September Wind (6 page)

CHAPTER FOUR

At last, summer vacation was over and school was back in session. Emily waited for Haity on the front steps. When the bell rang, and still no Haity, she went in without her.
              The teacher was normally busy preparing for the day, but that morning she was standing in front of the classroom, quietly waiting for everyone to settle in.

             
“
I have some sad news to report. You probably notice that Haity isn’t here. Well... that’s because this last weekend she drowned.”

             
Everyone’s eyes were on Emily. Her knees and hands were shaking, and her jaw tightened until she thought it would break. She wanted to lash out at them, throw books, knock over desks and scream into the faces that had taunted her friend. She looked to where Haity would have been sitting. Tears flowed down her cheeks onto her desk.

             
Finally, Miss Tucker brought Emily some tissue, took her hand and led her out of the classroom.

             
“
I’m sorry, Emily. I thought you would’ve already known. Would you like to go home?”

             
Emily nodded, started to leave, but then turned back. “You see... it’s all my fault.”

             
“
Oh, Emily, how could you say that? That’s just not so.”

             
“
But it is. If I hadn’t asked her to spend the night without Grandfather’s permission, I-I might’ve been with her.” She covered her face with the tissue and wept.

             
Miss Tucker placed a hand on her shoulder. “Look at me,” she said sternly.

             
Emily looked up.

             
“
This is not your fault. You hear me? It’s not your fault.” She pulled a handkerchief from a pocket and offered it to her. “I want you to go on home now and rest for a few days.”

             
Emily left then, but didn’t go home. Instead, she walked to Haity’s, picking flowers on the way. Once she got there, she didn’t have enough nerve to go up and knock on the door. Haity’s house was the opposite direction of hers. And she was so exhausted from the walk and the crying that when she sat up against a tree for a rest, she fell asleep.

             
When she opened her eyes, Haity’s father was standing above her.

             
“
Emily, how did you get here?”

             
“
I walked,” she said, pulling herself to her feet. She brushed dead leaves and twigs off her clothes, and then reached for the flowers.

             
“
Here,” she said, handing them over. “I picked them for Haity... for her grave.”

             
“
Thank you, Emily. I know she would... she...” His shoulders shook, and his lips quivered. “She would appreciate this.” He blinked, looking around the yard, up the road, and then back to Emily. “You were the only real friend she ever had.”

             
Fresh tears streamed down Emily’s cheeks. “I know... me too.”

             
They stood side by side, he shaking his head, brushing away tears, she sniffling, twisting her hands. Finally, she pushed them into her pockets, wishing she would’ve brought some acorns to hold onto.

             
Haity’s father looked up. “I believe my girl’s in Heaven. I do. I really do.”

             
Emily raised her eyes, too. “I bet so.”

             
They stood for a few moments, searching the sky. Then she bent to pick up her gunnysack. “I’d better go.”

             
“
Come on, Emily. I’ll drive you home.”

             
They rode in silence, Emily sitting where Haity should’ve been, wishing she could comfort him.

             
When she walked into the house, the men became silent. They didn’t say a word when she walked straight upstairs. She stayed in bed for days, and only got up for a short time at night when no one was around. Steven brought her cooked oats or soup each day, but she ate little.

             
On Friday morning, she got up and went downstairs, did her chores like usual, made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, and then went back to bed.

             
She returned to school on Monday, ready to defend Haity if need be, or at least honor her memory. To her surprise, a number of classmates came over and told her they were sorry. When she opened her desk, she was surprised to find a notebook. It was larger than any she had ever seen, with a cover made of cardboard. There was a note inside.

Emily,

Our class made this notebook for you. Your natural talent in the art of imagination is a gift, and if you take care of it as you did your friend, it will take care of you. Use this to create whatever you want. Although I have a feeling that using it as a journal would be something you will cherish one day. Everyone saw how close you and Haity were. We’re all very sorry for your loss.

Sincerely,

Miss Tucker and the class

             
At recess, she sat with her notebook against the building, feeling as if the world would never be good again. She opened it and wrote on the first line
I’m too sad to write.

             
That night she carried it to bed with her and wrote another sentence next to the first
:
I want to remember everything we shared. But I can’t, not yet.

Her favorite spot during recess, once she had a quick swing, became a grassy area next to the building. There, she worked on her studies. It was more convenient this way instead of having to take her assignments home where it would interfere with her chores. Other times, she just sat and watched everyone else. Sally brought her a piece of birthday cake one day. After that, they talked, shared a ride on the swings, or played tetherball. Although Emily didn’t expect anyone could take Haity’s place.

CHAPTER FIVE

               A few weeks later, Emily was sitting against the building when Daniel, a boy three grades ahead of her, ran over from the basketball court. She had been aware of him lately, his slow smile, and easy manners, the way his hair fell over his right eye, and how he flung it back off his face. Although that wasn’t the only thing that caught her attention: he’d grown a several inches within the last six months, which made him an inch or two taller than her. She was no longer the tallest kid in school.

             
He smiled down at her, and she watched a golden wave slide across his right cheek. She hadn’t noticed until then how green his eyes were.

             
“Excuse me,” he said, “but us guys...” He motioned toward the court. “Well, we’re looking for another player. If you’re interested.”

             
From what she’d seen, he excelled in sports, always the one to calm the others whenever there was trouble.

             
She glanced over at the other boys who looked on hesitantly, smiling, joking to themselves. “Yes,” she said looking back up at Daniel, “I think I am.”

