Sequence (5 page)

She whacks the briefcase with her cane.

What is this thing made of, osmium diboride?

She hurls the white cane across the room.

Even the quest was a compelling story. Afflicted researcher strives to identify her own gene before she goes blind. The grant money came pouring in. I even used my own tissue as a genetic sample. Like the guy who discovered the suicide gene. Then killed himself.

MR. ADAMSON

Wow.

DR. GUZMAN

I know. Seems paradoxical, doesn't it? The suicide gene is a dead end, so to speak. It should have been a lethal mutation. Like, say, a gene that caused a target-shaped rash to appear on your forehead right before hunting season.

MR. ADAMSON picks up the white cane.

MR. ADAMSON

So how can there be a gene for suicide?

DR. GUZMAN

Ah, but what if the suicide gene gives you some sort of competitive advantage? Maybe people who have this gene are more fearless. They take bigger risks. Have more sex, more progeny. Before they pull the trigger.

MR. ADAMSON

My dad committed suicide.

DR. GUZMAN

If you give me some blood, I can test you for the gene.

MR. ADAMSON

Then what?

DR. GUZMAN

Then you know. That's all. Diagnose,
adios
.

MR. ADAMSON

But if you know the gene, why can't you just cure the disease?

DR. GUZMAN

It's not that easy. For starters, you need a billion dollars to go from gene to drug.
And
you need a lot of luck.

Delicately, MR. ADAMSON attempts to bring down the phone using the white cane.

And somebody got lucky. Somebody else.

MR. ADAMSON

Somebody else discovered your gene?

DR. GUZMAN

Using a culture of my own cells. This young kid doing his post-doc throws up a prayer and discovers the very gene I'd spent my whole life chasing.

MR. ADAMSON

That doesn't seem fair.

DR. GUZMAN

Fair? Is it fair that you can't walk? Is it fair that some prick stole my gene from right under my nose? Fairness is not in the equation. Science doesn't belong to anybody. It's not a creation. It's a discovery. If somebody didn't accidentally stumble upon penicillin, the double helix, or the goddamn Slinky, somebody else would have. Can you imagine the world today without a Slinky? Impossible!

MR. ADAMSON

So why did you fail? You were smart enough, hard-working enough. Motivated enough. You know why you failed?

DR. GUZMAN

The same reason I got defective eyeballs. Short straw.

MR. ADAMSON

But why? Why weren't you the lucky one?

The phone crashes to the ground. DR. GUZMAN grabs it, puts it away.

DR. GUZMAN

I might ask you the same thing.

MR. ADAMSON

I'm not unlucky.

DR. GUZMAN

Prove it. Heads or tails.

No response.

Then I can't help you.

MR. ADAMSON turns his back to DR. GUZMAN, shields her view.

He opens a Bible on his lap, drops something onto the open book.

MR. ADAMSON

Heads.

DR. GUZMAN flips the coin. She tries to catch it, but the coin clatters to the floor.

DR. GUZMAN

Dammit.

She drops to her knees, searches for the coin.

Things that require peripheral vision. Driving a car, pouring a drink, and, apparently, flipping a damn coin.

She finds the coin.

Tails. Unlucky.

MR. ADAMSON

Or… maybe God wanted me to stay. Just like maybe God wanted you to fail.

DR. GUZMAN

Am I being punished? Have I angered the gods?

MR. ADAMSON

God doesn't get angry, but He has His reasons. Maybe He has bigger successes in store for you. Or maybe He thinks you should be remembered as the person who discovered the gene for putting on pants.

DR. GUZMAN

To assume my best work is behind me, Mr. Adamson, would be a mistake. When I die, my contributions will be celebrated.

MR. ADAMSON

Of course. I'm sure your obituary will be front-page news.

DR. GUZMAN

What's that supposed to mean? Is that a threat? Are you threatening me, Mr. Adamson?

MR. ADAMSON

No. I just—

DR. GUZMAN

Why are you here?

MR. ADAMSON

I'm here because you wanted to see me. That's all. Why do you think I'm here?

