchbox in hand.

Mrs. O’Brien kissed Cal on the cheek. “How lovely to see you again. I do hope you’ll be staying.”

“Thank you.” Cal glanced at Jim. “Maybe.”

Maybe?

“I’ll leave you to it then.” She disappeared inside with Adam.

Jim cleared his throat. “Cal, we talked about this.”

“I know. Look, just hear me out. Let’s go for a walk.” He started toward the orchard.

Jim had no choice but to follow.

Once they were alone in the trees, sidestepping ruined apples, Cal stopped. He glanced down at the borrowed shirt. “I hope you don’t mind. I was feeling a little underdressed. I’ll have it cleaned.”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t care about the shirt. I care about you making promises to Sophie you can’t keep.”

Cal took a deep breath. “Maybe I can.”

“Cal—”

“Let me say this. Please?”

Exhaling sharply, Jim nodded and crossed his arms. Why Cal insisted on making this more difficult was beyond him. He couldn’t bear to be near Cal and not touch him much longer.

“I’m not going to London. Or Cardiff. I never was. I quit in July. Or was fired, depending on your perspective. Had it out with the old man, and it’s over. I’m never working for him again. I’ll never be the son he wants, and I need to stop trying to be, even half-heartedly. I realize I’ve said it before, that I’m done with the bank. But this time I mean it.”

Jim wasn’t sure what to think. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“You know, I was sorry for a while. Right up until yesterday.” He gazed at the trees. “But now I know what’s really important. What I want. I just hope you want it too.”

“Cal…”

“You said you’d let me finish.” He cleared his throat. “Okay, the way I see it, we both have a problem. You have an orchard full of fruit you can’t sell. I have more money than I could ever need, and an acute case of boredom and aimlessness. But last night I realized there’s a solution to both our problems.”

Jim sighed. “We’ve been through this. I’m not taking your money, Cal. I won’t.”

“So make me your partner. All on the up and up. The orchard will be half mine. I won’t be giving you anything. It’s a business investment.”

“An investment in an orchard with a ruined crop that barely keeps afloat on a good year? It doesn’t make any sense. I appreciate the offer, but we both know you’re full of it.”

Cal’s face split into one of his beaming smiles. “Me?
Full of it
? Why, Jim Bennett, that’s harsh talk coming from you.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile along. “Stop distracting me. Yes, you’re full of it.”

“What if we could turn the damaged apples into profit?”

“If we had a magic wand, sure.”

“We’ll make cider. The hard stuff. I have a buddy in New York who owns three pubs, and I can sell it to dozens more.” His eyes were alight. “If there’s one product that’s a sure thing, it’s booze. I’ll get my cousin in Philly to make the hydraulic press and we can build a cider house. It could work.”

Jim couldn’t help but be a little swept up in Cal’s excitement, and his heart thumped. “But how long does hard cider take to ferment?”

“A couple of years.”

“
Years
? Cal, I don’t have years. I don’t know how I’m going to get through the winter.”

“It’s an investment. We harvest the undamaged apples and sell them like usual. The others we’ll turn into cider. In the meantime, you’ll have the money from the sale. If I’m going to go in fifty-fifty, I need to buy my share.”

Jim frowned. “That doesn’t seem right.”

“Why not? If I buy half this orchard I’m paying fair and square.”

“But…” Jim paced back and forth, tugging at the collar of his navy work shirt. “I know you’re only doing this for me.”

Cal’s laugh was unmistakably sad. “I’m doing it just as much for me. Yes, I want to help you, and I’m sorry if that’s something your pride can’t bear. But I love you, and I love Sophie and Adam. I love this place. I’ve never been so happy in my life as I have been here. I want a piece of Clover Grove for myself. I want—no, I
need
something to live for.”

Jim swallowed hard. “You know I want you to be happy. Of course I do.”

Cal stepped toward him, smiling softly. “So say yes. Sell me half the orchard, and let’s build something great together. A business that’ll be more than just enough to get by on. We can do it, Jim. I know we can.”

Despite himself, hope bloomed. Jim tried to tamp it down. “But you know we can’t…be together the way we want. It’s just going to be harder if you’re here. It’s impossible.”

“It’s better than nothing, Jim. I don’t have to live here. I can come out every week or so. Every two weeks, or every month. Whatever works. That way I can still see the kids. Can still see you. No matter what’s happened, or what will happen, you’re my best friend. God, I’ve missed you.” He looked at his shoes and murmured, “Haven’t you missed me?”

It took everything in Jim not to go to him. He balled his hands into fists. “Of course.”

Cal glanced up, his eyes hopeful. “Really?”

“Don’t ever doubt it.” He took a deep breath. “Cal, I want you as a friend. But we can’t let it go any further. For all the reasons you left in the first place.”

“I know. It’ll be fine, Jim. We were friends for much longer than we were…” He trailed off, the word unsaid but hanging in the air.

It echoed in Jim’s mind.
Lovers.

“I don’t know what to think.” He looked around at his trees and the battered, useless fruit. “Harvest should begin in a few weeks, but I’ve got to start picking up the fallen apples now. And we’d still need to build the cider house, and have the press made.”

“Leave it to me. You get some help in and start collecting the apples. I’ll do the rest.”

“I can’t believe I’m even considering this.” Jim rubbed his hand through his hair.

Cal smiled. “You’re not considering it. You’ve made up your mind.”

“I guess you know me pretty well, huh?” Jim chuckled. He pondered it quietly for another moment, letting the hope run wild. Maybe everything would be okay after all. He could save the orchard, and at least he and Cal could be friends again. “You really want to do this?”

“I’ll have a lawyer draw up the papers today.”

“All right. Yes.”

Cal leaned forward as if to pull him into a hug, but apparently remembered himself. He extended his arm. “Friends. Business partners. Nothing more.”

Jim took his hand, ignoring the flare of need that shot through him. “Deal.”

“I thought you Guadalcanal boys were being rotated home.” The replacement hurried to keep up with Cal, Jim, and Sully.

“What, and leave all this?” Cal waved his hand to take in Pavuvu, which honestly did seem luxurious after the death and utter desolation of Peleliu. It was safe, at least, and there were some comforts. With the sun setting, it was almost pretty. “Nah.”

“Bunch of first battalion went,” Sully muttered. “But they couldn’t send us all. Someone’s gotta teach you new boys the ropes.”

In another life, Cal would have laughed at the idea of little Sully, still squeaky-voiced and skinny, being one of the old breed. But he was a veteran now, his sunken, sometimes-vacant eyes telling the story. They’d barely made it through Peleliu, and for what?

“Sergeant, what was it like on Guadalcanal? I read all about it in the papers. I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to join up.”

It took Cal a moment to realize the replacement was talking to him. “Well, we won. So it was fine.”

The replacement chattered until Cal sent him on an errand, and Sully sauntered off with a nod. Cal lit a cigarette and exhaled the sweet smoke, gazing at the pink sky as more replacements ambled by.

“They’re so young.” Jim watched them go. “They don’t know yet.”

“They will soon enough.”

Sighing, Jim leaned against a palm tree. “Hope Joe’s making out all right at home. Wonder what it’s like, going back after all this. Might as well be the moon, it feels so far away.”

“I could talk to Captain Brown. You’re overdue. You and Sully both.”