             
After that, she became one of them, on the court anyway; and whenever the boys needed an extra person on one team or another, they asked her to join. Usually it was Daniel who did the asking.

             
He began to sit with her from time to time. And then one day he walked her partway home from school.

             
They had just stopped at his turnoff when he leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. It made her stomach feel funny, like the time she caught Steven and Carol lying in front of the fireplace, kissing. She placed a hand over the spot, watching Daniel disappear up the road. Her cheek burned all the way home, and even more so as she lingered on the steps and then tiptoed into the kitchen.

             
Steven turned from where he was filling a thermos bottle with Kool-Aid. His eyebrows lifted curiously as if he could see right through her. She zipped past him, blurting something about how she was about to bring out the Kool-Aid, if he’d only waited. She smiled on her way upstairs to change, realizing the little episode he had with Carol made even more sense now that she had something to compare it to.

             
In her room, she went to the mirror, leaned forward until
her lips touched the cold glass. Closing her eyes, she tried to recreate the scene she’d seen from the kitchen door. Though it was Daniel’s warm lips she thought of as she curled up in bed.

             
The next day, she couldn’t wait to see him. But he wouldn’t even look at her. She was heartbroken and confused. If she asked him what was wrong and he turned away, that would even be worse. So, she put on an act, as if the swings and tetherball, and riding the merry-go-round were exactly where she wanted to be, when all she really wanted was to be close to him.

             
Eventually, she tired of the act, and went back to the spot against the building where she did her schoolwork.

             
Then one day, just like that, he came over and sat next to her.

             
“How’ve you been?” he asked, as if nothing had come between them.

             
Basketball was her game again, not only because she loved playing, but because of Daniel. He always made sure she was on his team. And although his personality was more subdued than most of the others, he cheered her on, giving her one of his slow, sweet smiles whenever she made a difficult shot.

             
On the last day of school, they were heading back inside after recess when he walked up beside her. “Makin’ it over to play basketball this summer?”

             
“Well... I could.” She didn’t know how she would manage, but she had to find a way.

             
“My father sold the farm, so, any day’s good for me. How ’bout you?”

             
“I’ll try to make it, uhm... a week from this Friday.”

             
That was the moment Daniel became her boyfriend.

* * * *

Emily still felt the loss of Haity. But it had been close to a year since she died, and more often than not, it was the beautiful, funny moments she remembered. Her life at home hadn’t changed, and although she didn’t wallow in self-pity over the load she carried, going to school was a welcome release. At thirteen, things had never looked so good; not only would she be an eighth-grader the following school year and have extra privileges, but she would have a boy in the eleventh grade who was interested in her.

It wasn’t even a week after school closed for the summer when Grandfather gave her an unexpected surprise.  “Don’t get all excited about going back to scho
ol, because you’re not going.”

“What?”

“You heard me. The load of cattle will be here in a day or two, and we’re increasing the size of our crop. You know that.”

“But you can’t do this, remember? I
have
to go to school.”

“Well, you did, but you don’t no more. I already talked to the school board. Now, I don’t wan
na hear another word about it.”

“You talked to them, and they said it was
okay? What’d you say, anyway?”

He came at her and she backed against the wall, both of them glaring at each other. All at once, she wasn’t so fearless anymore and she was grateful when someone came up the steps. Grandfather heard it too and
backed off as Steven walked in.

She slipped around the old man and went to fix lunch, wishing she had the nerve to tell him how she felt, how mean, and unfair and ungrateful he was. If only he would sit and hash things out with her for once. That would never happen though, because he would just r
esent her for saying the truth.

Now that she wouldn’t be going back to school in the fall, it seemed she wanted it more than ever. She missed math and science, anything to do with space, or the study of flowers and birds. She missed English, the reading, the essays and the recitations and all that was to come, even the homework. She missed taking the swings up as high as they would go, she missed playing basketball
. But mostly she missed Daniel.

She thought of him every day, reliving the kiss a hundred times or more. She thought of him as she sat up in the sycamore tree watching the sun set over the ridge, thought of him as the colors changed against the dark shadows of the land from yellow to orange and then red. It was near as beautiful as he was. She thought of him as she pressed herself against the window above her bed to watch the moon. She thought of him sitting in their spot up next to the schoolhouse, not saying a lot, because he didn’t talk much, just sat there with that woodsy, orange, and vanilla kind of scent he always left behind. Her blood stirred when she thought about the
 
real kiss,
 the one on her lips that was bound to happen one day.

Not being able to return to school in the fall was hard to bear, but she was determined nothing would keep her from seeing Daniel. She waited for an opportunity to slip away and see him. But Grandfather was right, and they were busier than ever. She h
ad little time for pining. Yet…

“What’s gotten into you, young lady?” Grandfather said when he caught her looking out the win
dow. “The damn stew’s burnin’.”

She rushed over and pulled the pot off the stove. “Sor
ry. Thought I heard something.”

No one understood why she sulked around as if she were dying one minute and then stood dreamy-eyed the next. The fact was that nothing got her out of the rut fast
er than thinking about Daniel.

Besides her morning chores in the barn, the housework, and gardening, when the men were too busy to come home to eat, she took meals out to the field. On the days Steven went to town, she helped unload bales of hay, or went out and worked the fields. When extra help came in, she cooked and cleaned from sunrise until sunset.