DR. GUZMAN

Because, despite evidence to the contrary, I'm not convinced you're unlucky. I don't think you're a one-in-five-quintillion guy. I think you cheated your way into my office and I think you're here for a reason.

MR. ADAMSON

What is that reason?

DR. GUZMAN

I think there's a gun in your briefcase and I think you came here to kill me.

Auditorium

THEO

I knew there was a reason. There always is.

CYNTHIA

My dad had it. His mom had it.

THEO

That's unfortunate.

CYNTHIA

What do you mean, unfortunate? Are you implying my family is unlucky?

THEO

Of course not. I meant it… randomly.

CYNTHIA

Damn right.

THEO

So this disease runs in your family. And you? Are you affected?

CYNTHIA

I always knew I had a fifty-fifty chance of getting the disease. Only I never felt the need to get tested. It usually appears later in life, so I figured either I have it and I'll deal with it or I don't and I won't. No treatment. No cure. So why bother? Diagnose,
adios
.

THEO

But now you're pregnant.

CYNTHIA

Right. That changes everything. Now I can do something about it.

THEO

What do you mean, do something?

CYNTHIA

Does the luckiest man alive have a problem with choice?

THEO

So that's why you're here. Thought a little luck might help you before you get tested?

CYNTHIA

No. I got tested. Two weeks ago.

THEO

And?

CYNTHIA

I'm positive. The laboratory says I have the disease. It's just a matter of time before it starts to affect me.

THEO

That's… unfortunate. I'm not sure how I mean that.

CYNTHIA

Yeah. I'll have to deal with that later. I've got a bigger problem.

THEO

Bigger than going blind?

CYNTHIA

I had an amnio last week.

THEO

Okay.

CYNTHIA

And I'm having a girl.

THEO

Congratulations.

CYNTHIA

And I just got the results of the genetic testing.

CYNTHIA produces an envelope.

Laboratory

DR. GUZMAN

That's why you're here.

MR. ADAMSON

Why do I want to kill you?

DR. GUZMAN

Because I'm a stem-cell researcher. We seem to be unpopular in gun-toting circles.

DR. GUZMAN finds a laser pointer.

Why else are you taking my course?

MR. ADAMSON

If you must know, because God wanted me to.

DR. GUZMAN

God wanted you to take my genetics course.

MR. ADAMSON

Yes.

DR. GUZMAN

Why?

MR. ADAMSON

I'm not sure.

DR. GUZMAN

I'm honoured. It's like having the dean recommend your class, only it's
his
boss. Next time you talk to God, ask Him if He'd write me an endorsement on ratemyprofessors.com.

MR. ADAMSON

You ask Him. Next time
you
talk to Him.

DR. GUZMAN

How, exactly, did He tell you to take my course? Does He come to you in dreams? Do you see patterns in your Rice Krispies?

MR. ADAMSON

I ask him questions. He answers.

DR. GUZMAN

Like what course should I take? Is this cantaloupe ripe?

MR. ADAMSON

I really don't think it's any of your business how I communicate with God.

DR. GUZMAN

Maybe it isn't. But you know what? Maybe it is. Why don't you ask Him?

DR. GUZMAN finds a magnifying glass.

MR. ADAMSON

Ask Him what?

DR. GUZMAN

I mean, He did bring you here today, didn't He? Why?

MR. ADAMSON

He will tell me when He is ready.

DR. GUZMAN

Perhaps He brought you here to answer my questions. So why don't you ask Him if He is, in fact, any of my business. What do you need? Tea leaves? All I have are coffee grounds. I could sprinkle them on the floor.

MR. ADAMSON

There's no reason to be disrespectful. I don't mock your beliefs.

DR. GUZMAN

I have no beliefs to mock.

MR. ADAMSON

You believe in science.

DR. GUZMAN

Ha! You could mock my belief in the laws of nature. Make fun of my allegiance to gravity. To the roundness of this planet.

MR. ADAMSON

You're entitled to your beliefs.

DR. GUZMAN

Science is not a belief. It's an absolute.

DR. GUZMAN tries using the laser pointer and magnifying glass to melt the lock.

MR. ADAMSON

I'm not questioning gravity and I'm not disputing the earth is round. But science is not the whole story. It gives us the what, not the why. Why is there gravity? Why is the earth round? Science needs God as much as God needs science.

DR. GUZMAN

Science needs God like an amoeba needs a Golgi apparatus.

She laughs at her own joke.

Why did God want me to fail?

MR. ADAMSON

How should I know?

She aims her laser pointer at him.

DR. GUZMAN

Theorize.

MR. ADAMSON

I don't know. Do you have any blood on your hands?

DR. GUZMAN

Somebody else finding my gene was some kind of punishment?

MR. ADAMSON

It's possible.

DR. GUZMAN

It's absurd.

Pause.

So what does He say?

MR. ADAMSON

Who?

DR. GUZMAN

God. Your creator. Did you ask Him if He is any of my business?

MR. ADAMSON shakes his closed fist, lets something drop onto the open Bible in his lap.

MR. ADAMSON

Yes. For some reason, He said yes.

Auditorium

THEO

And so?

CYNTHIA holds her envelope.

CYNTHIA

And so I thought I would hedge my bets first. Before I opened it.

THEO

You don't believe in luck. I believe you were quite clear on that.

CYNTHIA

My baby has a fifty per cent chance of inheriting this disease. And the glass is looking half empty right now. So I just thought, if there's anything I could do to fill it up a little bit. Just in case…

THEO

If you don't believe in luck, walk under the ladder.

CYNTHIA

I don't think so.

THEO

Exactly!

CYNTHIA

Well I also avoid stepping in dog poop. Or licking frozen metal. It's called common sense. Don't step in things. Don't lick things. Don't walk
under
things.

THEO

Absolutely nothing to do with bad luck.

CYNTHIA

For God's sake. No, I don't believe in luck, good or bad. I think it's a bunch of bullshit hogwash. It's the mantra of failure. It's the opiate of the atheist masses.

THEO

But?

CYNTHIA

But I believe in Fibonacci.

THEO

And that's why you're here. Because of Fibonacci.

CYNTHIA

Because of my baby. What would you do?

THEO

Tear up the envelope.

CYNTHIA

Don't judge.

THEO

You asked.

CYNTHIA

What I meant to ask, what I'm here to ask is, what, if anything, can I do to optimize things? To change my luck.
Her
luck.

THEO

I heard crossing your fingers sometimes works.

CYNTHIA

Consider them crossed.

THEO

Rabbit's feet. Four-leaf clovers. Sex with lucky men.

CYNTHIA

I'm asking for your help.

THEO

What exactly do you want me to do? Wave a magic wand?

CYNTHIA

Your book is called
Change Your Luck
. I was hoping maybe you would have some insight.

THEO

Really?

CYNTHIA

Desperate times.

THEO

Did you read it?

CYNTHIA

It's bullshit.

She walks to the shelf, finds the book, flips it open.

“If you pick the shorter line at the grocery store, celebrate your good fortune. The more luck you look for, the more you'll find.” That's absurd. You're not telling people how to change their luck. Only to recognize it. You won't become luckier, you'll just
feel
luckier.

She slams the book shut.

There is absolutely nothing of value in that book.
Change Your Luck
… the whole premise is preposterous.

THEO

So walk under the ladder.

CYNTHIA

It's complete and utter bullshit.

THEO

I got an email from somebody last month. She read my book. The next day she won the lottery.

CYNTHIA

What about the other ten thousand people who read your book and didn't win the lottery?

THEO

Try two million.

CYNTHIA

No shit. Well there are 1,999,999 people out there who deserve a refund. Not to mention a college education.

THEO

These people are trying to improve their lot in life. There's no need to criticize them.

CYNTHIA

I'm criticizing
you
. Your book is a fake.

CYNTHIA opens the book again.

“To improve your luck in the dating world, spend more time where single people hang out.”

She stares at THEO, incredulous.

“In bookstores. In coffee shops.” You forgot
Star Trek
conventions!

THEO